That weekend I use the directions Sawyer gave me, although it wasn’t too difficult to find the center of the town.
After circling around to find a spot, I park my car. I’m greeted with the aroma of hot dogs, popcorn, and warm summer air. The breeze cools me as I walk across the street.
It doesn’t take long to spot Sloane’s fire-red hair. A few bodies move out of my line-of-sight, and Sawyer comes into view, seated at a picnic table. She has one leg pulled on the seat with her head resting on her hand, elbow on the table. She’s facing Noah, and his smile is bigger and eyes wider than I remembered. His thick brown hair blows in the breeze. Sawyer reaches to poke him in the ribs, and his face erupts into laughter.
Noah spots me before anyone else, and he rushes toward me.
“Lachlan! Momma said you were coming today. I’m so excited to catch the light bugs!”
Crouching down, I ruffle his hair. “You mean the fireflies?”
“The ones that have glowy bottoms. I bet I could catch like ten of them.”
“Yeah, those ones. I bet you can catch a thousand.”
Noah’s eyes widen as he nods then runs off in a ball of energy.
Sloane waves a hello before running off to chase Noah. Sawyer stands with a shy smile as she approaches me. Shy Sawyer is not one I’m used to seeing.
I lean forward and brush my lips against her cheek which instantly flushes. “Hey, you.”
“Hey back. How have you been?” she asks as we sit at the picnic table.
“I’m good. I want to thank you for those pictures of Noah. I’ve looked at them so much I’m pretty sure I memorized them all. Every detail of him. I have some news. I think I found a house nearby. Would that be okay?”
“A house? Already? I didn’t even know you were looking around here.”
I place my hand over hers, and her gaze falls to the action. “I told you I wasn’t going anywhere. I have nowhere to be but here.”
“We never really talked about that. What about your life?”
“This is my life now. My life was been put on hold for six years. Unless you tell me you don’t want me here, then I have nowhere else to be.”
There are no rules for leaving your girlfriend, promising to come back to her, and then being kept away for years, only to randomly show up on her doorstep one night to learn you made a child with her. Whether or not I’m coming on too strong or needy is irrelevant when I look into her eyes. I know what I see there. It’s what I’ve always seen.
“I don’t want you to go.” She brings her attention back to me, and I know nothing can stop this from being true this time.
I squeeze my hand over hers. “So, this is what I was thinking. We take it slow. Get to know each other again. Spend time together and with Noah. When it feels right to both of us, we’ll tell him about me. Nothing needs to be rushed or a secret this time. Say yes to a second chance at us.”
Her eyes frantically search mine, but they can look all they want. I’m confident with what she’ll find. It’s unwavering inside of me. My need for her is stronger than it ever has been. All that’s left to do is for her to agree.
“There are things about those years you don’t know about. Things I don’t know about. I can’t just say yes and go into this blind. If we’re going to actually give this a real fighting chance, then we can’t have secrets from each other.”
The first part of our story was built on secrets. The rest of it has to be nothing but the truth. “You’re right. Here’s my truth. When my father died six years ago and I left for Australia, I met with his lawyer and learned a few things.” I take a deep breath, thinking I should just spit everything out for her to hear and process. “It turns out my father’s gambling addiction turned around fairly substantially. Not only did he pay off all of his debts, he invested a lot of money in stocks and turned a profit. He left me everything, but there were stipulations to the inheritance.”
“Such as?” Sawyer inquires, taking a sip of her drink.
“Such as, in order to obtain full rights to the funds and estates, I had to graduate university with a degree. Any degree, but it needed to happen within the first five years of his death or else the inheritance would go to his new wife. I didn’t even know he remarried. I only met her one time when I was there, and it was one time too many. I fought for months against it. Not because I wanted or needed the money, it wasn’t about that. All I wanted was you. But I couldn’t just give her what was left of my father. She was a stranger, a gold digger. After a few months, I ran out of money and options. I didn’t have the resources to come home, and I didn’t have the money to stay. I was drained and frustrated beyond belief. I was trying every way I could think of to reach you. I asked my uncle to contact you for me. He told me you moved away, and when I had a meltdown on the phone, he and my aunt came to Australia. They told me I needed to focus on doing what was best for my future. I was lost, and so I let them guide me. I enrolled in school and stayed there for a few years. Then came back to California after everything was cleared for me to continue my education. I still couldn’t find you. You were like a ghost. It was hard to convince myself you were even real. That you actually happened to me. After I graduated Cal State with a degree in Management, I convinced myself you were somewhere out there, you were real, and I needed to find you if I was ever going to live the rest of my life.”
“So you found me to have closure?”
“At first, maybe. The minute you stepped into that doorway I knew I was stupid to think I could ever get closure. One look was all it took for me to fall back in love with you.”
She stays quiet for a few beats too long, looking everywhere but at me. “How long after you left did your aunt and uncle go to Australia?”
I shrug, trying to think back to that black void in my life. Days ran into each other the whole time I was away from her. Like I was living a horrid dream I couldn’t wake from. “A few months, maybe four or five. Why?”
Sloane and Noah return to the table before we can talk any more. I’ve said what I needed to, though. She basically knows everything that’s kept me from her.
“Momma, it’s time to eat!”
The barbecue’s an incredible spread of hot dogs and hamburgers, salads, and desserts. A five-foot-wide cake was decorated with the town’s name sprawled across the middle in blue icing. Yellow flowers outline the rectangular slab. After a walk along the water’s edge with Noah and Sawyer, we return to the center of the town’s square once the sun begins to set.
A few minutes later, a loud shriek has everyone’s attention as a man taps a microphone.
“Sorry about the noise there folks! Can everyone hear me?”
Mumbled cheering and claps surround us.
“As most of you know, I’m the lucky man who gets to play mayor to this wonderful town of ours. I would love to welcome each of you here today to join in our celebration. Every year we gather as a community to have tons of fun, eat great food, and catch some bugs!”
Cheers erupt, and it’s hard not to join in with everyone’s excitement.
“Now, we know this is more than catching bugs in jars. The Firefly Welcome is our annual tradition to signify the unity of beloved home. It allows all of us to enjoy an afternoon of freedom. It allows some of us to be young again. It’s okay to have fun once in a while and forget the worries of the world. It’s okay to not take everything so seriously. And it’s even okay to have cotton candy for dinner!”
Even louder cheers and whistles bellow in my ears, and I find myself holding my hands in the air and clapping along with everyone.
“Above all else, this allows us to kick off summer and enjoy what this picturesque town has to offer. The Youth Arts program at the Community Center was generous enough to decorate all of these beautiful mason jars for you youngsters,” he says, pointing to the table to his left. “Without further delay, help yourself to a jar and enjoy The Annual Firefly Welcome!”
The streetlamps darken as lanterns are turned on,
illuminating the open field enough to see, but letting it stay dark enough for the fireflies to light up.
“Mom, can I go?” Noah hops up and down in anticipation.
“Yeah, buddy, let’s go.”
Noah pulls his hand from Sawyer’s and places it into mine. “Can Lachlan take me to get a jar?”
My breath stops, and I turn toward Sawyer with wide eyes, unsure if I heard him correctly. She looks to me, reflecting my shock on her face. “Ah, yeah, sure that would be okay.”
Noah leads me to the table with the jars. I glance back to Sawyer who watches us with a vacant expression. I don’t know if Noah choosing me hurts her or makes her happy.
“What one is the bestest do you think?” Noah scans the jars on the table. Little hands grab the jars, making them quickly disappear. “Hurry, Lachlan!”
Chuckling, I reach out for a blue-and-red jar. “This one’s pretty cool.”
“Yes! Like Spiderman. Thank you!”
After I loosen the lid for him, he takes the jar and runs off with the other kids to catch the lighted bugs.
I stroll back to Sawyer and take a seat next to her on top of the picnic table. In silence, we watch Noah dart for flying lights, giggling when he succeeds at catching them in his jar.
The night breeze blows her hair, and she flicks her head slightly to rid the strays from her face. I notice her hands on her lap, and I reach for one, wanting this moment to be about the three of us. Showing her what we could have together if she agrees to allow it.
“This is awesome.” Watching Noah with her beside me is more happiness than I’ve ever experienced. Seeing happiness through him does something to my soul.
“Lachlan, do you think there’s a thousand?” Noah asks when we take our spot in the grass as he holds his jar in front of his face. “I wish I could keep them forever.”
Sawyer runs her hand over his hair. “I know you want to keep them, buddy. You said the same thing last year, too, but you know what comes next. It’s your favorite part.”
A chant begins in the crowd. “10, 9, 8….”
Sawyer loosens the lid of the jar for Noah, and he unscrews the rest, patiently waiting.
“3, 2, 1….”
Hundreds of fireflies take flight from the jars as a single blue flash shoots into the sky, exploding into a twinkling backdrop. Silvers, reds, and greens follow course in the night, with heart-pounding explosions. The fireworks display continues in front of me, and I can’t help but watch the multicolored lights reflect in my son’s eyes.
Chapter TWENTY-SEVEN
Sawyer
Continuing my education after high school was never something I thought twice about, since all I wanted to do was get the hell out of Woodsview.
Noah is in school full-time, and the shop is doing so well that Sloane can actually afford to hire another employee. I would never say this to her, but seeing Sloane live her dream and make a profit from doing what she loves brings out the little green monster inside of me.
So, a few months ago, I began to think about what would make me happy. That’s when I thought of helping other teen girls who were in the same situation as me.
I never actually spoke of this to anyone outside my rehab group, but I didn’t learn proper ways to cope with my home life when I was younger. So, as some confused and lonely teenagers do, I turned to drugs.
Life really flew out of my control when I found out I was pregnant at seventeen, and the drugs, combined with the alcohol, nearly cost me everything important to me.
The disappointment in Owen and Sloane’s face when they recognized how severe my pill addiction was really gave me the push I required to turn my life around. For the sake of my unborn child if nothing else. Hell, until I made the decision to stay clean, I didn’t even realize how bad my problem was.
When I think about the choices I made back then, it makes me feel helpless that there are still girls in the same situation I was in who have no support. Not everyone has Owen and Sloane in their corner.
It’s also important to me Noah is raised to believe his education is important.
“I’m meeting with a career counselor next week to get all the details. From everything I’ve read online, it’s the best Social Work Program in the state. If I can help one girl see I was in the same spot as her and it can get better….”
Sloane stares at me admirably, sets down her water glass, and rests her head in her hand. “I’m so fucking proud of you, Sawyer.”
I was nervous to tell her I wanted to go back to school and she would have to find someone else to work the front of the shop.
“It’s just a meeting. I don’t know where it will lead, but I really want this. I feel like I was one of the lucky ones.” My concentration is on the glass in front of me as I wipe away the condensation.
“You were lucky because you didn’t give up. You made your life what it is. Would this have anything to do with the return of the Australian baby daddy?”
I bring my fingers together and flick the excess water at her which she bats away, laughing. “Lachlan returning to my life changed a lot of things, yes, but this is one I’ve been thinking about for a while. But, I guess seeing him again, hearing how he went to school and graduated with a degree, gave me the push I needed. I want Noah to have two great parents he can look up to. Especially since there’s so much mess surrounding our life.”
Her face turns serious. “So, do you plan on telling Noah about Lachlan? That he’s his father?”
From everything I’ve seen since Lachlan arrived, I believe he’s here to stay. From everything my heart knows about history, it’s all a lie. Trusting people and putting your faith in them is hard enough, but when you put someone else’s trust and faith into them, it’s terrifying. I can’t build the same wall around Noah’s heart that I did with my own.
“Noah will learn the truth eventually. I don’t know when or how or where. When it feels right to us and I know he wouldn’t get hurt, we’ll tell him what he needs to know.”
“Are you going to tell Lachlan the real reason we left Woodsview? He said no more secrets, right?”
“It’s not all my secret. Half of the reason I left is, but the other half…. It’s going to destroy him.”
Sloane stares at me like she always has when this subject comes up. It’s a look that screams I told you not to accept the offer. And she’s right. I should have listened, that much is painfully obvious now. When I was seventeen and pregnant, alone and terrified, the answers weren’t so black and white.
“What’s done is done, and I can’t change the past. I’m just hoping Lachlan is willing to forget the last six years and start fresh. Our second chance as he called it.”
The waitress approaches the table, placing our plates in front of us, and the smell of Chinese Chicken Salad erases all trains of thought. We eat in silence for a few minutes.
“Can we put a pin in all this drama for a minute and just take a moment to think about the fact that I’m getting married next weekend. It sounds super weird to say it out loud.”
Exchanging my fork for my wine, I clink my glass with Sloane’s. “Yes, please. Let’s stop with my drama and focus on you! All the planning over the past few months is about to pay off because everything is going to be perfect. I’m so incredibly happy for you and my brother. My brother. Lord, help you, I still can’t believe you’re marrying him.”
Although Owen is paramount in my life, and I would willfully take a bullet for him any day of the week, I’m obligated to say bad things about him as his little sister.
“Yes, I am. Which means we will officially be sisters!” She squeals then takes another gulp. She’s on drink number two, and if I don’t watch her, I’ll be carrying my soon-to-be sister home.
I glance up from my salad. “We don’t need your marriage to make you my sister.”
My best friend’s eyes mist. Her cheeks flush, too, and I don’t know if it’s because of the wine or her emotions.
“I love you so mu
ch, Sawyer. You’re absolutely right. That piece of paper doesn’t change everything we’ve been through together or make me love you or your son any more than I already do.” She brings her drink to her mouth and pauses. “But, it does mean your hot-ass brother is mine forever.”
“Oh my God, you’re so disgusting.”
Sloane laughs so hard she nearly chokes on her wine. One hour and another glass later, she’s still chuckling as I walk her to the passenger seat of my Jeep and drive home.
“What the hell happened to my wife?” Owen asks as soon as the Jeep comes to a stop in the driveway and he sees Sloane asleep in the passenger seat. He drops the hose he was using to clean his car and starts for her door.
“It’s my fault,” I holler out my window. He opens her door, and she startles awake. “Sorry, O. We had wine with lunch. She’s such a lush that one.” I hop down from my seat, laughing.
“Baby!” Sloane gushes once she realizes Owen is helping her walk. “I’m so glad you’re home. I love you.” She stops walking and takes his face in her hands. “I really do. I’m so happy I get to be your wife soon.”
He smiles as he towers over her small frame. “I love you, too, baby.”
A twinge of jealousy overcomes me as I watch them. It’s not the first time, and it won’t be the last. I’ve always wanted what they have. It comes so easy to them. They love each other, no complications or drama or doubts. Just love.
As they walk inside their home, Lachlan’s car pulls in the driveway behind mine, and he steps out a moment later.
If I want what they have, and if I want that to be with the man standing in front of me, then I need to return his honesty. It’s time he knew the whole truth of what went down after he left.
“I’m glad I caught you. I wasn’t sure if you guys would be home or not.”
“Just got back from lunch with Sloane. Noah is at a playdate for the next hour or so.”
Lachlan moves closer and reaches up to glide his hand behind my neck, bringing his forehead to mine. “I missed you.” The whispered words heat me all the way to my bones, causing thousands of prickles to break out across my skin.
Six Years Gone (Gone #1) Page 19
