Six Years Gone (Gone #1)

by Jessica Gouin

  It’s so easy to get lost in him when he looks at me like I’m something to be devoured.

  “Will you do me a favor?”

  He pulls back to look into my eyes as he tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. “Anything for you.”

  “Sloane and Owen are getting married next weekend. Since Sloane is the only one with family and most of them are back in Woodsview, the wedding will be there. At the golf course. The thought of going back there, even for just one day, makes my stomach hurt. I would feel better if you were there with me. Will you be my date?”

  Lachlan’s lips press together as if he needs to think about his answer. “Hmm, a wedding, huh? I’ll have to check my agenda and get back to you. I’m pretty busy lately with this smoking-hot girl I used to know.” I smack his chest and laugh. “Oh right, that’s you. Of course I’ll be your date. I’ll always be your date.”

  “Good. I have to pick up Noah in a bit, but could we go somewhere until then? There are some things we should talk about.”

  Worry fills his eyes, and my stomach instantly knots. “Everything okay?”

  “You told me your truth about those six years. I want to tell you the rest of mine. No secrets, right?”

  He nods but keeps his expression guarded. “We could go to the coffee shop around the corner again.”

  I smile at the memory of the first day he came back. The memory is also of him walking out when he learned about Noah. Let’s hope history doesn’t repeat itself.

  Lachlan takes my hand, and we stroll down the street together. The walk is much more enjoyable with him by my side. We place our orders and take our drinks to the patio outside. The sunny day is beginning to dull with the gray clouds moving quickly above us. The humidity transforms into a cool breeze, and I sense the storm brewing. The anticipation causes the little hairs on the back of my neck to rise.

  “I’m not even sure where to start with all of this, Lach.”

  He leans back in his chair. “Well, you already told me about your pregnancy, so, if nothing else happened before then that I need to know, why not pick up from there?”

  I blow out a long breath and attempt to organize my thoughts to explain everything properly. I’m only going to get one chance at this, and I need to make sure I use the right words.

  “I want to get every word out before you speak, though, okay?” He’s going to have a million questions, and if I don’t get it all out, I’ll lose my nerve and he’ll never know everything he needs to. He nods and I continue. “When Owen found me the night you left, I was in a really bad place. We were so young, and with all that my family put me through, I didn’t think I was in a position to raise a baby. You were leaving, and I couldn’t tell you about Noah and ruin your chance to return home to say good-bye to your father. I honestly believed our unborn baby would be better off if I….” He can fill in the next few lines. I can barely bring myself to think about what I almost did to my son. There’s no way I could ever voice what nearly happened out loud. What my intentions were when I ingested all the poison. It takes a lot of strength, or maybe weakness, to never allow myself to relive that night.

  “If it wasn’t for Sloane and Owen, I wouldn’t have made it through the first few months. I had to move on, but I was at a standstill because of you. I lost my phone the night you left, and I had only one way of reaching you. Your aunt.”

  I peek up to Lachlan who has his arms crossed, as if he’s attempting to block what he knows I’m going to tell him. Of all the things I planned on telling Lachlan if I ever saw him again, this wasn’t one of them. He was never supposed to know.

  “By that time I was showing. I didn’t just look fat, I looked pregnant. She knew right away. The minute she opened her great, big, expensive door, she raised one well-sculptured eyebrow and stared at my stomach. Call it women’s intuition, or whatever, but your aunt knew you were the father.”

  Lachlan shifts in his chair, propping his elbows in the table to allow his head to rest in his hands. “She knew.” It wasn’t a question. His hands drop to the table with a thud. “Why didn’t she tell me? That must have happened right before she came to Australia. Why wouldn’t she say anything to me?”

  “Because you were never supposed to know.” Please don’t hate me. “She offered me a rather significant amount of money to…take care of it.”

  “What?” All life vanishes from Lachlan’s face. He’s staring at me in disbelief as if everything he’s ever known about me has been a lie. Like I’m a complete stranger to him. “And, you took it?”

  “Not at first.” This is the time to get it all out because, if he chooses to walk away now, he’ll never come back. “I was so insulted and hurt and defensive that I told her to fuck off. But, then something else happened. Drew, the crazy ex-boyfriend who slashed your tires, he found out I was pregnant. He lost it. He came looking for me, higher than a fucking kite. Thankfully, Owen was home. They got into it huge on the front lawn. The police showed up before either got seriously hurt but not before Drew threatened me.”

  “Threatened how?”

  I clear my throat and try to speak past the lump forming in it. “He said he would be back to make sure I didn’t have anyone’s baby but his. Sloane wanted me to get a restraining order. Owen wanted to kill him. Everyone’s life was in an uproar over me and my unborn child. Woodsview had nothing for me. I went back to your aunt’s house and told her I would make sure you never knew about our situation. I took her money and made arrangements to leave town. Owen and Sloane learned of my plan, and the day I was leaving, they told me I wouldn’t have to do it alone. I left our address in a place I knew no one else would ever look. Then we left. That’s the reason we’re here now.”

  Lachlan rubs his hands down his face. “Anything else?”

  “No. I haven’t seen Drew or your aunt since we moved here.”

  “Is that why you’re so uneasy about going back to Woodsview? You don’t want to run into your crazy ex-boyfriend or my appalling family?”

  “No, Drew got locked up a little while back, and your aunt won’t be at the wedding. That town just reminds of a messier life.”

  “And you don’t think this is messy?”

  “It was fine until a few days ago.”

  “Well shit, I’m sorry I came here and ruined your perfect hiding spot.”

  “What the hell are you talking about? Lachlan, don’t do this. You wanted to know everything.”

  He stands up so quickly the chair nearly falls over. “Yep, I know everything. Now I know how my own family, the only ones I thought had my back, lied to my face every day. I know you left town and took my chance of meeting my son because of your insane drug-dealing boyfriend. That everything for the last six years of our lives has destroyed any chance of us ever being happy together.”

  Lachlan storms out of the café, and I rush out after him onto the sidewalk. “Big fucking surprise, Lachlan Williams is walking away. Again!”

  He stops and turns his angry eyes on me. “It’s not my fault every time I see you, you have some insane piece of information for me. I don’t know how many more surprises I can take.”

  “Okay, fine, that’s fair. I’ve accumulated my share of dirty secrets over the years. But don’t forget the reason for all my secrets. I did what I had to do for me and my son.”

  “Our son.”

  With his cold words, his fury, and my heart, he walks away.

  Chapter TWENTY-EIGHT

  Lachlan

  I’ve heard the expression a blind rage before, but I’ve never actually experienced it.

  Until today.

  Sawyer’s words sink into me, all the way down into my bones, to the marrow. They anchor themselves to become part of me. As her words transform me from the person I was to the person I don’t want to be, I pack my stuff, check out of the hotel, and leave town.

  When I reach my aunt’s house, I didn’t even remember the drive here or the past few hours.

  But, I remember those words.

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nbsp; I’m practically out of the car before I slam the gear into park. The house looks calm, and it pisses me off even further. How dare she have the right to a peaceful life after what she’s done? That’s about to change.

  “Hello?” I bellow as I enter the foyer.

  Aunt Claire comes down the stairs, and the sight of her taints my vision red. Blood-curdling anger courses through my veins. My hands tremble.

  “Lachlan? My word, I didn’t know when I would see you again, darling…. What is it? What’s the matter?”

  I step closer, spitting words as I near the devil who used to be a second mother to me. “You knew. You knew I was the father of Sawyer’s baby and you never said anything. Not once, the entire time you lived with me in Australia, or when we returned to the States.” My voice plays back in my ears, and I can’t even recognize the tone.

  “So, she’s the old friend you found?” She clicks her tongue as though bringing up the mother of my child disgusts her. She’s not the only one on the edge of vomiting.

  “I fathered a son. And then you paid someone to murder him. Why would you do that to me?” My voice is barely above a whisper. It physically pains me to speak these words. Words I never thought I would speak. My family deliberately hid my life from me. They financed it. I can no longer keep my emotions in check. The weight of the last few weeks crashes on me, and I explode. “Why. The. Fuck. Did. You. Do. That?”

  Aunt raises her chin and steps forward, adjusting her blouse. I can tell she’s trying to remain calm. “Don’t you dare take the tone with me, young man. I did what I knew was the best for you. I love you, took you in like you were my own. I treated you like a son. Provided opportunities you would have never otherwise had. I was your family when no one else was there for you. I couldn’t stand the thought of you throwing away your future over some whore you made a foolish mistake with.”

  The blind rage intensifies, and I reach for the closest object, which happens to be a glass table perfectly aligned behind the perfect couch sitting in the perfect room of this perfect home. The need to upend their world, as they’ve done to mine, possesses me. Gripping the top of the table, I flip the furniture over like I’m flinging a single sheet piece of paper. Valuables crash across the room, shattering on impact. It’s not nearly as satisfying as it needs to be, though.

  “Lachlan!” Aunt screams.

  Uncle runs into the room. “What the heck is happening in here? Lachlan?”

  “Tell me you didn’t know. Tell me you had nothing to do with this. I can take one liar but, please God, tell me you didn’t know, Uncle.”

  He forcefully removes glasses from his face. “Know what, son?”

  Aunt drops her arms to her sides with a smack and huffs. “Of course he knew, Lachlan.”

  “Right, you don’t keep things from the people you love, do you?” Defeat consumes me. “Because of you two, I missed the first five years on my own child’s life. My son. This is the last time you will ever see me. You’ll never know him. What you did…paying my pregnant girlfriend to have an abortion while I was stuck in another country burying my father. It’s unforgiveable.”

  “It’s not that simple—” Uncle begins.

  “It is. It was that simple. Best intentions or not. You both betrayed me more than you’ll ever know.”

  I turn to leave the house that was my home when I didn’t have one. The house that took me in, no questions asked, and guided me through my teens. The only family I had left.

  They both follow me outside, Aunt crying and Uncle yelling. They’re background noise. It’s all just background noise.

  For the next week, I’m a wanderer with no direction, no purpose. I drive the coast until my eyes burn, then pull over to sleep. Occasionally, I sleep in my car, other times a hotel if there’s one nearby. I like being by the water, it helps me think. With all of the thoughts running through my head the last few days, I keep coming back to the same one—I left.

  Again.

  I’m beginning to think my subconscious just can’t commit. It’s not as though I bail when things get tough. When I left six years ago, it was because I had to bury my father. Not because there was anything wrong with Sawyer and me. We were perfect. I mean, we had hiccups. Our share of struggles that in retrospect were nothing more than a grain of sand and not the mountain we made them out to be. What I wouldn’t give to have the problems I had when I thought I had big problems.

  Once again, I’m faced with the fact I cannot change the past. I’ll never get back those years. All I can do is move forward. I just need to decide in what direction forward I want to move.

  Chapter TWENTY-NINE

  Sawyer

  There’s not one cloud in the perfectly soft-blue sky, as birds sing around us in the trees, witnesses to this day. I let go of Noah’s hand and he takes his place, just as he learned in rehearsal last night, and I take mine, giving my big brother a wink as I pass.

  A vision of white appears at the end of the flower pedal-strewn aisle as everyone stands in eager anticipation to greet her. When she reaches us, Owen shakes Sloane’s father’s hand then extends his to her and accepts his blushing bride.

  The priest welcomes everyone, and the ceremony begins.

  Owen and Sloane stand facing each other, hands linked together with ridiculously big grins tattooed on their faces. It’s pretty admirable to witness. I peek behind them to my son and am overcome with a sense of pride. I half expected him to be wiggly or disruptive, and I know the ceremony just started, but he’s watching his uncle and soon-to-be aunt with love and respect. He’s just as much a part of them as I am, and it melts me.

  One of my greatest concerns was he wouldn’t know family. He wouldn’t know what it was like to be loved by anyone other than me.

  I watch them, dabbing my eyes with the tissue I’m thankful I grabbed while Sloane and I got ready in the guest room of the winery.

  Noah steps forward when prompted and passes the ring to Owen. As they exchange rings and vows, my focus flickers to the small audience, scanning over the family and the friends who came to support my small family. When my eyes land on Lachlan, my heart skips a beat.

  He came back.

  No matter what happens, he always comes back. I’m just relieved it took a lot less time than six years. I don’t question his intention of being here because, when my eyes meet his, he winks. A smile passes between the both of us, and we know this is it.

  He’s here, knowing every secret, he’s still here.

  And just like that, I picture him standing up here with me, holding my hands, and promising to love me forever. Accepting Noah as though he’s always been in his life. It’s so easy to see our future together.

  The priest proclaims to Owen that he may now kiss his bride. Applause erupts around me as Owen and Sloane share their first married kiss in front of everyone who loves them. I hand Sloane her bouquet, and they descend the aisle, followed by Noah and me. Lachlan stands and claps with the rest of the guests and holds my gaze until I pass him.

  Sloane did such an impressive job with the wedding decorations, designing and crafting all of the pieces herself. Mason jars hang by strings with tea lights nestled inside of them. Antique picture frames and vintage chalkboards with names, dates, and love quotes are scattered among the trees, some settled in the trunks. Ivory-and-cream linens and flowers grace the tables.

  Heaven on earth.

  The four of us make our way down the beaten path and curve behind the trees to disappear from view of everyone. Once we’re hidden, Owen lets out a loud cheer, picks Sloane up, and spins her around, the train of her dress draping in a circle encloses them. He brings her face down to his and kisses her with such love I almost feel like I should cover Noah’s eyes.

  I glance to my son and see he’s shielding his vision on his own, giggling. “Disgusting.”

  I ruffle his hair, and he quickly fixes it. “You’ll change your mind one day, babe.”

  “No way. I’m never getting married.”
/>   “That’s fine. You can just grow old with me. We’ll live together forever.”

  “Is there room for one more in that future?” Lachlan approaches from behind the trees where I can hear the guests dispersing, probably heading toward the outdoor cocktail area Sloane set up.

  “Lachlan!” Noah shouts and runs. Lachlan scoops him into his arms, hugging him tightly.

  “Look at how handsome you are, little man. You did such a great job up there. I’m so proud of you.” He sets Noah down on the ground.

  “Thanks, I was in charge of the rings because I’m the bestest man.”

  “And a fine bestest man you were.” He turns to Owen and extends his hand. “Congratulations, mate.”

  All breath halts in suspense of Owen’s reaction. I send a silent prayer to anyone that will listen to let nothing ruin today for Sloane.

  Owen reaches out to shake Lachlan’s hand. “Thanks…mate.”

  Breathing resumes, and Lachlan steps forward to hug the bride. “You look stunning, Sloane. Congratulations. Mrs. Mathews.”

  “I do love the sound of that.” She steps back from Lachlan. “I’m glad you made it.”

  The double meaning to her words isn’t lost on any of us.

  The photographer rushes up and interrupts us. “Amazing! Congratulations you two. That was the most beautiful wedding. The arch woven with flowers and vine. The vineyard in the background. The hanging lanterns. Gold. Seriously.”

  The photographer, Mia, is a regular at the shop, constantly buying and requesting pieces to use as unique props in some of her shoots. She has more energy than my child. It’s unsettling, but she takes breathtaking photos and is pleasant, so, I can’t really complain.

  “We have about forty-five minutes to get some shots in before the reception starts. Sloane, do you want to start in the vineyard or at the main house? I think the outside shots should be done first. Okay, the four of you follow me!”

  “Actually, could I just have a minute?”