“Seriously,” I finally answer, holding out the pull rope for one of the sleds which she quickly takes, stepping up next me. “Nice outfit by the way.” I smile, leaning down to grab the rope that’s tied to my own sled.
“What?” She looks down at herself. “I can’t help if this is the only thing I have appropriate for cold weather.”
“I think it’s cute.” I try to hide the laughter in my voice as we start walking side by side away from her house. “I just can’t believe you’ve had it for what, ten years now?”
“I knew I’d need it again someday and when that day came, I’d be ready,” she snips, playfully turning her nose up at me as she quickens her pace and pull just a few inches ahead of me.
“Where’d you get that old stuff, anyway?” She throws me a look over her shoulder.
“Joan gave it to me this morning.”
This stops her right in her tracks. She gives me one hard look and then looks down at our sleds.
“I knew these looked familiar.” She lets the moment pass and then turns her attention forward, this time keeping pace with me so that we’re side by side. “How was she this morning?”
“Surprisingly pretty good,” I say.
“Good. I was thinking I’d stop by tomorrow after work. I have an engagement shoot that got moved up a few days thanks to the snow.”
“Really?” I can’t fathom why anyone would want to have professional pictures done in this weather.
“You’d be surprised how many people want to schedule shoots after a big snow. It makes for a gorgeous backdrop. The ice hanging from trees, snow piled all around. It really is quite breathtaking.”
“You always were one to see the beauty in everything, in every single object and person around you, and not just with a camera,” I say, physically having to stop myself from saying more.
“I just appreciate things I guess. I don’t know if I did so much when I was younger. But after mom died...” she shrugs, a line creasing her forehead. “I guess I just realized that nothing is forever, and I need to capture the beautiful moments while they’re in front of me, whether they’re my moments or someone else’s. That’s why I do it, photography I mean. It makes me feel connected to the world, to people, to everything.”
It takes everything in me to keep walking when all I want to do is stop, pull her into my arms, and show her the beauty currently standing right next to me. A beauty I didn’t appreciate nearly enough when it was in front of me.
“You okay?” She must see the regret etched across my face at the thought of everything I walked away from, what I stupidly didn’t fight for.
“Yeah, I’m good.” I force a smile, nudge her shoulder with mine, and then look up to see Miller’s farm not too far in the distance.
“There it is,” she says, seeing it at the same time.
“Have you been back here at all?”
“Not sledding.” She shakes her head. “But I have stopped by to visit Mr. and Mrs. Miller a few times.”
“I think they’ll be surprised to see us here like this,” I say, following her as she crosses to the other side of the street.
“Yeah probably.” She lets out a small laugh.
When the large hill next to the barn comes into view, it’s clear that the tradition has lived on. At least ten kids are already here, their laughter echoing all around us.
“Are you sure we should be doing this?” Mel meets my gaze when we stop at the top of the hill, her teeth kneading her bottom lip nervously.
“Why shouldn’t we?”
“I don’t know, you don’t think were too old?” she asks softly.
I lean my face in so close that our noses are almost touching and then whisper, “You’re never too old for sledding, Mel.”
Before she can react, I’m mounting my sled and pushing off, Melanie’s laughter the last thing I hear before I’m speeding down the hill.
I’m laughing. Laughing so hard my stomach muscles hurt. And then I’m screaming in delight, the cold wind in my face nearly taking my breath away. And then he’s there, just like he always used to be, helping me off my sled, brushing the snow from my hair. And I feel it. God, I feel it so strong. That zing. That spark that has always been there. It’s stronger here, more recognizable.
I guess maybe that’s because of the ties we share with this place. The memories we have here. It’s such a huge part of our childhood, there’s no wonder it evokes such strong feelings in me, bringing them all boiling to the surface of my otherwise cold skin.
“You want to go again?” he asks, the look on his face enough to make me lose my words so I just shake my head excitedly instead.
I don’t have it in me to feel silly about how at twenty-four-years-old we’re out here acting like children. This is us. This is me and Cole and all the things we used to love to do.
Cole gives me a wide smile, clearly pleased with my answer, and then drops his arm over my shoulder as we make our way back up the hill.
The process repeats over and over again until I’ve laughed so hard my voice is strained and stomach muscles are sore, walked so much my legs feel like they’re about to fall off, and am so wet every part of me feels frozen and yet burns from the inside out.
“Do you feel too old now?” Cole asks, knocking his foot into mine as we sit side by side on our sleds at the bottom of the hill.
“Never felt more alive,” I answer honestly. “I’m really glad we did this.”
He opens his mouth respond, but then his attention moves to the side just seconds before I hear Mr. Miller speak.
“Well I’ll be.” I turn to see him standing just a few feet outside the barn, his gaze on us. “Never thought I’d see you two out here again.”
Cole pushes up on his feet and quickly crosses the distance to shake Mr. Miller’s hand.
“It’s good to see you, sir. We saw the snow this morning and just couldn’t resist.” He throws me a smile over his shoulder, one where I can see his dimples through the facial hair. A smile that tells me how genuinely happy he is right now.
“Well I’m glad you didn’t. Why don’t you two come inside and join me and the Mrs. for a bite? She’s got a big pot of chili on the stove, and I’m sure you could use something to warm you up. I know she’d love to see you,” he says to Cole before turning his attention to me. “Hi, sweetheart.”
“Hi, George.” I stand, wrapping my arms around his neck in a hug the second I reach him.
“Well come on.” He gives me a tight squeeze before stepping back and gesturing toward the house. “You’re as cold as ice.” He shakes his head like he can’t fathom for the life of him why we’d be out here subjecting ourselves to the brutal temperatures, before slowly leading the way to the back porch.
Cole looks at me and mouths George in the form of a question, giving me what can only be described as a ‘what the fuck’ look. I bite back my laughter and give him an innocent smile, raising my shoulders slightly.
When we were kids, they were always Mr. and Mrs. Miller or sir and ma’am, but as I got older, they asked me to use their real names—George and Martha. Cole wasn’t around for any of that, and to him I’ve just committed the cardinal sin of sledding at the Miller’s.
We stop on the back porch to strip out of our wet snowsuits and equally soaked boots. I was smart enough to wear a large sweater under my coat where Cole only has on a thin black t-shirt, leaving his arms so red it almost looks like he’s got really bad sunburn.
“You have to be freezing.” I wave my hand toward his torso. “Why didn’t you wear something thicker under the coveralls?”
“It’s fine.” He shrugs. “Guess I was having too much fun to notice.” He winks before following Mr. Miller inside.
“Cole Lincoln as I live and breathe.” That’s the first thing I hear come out of Martha’s mouth when I follow Cole into the kitchen. “My goodness you’ve really grown up.” She cups his cheek, looking at him like he’s still the same messy-haired boy who spent most of w
inter playing in her backyard.
“And Melanie.” She finally sees me standing a couple feet behind Cole. “I didn’t know you were stopping by today.” She hugs me, shivering as she pulls back. “You’re freezing.” She rubs her hands up and down my arms in an effort to warm me.
“I’m good, Martha. Cole’s the one who probably has hyperthermia.” Her eyes flip back to Cole, and the second she sees how red his arms are she quickly leaves the kitchen. She returns seconds later with a man’s long sleeve button-down sweater, no doubt belonging to Mr. Miller.
“Here, put this on. It will help warm you up.”
Cole lets Martha help him into the sweater and then eyes me playfully.
No, they haven’t changed at all; I want to say in agreement.
And while he looks absolutely adorable wrapped in the light gray sweater, the boy I get a glimpse of from time to time showing through, there’s no denying that even in old man’s clothing he is still the sexiest thing I think I have ever seen.
We spend the next forty-five minutes eating chili while Martha asks Cole every question she can think of. What have you been up to? Tell me about college. You work in Cleveland, tell me everything. Are you dating anyone? That part got a little tense, especially when his eyes were locked on me as he answered and said— Not really, nothing serious anyway. I’ve got my eye ona girl I’m not entirely sure feels the same way I do. And just like that, my heart did a little flip in my chest. And while I love the idea that maybe I’m that girl, a part of me is terrified I’m not.
Eventually the conversation wound down, and we saw our opportunity to escape. As much as I love Martha and George, they tend to be talkers. They would talk our ears off for hours if we’d let them. But thankfully Cole stood from the table, thanked them for the food, and said if they didn’t mind he was going to take advantage of their hill now that most of the children had left for the day.
And just like that, we were hugging and saying goodbyes with the promise of visiting again soon.
Now here we are, back in our snow gear and trudging up to the top of the hill for what feels like the hundredth time today. And even though my legs protest every step I take, I’m happier right now than I remember being in a very long time.
The day fades on, the rest of the kids leave, and because we’re too lazy to walk back up the hill anymore, we end up building a snowman with all the excess snow that’s gathered at the bottom of the hill.
“What about this?” Cole tilts his head to the side as he jams two sticks in both sides of the snowman’s head.
“What are those supposed to be exactly?” I cover my mouth to try to smother my laughter.
“It’s his ears,” he huffs playfully, crossing his arms as he stands back to look at our masterpiece.
“I don’t think snowmen are supposed to have ears.” I can’t rein in my giggle with the look of horror that crosses his face.
“Then how do you suppose they hear, Miss Know-it-all.”
“I don’t know, but this does not look like any snowman I have ever seen before.” I step forward and jerk the sticks out of the snowball head and then shove them into the body, giving him arms. “There.” I step back, holding my hands out like tada.
“Fine. For the record, I think he looked better with ears.” His full bottom lip pushes out into a pout and I can’t help it, I laugh so loud the sound echoes all around us.
“You are every inch of ten-years-old right now.” I barely get the words out before he's stalking toward me, his expression dark and serious and completely fake.
He doesn’t stop until we’re practically nose to nose, and then a wide smile graces his handsome face and he drops his forehead to mine.
“It’s been fun hasn’t it? Pretending like we’re kids again. I can’t remember the last time I felt so—free.”
“I know what you mean.” My heart kicks up in speed at our closeness.
Even though every single limb in my body is numb from the cold, I can still feel the effect he has on me everywhere.
Kiss me. It’s all I can think. Just do it. Just lean down and take control. Show me that this is what you want. But before he can do anything, I back away, needing to put space between me and the direction my mind is going. But mostly needing to put distance between us.
“What do you say?” I take a full step back. “Want to go one more time?” I ask, glancing up at the top of the hill.
“Race you to the top.” He takes off with no warning, and I scream behind him.
“You cheater! You didn’t give me enough time to get ready,” I huff behind him, knowing even if he had given me fair warning, there is no way I would beat him. Of course, I’m not going to tell him I know that.
He reaches the top before I’m even half way there, yelling things like “Today, grandma,” and “Have you always been this slow?”
I laugh, ignore his baiting, and then give him a good shove when I finally reach the top.
“God Mel, you’re so violent,” he teases.
“Shut up and get on your sled,” I order, swallowing down my laughter to fake seriousness.
“Uh oh. I feel a challenge coming on,” Cole practically sings next to me as I slide down on my sled next to him.
“Race you to the bottom. Loser has to...” I try to come up with one of the silly bets we used to use as kids, but my mind draws a blank.
“Complete one task requested by the winner,” Cole spouts, meeting my gaze with playful eyes.
“What exactly does that mean?” I cock a brow at him.
“It means if I win, you have to do something I tell you to do. If you win, you get to tell me something to do. Kind of like truth or dare but without the truth.”
I think on this for a long moment and then shrug.
“Fine, you’re on.” I ready myself on my sled.
“Count us down, Mel.” He grins beside me.
“Three, two, one... Go!”
We both take off, speeding down the hill side by side, and for a moment I think I might actually win. Then as we reach the open stretch at the bottom of the hill, Cole glides past me. He reaches the goal a good ten feet before I do and as I pass him, my sled slowing to a crawl, Cole wraps his arm around my chest and pulls me right off the sled with next to no effort.
I land with my back in the snow and somehow Cole right on top of me, our chests vibrating with laughter.
“I believe I won,” he gloats, using his gloved hand to tuck a strand of my hair back into my toboggan.
That’s when everything shifts. It’s like I can just now feel the weight of his body on mine. See the way his dark eyes are near black as he hovers over me. Hear the way his breathing has suddenly changed.
“And what exactly do you plan to make me do with your champion title?” I ask, his face so close my response is barely above a whisper.
“I know what I want.” He makes no attempt to move. “And when I tell you what it is, you have to do it right then and there.” His expression is playful, but his eyes tell me something else.
“I know the rules,” I remind him. This isn’t the first time we’ve made bets like this, though when we were kids, the consequences didn’t feel quite as heavy as they do right now.
“Good.” He stares down at me for a long moment, silence stretching over us.
My heart is beating so hard in my chest there’s no way he can’t feel it. Every part of my body is braced for impact, anticipating his next move.
“Kiss me.” The moment it leaves his mouth, the bottom of my stomach drops out.
“What?” I gawk at him, sure I didn’t hear him right.
“That’s what I want, Mel. I want you to kiss me. And now, given the rules of our agreement, I expect you to pay up.”
“You’re serious?” My throat is so dry it suddenly feels like sandpaper.
“Very.”
“Cole.”
“You’re not meeting the terms of our deal, Melanie.” He tsks and then gives me a wicked smile.
&
nbsp; “Fine.” I lean up and peck his lips, but what I thought would be an easy quick kiss, ends up morphing into something else entirely.
Because my lips never leave his like I mean for them to. Instead, my hand wraps around the back of his head and I find myself pulling him to me.
His full weight presses me deeper into the snow, his lips parting as his tongue darts out and traces my bottom lip before sliding inside my mouth. The moment his tongue glides against mine, my body erupts in an inferno. Heat, want, need, lust, desire... love. It’s all there. Burning through my skin, melting inside my chest, and setting fire to my brain that now has only one thought—Cole.
I don’t know if the kiss lasts an hour or merely seconds, but when Cole pulls back and looks down at me, I know that I won’t ever be able to go back to life before that kiss. Everything, every single day of my life, has been washed away and replaced by only this.
Cole. His lips. My heart. He’s everything. He’s always been my everything.
But then he registers the look on my face and I have no idea what he sees, but whatever it is has him climbing to his feet, rubbing his hands over his face, and looking down on me with an evident expression of regret. Like being shocked back to life, I come up gasping.
“Fuck, Mel. I’m sorry.” He helps pull me to my feet. “I didn’t mean for it to turn into that. God, I’m such an idiot.”
He just keeps talking, spewing words of regret, and each one that leaves his lips is like a dagger being shoved into my chest.
“It’s fine, Cole. Seriously, it’s not a big deal.”
“It is a big deal, Mel.” He finally turns. “Because now that I’ve tasted you, now that I’ve felt you beneath me, there’s no going back for me. I thought I could do this. I really did. But fuck. You look at me and I swear to God I lose my fucking mind.”
“I...” I don’t know what to say to that. I try to push out words, but nothing comes. When he pulled away from me moments ago, this was the last thing I expected to hear him say. I’m so floored, so dumbfounded; I swear I’m not sure I’m even breathing right now.
How We Fall Page 9
