How We Fall

by Melissa Toppen

  “I am happy.”

  “Listen to you.” He laughs, shaking his head. “I am happy.” He mocks my voice. “You’re a hell of a lot more than just happy, Mel.”

  “God, I really am.” I giggle, so overjoyed I feel like sunshine is going to start shooting out of my body at any moment.

  “I’m really happy for you guys. Both Corrine and I are. But it’s gonna be weird not seeing you around anymore.”

  “I will still come and visit,” I promise. “Besides, I have a little baby I plan to spoil to pieces coming in just a few short months. You’ll be wishing I didn’t visit as much.” I laugh.

  “From the sound of it you might have one of your own on the way sooner than you think.” He gestures outside.

  “He’s just messing around. We are nowhere near ready to have kids.”

  “No one ever is, Mel. It happens though, and I gotta tell you, it’s incredible. I haven’t even met the baby, and I’m already so in love I don’t know what to do with myself.”

  “Your baby is one lucky kid. You and Corrine are going to be fantastic parents,” I reassure him.

  “Thanks for saying that. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t more than a little terrified.” He shuffles his feet, looking down at the floor for a moment.

  “You’ll be great. And like I said, Aunty Mel is going to spoil that baby rotten. I mean, as long as you don’t get tired of me coming around like every other day,” I tease.

  “You know you’re welcome anytime. This is still your home. Maybe not this actual place.” He gestures around the room. “But Irving, it will always be your home.” He pushes open the door. “I should get out there and help Cole get this all situated. You about ready?”

  “Yeah, I just need a minute.”

  “You got it.” He nods once and then disappears outside.

  I take a deep breath, looking around the empty house that once meant so much to me. It was my refuge from the house I grew up in, my way of escaping without ever really leaving.

  I wander from room to room, remembering how different my life was the last time I saw this place empty. I was nineteen and had just lost my mother. On top of that I had two teenage brothers to care for and quite honestly, I wasn’t sure I was up to the task. But we made it through okay.

  I don’t think I bought this place intending to stay as long as I did. But after the boys moved out I couldn’t bring myself to go anywhere else.

  For the longest time I thought I couldn’t leave Irving because it was where I belonged. Now I realize it wasn’t the actual place holding me here but the ties it had to Cole. The memories of my childhood contained inside the small borders of the town lines.

  But this place isn’t my home anymore, it’s just a house. Just boards and window. And Irving is just a town that I grew up in.

  Cole is my home. I know that now. My refusal to leave was just my inability to let him go once and for all. And I can’t even imagine where I’d be now if I had.

  In the end it always came back to this place. Where a messy haired ten-year-old kid moved in across the street and changed my life with our epic first words...

  “You the new kid?” I asked.

  “You the neighbor?” he replied.

  That’s all it took.

  I offered him my heart that day without even realizing it, and not only did he take it—he also never gave it back.

  “Hey.” I jump when Cole’s arms come around me from behind, having not heard him come back in the house. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” He smiles against my neck.

  “I was just, I guess I just got lost in thought.” I turn in his arms, securing mine around his neck, careful not to scrape him with my rough cast.

  “Oh yeah, what were you thinking about.”

  “Just things.” I shrug.

  “What kinds of things?” He leans down and rubs the tip of his nose against mine.

  “About the day we met. I never imagined this is where we would end up. I mean, how could I? I was only ten, and you were just some messy-haired kid with dark eyes and the cutest dimples I’d ever seen.” I sigh dramatically.

  “Seems like maybe someone had a crush,” He teases.

  “Maybe,” I whisper, kissing him softly. “Do you remember the first words we ever said to each other?”

  “Do you?” he whispers across my lips.

  “You the new kid?” I pull back to look into his dark eyes.

  “You the neighbor?” he quips without missing a beat.

  “Melanie.” I step out of his embrace and offer him my non-casted hand.

  “Cole.” He smiles, shaking it slowly but not letting go.

  “You wanna ride around for a while?” I ask, referring to the bike—still in the moment—but I can tell by the look in his eyes he’s back here with me in the present.

  “Oh I’d like to ride you around a hell of a lot longer than a while.” He pulls me back to him, kissing me so deeply I can feel the effects all the way to my toes. “How about the rest of our lives?” He hoists me up into his arms and carries me from the house.

  It’s been a month since I upended my entire life and moved to Cleveland to be with Cole. It was the best decision I ever could have made. Every day is like a new adventure, rediscovering the things I’ve always loved about him while learning new ways to love him even more.

  I received a full-priced offer on the house in Irving within two weeks of moving, which I happily accepted. We close at the end of this month, and Cole has been helping me look for a downtown studio space to lease.

  I’m excited by the new prospects that being in a bigger city will give me. Here I have the ability to own my own storefront which would have never been a possibility anywhere close to Irving.

  Cole wants to design the space once I settle on a location, and I’m really looking forward to collaborating with him creatively on that level. Though he insists I wait until summer to go back to work. Even after an entire month here, he’s still having trouble letting me do things on my own.

  I think my accident affected him a hell of a lot deeper than I had initially thought. I know I scared him, and for that I’ll never forgive myself. I also can’t bring myself to regret where it’s brought us.

  Almost losing me brought down the last of his walls. He’s so open and vulnerable with me now, and for the first time in my life I feel like I truly know him to his core. I understand what makes him, him, in a way I never have before.

  I mindlessly run my fingers along Snowball’s fluffy white coat as I stare out the windows that overlook the back of the building. I find myself doing that a lot recently, losing myself to my thoughts.

  I’ve spent weeks reflecting on everything that has happened since Cole came back into my life just five short months ago. It seems like everything has been happening at rapid speed, but this isn’t something that came out of the blue. This is fifteen years of love finally realized, and it feels amazing to open my heart completely to the man who has always owned it.

  Snowball stirs in my lap and stretches out, his mouth opening on a wide yawn. We brought him home with us the week I moved in. He adjusted seamlessly and has claimed the window seal, my lap, and the top of the fridge as his resting grounds.

  I know going after him the way I did was careless, but not for one second do I regret that my actions very well saved his life. I’m so happy he’s here with us now. Cole pretended like he didn’t like him for about all of five minutes before he gave into the kitten’s adorable ways. He’s officially accepted him as part of our family which makes it all feel complete somehow.

  “Hey, babe. I’m gonna run out to the store for a sec.” Cole pulls my attention to where he’s standing in the kitchen, watching me like he always does.

  I never know where he is. I swear he’s like a predator that silently stalks his prey. I gotta admit though, I kinda like being the prey.

  “I thought you had to head to the office?” I question, watching his t-shirt cling to his broad shoulders as
he crosses the space toward me.

  “Change of plans. The meeting got postponed by two weeks. I guess the clients didn’t quite have all their ducks in a row.” He shrugs. “Which means we’re going to New York this weekend.”

  “What?” I squeal.

  “I owe you a trip since ours never happened thanks to a certain someone.” He eyeballs Snowball in my lap.

  I cover the cat’s ears.

  “Cole, he can hear you,” I hiss.

  “He doesn’t know what I’m saying.” This causes laughter to roll through him.

  “You don’t know that,” I huff, removing my hands from Snowball’s head. “Are we really going to New York?”

  “We’re really going. I’d like to leave in a couple of hours, so I was thinking I would run to the store and grab a few things for the road while you get that cute little ass of yours to packing.”

  “I can’t believe you’re springing this on me now.” I shake my head, taken aback by his spontaneity.

  “You complaining?” he asks, grabbing his keys from the table before dropping an envelope in the very same spot directly in front of me.

  “Um, definitely not.” My eyes go down to the envelope in front of me. The word MELANIE written plain as day across the top. “What is that?”

  “Open it,” he says, leaning forward to kiss my head before turning and exiting the apartment without another word.

  My stomach twists nervously as I gently set Snowball to the side and lean forward to retrieve the envelope.

  With shaky fingers, I slide it open and pull out a folded standard piece of paper. I only unfold one side before something falls out and lands in my lap. I look down to see a much younger version of myself smiling up at me, Cole by my side.

  I pick it up and stare at it for a long moment, trying to place the memory. It’s us on a boat in the middle of Cowan Creek. Michael’s dad used to take us out there for fishing and swimming before he passed away.

  Cole’s arm is draped over my shoulder like it is in almost every picture, but instead of smiling at the camera, in this one he’s smiling at me. The look on his face sends a rush of warmth through my entire body.

  The love pouring off of him is undeniable. How did I never see it? How did I never realize that the boy I was so madly in love with felt exactly the same way about me? I guess sometimes you have to take a step back to see what’s right in front of you.

  Setting the picture back in my lap, I finish unfolding the paper, my breath hitching when I realize I’m holding a handwritten letter from Cole. I’d know his handwriting anywhere.

  Tears instantly flood my vision the moment I begin to read his beautiful words.

  My dearest Melanie,

  Words cannot describe the way you make me feel, the way you’ve always made me feel. But I’m going to give it a try anyway.

  I remember the very first time I saw you. I remember your denim cut-off shorts, the ratty hat you wore over your pigtails, and that damn bike that looked like it was seconds away from falling apart beneath you and yet you rode it like a bat out of hell anyway. You were fearless, even then.

  I remember when you smiled at me for the first time you were missing two teeth, one on each side toward the back. I remember how in that moment it felt like you kicked started my heart and it was beating for the very first time. And then you laughed, the sweet sound of it filling my ears, and I swore I wanted to spend the rest of my life listening to that laugh.

  That’s when it happened for me, Mel. I fell in love with you that very first day, and I never stopped loving you—not for one single second. And after all the wasted years and missed opportunities, I thought that I would finally get the chance to show you that love for everything it is. But then you go and throw yourself off a cliff trying to save a damn kitten. Just like I knew you would have done for any animal or person in need, because that’s just who you are, Mel. And I wouldn’t want you any other way.

  I lost hope for a while, thought maybe I would lose you forever, but then I remembered that my heart is yours just as yours is mine. And, baby, my heart would beat for you until the end of eternity.

  So here we are. The way we were always meant to be. I love you more now than I did at ten-years-old. I will love you more tomorrow and every day after because for you Melanie, I have endless amounts of love to give.

  You are my heart. I need my heart to live.

  So, whether you like it or not, I’m never letting you go again. I love you with everything that I am. You are my past, my present, and my future. All you have to do is say yes.

  With all my love,

  Cole

  Tears are blurring my vision and falling down my cheeks by the time I make it to the end. I wipe at my eyes, trying to bring them back into focus. There’s more at the very bottom of the page, something that looks like it was added after the fact. I take a deep breath, clear my vision, and read his final words.

  P.S. I forgot to ask a very important question.

  P.P.S. Will you marry me?

  P.P.P.S. You can look up now.

  My eyes dart upward, and I swear my entire world tilts when I see Cole standing in the open doorway, a ring box in his hand.

  “I wrote that the day before you woke up,” he says, closing the door behind him before slowly making his way toward me. “I thought I was going to lose you, and it gutted me Mel. I had just found you again, and I thought it was my punishment. My punishment for not loving you the way I should have all along. For letting you go. For walking away. Fate’s way of telling me that you’d never be mine.”

  I’m a blubbering mess by the time he reaches me, my entire body shaking.

  “But I wasn’t ready yet, Mel. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. I wasn’t ready to never hold you again. To never have the chance to tell you how much you’ve always meant to me. Connections like ours don’t come along every day. I learned that the hard way. I promised myself that if,”—he pauses, emotion swimming in his eyes—“when”—he corrects—“when you woke up, I was going to make the best of each and every moment I was lucky enough to get with you.”

  “Cole.” I barely get the word out before he pops open the ring box and lowers himself to one knee in front of me.

  I can’t even make out the shape of the diamond through my tears, but none of that matters. All that matters is the beautiful man in front of me.

  “All you have to do is say yes.” He repeats a part of the letter, sliding the ring from the box before positioning it above my ring finger.

  “Yes.” The word leaves my mouth on a rush, and I don’t realize I’ve even said anything until he’s sliding the ring on my finger and lifting me into his arms, swinging me around the living room.

  When he finally sets me to my feet, his hands coming up to cup my cheeks, he looks happier than I think I’ve ever seen him.

  “Melanie Anderson.” His voice shakes slightly, and only then do I realize how nervous he must have been.

  Did he really think I would say no?

  “You have just made me the happiest man in the entire world. I promise, I’ll spend my entire life making sure you know just how much I love you.” He kisses me before I can respond, his lips lingering on mine so long that I’m ravenous for him by the time he pulls away.

  “What do you say we do a little pre-New York celebration,” he groans, hoisting me into his arms.

  I wrap my legs around his waist and press my lips to his.

  “You always know just what to say,” I murmur against his mouth, the rest of the world falling away.

  I don’t care where we are, or where we go. All I care about is that wherever it is, Cole is the person by my side.

  I think everything has a way of working out the way it’s supposed to in the end.

  Call it fate. Call it destiny. But whatever stars aligned for me and Cole that day on the road fifteen years ago, bound us together in a way I don’t think either of us will ever fully understand. And honestly, I don’t need to understand it.
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br />   Because I would fall for Cole Lincoln a hundred times over—go through the same heart break time and time again—as long as I knew that this is where we would land.

  Two years later

  The smell of something cooking in the oven accosts my nose the minute I walk inside the house. We’ve been in our new home for less than a month, and I swear Mel has used this kitchen more than she ever did the one at the apartment.

  She says she likes to cook for me. And because she wants to learn as much as she can in the kitchen, I’ve become her guinea pig of sorts, over the last few weeks. A position I don’t mind playing considering, like most things, Mel is a natural in the kitchen.

  “Melanie.” I holler out, peeking into the living room and then the den before heading up the staircase that leads to the second floor.

  Mel wasn’t sure about having two stories at first but once she saw how nice the neighborhood was in addition to the house, I knew she was sold. Plus it’s only twenty minutes from the city which means a shorter commute to my work and her downtown studio.

  When I reach the second floor landing, I head directly to the master, not surprised when I don’t find her inside. There’s one room in this house she likes spending time in more than any of the others.

  Smiling to myself, I slide out of my suit jacket and I lay it across the bed before heading down the hall to the nursery.

  Sure enough, the moment I reach it I hear Melanie’s voice coming from inside.

  Stepping into the open doorway, I cross my arms over my chest and watch my beautiful wife as she sways back and forth holding her very pregnant belly. This isn’t the first time I’ve walked in to find her talking to our unborn daughter. She says it strengthens the bond with the baby if we talk to her like she’s already here.

  I have to admit, I’m just as guilty. Sometimes when Melanie is asleep, I have some father time with my little girl. That’s when she likes to kick a lot and sometimes it looks like she’s trying to claw her way out with the way Mel’s belly stretches and pushes as she moves.

  I think Melanie’s just used to it at this point because it rarely ever wakes her.