Secrets Of The Heart (Book 1, The Heart Series)

by Laurie LeClair

  “I only want you to be who you are, Nick, no one else.”

  “I’ve let you down so much already. And it doesn’t look like there’s an end in sight. Last night is the perfect reminder. I don’t want to hurt you anymore. I never really did in the first place. But I guess I’ve been doing it unintentionally for so long that it seems almost second nature to me now.” He paused for a moment, measuring his words. “It’s just not you I can’t trust, it’s…everyone.”

  Dawning entered her expressive eyes. “Especially yourself, right? You can’t trust your own judgment, about God, about life, about me. And you hate yourself for it,” she whispered softly.

  A hollow ache behind his chest throbbed. Swallowing hard, he washed away the lump in his throat. He pulled away from her, and then dragged his hands through his hair. He choked out, “Pretty pathetic, huh?”

  “No.” She shook her head and grabbed at his arms, lowering them to his sides. “We all fight the demon attacks in our own way, Nick. You’ve just turned yours inward…and at me.”

  He watched hurt flash in the depths of her eyes and a corresponding pain ripped through his gut. “I wish it were different, I wish I were different. Lord, I’m surprised you even wanted to marry me, knowing half the stuff you did about me.”

  She averted her face and hugged herself tightly. “It was the best choice for Sydney.”

  He stuffed his hands in his pockets. “And what about you?” Holding his breath, he waited for her response.

  She took her time in answering. “I get all the fringe benefits.”

  He smiled tightly; it wasn’t exactly what he wanted to hear. “And are they worth it?”

  Taking a step backward, she bumped up against the SUV. “What do you mean?”

  “I think you know what I’m asking.” He sighed heavily. “We both know I’m not exactly the best husband—”

  “For me you are.”

  Startled at her hasty, candid response, he stilled. She dropped her gaze to the ground and scuffed a sandaled foot in the dirt.

  “Does that mean you forgive me for last night?” he asked softly, afraid she’d answer in the negative.

  If it were possible Nick swore her chin sank deeper into her chest. He glanced at her bowed head, the sun lighting the beautiful blonde hair to an even brighter shade of spun gold. An ache shot through him at her remoteness, at the protective barrier she once again erected between them.

  Please, don’t lie to me, he prayed.

  When she remained silent, Nick pressed on, hoping to repair some of the damage he’d inflicted. “I could make a whole list of excuses for pinning the blame on you last night for not making sure about birth control. I won’t. We’re supposed to be a team now, a family… Hell, I even brought a box of condoms along.”

  Bree jerked her head up, meeting Nick’s dark stare. The self-recriminations he privately heaped on himself were written all over his features. “What?”

  He winced and dragged a hand over his face, and then through his hair. Twin flags of red dotted his cheeks. “That’s right, I got so carried away I forgot.”

  Stunned wonder rained down on Bree. The tight ball of anxiety resting in her middle shifted, and then melted away. He’d said the same thing I’d heard after the only other time I’d ever made love, the night Sydney was conceived. Now, he regretted his part in the lack of birth control and putting her at risk, while Sydney’s father hadn’t one bit.

  Thinking quickly to cover the awkwardness, Bree said the first thing that popped into her dazed mind, “Is that a compliment or a complaint, Carletti?”

  He shot her a devilish smile. “Guess.”

  Her heart tripped over itself, thundering wildly in her chest. Tiny thrills danced down her spine, leaving a tingling sensation in its place. Breathing in deeply, she detected his wonderful male scent. His bare torso drew her attention and she longed to trail her fingertips over the soft, springy dusting of hair that arrowed below his waistband.

  Licking her suddenly dry lips, she swore she tasted his tangy flesh. Fire leapt in Nick’s dark eyes, sending a surge of desire, so fierce and so strong, straight to her core.

  “Nick.”

  “Bree.” He stepped nearer.

  Bree closed her eyes, savoring his body heat. The cool metal of his truck ran the length of her back, yet it did nothing to extinguish the fire within.

  Nick feathered kisses across her temple. The wave of desire growing inside her expanded to a need bigger than she ever realized before. She longed for a little piece of heaven back when Nick cherished her with every gentle kiss, every heated breath, and every delicate touch.

  He offered her physical pleasure, but she yearned for his special brand of caring, that unique combination of tenderness and concern that only he could deliver to her hungry soul.

  The ache swamping her heart was for the emptiness that plagued her life. Bree lived the lonely existence of a woman who had too much to hide, too much to protect. Sydney.

  “Before we start something we can’t finish, sweetness, we need to settle things between us, make peace.”

  “I know. But…” She bit her lip, knowing her complete honesty would create a wide chasm between them that she knew she needed yet did not want any longer.

  “Please, tell me.” His voice sounded rough with emotion.

  She drew in a sharp, painful breath. “You hurt me, your words, and your assumptions.”

  He moaned as if he too was in pain. Rubbing his cheek against her hair, he said, “The moment I said it I realized how much words can wound a person, how much I hurt you.”

  Bracing herself for the coming withdrawal, Bree nudged him, pushing Nick away, shoving aside the potent temptation for her daughter’s sake.

  When he stepped back, she nearly crumbled at what she saw. There was a vulnerability in Nick’s eyes she had never witnessed before. Cold stark clarity hit her. He craved the same emotional connection that she did.

  Putting Sydney first, Bree looked away from the magnetic plea. She’d allow him his pardon plus a whole lot more. “Apology accepted, Nick.”

  “Thank you, Bree.”

  She tried to blot out his earnest response and create the required distance between them. Self-disgust filled her for having to do what was necessary. A mother would do anything to protect her child, including driving a wedge between herself and the man she was unmistakably falling for.

  “But, you need to know, Nick, your honesty is cutting at times and your total lack of trust is wounding. You refuse to see who I really am now.”

  He remained silent. Deep grooves etched on either side of his mouth spoke the words of regret he surely felt.

  She sucked in a breath, preparing herself for the outcome of what she’d say next; she’d issue the one ultimatum that Nick would never be able to grant her. “Until you can do that and learn to trust me, then there’s really not much hope for us at all.” There never was, was there? Not with Sydney’s life at stake.

  With that said, Bree turned blindly to the truck, yanked open the door, and then climbed in. He placed a staying hand on her as she tried to slam the door shut. Bree looked at his big, long-fingered hand curled around her wrist, felt the band of heat circling her flesh. One half of her longed to pull away and break all contact. But the other half, the weaker half, won, so she remained captured in the alluring touch of her husband.

  “I deserved that.”

  She chanced a glance at his face. Wincing inwardly, Bree berated herself for the pained expression clouding his strong features. “Yes, you did, but I could have delivered it a little less harshly.”

  “Why? Have I ever done the same to you?” He didn’t wait for a reply. Dragging the shoulder harness across her and clicking it into place, he said gruffly, “Drive careful.”

  A few minutes later as Bree drove out of the yard, she peeked in the rearview mirror. Nick, dejected and forlorn, watched her leave with his hands jammed into his front pockets.

  Her heart clenched. At this
moment, Bree realized what Nick had endured with his son. Any loving parent would have done the same. The choice was simple. A child always came before a parent’s own happiness, above their growing feelings for the man she married or the woman your son had wed. For the first time, Bree truly understood Nick’s dilemma; now it was her own.

  She knew the closer she allowed herself to get to Nicholas Carletti the more she had to lose.

  First your heart, next your common sense, after that your secret, and then your little girl.

  “I can’t let that happen.”

  Chapter 18

  Depositing change in the old pay phone in front of the only grocery store in town, Bree registered the clanking of each coin as it dropped down the metal slot. She grimaced at her pale, ghastly reflection in the mirrored surface as two shrill rings peeled in the receiver before a loud click sounded.

  “Curl up and Dye, may I help you?”

  Bree swore it was one of her new business partners speaking in her sugary sweet telephone voice, but the name of the business didn’t match theirs at all. “Tessa, is that you?”

  A loud shriek pierced Bree’s ear drum. “Bree! It’s so good to hear your voice. We were just talking about you. How’s the hunky hubby of yours doing? And how’s my little dancer—”

  “Wait a minute, Tessa, I need to switch ears since you just ruined the hearing in my left one.” Making the quick adjustment, Bree leaned against the brick building and asked, “What’s with this name you’re using? I thought we’d make a final decision on a new one for the beauty shop once I got back.”

  “We are. I’m just trying it out, that’s all. Isn’t it cute? It was on one of those old police shows my granny loves to watch.”

  Bree rolled her eyes, wishing Tessa could see her. “Yeah, real cute.” Focusing on the big yellow banner in the large window announcing this week’s special, Bree bit the inside of her cheek, trying to stop herself from laughing as she delivered the next line. “But we might get mistaken for a funeral parlor.”

  “Hey, I never thought about that…”

  Unable to contain it any longer, Bree chuckled. “How’s business? Are you two handling it all right?”

  “It’s so slow. Jewel and I are twiddling our thumbs today. I guess everyone’s on vacation being it’s right before school starts up again. But the week you come back we’re booked solid. Feast or famine, right?”

  “It’s like that every August.”

  “Well, with all this free time on our hands we’re making arrangements for your party. You wouldn’t believe all the customers that want to join us when we take you to see the male dancers.”

  Bree groaned inwardly. “Not that again. I thought I’d convinced the two of you I didn’t need or want a bridal shower, before or after the wedding.”

  “Oh, come on now, Bree, we want to do something special for you. It’ll be fun.”

  Pressing the heel of her hand against her forehead, Bree didn’t know what she’d do if Nick ever found out about this planned excursion. Vinnie had mentioned how his mother had frequented bars for the sole purpose of picking up men. To Nick this outing would certainly dredge up painful, jealous memories. “We’ll discuss other options when I get back. Can I speak to Jewel for a second?”

  “Sure, she’s right here. I guess you want to talk to her about the letter I sent you. I didn’t mean to upset you or anything.”

  Bree frowned. “What letter?”

  “Ah…here’s Jewel. Bye, have a great honeymoon.”

  There was a rustling sound, and then a loud clunk. Bree jerked the receiver away, but it was too late. She switched it back to her other ear. “Lord, that girl is going to make me deaf yet.”

  “Bree? Hey, how’s it going?” Jewel’s calm, unshakable voice reassured Bree.

  “Fine,” Bree lied, knowing her whole world could explode at any moment. “Tessa said she sent me a letter. We never even thought about picking up the mail at the post office so I guess it’s just been sitting there. How did you get Nick’s address for his cabin anyway?”

  “Gil Lambert gave it to Tessa when she told him everything.”

  At the sound of his name, Bree grew uneasy. She liked the man, but he was Nick’s lawyer. “Everything? That sounds ominous to me.” What had happened now?

  “Oh, you know how dramatic our friend is. I’m…sure she’s blowing it all out of proportion.” The hesitancy in Jewel’s normally clear, cool tone put Bree on alert.

  A slither of panic snaked its way to her middle. She straightened away from the rough brick exterior. “What’s going on down there?” Alarm rang in her question, betraying her growing concern.

  A passing older couple eyed her curiously, obviously having overheard the sharp climb in her voice. She smiled weakly, hoping they’d just continue on into the store. Thankfully, they did.

  “Well…there’s been some strange calls,” Jewel hesitated, “Someone’s asking a lot of questions.”

  “What kind of questions?”

  “About you.”

  A wave of fear washed over Bree, her nerveless fingers dropping the receiver. It banged against the cement wall of the store, and then danced on the end of its short wire.

  “Bree? Bree? Are you still there?” Jewel’s worried, high- pitched voice came to her, dragging Bree out of her numb state.

  Snatching up the dangling black phone, Bree used two hands to steady it while she stammered in a near whisper, “Wh…who?”

  “They won’t leave their name. And we’re not giving out any information. Bree, is everything all right?”

  “Of course,” she said too brightly. “It’s just a little odd that’s all. Uh, do you happen to know anything else? I mean, if it’s a woman or a man calling.”

  “Tessa wrote it all down in the letter. I think she said it was a woman, but it sounded like a man was coaching her in the background. Gil is checking on it.”

  A hand squeezed her throat. “Gil?” she squeaked. “Why him?”

  “Well, making a phone call and asking questions about someone isn’t a crime. And, with all the connections Gil has, Tessa thought she should get him involved until Nick comes back and can take over. Gil is going to clue Nick in on all that he digs up. You’re not mad at her, are you?”

  Mad didn’t describe how she felt. Fear, cold and clammy, breathed down her neck. “Tell Tessa I’m not angry at her.” She didn’t want the sweet, highly excitable girl to be crushed by her reaction. “In fact, tell her I appreciate how much she cares about me. If you guys are doing all right, then I’ve got to get back home to Sydney. She cut her foot and I don’t want to be away from her too long.”

  “Is it bad?”

  “Just a few stitches, but she’ll be fine. Got to go, bye.” Shaking uncontrollably, Bree hung up quickly.

  Ten minutes later, she dashed into the tiny, empty post office foyer and, using Nick’s key, retrieved the pile of mail jammed into the small box.

  Bree flipped through the junk mail, searching for Tessa’s letter. She found it nestled between a contest and an advertisement. She grabbed for it, upsetting the handful of papers. The multi-colored pack rained down on the floor.

  She groaned, kneeling to collect the runaway mail. The cream colored business envelope, bearing the familiar bold black print in the upper left hand corner and addressed to Nick wedged beneath her knee, drew her undivided attention. Gil Lambert, Attorney at Law.

  A ripple of shock shot through her. This is the beginning of the end.

  Chapter 19

  The envelope felt like a hot iron in Bree’s hands, burning a hole right through her palm as she walked into the cabin a half-hour later.

  The muffled voices of Nick and Sydney floated down to her from upstairs. Nick’s unmistakable deep tones created a wealth of heady emotions from tenderness to a sore spot on her troubled soul.

  “What am I going to do?”

  Glancing down at the hateful reminder that they’d have to face reality soon enough, Bree nearly wept. S
he felt torn between doing what Nick would want her to do, be honest, truthful, and what every mother’s instinct screamed at her to do, lie, tear Gil’s letter to pieces, and then throw it away.

  In a daze, she walked to a nearby chair and dumped all the other mail on the seat. It scattered with some landing on the floor. Stooping automatically to retrieve the wayward missives, she halted as an idea formed, taking shape and bursting in her head.

  “It might just work,” she whispered, thinking that she wouldn’t exactly be lying at all, just stalling things, buying some time. “Yeah, then you’ll be living on borrowed time.”

  Her fear for what Gil had uncovered, and then presented to Nick in the enclosed letter, prompted her actions. Taking a deep shaky breath, Bree shoved Gil’s envelope under the chair and left all but Tessa’s already read note where they had landed. She folded her friend’s envelope and shoved it in her back pocket.

  The words flashed through her mind. To anyone else, Tessa’s flare for drama would be easily tossed aside. But not for Bree; there was always the danger of being found out, of someone from her past storming back into her life and ripping it to shreds.

  “Oh, Nick, why did you have to put our wedding announcement in the paper,” she asked softly, knowing as Tessa and Gil suspected that’s what drew this person to Bree.

  A chill ran down her spine. It could only be him.

  ***

  Five minutes later, gathering her self-control, Bree pinned a smile on her face and tip-toed the last few steps to stand in Sydney’s doorway.

  Awed at what she saw, Bree stilled in her tracks. Sydney, dressed in her white tulle and pink roses wedding finery, sat opposite Nick at the tiny wooden table and chair set he had built for her.

  He was clad in his wedding suit with his knees jammed against the table edge. His large frame overwhelmed the miniature chair and Bree wondered if it would collapse under him.

  She nearly laughed out loud when she noticed neither her daughter nor her husband wore any shoes. Sydney’s bandaged foot lay nestled on a pillow under the table.