Chasing Wishes

by Simonenko, Nadia

  Antonio's not my chef. The maids—I don't even know their names—aren't my maids. I'd never hire any of them because I'd feel awful about having servants. I'd be too nervous to ask them to do anything for me and worry that I was imposing on them. They're all Terrence's, not mine.

  "Sure, he's Terrence's chef, but you're dating him so—"

  "Probably not for long once he hears about this. Charlotte's going to tell him everything."

  My phone vibrates in my pocket as it finds a signal again. You'd think that I'd have no trouble getting a cellular signal in a state as small as Connecticut, but nope. Half the state is dead space to me. I really should get a new phone.

  "You need to be the one to tell him first," she says. "You have nothing to be ashamed of, but if you hide your past from him, then it suddenly becomes something big and bad once he finally finds out."

  My heart tells me Cassie's right, but the knot of fear growing in my stomach begs me to let it slide all the same.

  "I recognize that look—you're thinking about ignoring my advice," Cassie lectures me, and she wags a finger at me. "Seriously, Irene. Tell him. Oh... and do I call you Nina now, or what?"

  "No, stick with Irene," I answer, shaking my head. "Nina was a long time ago."

  Nina was more than a long time ago—she was an entirely different person. Nina was a scared teenage girl trying to find a way out, and Irene... well, she's trying to figure out what to do now that she's made it.

  My phone beeps again, this time to let me know I have new messages. Six are spam saying I've won a boat or some nonsense like that, and the seventh is from Terrence. My stomach rises into my chest and my throat tightens as I read it.

  T: When are you coming home? I need to talk to you.

  He can't possibly know yet. I'm reading too much into it. I get texts like these from him all the time—I am his personal assistant after all—but in my mind, I'm still scared to death that maybe Charlotte's already told him. I'm terrified that I'll walk in there and he's going to fire me for lying and not telling him who I really am. Charlotte could tell him anything about me and he'd believe it after seeing my background check.

  I: About an hour. Just leaving New Haven.

  "I think you should tell him the second you get home," says Cassie, and she reaches over and gently squeezes my shoulder. "Take the wind out of that bitch's sails and tell Terrence before she gets a chance to. It's all going to be okay."

  "And what if it isn't okay?" I ask as a strange, nervous chill spreads through my veins. "What if I tell him and he..."

  I don't know how to finish the question. What if he doesn't trust me because I didn't tell him the whole truth? What if Charlotte tells him all sorts of lies and he believes them because I kept my past a secret? What if he wants nothing to do with me once I tell him about my mother? Sudde moesenly, the idea of not being with him hurts as if someone's stabbing me in the chest.

  "Hey, cheer up," chirps Cassie. "Even if he dumps you, you can always crash at my place in your old room, right? It'll be just like old times!"

  I smile weakly at her attempt to reassure me, but the truth is that I don't want the old times anymore. I've worn the dress and been to the ball, and I can't bear the idea of going back to nothing again once the clock strikes midnight. I love Cassie to death and can never tell her this, but I want to move on and have my own life. I want not to always be struggling to pay my bills while working for misogynistic sandwich creeps. I want a chance at the voice-acting career I always dreamed of having.

  Most of all... I want Terrence, and I'm scared that I'm about to lose him.

  ****

  I can feel the tension in the air the moment I step into the foyer. Even Columbus seems nervous as he sits at the base of the stairs and wags his tail anxiously, but as I move to pet him, a door slams upstairs and Columbus scrambles across the slick, hardwood floor into the living room.

  My heart leaps into my throat as the loud click of Charlotte's heels echoes from the upstairs hallway. It doesn't matter what I was going to tell Terrence now... she beat me to him.

  Charlotte emerges into the foyer in her usual black dress-suit with a well-oiled, deep brown briefcase clutched beneath one arm. I'm amazed that she hasn't punched holes straight through the stairs with how forcefully she's stomping on them. When she catches sight of me, I expect her to look proud and triumphant, but instead she looks as if she's just finished crying. She beelines straight toward me and casts me a death-glare the entire way.

  "Is there something wrong?" I ask, keeping my voice soft and innocent as I pretend I don't know exactly what she just told Terrence.

  "You know what?" she hisses. "You can have him. Congratulations, Irene... you win. I don't know who the fuck you are or why he gives a shit a shit about you, but I'm through."

  "What? What are you talking about?" I sputter. This is the second time today I’ve been thrown completely for a loop. How did I ever get this far in life without being able to read people?

  "You know exactly what I'm talking about," she snarls, towering over me as she tries to intimidate me. There’s something different about Charlotte’s posturing, maybe even a trace of vulnerability in the way she's lashing out at me. She's usually so calm and collected, but tonight, she's so out of kilter that I hardly recognize her. Her eyes are red and puffy, and her hands are shaking so much that she can barely control them.

  "You think I didn't run a background check on you after seeing him kissing you? Do you seriously think I didn't find out everything about you?"

  She takes a step back and gives me a little more room, but her eyes are wide and crazy with agitation now. She looks almost ready to strangle me, and I instinctively tense up in case I need to race for the door.

  "I’ve spent years of my life protecting him and looking after his fortune. Years, Irene!" she tells me, her voice cracking and letting her despair shine through. "Years of my life taking care of him, and then you waltz in here and it's like nothing I did even matters!"

  "Charlotte—"

  "He just takes you into his house like that," she hisses, snapping her fingers, "and it's all ruined."

  She's actually starting to sound insane now. This feels less like a fight and more like I'm witnessing a mental breakdown, and I start to wonder if it should be Charlotte that I call 911 for and not myself. As she continues her tirade, a familiar look cuts across her face for an instant before the anger swallows it again—the look of someone desperately trying to hold back the tears burning behind her eyes.

  "I thought he'd finally figured it out after that bitch Colleen left him. It was just us for two wonderful years, and then you show up out like this is all some goddamned fairy tale and I'm nothing but the wicked witch, and..."

  She trails off, shaking her head as tears stream down her face. All I can do is watch, enthralled, as her façade crumbles away and the feelings hiding behind it are exposed.

  Of all the people in the world who might fall in love with Terrence... Charlotte? Really? Did I die without realizing it and resurrect as a movie character? I'd never have guessed it in my life, and I feel horrible for her now. She hid it so well that I wonder, for a moment, if even Terrence knew about it. Her confession has me so boggled that I can hardly believe it's true.

  Charlotte almost tramples me on her way for the door, and as I steady myself against the wall, I call after her.

  "Charlotte... I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

  "Get fucked, Irene. You've ruined everything—I hope you're proud of yourself."

  She slams the door so hard that the chandelier swings back and forth, its sparkling crystals clattering musically against each other, and Columbus emerges timidly from the living room and whimpers as he hurries to my side. I gingerly stroke his head as I stare in trepidation up at the grand staircase. I have no idea what's happened and no idea what's waiting for me at the top anymore.

  One way or another, Terrence is in his room upstairs and he deserves to hear the truth.

&n
bsp; wi

  wi

  wi

  Chapter XXVIII

  Irene

  "Terrence? Are you there?" I call out, peeking around corner of the door.

  The lights are off inside Terrence’s room except for two dim lamps on either side of the dresser. The wind howls outside and branches claw furiously at the window as I nervously walk in.

  "I’m over here," he answers from his chair facing the window. "Come sit with me, please."

  I sit in the empty chair beside Terrence, nervously picking at my fingernails. He turns his attention away from the approaching storm and stares blankly at me with his yellow cassette deck on his lap.

  "Charlotte told me a lot about you tonight," he tells me before looking back out at the storm again. A flash of lightning on the horizon briefly lights up the room and makes his eyes glow an unnatural shade of green.

  "Terrence, I... I’m sorry." My voice trails off to a whisper and then dies entirely as a dark fear rises inside me and chokes off the words.

  "Were you ever going to tell me who you were?" he quietly asks. He suddenly looks almost as nervous as I feel right now.

  "Never," I answer, shaking m;"

  "Neither was I," he says, and he turns on the cassette deck on his lap.

  The speakers hiss quietly for a few seconds and then I gasp in shock as I hear the voice.

  "The Golden Goose, by Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm. Demo narration by Nina Torres. Once upon a time, there was a man who..."

  It’s me... it’s my voice, my old narration tape from back when I was sixteen! My brain spins in circles as it desperately tries to process what it’s hearing, and I start to feel lightheaded. I thought Charlotte only knew I had a name change, not who I actually was! How did she find that tape? I lost it after I moved out, and the city of New Haven demolished Mom’s old house years ago.

  It’s impossible. Unless...

  "Terrence... where did you get that tape?" My eyes grow wide with a strange, fearful foreboding as I look up at him. With a soft smile, he clears his throat and closes his eyes.

  "Once upon a time, there was a prince who lived in the woods to the north of a great city. The king and queen gave the prince everything his heart desired, but he still felt that something was missing. He could feel that there was something he didn’t have, but he didn’t know what it was."

  This can't be true.

  It can't be true, but I've known it all along.

  "Then one day, he met a princess from the great city wandering in the woods," continues Terrence. "She was a kind, beautiful young woman, and the prince finally knew what he’d been missing. He’d been missing her, and he immediately fell in love with the kind princess."

  I cling desperately to the arms of my chair as if to anchor myself as incomprehensible emotions crash over me, almost drowning me with each wave. I don’t know if I’m excited, terrified, upset... I’m in such shock that all I can do is listen as I clutch so tightly to the chair that my fingers hurt.

  "Nobody else believed she was a real princess, though, and they all treated her badly. The members of the princess's court betrayed her at every opportunity and hurt her badly every day, and even the girl's own mother nearly starved her to death."

  I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I’m starting to cry. Tears blind me no matter how many times I wipe them away, and short, uncontrollable sobs rise inside me and start to pile up in my throat.

  "Everyone tried their hardest to break the girl so she’d forget that she was really a princess. They hurt her so that she’d never try to wear her crown again, so that they could become princes and princesses while she would forever be trapped as their servant," Terrence raises his voice as he continues his story. "Everyone, that is, but the prince. He loved her and tried his best to protect her, but it wasn’t enough. One day, a fairy godmother came and took the princess far away, and she hid the girl so that nobody could hurt her anymore."

  I can’t hold back the sobs anymore, and the moment the first one wrenches free of my lips, the rest follow close behind it. I hunch over in my chair and wrap my arms tightly around myself as sobs rack my body.

  Isaac’s here... he’s been right here with me all this time.

  "The prince was left alone, but he remembered a promise he’d made to her," madt esays Terrence, and then he gets up from his chair and kneels in front of me. "A promise that he’d find her no matter where she went—a promise that they’d be together in the end no matter what happened."

  My sobs retreat into my chest and my teary eyes dry as Terrence... Isaac... softly kisses my hand. My brain completely gives up on figuring out what’s happening, and I can only sit and watch in wonderment at the scene unfolding around me.

  "Like Rapunzel’s prince, though," I whisper, adding a piece to his story, "the young prince was blinded by a terrible spell. How was he supposed to find his princess now that he couldn’t see?"

  "The prince wandered hopelessly for years," continues Terrence, picking up where I left off. "He searched for her every step of the way, tried his best to get others to help him where he couldn’t see, and just when he’d given up all hope of finding her..."

  I open my mouth to add the next part, but Terrence isn’t finished yet. He clears his throat and then keeps going.

  "...and just when he’d given up all hope of finding her, fate brought her back into his life again. He found his beloved princess working as a servant in his own castle, her crown nowhere to be seen."

  He takes a deep breath and then stands up, grabbing me by the hands and pulling me up alongside him.

  "Irene... Nina... I can't let you be my assistant anymore. I’ve loved you since the day I met you. I loved you as Nina and I love you as Irene, and I’ll be damned if I let you be my servant when you're really my princess. "

  Terrence is Isaac. Terrence is Isaac and he knows I’m Nina... and... and he loves me...

  I stare at him in wide-eyed bewilderment as my thoughts race aimlessly in my head. This is everything I'd dreamed of, everything I hoped might someday come true from the moment I first met Isaac all those years ago. Shouldn't I be shouting for joy right now?

  "Terrence, I... um..."

  All my words fall away, and suddenly I'm sprinting for the balcony door.

  I can’t breathe. I can’t think. I don't know what's going on anymore and I need to get away before any more impossible emotions build up inside me. I throw open the French doors and race out onto the balcony, and for a brief second, I feel as if I might explode.

  The wind howls so loudly that it drowns out even my racing thoughts and the blood pounding through my veins, and a light mist coats my skin as I grip the wrought-iron railing. The moon glows weakly through the shifting clouds and leaves silver sparkles on the gray, rippling water down below.

  Nine years. It’s been nine years since I saw Isaac.

  The doors swing open behind me, and then Terrence...Isaac... silently joins me at the railing. My body tenses up as he delicately hooks his arm around my waist. It feels so good, so right to have him touch me, but at the same time, it feels different now. All the times we’ve made love, as amazing and wonderful as they were, mean nothing without this moment—this decision.

  If I kiss him the way my body's begging me to, if I accept his love tonight... it’s permanent. This is the fairy tale’s ending. This is fate offering one chance at a Happily Ever After and I’m terrified to make the choice.

  "Irene... th">" talere’s something else I need to tell you," says Terrence. "One last piece to the story that I couldn’t figure out how to fit into the fairy tale inside."

  I put my arm around his waist, and a tingle runs up my spine as he presses his palm gently against my hip and pulls me in close to him.

  "Go on," I say, staring out at the river.

  He pulls me back from the railing and holds my hands in his as he turns to face me. It leaves me breathless, somehow, that he wants to tell me this face to face even though he can’t see me. Something
about the intention is so respectful, so open and honest, that even the simple act makes me fall even more in love with him.

  "I said that we’d be together some day, but I promised something else, too," he tells me. "I promised you that we’d see each other again."

  "And we have," I say. "We’re seeing each other right now."

  I realize how wrong the words are the moment they leave my lips. He still hasn’t seen me. He hasn’t seen me in nine years.

  He smiles at me and gently squeezes my hands.

  "Do you remember the side project I told you about?" he asks. "Do you remember me telling you at the bar about how I only took jobs where I could steal the science?"