Queen of the Clueless (Interim Goddess of Love)

by Mina V. Esguerra

  "Focus on that, the way I told you to. And then tell her that there's a stone in her shoe and she should take it out."

  I rolled my eyes. He would tack on a physical challenge like that, just so we could be sure I had done it right.

  He grinned at me. "Ready?"

  I gave him a salute. "Yes, sir."

  This wasn't that easy for me just yet, and I knew that even before that total failure with Sol. A few weeks ago, I started with something simple: plant the thought to a person I was talking to, and was within touching distance. It took maybe three tries, and that was why Ms. Farrah, one of our Guidance Counselors, suddenly pinched her nose three times in the middle of telling me how to file the career skills exams.

  I wish I could show you how it all happened. To me, it was as if I grabbed the lullaby with my hand, opened it up, and placed a fistful of thought inside. But that doesn't make any sense.

  The problem with the distance was that the lullaby wasn't stable enough in my head. Like, as soon as I could pin it down, it would dissipate in my mind, in my grasp, and I didn't have enough time to plant a thought, much less a crazy physical stunt, in there.

  This girl, her name was Mara, and every time she dipped into a lunge, I would lose her song. She lunged a third, and fourth time, and I lost her again.

  I felt a bead of sweat roll down my temple, and I was about to ask Quin for a break, when he reached forward and put a hand on my shoulder. Just there, so near the curve of my neck.

  Mara's song became louder.

  I inhaled, grabbed her song, and set my thought in the middle. Gently.

  Mara paused, shrugged, and stood upright. She took off her left shoe and turned it over, shaking the imaginary stone off.

  I felt Quin take his hand away, and heard another loud crunch.

  "Sorry," I said automatically. "I probably needed another minute. You didn't need to rescue me."

  At least I heard Mara's lullaby, instead of the silence I got with Sol. Maybe being near Quin made me so much better at this?

  He smiled. "Practice, that's all. Come on, I'll buy you dinner."

  We trained only after class, and he would always buy me dinner after. I could complain about training all day, but honestly? Post-training dinner with Quin made everything worth it.

  Chapter 5

  There is a list of things that the God of the Sun concerns himself about. It is written in patterns of shadows cast against any surface. Throughout time, Quin has "left notes" to himself on patches of earth, and floors, and windows, and walls, manipulating light and letting patterns form just so. You'd know what these notes said if you could, well, read shadows.

  I couldn't do that. But I imagined that in the face of world hunger, war, and malaria, the possibly-thieving boyfriend of Sol Delloro would have to go to the bottom of a list of a god's priorities. Besides, this was probably why he recruited me in the first place—so he could outsource this stuff.

  "I'm making Sol my new project," I said, waiting until he had bitten into the burger to announce it. Quin never really let me choose the people I helped, as this was some sort of divine assignment. But I was ready to defend this. Sol did come to me, after all, just like anyone else would. She even went to the Guidance Office, just as everyone else who became a "project" had. We even went to the cafeteria for snacks after, which always seemed to happen with other projects too.

  He chewed slowly. I tried to pretend I didn't care and wasn't anticipating what he would say next, but all that effort just made me notice how chiseled his jaw was and that his cheekbones were perfect. Not that I knew what perfect was when it came to cheekbones...

  "We talked about this. Did she summon you?"

  "She came to Guidance and asked for my help. She texted me that she needed to talk."

  "You know what I mean. Did she summon you?"

  He meant did Sol's heart open up to me, did her heart plead for the help of Goddess of Love and all that.

  Which it didn't.

  "Well, no. But she's my best friend, and her boyfriend is causing trouble. I think I should do something about it."

  Quin did not believe a word of that. I was getting good at noticing this about him, these moments when he obviously wanted me to drop it, but wasn't going to make me. Instead, he looked slightly to my right. A light behind me flickered, and the pattern of shadows moved ever so slightly.

  "What are you writing about me?" I demanded.

  He blinked. "You have to tread carefully if you're going to help her out, Hannah. She asked for her best friend, not the Goddess."

  "I know. But this is cool. I know Sol enough. I can handle it, and I think I know what can make her happy. It’s not matchmaking – it’s the opposite of matchmaking!" If I had this gift, why waste it on people I barely knew? Those close to me should be able to find the love they deserve too.

  "No seriously. It's one thing to come to the aid of a stranger who specifically summons you, but another thing entirely to do the same for a friend. This thing you do, the access you have to someone's mind and heart like that, some people find it intrusive."

  Did I mention that Quin, the Sun God, was the eldest of the children of Bathala and also official Wet Blanket of Everything? I didn't? Well, he always said things like this, and I would be reminded of that fact.

  "And you know that thing I keep telling you, that I have probably have good instincts, and that's why you recruited me for this?" I said. We'd had this conversation so many times already that I had this line memorized, down to the tone that was equal parts weary and syrupy sweet.

  This was when I bit into my own cheeseburger, and we just looked at each other, chewing.

  "Fine," he said, fully sounding like he didn't believe it, "If you think that Sol's situation is so dire that she really needs the Goddess of Love, even though she did not ask for the Goddess of Love, then you should do your job."

  "Thank you. Honestly, I can't think of anyone else who is more worthy of my time."

  He sat there and continued to chew. I was sure he had something else he wanted to say, but he let me have this one.

  "We have to get going," he said instead. "Your tita will get worried."

  "She never worries when she knows I'm with you. It's your fault, anyway, for always scheduling training after class."

  "Your aunt worries about you. You have to be more respectful of the people who worry about you."

  Quin also had a way of talking about something and another different thing at the same time.

  "Fine," I said, mimicking him. "Drive me to my aunt's house now. I command it."

  Chapter 6

  I started to settle into the comfy couch at the waiting area of the office of the Dean of Student Affairs, and then realized that the security guard was tapping my shoulder.

  "Please surrender your ID, Miss Hannah."

  "I'm sorry?" I was confused for two reasons: the being asked to hand over my zombie-face ID, and manong guard actually knowing my name.

  "New policy, Miss Hannah. Everyone entering Dean's office has to leave their ID."

  "I'm just going to ask him about something. I'll be out of here before you know it."

  "Just hand me your ID then, Miss Hannah. I just need to log you in, and you'll get it back when your meeting is over."

  "Never mind," I said, leaving the Dean's office in a huff.

  It wasn't about the ID, really, but the principle of the thing. I suspected that they were asking for IDs because they wanted to keep track of the people entering and leaving the admin offices, where valuables were often lying around.

  Because who had access to the admin offices apart from the faculty and staff? Student employees, most of them SKs, just like me.

  I just needed a meeting with the dean, and I couldn't even remember why anymore. Because I spent the next five minutes pacing up and down the hallway, getting more and more offended by this.

  Why exactly? I guess it was the first time that I felt not completely welcome. Which was scary, because
I uprooted myself from my home in Manila to go to Ford River, and this was supposed to be my new safe place.

  "Hannah."

  Hannahhhhhhh. Vida Castillo's voice gave me the creeps. It seemed like it left her lips and was delivered by invisible arrow right to my ear.

  Vida Castillo was the Goddess of the Moon, child of Bathala, sibling to Quin, and inexplicably enrolled at Ford River College doing who knows what. She and I had a brief conversation last year because she didn't approve of me becoming Interim Goddess.

  Well that was an understatement. She actually kind of put some silver bangle on my wrist, which disappeared after a second, and told me she would do everything to make me quit. Quin said I should just ignore her, but Vida was also the most popular girl in school. Quin probably didn't realize how hard it was for someone to ignore the most popular girl in school.

  When I turned to the source of the sound, she was standing on the other end of the long, now empty hallway, surely out of earshot of anyone else. She was in a corporate suit (some seniors were always in business attire lately, for presentations and panel project defense), navy blue platforms, and looked radiantly beautiful even from this distance. One arm had a shiny black bag hooked on it, the other arm was stretched out toward me.

  "What?" I said, under my breath, but knowing she could hear.

  The arm relaxed back to her side. "No, you're not there yet."

  This was not the first time she did this. The randomly running into me and doing this staredown drama.

  And yet I was still Interim Goddess. "So you keep saying."

  She smiled and entered one of the classrooms.

  I rolled my eyes. This is me ignoring you.

  "Stop right there."

  I froze, and turned around, but it wasn't the guard, or Vida, who had just said that. It was Diego Simon, senior, basketball player, and God of the Sea.

  It was my first time to see him since my visit to the National Museum, and discovering the story behind the painting Maganda's Regret. I thought that maybe I should say something about it, like ask him what the deal was, if he really did fall in love with the first mortal woman... but Diego wasn't the type for heart-to-heart talks. In fact, Diego Simon was known on campus more for the fights he started, the guys he beat up, and the games he got thrown out of. For fighting.

  So maybe I shouldn't bring up questions about his tragic love story. He seemed like he would still be holding a grudge after millennia.

  Besides, we weren't actually friends. I mean, he had ignored me all of freshman year, despite my hanging out with his best buddy Quin nearly every day. He only started noticing I existed a few months ago.

  "Did you just come out of there?" I asked instead, noticing that he had left the dean's office. "Because I want to talk to—"

  "New Girl, I told you to stop. Shut up for a second." As if to emphasize his point, Diego touched my shoulder, ran a finger across the blade like he was flicking lint off my shirt, and suddenly it... my drama, it was gone.

  Maybe it wasn't so sudden. Maybe I was becoming more attuned to these slight movements, the way Quin and Diego and their kind messed with (or readjusted) the natural order of things. What would have seemed to anyone else like a simple tap on the shoulder felt, to me, like an icy breeze blew from my side up my neck, and as it passed me it took something with it.

  It took away the beginnings of my anger.

  "Are you portable stress management therapy now?" I demanded.

  He smiled at me. "Whatever that was, it wasn't going to help you. I took it away. You're welcome."

  Diego Simon wasn't just God of the Sea. What he was, specifically, was the god of work. If people who needed help with love summoned me, Diego responded to those whose concerns revolved around work. He even helped me out a bit, when I was starting my goddess training, and I had to admit, I was able to finish my first Goddess of Love project (matching Kathy up with her crush/secret admirer Jake) in large part because of him.

  "Thank you," I said, calmer.

  "Why are you looking for the dean?"

  I took a deep breath, and marveled at how good that felt. Just a minute ago my mind was racing, my blood pressure was up, and now I was all zen. Things felt and seemed clearer. "Project. I think my friend is dating the guy who's been stealing things. Just wanted to see if the dean can confirm anything for me."

  "Interesting," Diego said. "I can tell you now that he doesn't know who it is. And that he'd like to settle this as quietly as possible, before Ford River starts getting that kind of reputation."

  "What kind of reputation?"

  "You know. If the parents of these rich kids find out that their expensive toys aren't safe on campus, maybe they won't want their kids studying here."

  "That's not fair," I said.

  "It's the truth. Why do you think you get to have all of this for free? It's because someone's father is paying for two."

  I actually knew that. My mom was raising me by herself and could never afford Ford River's tuition on her income. The school had a very generous scholarship program, and I wasn't clueless about where the money was coming from.

  "I meant it's not fair because the thief could actually be one of them. Not a scholarship kid."

  "Is that why you're here?"

  I shrugged. "I thought he'd know for sure who it was. He did put out the memo right? So students have been reporting their lost stuff to him?"

  "You don't need him, New Girl. Just talk to me. You mean the thief's girlfriend summoned you?"

  The way he was looking at me just then made me a little uncomfortable. No wait—Diego always did make me a little uncomfortable, but this was different, because I was starting to see that he might actually respect me a little. "Maybe," I said.

  "Then you don't need to work with Quin on this new project of yours. You've stumbled onto my territory."

  Chapter 7

  These were the things reported stolen to the Dean of Student Affairs:

  A cellphone, barely two weeks old, reported by Saree Anderson. She noticed it missing at five o'clock, when she tried to call her driver to pick her up. She last used it at lunch, to post something on Twitter.

  Three thousand pesos in cash, by Frankie Fuentes. He noticed it missing at lunch time, but knew he had it with him that morning.

  Two pairs of silver earrings, by Mandy Cho. She bought them the day before, a pair for her and another for her friend, but then couldn't find them from the bag she had stashed in her locker.

  It didn't sound like a lot, but these were the only ones that had been officially reported to the dean. Sol probably lost the most in the past few weeks, but she wasn't filling up paperwork on it.

  I knew this for a fact not because of the Goddess Thing, but because I was alone with Diego inside the dean's office and I had the printouts of all the theft reports in front of me. Nothing from Sol.

  "Do you want a beer?" Diego said, his head inside the small refrigerator in the corner of the room.

  "No," I said automatically, then, "Why does the dean have beer in here?"

  "His dirty little secret. Not that he has many. But this stealing thing is starting to bother him, because of that reality show."

  "What reality show?"

  "They're producing a show on cable about the school. Follow some students around, show what a nice place it is. He doesn't want it to become CSI."

  Of course he didn't. Ford River was generally pretty to look at and peaceful to stay in. Apart from the stealing and students hanging out in the dean's office looking through his stuff. "I hope we don't get into trouble."

  As soon as I said that, and because I got that withering look from him a moment later, I knew that was the wrong thing to say.

  When you summon one of the gods, meaning one of those in Bathala's family of deities who rule over various aspects of life and the universe, and they actually take the time to respond to you, you kind of become their bitch.

  Sorry, "devotee." You become devoted to them. When these dei
ties are in human form, and they ask you to do something, chances are you will do it. Diego Simon, God of the Sea, also had power over that thing people do every day to feed and support themselves. The dean was obviously troubled about this turn of events at his school, and called upon the god who could help him. People did this without ever having to know a chant or a password; the instinct and the ability to do so had been around since the time of our ancestors, never mind that we no longer knew the gods' names.

  Or that one of them was currently Ford River's most famous troublemaker.

  So, as a devotee of Diego, the dean would not mind that we were in his office going through his stuff. He probably even welcomed it, and gave Diego the keys, and told him to help himself to the beer.

  "Sorry," I said. "I still forget what the rules are sometimes."

  "The only rule is that Father knows best," Diego said, head back in the refrigerator. "Everything else is negotiable."

  I flipped through the theft reports again, trying to find a connection to Neil. Mandy was in my batch, but Saree and Frankie weren't. Frankie might have been one of Neil's friends, but I wasn't sure...

  Just then the bell rang, which meant I was late for my next class.

  "Don't go," Diego said, almost an order.

  "I'm going to be late for history," I said.

  "You honestly want to sit in a classroom when you could be getting this idiot instead."

  "There might be a test today," I countered, but meekly.

  Diego laughed and headed for the door. "You're forgetting that you're one of us now, New Girl. You have a job, and it's not to take history tests."

  Why was I even taking history anyway? I was a psych major, for crying out loud.

  And I did want to get that guy, if Neil was actually the thief. Sol could be spending her time on homework, on finishing her double major. Even making a sandwich was a more productive use of her time, instead of worrying about the creep.

  Chapter 8