Because You're the Love of My Life

by Sarah Kleck

“You said something about coffee?”

  Grace passed him a cup. “There’s milk in the fridge,” she said. I didn’t like how she looked at him one tiny bit.

  As he walked by me to the fridge, he put one arm around my waist and kissed me on the side of my neck. That warmth immediately spread from my stomach again.

  Damn! I’m in love!

  “What are you up to today?” he asked after he’d taken the first sip.

  “Annie promised to go with me to the orchestra party later,” Grace said before I could answer.

  I wrinkled my nose. “Oh, yeah. Right. I knew there was something.”

  “Orchestra party?” Holden asked.

  “The Harvard-Radcliffe Orchestra. There’s a big party after the final concert of the season, which is a bit later than usual this year,” I explained.

  “Can I come along?” Holden wanted to know.

  “You really want to do that to yourself?” I asked skeptically. Guys like Holden usually don’t go to parties like that. OK, someone like me usually doesn’t either. But I’d promised Grace—it was her birthday wish. She thought of the orchestra party as an opportunity to bed a musician nerd. Being the femme fatale was her thing. The seductress who liked taking a virgin. Because she didn’t want to go alone, which would have admittedly looked desperate, I—her best friend—was on duty.

  “Why not?” He shrugged. “I haven’t been to an orchestra party before. Should be fun.”

  “If you’re coming, it’s bound to be,” I said.

  “Okaaay,” Grace said, but judging from her expression, she was less than enthusiastic. She would have felt more comfortable with me standing in the corner all night, keeping an eye on her.

  Holden looked at the kitchen clock. “I need to get going.” It was already past one. “Physical therapy is at two.”

  “Already? Your cast only came off yesterday.” Was I really worried or did I just not want him leaving yet?

  “Just light gait training to get started,” he assured me. “When are you going tonight? I’ll pick you up.”

  “About eleven, eleven thirty” Grace said while I calculated the hours I’d be separated from Holden. Quite a lot . . .

  “OK, I’ll drop by around eleven.”

  Holden collected the rest of his things from my room.

  “Well,” I started, sounding a bit more disappointed than I wanted to be.

  Holden smiled, bent down, and kissed me. Then he put his forehead against mine.

  “Last night was . . . even better than I’d imagined it.” His grin looked sly. “And I’ve imagined it so many times. In so many ways.”

  You’re not alone there . . .

  “Yeah, I enjoyed it, too.”

  Again, his mouth pressed against mine. More firmly this time. At the same time, he put his hand against the small of my back and pressed his hips against mine.

  Really now? He could again?

  “I can hardly wait,” he whispered in my ear.

  “Can’t miss that,” I answered, rubbing provocatively against his erection and feeling my body react again.

  Holden brushed his nose along my cheek, taking in the scent of my skin.

  “I need to get going now.” It sounded as if he had to convince himself. He lingered for a moment, then straightened himself with resolution, and put some distance between us. “Till tonight,” he said and was out the door.

  “Oh man, you’re totally into him.” Grace was standing in the hallway watching me. She almost sounded as if she pitied me. Somehow, a silent reproach echoed in her comment.

  I hung around half the afternoon, trying to decide what to wear. Finally, I went for a run to clear my head, but when I was done it was still too early to get ready for the evening. While I was still thinking about how best to kill time, I remembered something. Corinne! I’d meant to call her. I enthusiastically reached for my phone.

  “Annie, what a surprise!” My old friend sounded happy to hear from me. There was a brouhaha in the background.

  “Hi, Corinne, how are you?”

  “I can barely hear you!” she shouted into the receiver. “Wait, I’ll go outside.”

  I heard a door open. When it shut, it was quiet.

  “Well, now. Hi,” she said. “Good to hear from you. How are you?”

  “Good. I was thinking about you yesterday and realized that we hadn’t talked for far too long.”

  “That’s true.”

  “So, tell, what’s new? Where are you now?”

  “At an art opening.”

  “Oh . . . you’ve discovered an interest in art?”

  She laughed. “More in the artist.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “Yeah.” I could hear from her voice that Corinne’s mouth was broadening into a grin. “He’s my new boyfriend,” she said proudly.

  “Oh, wow. How long have you been together?”

  “Only two weeks. Fresh off the shelf.” Heels were clicking on pavement. “He’s rad, Annie,” she shrieked. “I’m totally done for.”

  Her laughter was infectious.

  “And you?” she asked. “How’s your love life?”

  I was grinning now. “I’ve met someone, too. His name is Holden and he’s taking mechanical engineering here. We became an item, so to speak, yesterday."

  “So, you’ve slept with him?”

  “Oh, yeah.” My eyes widened when I said that. My head nodded by itself. “Last night.”

  “Sounds like it was worthwhile.”

  “You have no idea.”

  “It was about time you hit a home run,” she confessed. Corinne had been fully informed about my love life since Seth. The two of us kept nothing hidden from each other in that regard.

  “Anything new back home?” I asked. Because I only occasionally kept in touch with Lakewood through Dad, Grandma, and Aunt Jane, very little news reached my ears. Especially not the things I wanted to know about. Corinne had moved to Portland, and she was much better informed because she was closer.

  “Yes,” Corinne answered in a strange tone. An awkward silence followed.

  “Which means?” I asked tentatively.

  She exhaled loudly. “Seth’s sister Lynn . . .”

  I pricked my ears. “What about her?”

  “She killed herself.”

  My mouth stood open with disbelief. “What?”

  “She hung herself in the hallway. Her mother found her when she came back from shopping. About a month ago.”

  I clasped my hand over my mouth. My eyes burned. “Dear God,” was all I could say.

  “I was going to tell you sooner, but I knew you had finals . . .”

  I was angry for a moment. Had I known, I would have gone to the funeral. But Corinne only meant well.

  “How is Seth? Have you heard anything?”

  “Yes, Colin told me everything. At least, what he heard from Taylor. He seems to have dropped out of WWU and took off for Europe to study languages or something like that.”

  “Europe?” That wasn’t the least bit like the Seth I knew.

  “He felt he needed time to himself. No one can reach him.”

  My chest stung.

  I’m so sorry, Seth . . .

  I would have loved to hug him. Corinne and I were silent for a short while, then chatted about a few things that didn’t really matter.

  “I have to get back in again,” she finally said. “Great talking to you. Let’s do it soon, OK?”

  “That’d be nice.”

  “I’ll call next week when I’ll have more time to talk.”

  “Yes, take care. Say hello to your artist from me.”

  “And you to your stallion from me. Bye, Annie.”

  “Bye.”

  After we’d hung up, I sat for some time on my bed, staring at the phone in my hand. To this day I don’t know why Lynn killed herself. The family kept the secret under lock and key. I thought of Seth, how his sister’s suicide must have thrown him off course. He had loved her. So much that h
e pulled out and completely turned his life upside down. Europe . . . languages . . . I couldn’t imagine it. Had he really changed so much? I would have liked to talk to him, but no one I knew had his phone number. Well, his mother would, surely, but I couldn’t work up the courage to call her. I suddenly had an idea. I put the laptop on my lap, opened my Facebook page and typed Seth’s name into the search bar. It was the first time since we broke up that I saw him—admittedly only as a profile picture, but he’d changed so much. His hair was long, almost down to his shoulders. He was less muscular than before, looked rather thin, even wiry. But his gray-green eyes were exactly the same ones I used to be in love with. There wasn’t much else to see other than this picture. Seth’s profile was private. I clicked on the message symbol and wrote:

  Seth,

  Corinne just told me about Lynn. I’m so sorry. I hope you’re OK. Thinking of you.

  Annie

  I paused for a moment, pressed “Send,” added a friend request, and took a deep breath. How odd it all seemed. We’d been a couple not so long ago. Shared everything, spent so much time together.

  While I was falling in love again, Seth’s life was falling to pieces.

  Chapter 10

  Shortly before eleven o’clock I was perched on my bed with my hair done and makeup on, counting the seconds until I’d see Holden. The dress code for the orchestra party ranged from fashionable to festive. Most women wore dresses, and suits were mandatory for men. I had decided on a knee-length dark-blue chiffon dress. I paired it with beige pumps and a Prada clutch of the same color that I borrowed from Grace—I couldn’t afford anything like that. I had pinned my hair into a side knot.

  Grace knocked.

  “Come in.”

  She burst in and struck a pose in her red dress. “Well, how do I look?” She pursed her lips and swung her hips. Obviously, she was quite satisfied with her look.

  “Is that a rhetorical question?” I answered drily.

  She waved her hand diva-like, then cast a critical eye on me. “Are those pantyhose?” She pointed at my legs, almost in disgust.

  “Yeah. What about it?”

  “Do you need to have everything explained.” Grace shook her head, falling into that grade-school teacher tone I couldn’t stand.

  “What do you think will happen when Holden puts his head under your skirt and finds pantyhose there?”

  “Surely that was a rhetorical question, wasn’t it?” I teased her.

  “Don’t be silly. Get those damn killjoys off!” She approached and tried to reach under my skirt.

  “Not a chance,” I protested, pulling my legs away. “It’s too cold to go without.”

  She looked at me with raised eyebrows, left the room, and returned moments later with a bunch of nylon in her hand.

  “Here.” She tossed the bundle at me. “Put those on!”

  I sighed. There was no point in getting into an argument over this. She was not about to change her mind. Plus, Holden was due any minute, and Grace wouldn’t hesitate to embarrass me about it in front of him. So, I stripped off my pantyhose and put on the thigh-high stockings.

  “Satisfied?”

  She shut her eyes. “What kind of panties are you wearing?”

  I gave her a warning look. “That’s enough, Grace.” If she was going to continue like that, she’d be on her own at the party.

  “OK, OK, we’ll leave it at that,” she gave in. “You look fabulous.”

  When the doorbell rang, my heart skipped a beat. I jumped up from the bed. “Holden’s here,” I added unnecessarily, catching an astonished look from Grace as a result.

  “What’s with you?” I heard her ask as I ran to the door. I flew down the stairs in record time, almost tripping over my high heels, and tore open the door.

  “Hi.” I beamed at him. Good thing I greeted him right away without looking closely at him because seeing him left me speechless. Holden wore a suit that fit so well it looked like it had been made for him. It was a perfect mixture of Just give me something in my size, I don’t feel like trying it on and I’d like this tie just a shade darker, so that it matches my eyes better. I was still admiring him when he slipped his hand around my waist.

  “Are you trying to kill me or something?” he said, approached, then ran his fingers up my leg until he’d reached the upper edge of the thigh-high stocking.

  His knees went wobbly. “Oh God.” He moaned. “You are trying to kill me.”

  Thank you, Grace. I owe you.

  Holden put his cheek against mine, breathed right into my ear while his fingers moved up, then pulled my panties aside. At that very moment, I heard Grace behind me.

  She cleared her throat. “I’ve got your purse.”

  “Oh. Thanks.” My voice was trembling a little.

  Holden detached himself from me. “Hi, Grace,” he greeted her as if nothing had happened. Then he caught my eye and—licked his finger. Licked!

  My cheeks burned. I closed my eyes, sincerely hoping Grace had seen nothing. But the look she gave me when she walked by me said something entirely else.

  Oh yeah—she’d seen.

  Holden drove a dark-green Grand Cherokee well past its prime. Still, a jeep suited him. There was something bold about it. I rested my hand over his on the stick shift. I’d seen other couples do this. It was the first time for me. I was never much for holding hands because I often thought it seemed affected. As if one wouldn’t be able to last without physical contact for a simple drive. Only now I understood why they did. It was a tender gesture, and it expressed my desire for closeness.

  Grace sat quietly in the back seat. Maybe she was miffed Holden hadn’t said anything about her outfit. But maybe she was upset because she had to share me with him tonight. Maybe I was just imagining things.

  When we arrived at the party, it was packed with musicians, some of whom were just Grace’s type of nerd. Grace put on her most seductive expression and stepped out of the jeep as elegantly as an Oscar-nominated actress would from her limousine. She wasn’t that far off. Grace was well-known at Harvard and, no doubt, many of orchestra guys had already heard about her. Apart from being a stunningly beautiful man-eater, she was also at the top of her class. That combination didn’t come frequently at Harvard.

  Holden parked, and we walked hand in hand to the entrance. It didn’t take long for Grace to size the room up, then she eased herself into the mayhem and finally wound up on the dance floor.

  “Watch her,” I said to Holden with a grin. “It’s like watching a lioness in the wild. Once she’s chosen her victim, she strikes like lightning. There’s no escape for the poor guy,” I announced in the dramatic tone of a National Geographic wildlife documentary.

  Holden laughed. “That almost sounds as if I should feel sorry for him.”

  “Well. If he’s just out for a bit of fun, he’s hit the jackpot. He can tell his roommates that he slept with the legendary Grace Halloway. But if he falls in love with her,” I said in a pitying tone, “she’ll break his heart.”

  He looked at me skeptically. “So, she’s never been in love?”

  “Grace doesn’t believe in relationships,” I answered simply. “Friendship, on the other hand, means everything to her.”

  Holden slowly nodded. “I get it.”

  And already the first guy maneuvered himself toward Grace.

  “Watch. It’s starting.”

  “Him?” Holden asked as she started to dance with her first suitor.

  I shook my head. “No. Too early and his hair is too shaggy. He’s only a warm-up.” As I expected, she was looking around while still dancing with the first hopeful.

  “Him?” Holden asked as she turned to the next one.

  “Hmm. No, I don’t think it’s gonna be him either.” And with that she turned to Candidate Number Three.

  “Him,” I said decisively.

  Holden frowned. “What makes you so sure?”

  “Wait for it.” My grin broadened “In a moment, she’
ll . . . yes, done! Did you see?”

  “What?” he asked excitedly. He obviously enjoyed our little game.

  “The irresistible pulling of her lower lip between her teeth. There! Did you see? She did it again. Yup. No doubt about it, we have a winner.” I rolled my eyes. “It might be better if we went to your place later. Trust me. She always works orchestra guys really hard.”

  Holden laughed out loud, pulled me into his arms, and kissed me. “Where were you all my life.”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “Sometimes here, sometimes there . . .”

  He laughed again, but suddenly his look changed. “Do you think she needs us to stay?”

  I looked at Grace to weigh the situation. She’d definitely transitioned to Phase Two. Wild making out.

  “I think our work here is done.”

  Holden gently bit my earlobe. “Well, then let’s vanish.”

  Before we drove to his place, we briefly stopped at mine to pick up my toothbrush and a few clothes—I couldn’t warm up to the idea of sneaking out of his place in my dress tomorrow morning. I also texted Grace to let her know I was spending the night at Holden’s, so she wouldn’t worry. It wasn’t long before we literally fell through the door into his apartment. In the heat of the moment, Holden shoved it open with so much energy it came off its hinges. But he had it hooked in again in no time, and we tumbled into his bedroom, kissing.

  I sat on his bed while Holden kneeled with an impish smile before me on the floor.

  “May I finally have a look at what’s under that skirt?”

  Before I could even answer, he inched the dress up toward my hips. His gaze lingered for a moment, taking in my legs.

  Why are men crazy for thigh-high stockings?

  Then he bent forward, pushed my pants aside and let his face sink into me.

  “Good morning.”

  “Oh. Good morning. You, um, must be Kyle.” I’d almost run into him coming out of the bedroom. I extended my hand. “Hi, I’m Annie.”

  He took it with a grin. “I know. Holden already told me you’d be around.”

  I must admit I was surprised. After Holden’s description, I’d somehow imagined Kyle would look like a deadbeat. But he looked like a typical college student. Medium-long hair with a side part, polo shirt, toothpaste commercial smile. It didn’t take much to recognize he’d grown up in an affluent home. He radiated the self-assurance of someone who knew—no matter what he tried and how often he failed—his parents would be there to prop him up. He’d never had to earn his own keep and banked on being able to ask his father for money anytime.