The Christmas Genie

by Dan Gutman

  “You’re just jealous because you can’t control the weather like me,” Andrew said.

  “Why don’t you get over yourself?” Hannah told Andrew. “If you want to be famous so badly, why don’t you do something great? Invent something. Cure cancer. Create a brilliant piece of art or music. Accomplish something. Then you’ll be famous.”

  “Paris Hilton never accomplished anything,” Abigail pointed out. “She was born famous.”

  “Children, children!” said Mrs. Walters.

  “Famous people aren’t necessarily happy, you know,” said Mia.

  “That’s true,” Ashley said. “A lot of them are lonely, pathetic people.”

  “Yeah,” Andrew said, “but they’re lonely, pathetic, famous people.”

  “You know, if you were famous, people would be pestering you for autographs all the time,” said Mia. “You wouldn’t even be able to go out to eat in a restaurant, because people would come over and bother you.”

  “I would hire bouncers to beat up people who bother me,” Andrew said. “And I would have flunkies sign my autograph for me so I wouldn’t have to.”

  “You can’t do that,” said Ella. “People want a real autograph.”

  “And if you’re famous,” Mia said, “the paparazzi will be chasing you around trying to take your picture all the time.”

  “Let ’em,” Andrew said as he struck a pose. “I love getting my picture taken.”

  “The paparazzi chased Princess Diana into a tunnel and her car crashed,” said Abigail. “That’s how she died.”

  “No it isn’t,” Ava said. “She crashed because her driver was drunk.”

  “Some people are famous for the wrong reason,” said Ashley. “Like John Wilkes Booth. He’s famous because he assassinated Abraham Lincoln. You don’t want to be famous like that.”

  “Yeah,” said Alyssa. “Then there’s Hitler, Al Capone, Lee Harvey Oswald. . . .”

  “The Hamburglar,” added Alex.

  “Who’s the Hamburglar?” asked Christopher.

  “He’s that guy who steals hamburgers from Ronald McDonald,” Alex told him.

  “That guy ain’t famous,” said Christopher.

  “Okay, I think we’ve established that fame can have its drawbacks,” said Mrs. Walters. “Let’s hurry. There are only a few more wishes left and it’s almost two-thirty.”

  WISH #22:

  I WISH I COULD EAT ANYTHING—LIKE A TENNIS BALL—AND IT WOULD ALL TASTE GOOD.

  “That one had to be Alex,” I said. “Nobody else has such a twisted mind.”

  “I take that as a compliment,” Alex said proudly.

  “Why would anybody want to eat a tennis ball?” asked Olivia, “That’s gross!”

  “If it tasted good, it wouldn’t be gross,” Alex explained.

  “That’s just sick, man,” said Logan.

  “Hey, we eat pigs and cows and chickens,” Alex pointed out. “And did you ever read the ingredients on a box of Twinkies? You might as well eat tennis balls.”

  “I’m going to assume you were just joking, Alex,” Mrs. Walters said as she pulled the next card.

  WISH #23:

  I WISH I DIDN’T HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL. SCHOOL IS DUMB.

  “Yeah!” said Logan. “That’s right. And no books, neither.”

  “I’ll try not to take your wish personally, Logan,” said Mrs. Walters.

  “It’s nothin’ against you, Mrs. Walters,” Logan said. “But if I didn’t have to be here, I could be having fun.”

  “And what would you be doing if you weren’t here?” Mrs. Walters asked.

  “Probably out breaking some law,” Elizabeth said.

  “I would not!” Logan said. “I’d be home playing Grand Theft Auto.”

  “Oh, you wouldn’t be breaking the law,” Elizabeth said. “You’d simulate breaking the law. Much better!”

  “That game is not appropriate for kids,” said Hannah.

  “What do you two know?” Logan asked. “I bet neither of you have ever played the game.”

  “School isn’t dumb,” said Natalie. “People who don’t go to school are dumb.”

  “Yeah, if we didn’t go to school, we’d be stupid,” said Madison.

  “Some of us are stupid anyway,” Ava said.

  “Excuse me,” Mrs. Walters interrupted. “But ‘stupid’ is a word we don’t use in this class.”

  “You just used it,” said Logan.

  “I know you’re all going to make fun of me,” Madison said, “but getting a good education is how we grow up to get good jobs, and become good parents and productive members of society.”

  “Nobody’s going to make fun of you, Madison,” said Mrs. Walters. “You’re absolutely right. I would hate to see what civilization would be like if we didn’t have an educational system.”

  “I didn’t say nothin’ about anybody else going to school,” Logan said. “I just wish that I didn’t have to go.”

  “I wish you didn’t have to go to school either,” Abigail said, “because then you wouldn’t be here.”

  Some of the kids laughed. Logan stood up.

  “Hey, how come they can say all kinds of mean stuff to me, but I get yelled at whenever I say mean stuff to them? It’s not fair.”

  “You’re right, Logan,” Mrs. Walters said. “I’m sorry. Everybody should be respected. But everyone must go to school too. I’m sorry you don’t like it more.”

  WISH #24:

  I WISH I WAS HAPPY ALL THE TIME.

  “Don’t we all!” said Mrs. Walters.

  “I really meant to write optimistic more than happy,” Mia said.

  “So you consider yourself a pessimist?” asked Mrs. Walters.

  “Well,” Mia said, “I don’t like being disappointed. I figure that if I expect that things are going to be bad, and they turn out to be bad, then I’m not so disappointed. And if I expect that things are going to be bad, and they turn out to be good, it’s a pleasant surprise. But if I expect that things are going to be good, and they turn out to be bad, it’s so depressing. Do you know what I mean?”

  “I don’t know what the heck she’s talking about,” said William.

  “I know exactly what she’s talking about,” Ethan said. “But that’s a messed-up attitude. Why don’t you just cheer up? Problem solved.”

  “It’s not as easy as that,” Mrs. Walters told Ethan. “If I asked any of you to change your personality and think in a completely different way, it would be very difficult. What if I asked Jacob to stop loving sports, or Isabella to stop loving animals?”

  “No way,” Isabella said.

  “Not gonna happen,” said Jacob.

  “See what I mean?” Mrs. Walters said.

  “You wouldn’t want to be happy all the time either,” Ella told Mia. “People who are happy all the time are annoying.”

  “And if you’re happy all the time, you’re ignoring reality,” Natalie said. “If something horrible happened, it would be weird to be happy about it.”

  “I suppose happiness and sadness should balance each other out,” Ella said. “Like two people on a seesaw.”

  “There’s just one more wish,” Mrs. Walters said, holding up a card.

  WISH #25:

  I WISH PRINCIPAL HAMILTON WOULD GO SKY-DIVING OVER THE SCHOOL IN HIS UNDERPANTS.

  Everybody laughed. Christopher stood up and took a bow.

  “You’re an idiot,” Ethan said. “You know that?”

  “It’s just a joke,” Christopher said.

  “It’s also the most important decision we’ll ever make,” Hannah told Christopher. “I would think you might take it seriously.”

  “Well, I didn’t,” Christopher said.

  “Okay, that’s it,” Mrs. Walters announced. “We went through all the wishes. Is there anybody we missed?”

  Nobody raised their hand.

  “So which one do we choose?” asked Mrs. Walters.

  “They’re all so different,” said Alyssa.

>   “I can’t decide,” Anthony said.

  “Choose it or lose it,” said Bob.

  “We need to take a vote,” I said. “That’s the only fair way.”

  “There’s no time to take a vote!” Ella said. “Look at the clock!”

  We all turned to look at the clock on the wall. There was only a minute left. Ella was right. If we started in with a vote, time would run out. We wouldn’t get any wish, and we’d miss our Christmas vacation.

  “You decide, Mrs. Walters,” said Ella. “Quick! Just pick something. I’m sure we’ll all be happy with whichever wish you choose. We respect your judgment.”

  “Yeah,” we all agreed.

  “Well, okay,” Mrs. Walters told us. “I would rather have you kids make the decision. But we’ve got to do what we’ve got to do. I wish—”

  And that’s when the bell rang.

  PART THREE After

  Okay!” Genie Bob said, clapping his little genie hands together. “Time’s up! Listen, I’d love to hang around and hear more of your spirited debate and scintillating chitchat, but I really gotta hit the road. Places to go, people to meet. I’m sure ya understand.”

  “What!?” we all shouted. Everybody was freaking out.

  “You can’t go now!” I shouted at Genie Bob. “We didn’t tell you our wish yet.”

  “Yeah!” everybody else yelled.

  “Hey!” Genie Bob said, throwing his hands in the air. “Time’s up. You brats blew it. We had a deal. You had an hour. But now the deal is off. The expiration date on me passed. You just lost your Christmas vacation.”

  “That’s not fair!” Logan shouted.

  “It’s perfectly fair,” Genie Bob said. “Deadlines are important in the wishing community. I got my reputation to protect. You had your chance. Wishing for stuff is great and all. But that’s only part of the deal. If you wanna see your dreams come true, ya gotta get off your butts and do something about it. I’m outta here. Hasta la vista, baby! Have a nice life.”

  Genie Bob closed his eyes and started to float up above the meteorite as he waved good-bye to us. He was about to float right out the window.

  That’s when William climbed on his desk, jumped up, and dove for Genie Bob. It was the most amazing midair tackle I have ever seen in my life. William tumbled to the floor next to Mrs. Walters’s desk, with Genie Bob in his arms. Me and Alex and a few of the other guys piled on too, just to make sure that Bob didn’t try to squirm away.

  “We want a wish!” William shouted. “You promised us one. And you’re not goin’ anywhere until we get it.”

  “And we want our Christmas vacation, too!” Alex said.

  “Get off of me!” Genie Bob shouted.

  He was wriggling around trying to break free, but we had him down on the floor pretty good.

  “Okay, okay, I usually don’t do this,” Genie Bob finally said. “I’m gonna make a special exception in your case because you’re kids. Even though time is up, I’ll grant ya a wish anyway and let ya keep yer vacation, to show ya what a good guy I am. Just get your grubby hands off me. I ain’t no football. Sheesh, I bet nobody ever tackled Santa Claus when he was leaving their house.”

  William let go of Genie Bob, and he floated up to about eye level.

  “I wish you were Santa Claus, instead of a dumb Christmas genie!” exclaimed William.

  Genie Bob stopped.

  “What’d you just say?” he asked.

  “I said I wish you were Santa Claus,” William said.

  That’s when the most amazing thing in this whole story happened. A smile spread across Genie Bob’s face. A twinkle appeared in his eye. Above his upper lip, a mustache began to sprout, and a white beard grew out of his chin before our very eyes.

  “No!” shouted Mrs. Walters. “Stop!”

  But it was too late. Genie Bob’s tie-dyed shirt had already turned a bright red, and white fur trim grew out of it, as if by magic. We stared at him as his pants turned red, held up by a thick black belt and buckle. Red mittens to match appeared on his little hands and a red hat with a white pom-pom at the point grew on his head.

  “He’s turning himself into Santa Claus!” Logan shouted.

  “Wait! No! That’s not our wish!” we all started yelling.

  But there was no stopping Genie Bob now. His body grew bigger and bigger before our eyes until he was the size of a grown man. A grown, extremely fat man.

  “Ho! Ho! Ho!” he bellowed as he ran toward the window. “Thanks for making my wish come true! Merry Christmas! So long, suckers.”

  William dove and tried to tackle Genie Bob again, but Bob was much bigger than he was the first time. He straight-armed William like a football player and knocked him down. Genie Bob climbed out the broken window and ran through the playground.

  “Ho! Ho! Ho!” he hollered as he disappeared around the corner.

  Well, that’s pretty much the way it happened. We were all upset that we didn’t get a wish, but at least we got our Christmas vacation.

  If, by some miracle, I ever get another chance to make a wish, I’m going to think it through a little more. Maybe instead of wishing for a snowboard or a bike or a pile of money for myself, I might wish for world peace or to end global warming or something that might help lots of people. And I figure the Cubs should be able to win without me. We waited a hundred years for them to win the World Series. I guess we can wait a little longer.

  Like I said before, you don’t have to believe a word of this story if you don’t want to. But even if you think I made this whole thing up, it might be a smart idea to come up with a wish or two of your own. Think about your goals and your dreams. Just in case. Because you never know when your genie might show up.

  But be careful what you wish for. You just might get it.

  About the Author

  Dan Gutman is the author of many books for young readers, such as The Homework Machine, Return of the Homework Machine, Nightmare at the Book Fair, Getting Air, Back in Time with Thomas Edison, Honus & Me, The Kid Who Ran for President, and the My Weird School series. He lives in New Jersey. If you want to find out more about Dan or his books, visit him at dangutman.com.