Steel: A Dark MC Romance (A Dark and Dirty Sinners’ MC Book 4)

by Serena Akeroyd

  This time, I was a little meaner, because fuck, she was hurting me! I managed to grab a hold of her, then quickly tossed her out into the living room before closing myself into the bathroom.

  Then I passed out on the floor, where thoughts of Stone, bastard fathers, and broken promises couldn’t reach me.

  Nineteen

  Stone

  Today

  I woke up to, what for me, were the sweetest sounds ever.

  Bickering.

  I was well aware that was strange, but then, it wasn’t to me. I’d grown up with this low-level noise from the men who were like brothers to me, and to hear them all shooting the shit in my room was probably the best way I could have woken up.

  “You remember that time she beat the shit out of Candy?”

  I opened my eyes at that, because Storm’s voice wasn’t one I’d anticipated hearing. I knew he was in another chapter now, but hearing him sent another wave of homesickness through me.

  Even though my family was here, all around me, being in a hospital room was the last place I wanted to be.

  “Storm?” I rasped, and my words had all the guys rushing to stand beside my bed.

  In their cuts, with all their scraggly hair, stubbled cheeks, and the beginnings of a beard, they epitomized the roughness of a bunch of bikers. Some women might be scared of them, but I wasn’t ‘some women.’

  These were brothers.

  This was family.

  Sure, they’d let me down along the way, but that was family too, wasn’t it?

  Tied and linked in ways that didn’t have to make sense to just be.

  I smiled at them, feeling sleepy still while dealing with a level of pain that took my breath away.

  “What’s going on?” Storm complained, and my lips curved at his grousing.

  “Ever the whiner,” I mumbled, appreciating the lightening of the faces around me as they backed down some.

  I didn’t have to be told that I’d gone through some rough patches, because not only did I feel like death warmed over, but their expressions were grim. And that grimness was overlaid with a certain light of relief that told me how bad things had gotten.

  While it was stupid, I made a point of not looking at Steel. I knew he was there. To my right… I wanted so fucking badly to grab his hand, to cling to it, but I didn’t.

  Along the way, I’d learned that I couldn’t rely on him, so I wasn’t about to start doing that now.

  “I’m not a whiner,” Storm protested.

  “Isn’t that you whining now?” Link teased, grinning at me from the foot of the bed. His hands were tight around the railing, like he was fighting himself and almost losing—I knew he wanted to hug me, because he was an affectionate bear, and damn if I didn’t want a hug too.

  But I was aching. I had shit going into me and shit going out in more places than I wanted to think about, so moving my head was about all I could manage right now.

  I grinned weakly at him, feeling much better when his eyes sparkled with delight at connecting with him.

  “I’m not whining. I’m in buttfuck—”

  “You know that isn’t a nice way to talk about your new home, don’t you?” Nyx mocked, his arms folded across his chest. He had a few more lines on his forehead, and since he was the brother that was the most cut off, it warmed me, even as it made me feel a bit weepy to see his concern etched straight onto his brow.

  “Coshocton might be nice if you work for an accountant or something, but fuck, I ain’t no corporate—” He groaned under his breath. “The only good thing is I’m Prez. The rest is just shit.”

  “Always knew you coveted my spot,” Rex joked, but his grin was amused. “Should have kept an eye out for you sticking a knife in my back to grab it.”

  “If I’d known the only way I could be Prez was to move down here, you bet your ass I’d have stuck one in there. Maybe twisted it too.”

  “You’re all fucking heart,” Rex retorted.

  Joy filled me at the teasing, and I sighed happily until Steel rumbled, “You need anything, baby doll?”

  I gulped, and even though I wanted to look at him, I didn’t.

  Couldn’t.

  Biting my lip, I shook my head. “No, thank you.”

  The look in Link’s eyes told me that he knew my game. There was a kind of resignation as well as frustration that came across in his knotted brow and grumpy smile, too, but I ignored both.

  “You don’t even need any water?” Nyx questioned.

  I caught his eye, saw from the tic in his jaw that he was mad at me as well.

  Fuck!

  What was I supposed to do?

  Crumble to Steel’s feet in gratitude for his being here? When he’d been absent for close to two decades? And when I said absent, I meant it.

  No, he hadn’t gone anywhere, but neither had he been present.

  I’d gone from having one of the most loving, tactile, affectionate people as a friend, to someone who made Casper look fucking tangible.

  Where the others were concerned, they’d each let me down in ways they wouldn’t even realize, but I could look at them without breaking down, because I loved them, but I hadn’t been in love with them.

  There was a massive difference.

  Plus, the guy I’d been in love with had boned every chick in the Tristate area, literally, so I didn’t owe him shit.

  Because their disapproval rankled, I grunted, “No, thank you.” Then I closed my eyes.

  “You in pain?” Rex asked, and his calm voice told me he understood as much as the others, but he wasn’t going to judge me. He was the best kind of friend, because he never judged. No matter the circumstances.

  “A little.”

  “I’ll get the doctor.”

  That was Steel.

  Which had my eyes popping open when I heard his boots thumping on the floor as he left the room.

  “You gonna give him shit—”

  I scowled at Nyx. “I beg your pardon?”

  He glowered back at me. “Been at your bedside since you took a turn for the worse, Stone.”

  “So? What do you want me to do? Suck his dick in thanks?” My jaw tensed. “He’s got a half-dozen bitches back at the compound who can do that for him.”

  Rex heaved a sigh. “If you two are going to knock heads, then I can make him go home.”

  I shrugged. “Why shouldn’t he be here? I’d be here for him too.”

  That had them gaping at me.

  “What?” I groused.

  “You’re going to be mean to him but still want him to stay?” Link inquired warily.

  “I’m not going to be mean, I’m not going to do all that much to him,” I retorted, my tone a little wearier as I closed my eyes. “I just want to sleep.”

  “Think they’ll argue?” Sin asked in a soft voice a few minutes later, telling me he thought I’d fallen back asleep.

  “Probably,” Rex said on a yawn. “Not sure that’s a bad thing. This is probably what they both need. Not like he can go far anyway. Not yet. Still has stitches that need taking out, and that’s even if I could get him to go home, which isn’t going to happen.” His cut rustled as he shrugged. “Anyway, he deserves this. Maybe if she’d stopped letting him get away with shit, they’d be over this already.”

  “Fuck you, Rex,” I snarled, my eyes popping wide open and coming face to face with a smug smile that, if I had been more mobile, I’d have smacked his goddamn teeth in.

  “That any way to speak to a lifelong friend?” he retorted, but his smile was still fucking smug.

  “Yeah, it’s exactly how I should speak to you. How dare you even suggest that I—”

  “What? That you what? Put up with his shit when you should have just shaken him the fuck out of what he was going through? You never pushed back, babe. Ever.”

  “He’s right, you didn’t,” Nyx agreed.

  “No, you didn’t.”

  I had the same answer from the circle of motherfuckers as they went aroun
d and around my past, delving into shit they could never understand.

  Even Storm got in on it, for fuck’s sake.

  “You were talking about that time I beat the shit out of Candy before I woke up, weren’t you?” When they all nodded, I ground out, “Know why I beat her up?”

  Rex shrugged. “You never liked the snatch.”

  “No, the bunnies make my blood boil,” I agreed. “But that wasn’t why. I’m not violent by nature—”

  Nyx snorted. “Say that to the woman whose throat you sliced.”

  I glared at him. “That was in self-defense.”

  Nyx shrugged. “Could have just whacked her over the head.”

  “I did. It dazed her, but she was still coming after me. I did what I had to do to survive.”

  “Plenty of things you could have done. You went for the carotid.” He shrugged again. “Not saying I blame you. Wish you’d done more to the cunt after the shit she’s put you through, but, Stone, if you think you’re not violent, then you’re the one who’s deluded, not me.”

  My mouth tightened. “Since when were you all a bunch of shrinks? Pricks, sure, but shrinks? Nope.” When they didn’t answer me, I just glared at them some more. “I’m a survivor. That’s what I do. I survived Steel, and I’ll carry the fuck on. But the reason I beat the shit out of Candy is because I was back there to get over pneumonia. Remember? I came home to recuperate.

  “Every fucking time she screwed him, she came to me. She’d fucking tell me every single piece of shit that I didn’t need to know. They all knew he was mine and that I was his, but it never fucking stopped them,” I ground out, and in my anger, I grabbed the remote to the bed and forced it upright.

  As the bed surged, I winced as my body protested the abrupt movement, but I dealt with it as I’d dealt with every ounce of pain over the years.

  I shoved a finger in Rex’s face, and carried on, “They took joy out of it.” I could feel my expression turning feral. “They reveled in shoving what they did in my face, when they did it, and how they did it. I never did shit because I thought it would encourage them, but it only encouraged them to continue. I took it. Because I take everything. I’m stupid, that’s what I am. I just deal with it like I deal with all the shit you throw my way.

  “But that day, enough was enough.”

  Rex ground his teeth for a second before he snapped, “What did she do?”

  I stared at him, and I hated the tears that began to prick my eyes. A wave of fatigue hit me, and I sank back into the pillows, wondering why I was getting so mad over old news. “Christ, what does it matter?”

  “It fucking matters,” Rex snarled as he grabbed my hand and carefully bridged my fingers with his. “Tell me.”

  It took me longer than I’d like to get the words out. “She was his flavor of the month, and she fucked him outside the bunkhouse where I was sleeping. I know everywhere is free game on the compound, but she did it on purpose.” Old, remembered pain had me grimacing. “You know what the fucker did?”

  “What?” Link rasped.

  “He was shit-faced. Wasted on whatever you dicks had been drinking, but when he came? He moaned my name.”

  Silence fell at that bombshell, and I clenched my jaw, growling, “That’s why I beat the shit out of her the next day, because she had to know he’d do that. Because she wanted me to hear it. Wanted me to fucking know he still loved me, and that even though he did, he’d fuck her. Just like he’d fuck anything with a pussy because he’s a slut.

  “And when I’d done that, if you remember, you didn’t see me around for a couple of years because that was the moment when I actually started to hate him. When I just left because it was easier.” My mouth twisted into a snarl. “You say I didn’t push back? I was fifteen years old when Mom died. When my world was torn apart. When he fucked off and abandoned me. When he repeatedly fucked everything in a skirt. I didn’t push back because there was nothing to push back against. He didn’t give a shit about me and carried on showing me that every single time he let me catch him fucking someone else.

  “So I stopped giving a shit too. None of you backed me up. Not one of you. That was when I got the bro code. It finally stuck in my head, and I realized you were always going to back him over me.” I tipped my chin up. “We’re family. I know you’ll kill for me, but you didn’t give a shit that he was killing me from the inside out.

  “I stopped giving a shit too, then. I moved on. From all of you, and though I stayed true to the club, I knew you never realized that I’d checked out. I made my own life, took my own path, and I got laid at long goddamn last. You know what? I discovered orgasms. They fucking rock,” I snapped, completely pissed off. “I had boyfriends and lovers, and sure, I pined for him a little, but one thing you didn’t see me doing was hovering around him like some whiny bitch. I got on with things, did my shit, and did it fucking well, all while boning whoever the fuck I wanted just like he did.

  “You say I didn’t push back, but I did. I lived my goddamn life exactly how I wanted to, and pretty soon, I’ll be a doctor. I’ll be fulfilling one of my dreams. I don’t live for him, you fuckers. I live for me. And he’s the one who’s too fucking stupid to realize that he pushed away the one person who truly loved him, but that’s on him. Not me. You get me?”

  There was the sound of a throat clearing, and the men around the bed dispersed, revealing a doctor who was blushing at my words, and Steel, whose face looked like he’d seen a ghost.

  My mouth pursed at the sight of him before I turned away and stared straight ahead.

  “I’ll need you gentlemen to leave the room,” the doctor practically whispered.

  “You heard her. Fuck off,” I growled, backing her up, even though I knew they were only hovering around out of shock.

  When they stormed out, their boots clomping like thunder, I turned to the doctor the second the door was shut, and asked, “How many times did I almost die?”

  Her brows arched. “I know you’re a doctor, but that’s the first thing you want to know?”

  My smile was tight. “Figured it would calm you down. All that man meat in here is enough to muddle anyone’s brain.”

  A laugh escaped her, but her smile was rueful as she muttered, “Yeah. Muddled is the word. Got everyone from the nurses who are newlywed to the grandmas drooling over them. The administration is having a seizure over it.”

  “I’ll just bet,” I replied dryly.

  “My name’s Dr. Sugden, but you can call me Mallory.”

  I nodded in thanks. “I’m Stone. But you knew that already.”

  “Sure did. Anyway, you really want to know the answer to that question?”

  I shook my head. “No. I can feel each ‘almost’ like it’s still happening.”

  “The drugs certainly put you through the wringer—”

  The door burst open, making us both jolt, which had me wincing with pain because fuck, that hurt!

  Steel was there, his face still pale, but there was a fire in his eyes I hadn’t seen in years.

  The doctor started to speak, but Steel glared at her, then stormed into the room, moving around so he was beside me and opposite her. Then he grabbed my hand, laced his fingers with mine, even when I tried to fight him, and ground out, “Carry on.”

  “The fuck are you doing here?” I spat, but it was his turn to ignore me.

  “Wasn’t there before. Was a dick before. You’re right. Now I’m here. Now you can call me a dick but for a million different reasons.” His smile was tight. “She’s mine, Doc. You can say whatever shit you need while I’m in the room.”

  “This is most unorthodox—”

  I stared at him, stared at a face that haunted me, that was turned away from me. Then I looked at our hands. Fingers knotted together. Skin to skin. Close, like we hadn’t been in years.

  Though everything inside me wanted to shove him away, I didn’t.

  She’s mine, Doc.

  I wanted that to be true. Dumb bitch that I was
. I wanted that to be so fucking true it hurt. So even though he hadn’t earned the right to call me his, I didn’t shove him away. Instead, I clung to his hand, well aware that whatever the doctor was going to tell me about my condition wasn’t going to be cheerful as I said, “Go ahead, Mallory. Hit me with it.”

  And together, for however long he decided he could deal with it, before he fucked off back to the compound and screwed anything in a skirt, we faced the storm.

  Steel

  “Rachel’s been on the line.”

  My shoulders bunched up at that as I turned to stare out the window, tilted away from Stone, who was sleepily playing a game on her phone. “What’d she say?”

  “DA says he’s dropping the investigation against her. They agreed it was self-defense.”

  “Thank God for that,” I muttered, staring down as a member of the hospital staff pushed a massive trash container across the asphalt lot toward an eighteen-wheeler.

  My jaw worked as I thought about the repercussions of that, then I asked, “So, no more visits from the cops?”

  She’d only seen them once, and I’d dealt with them every time they’d skunked around, monitoring if she was really unconscious or not.

  Like we’d lie about that.

  Fuckers.

  I was tired of it though, which was why Rex had called Rachel in and had her deal with it. Knowing our resident shark, she’d probably threatened them with a lawsuit over discrimination.

  “Nope. No more visits,” he confirmed.

  “Good.”

  “The investigation into your shooting is still pending, by the way,” he said with a snort.

  I rolled my eyes at that—justice. Ha. “Someone’s gotten a nice fat pay packet this week, then, huh?”

  “Yeah. Can’t see it going much further than the unsolved case room. But for Stone, at least, it’s over.”

  “Shame it’s only just fucking beginning here.” I rubbed my eyes, trying not to think about her sobbing herself to sleep at night when she thought I wasn’t listening. Sobbing from the fucking pain.

  “How’s our girl doing?” Rex questioned, his concern clear.