She flung herself into the chair Mathias had pretended to sleep in. "Do you have any idea how scared we were?" she demanded. "The doctors couldn't figure out why you'd managed to live with the amount of blood loss you suffered. And they didn't believe the car accident story. I think only some huge donation got them to stop asking questions. Then Mathias was tearing around like a madman, cursing you for the fool you definitely are. The nurses are petrified of him. It wasn't until the doctors could tell him for sure that your heart was beating on its own that he calmed down."
"When we got here, Mathias and Alfred fed Mom and Tawnya that bullshit story about the car wreck. Tawnya knew right away it was a lie. She could smell it, Maire. Smell what you'd done in your blood." Kerry's voice rose to just below a scream. "How could you even think to put yourself in that kind of danger? You would leave me behind for Mathias and now you're sorry you're keeping me away from my boyfriend." Tears trailed down Kerry's cheeks unchecked. "Compared to leaving me behind, being away from X doesn't mean shit."
"Kerry, please don't cry," I reached for her, furious that I couldn't just get out of the damned bed and go hug my sister. "I'm not leaving you."
"I know," she said, scrubbing the tears away with her fists as she had done as a child. "But the ends don't justify the means, Maire. You did what you did and I know you didn't know if you would come out of it OK You were willing to give up your humanity for him. He's not worth that, Maire."
"You don't know that, Kerry," I whispered. Her pain and anger had drained what little strength I had, but I had to help her understand. "What if it had been Xavier. Would you have done anything in your power to save him? Would you have been able to stand back and watch him die a horrible death when you had the power to save him?"
"Xavier would never have asked me to give up my humanity for him."
"Mathias didn't ask it of me either. Neither did Alfred." I struggled to find the words to help her understand the reasons I had done what I'd done. "She was going to let the sun take him, Kerry. The dreams I've had of the flames consuming him, that was going to be my reality. In my nightmares I couldn't stop the sun, but here I could trade my life--my humanity--for his life. I couldn't watch him die like that. And even if I had, Serina was going to take my life, and yours and Mom's and Tawnya's. Why shouldn't I have taken the chance if it meant freedom for those I love."
"Because you can't save the world, Maire," she said softly. "And because he left."
I jerked and curled down against myself, trying to keep myself whole. I knew what Kerry said was true, but hearing the words tore something vital out of my soul.
Kerry's hand on my back was warm. I felt her kiss my temple and I pulled away. "I'm sorry to hurt you, Maire, but it's the truth. He's gone. Alfred said Mathias decided to go back to California. He won't be going back to Highland Home."
"I know," I said. "He regrets loving me."
***
I sat on the deck chair, watching the waves crash into the beach. The sound was soothing and I drowsed in the late afternoon sun. The weeks of my convalescence had been exhausting. The specialist Alfred had arranged for had insisted that I stay at the hospital for a week before sending me home with physical therapists and strict instructions to take things slow. Of course my mother and Kerry took his instructions to heart. They wouldn't let me do anything and I grew stir crazy very quickly.
As soon as everyone said I could drive, I'd taken the Nova and headed for Mathias' house. I hated how my heart paused each time I turned the corner into his drive. Hated how hope choked me until I saw that the house was still closed and empty. Hated how the tears burned hot on my cheeks.
But it was at his house that I could be alone with my thoughts. I could watch the waves and listen to the ocean. I could remember happier times when he'd held me in this chair and we'd watched the sunrise together.
"Kerry told me I'd find you here," Xavier said. I screamed.
"Jeez, Xavier, you scared the hell out of me."
He held out his hands, "Sorry Maire. I wasn't trying to be sneaky. I just wanted to talk to you."
"You know, they have this cool thing called a cell phone," I said. "You should try it sometime."
"It only works when the person on the other end picks up," he snapped. "I've been calling almost every day since you got back from England. You haven't answered or called me back."
I sighed. He was right. I'd stopped answering my cell phone. I hadn't even picked up for Cecelia. I didn't know what to say to people when they asked what happened or worse, asked where Mathias was. It was easier for me to sit on this deck alone and let the days pass by. Each day I lived through brought me one day closer to the end of my pain. Time, which had once sped past so quickly, winging me toward separation from the man I loved now dragged me into its wake and left me drowning and waiting for the end.
"Sorry," I said. "I haven't much felt like being around people I guess."
Xavier sat on the other deck chair. "Yeah, Kerry said you were hiding. I figured she was full of it, since I've never gotten the coward vibe from you, but looks like she was right."
"I'm not a coward," I said without conviction.
"Look, I'm sorry he left, Maire." He must have caught my doubting look. "No, really, I am. I was starting to like the leech, but he's gone. From what Kerry said, Alfred made it sound like he'd never come back to Highland Home. You need to accept that."
I knew Mathias would have to come back to Highland Home eventually, but I didn't tell Xavier that. He didn't know that Highland Home held the secret to Mathias' ability to live in the sun and I wasn't going to share that information with anyone. I held it close to my heart, a secret hope that I would someday find Mathias bowed respectfully over Kathryn's grave where I would be able to corner him and make him talk to me. Convince him to come back to me. Or at least find out what, specifically, he regretted about loving me.
"Did you come to claw open old wounds or was there something you actually needed from me?" I asked.
"Actually I did have something I needed your help with. Gram wants to see you."
"About what? Mom said she didn't want me starting up my lessons with Elise until the docs said I was stronger."
"This is something else. Remember that 'big thing' she mentioned before you...well before? She says its coming and she needs your help."
I struggled to sit up. Even with the therapy and rest, I was weak and tired all the time. I hated it.
"Xavier, what's going on?"
He shook his head. "It'll be easier if I let Gram explain it. You know, tell it once and be done. I've gotta get some other folks together. Can you bring Kerry and meet me at my house at noon tomorrow?"
"Why does Kerry need to be there?"
"Because Gram says she does. I don't argue with her about this stuff, Maire. If she says we need Kerry, we need her."
"Fine, fine. Noon tomorrow. We'll be there."
Xavier hugged me awkwardly. I heard him sniff my hair and chills ran down my spine. He was making sure I was human. I wasn't sure if I wished he would be able to find that I wasn't human any more or if I was glad when he smiled at me and said, "I'm glad you're home, Maire. Glad you lived."
"Thanks," I said.
"I'll see you tomorrow." Xavier jumped over the deck rail, leaving me alone with the ocean again.
Chapter 10
"Where did this come from?" Alfred asked, pointing to a large floral funeral arrangement.
"It was here when I came home this morning," Mathias said.
Alfred tugged a card out of its holder. "You need to see this, son," he said, handing the card to Mathias.
Mathias' eyes grew wide before narrowing with fury. He cursed colorfully for several moments before grabbing the flowers and hurling them across the entrance way where the vase shattered against the wall.
"Even when I leave her, she isn't safe," he spat.
"I warned you that would happen, my son," Alfred said.
Mathias rounded on his father,
shoving Alfred hard against the wall and leaning his forearm into Alfred's upper chest. "Don't," he growled. "You know what I've given up to leave her behind."
"I do, my son. I know this better than you do yourself."
A deep growl ripped out of Mathias' lips and he bared his teeth at Alfred.
"What are you going to do?" Alfred asked, unaffected by Mathias' rage.
Mathias let go of Alfred and plunged his hands into his own hair. The morning sun flowing through the high transom above the front door, glinted on the twisted scars encircling his wrists. "I have no choice, Alfred. I have to go back."
"You always have a choice, Mathias," Alfred said softly. "Even I have choices I didn't have before and I have them because of your Mairin."
Fury burned in Mathias' eyes as he faced Alfred. "My Mairin," Mathias laughed bitterly. "I am caught, Alfred. Captured as surely as I was in Serina's chains. I have no choices left to me."
***
Kerry was already sitting on my bed when I opened my eyes. "Did I scream?" I asked.
"No," she said. "You weren't screaming. You were crying. You said his name, Maire. Said you'd never meant to make him your captured sun. You told him to stay away."
"I'm sorry I woke you," I said. I didn't know what to say about what she'd heard. I certainly meant all of it. If Mathias felt caught, if he felt as though he had no choices because of me, I wanted to release him from that.
"No biggie, sis, I was already up," Kerry said. Her expression was worried and I hated that I put that look in her eyes. "We should probably get a move on if we're going to Xavier's at noon."
"What time is it?"
"Almost eleven. I didn't want to wake you because you seemed to be sleeping so well."
I didn't tell her that sleep was the only way I could see Mathias. His silence, his absence, surrounded me when I was awake. In sleep I could eavesdrop on his days and live my nights by his side. Where before I'd always hated the unknown world behind my closed lids, I now sought it out so I could see his beloved face.
"I'll get ready," I said, getting out of bed. "We wouldn't want to keep Elise waiting."
Xavier's house was filled to overflowing when we arrived. I'd never realized how many panthers there were in Xavier's pride until I saw them all gathered in Elise's tiny living room. Several eyed me with deep hostility. I didn't know if the hostility was from having to watch out for me when I cavorted with a vampire, or for some other reason. I only knew their gazes were heavy as they followed me. I hugged Elise before taking the seat Hector gave up for me.
"Thanks, Hector," I said. "I'm glad to see you're feeling better."
"Same to you, Maire," he said. His tone and the way he watched me made me wonder what the panthers knew about what had happened in England. If they believed I was now a vampire, it would certainly explain the open hostility I felt from so many members of the pride.
Beside me, Xavier pulled Kerry into his lap and I turned away. I couldn't bear to see their closeness, their love. The scabbed over place in my soul cracked and some of the infection it had held back flowed out, bringing the ever-present pain in which I lived bubbling up to the surface. I pulled my knees up to my chest and held them, hiding behind their wall and trying not to rock. We were here for a purpose. I couldn't go to pieces when there were more important issues to deal with than my broken heart.
"Mairin, I'm glad you're back," Elise said from her seat across the room. "Xavier has told me of what you did. You are brave and strong. Never forget that."
I smiled at her. Well, I guess that did explain the hostility. If the panthers thought I was a vampire in hiding, my presence in this house, near their families, wouldn't be welcome. Elise obviously didn't believe I was a vampire. She'd touched me, so she knew for sure I was still human. I also knew her words were meant to say more than her admiration for what I'd done in England. She wanted me to be strong here and now, but I didn't know how to let go of the pain. The pain of my life brought focus to what had become a blur of minutes, hours and days since I'd left the hospital. There was true physical pain, but the emotional pains were the ones I seemed unable to release. Those pains meant I was still real, not a ghost. They meant that no matter how many people looked through me as they had for most of my life, there had once been someone who had seen me, brought me into focus, helped others see me. That knowledge, those memories, were worth the crushing agony of times like this.
"You've all been called here because something is coming to us and you are each needed to stop it," Elise began. "Each of you received a floral funeral arrangement at some time in the past few months. We've tracked who has received the arrangements and have come to the conclusion that they have gone out to anyone who was involved in the incident at the football field."
Elise nodded to Xavier who said, "We've done some research and we believe the creature behind these warnings is the father of the demigod who battled with the vampire that night."
"Mr. Lambert?" I asked. "He's a jerk, sure, but..."
"Not the human father, Mairin," Elise said. "The demon who possessed him in order to impregnate the mother."
Xavier continued, "The message implied by the arrangements is clear, but so far, there has been no overt threat. We think the demon is biding its time for some reason, perhaps awaiting a gathering of its kind, before issuing the challenge we're pretty sure is coming."
"You need not wonder any longer," the rough silk voice of my dreams washed over me like the ocean, leaving me to drown. "The threat came to me."
Mathias stood in the doorway, more beautiful and terrifying than the Mathias of my dreams had ever been. Anger and frustration warred in his expression. His body was stiff, as though he held it in very tight control. I drank in his beloved face, allowing the scabs on my heart to rip away and bleed freely for the first time since I'd awakened in the hospital in England and known he was already gone.
"The message was clear," Mathias said, "Meet with the demon and his followers or everyone connected to the incident in the spring and all of their families will die."
Several of the boys who had glared at me when I'd arrived, growled low now that Mathias had arrived. I could see their cats pacing in their auras and feel the charge of energy which filled the small, overcrowded room. Xavier gently put Kerry into his chair and stood between his pride and Mathias.
"Guys, he's part of this too. Take it down a notch," Xavier said. His voice rang with an authority I'd never heard in it before. It dawned on me suddenly that despite his age, Xavier led the panthers. His word was their law. The pacing cats in the pride members' auras lay down but did not fade as the cat in Xavier's aura did when he calmed himself. The pride was on alert but willing to take Xavier's order to calm down. At least until there was a need for them to be more aggressive.
"You," Xavier pointed at Mathias, "Come with me."
I watched Xavier and Mathias through the open door that led to the front porch. I wanted to follow them, but I couldn't engage my muscles to move out of my chair. I could feel the weight of the panthers' gazes as they watched me watching Mathias and Xavier. It was sobering to realize that in this room, with Xavier outside, I was protected only by one old woman. Every other being in the room viewed me as an enemy.
I couldn't take my eyes off Mathias as Xavier shouted at him, berating him first for disappearing and then for reappearing without notice. Kerry glanced at me, but I had nothing to say. Everything Xavier said was the truth. There was no softening the horror my life had become. Xavier shouted down Mathias when he attempted to interrupt, determined that the vampire understand the damage he had done. I could feel tears building in my eyes and choking my throat as I realized how much Xavier had seen, either for himself or through what Kerry had told him. He spoke as though I had died in England. As though a ghost had come back to Highland Home, a being with no substance and no soul. I'd had no idea he'd seen me so well, or that I'd hurt my sister so deeply with my absence.
Mathias' voice was so low that I couldn
't hear his response, but I could see by the set of his shoulders that he was angry. Knowing how he felt about the panthers when they'd wanted him to keep them informed of the comings and goings of vampires, I could imagine how angry Mathias would be to think Xavier was butting into his private life. When Xavier took a swing at Mathias, I was out of my chair and on the porch before the conscious thought that I needed to stop them from tearing each other apart could fully form in my numb brain. Kerry trailed behind me, but stopped inside the door, afraid to join me as I stepped between two angry beasts.
"Xavier, stop," I said, stepping between them and keeping my back to Mathias.
"Mairin, this is a guy thing. Butt out."
Behind me, I could hear Mathias growl low and deep. The sound raised chills along my spine, but not out of fear. It was a sound I had once equated with Mathias' love for me. Now, perhaps, it could mean an end to my pain.
"No," I said. "Guy thing or not, you can't do this now. We have bigger problems."
"She is right, kitty," Mathias said. "I am not here to argue with you about my personal life. I am here to stop this demon from destroying all these families."
I felt myself hunch forward to clutch my chest. Some part of me, buried deep so I wouldn't see it often, had retained the hope that Mathias' return meant he cared for me, that he'd stay. His words put paid to that idea. He'd come because he felt responsible for the families involved. The fact that my family was part of this was incidental. His sense of duty had brought him back, not me.
Xavier's eyes widened. I could see he understood my pain. I'd heard Kerry's gasp through the screen door as well. I suppose it was my lot in life to be completely unable to hide my feelings from those who knew me.
Xavier stepped closer to me, laying his hand on my shoulder. "Mairin, one punch, please." I could see his cat pacing in his shimmering aura and I shuddered.
"No. Go back in and let your grandmother finish what she needs to do." I straightened up and let go of the grip I'd had around my chest. I'd let the scabs bleed if it meant Xavier would go back to Kerry, to his pride, to his family, without battling a vampire over something the vampire no longer cared about. "I'll be back in soon and whatever you and the pride decide should be done, I'm on board."
Captured Sun Page 10
