Xavier's gaze held mine for several moments before he reluctantly turned away. He pulled Kerry to his side and they returned to their seat in the living room. Low conversation began again, but I was certain the panthers were watching me more closely than they were focusing on the problem of the demon. I couldn't let that happen, I realized. I couldn't be the reason families were endangered or people died. I had to rip the scabs off completely, break ties with Mathias for good and send him away so we could handle the metaphysical business at hand.
I turned my face to the sun and tried to catch my breath. I knew what I had to do, but I wasn't certain I was strong enough to do it.
"I should join the planning," Mathias said. I shook my head. He needed to leave. He needed to go back to California or wherever he'd been since he'd decided my love was too much of a burden for his heart. I couldn't get enough air to speak. The words swirled through my mind, perfect in their clarity and purpose, but my body betrayed me and I remained silent.
His hand on my shoulder, cool and electric, made me jump. I hitched in a breath and sobbed. Tears burned down my cheeks to splash on the worn floorboards of Xavier's front porch.
"Please don't cry," Mathias whispered.
I jerked away from his hand, spinning to face him. "Why?" was all I could force past my lips.
"It's for your own good, Mairin."
"And yours," I said bitterly. "I would hate to be a chain around your neck."
Mathias' eyes widened. "You were never a burden to me, Mairin."
"Obviously. You walked away."
He jerked as though I'd slapped him. "Mairin, I had to go. I couldn't stay with you, keep you in danger as I did."
"Did you ask me what I wanted? Did you ask if I was willing to accept the risks? No. You didn't even say goodbye. The only reason you're here now is you feel captured, chained, helpless to choose to stay away. Go back to California, Mathias. We'll do this without you." I swallowed past the lump in my throat. "We don't...we don't need you."
"I can't leave, Mairin," he said softly. "This is my fight as well. If I go, the demon may use my absence as an excuse to slaughter those people in that house behind you. Would you have that?"
I shook my head. Of course I wouldn't want anything to happen to the panthers and their families, or to my own family, but I wanted Mathias gone. The infection which had lay behind the scabs choked me. I felt ill with it. I'd never before felt anger such as rose in me as I watched his calm reserve, and saw his blank expression as he reminded me once more that only obligation brought him to me now, not the eternal love he had promised me.
"Get out." I forced the words past my clenched teeth. "I don't care where you go, Mathias, but you need to get away from here." I glanced over my shoulder and saw Xavier waited at the screen door. His expression was one of both wonder and fear. It broke my heart to know that for the first time, my friend, a being of so much more strength than I had, feared me.
To my delight, Mathias recoiled from my tone and words. "Mairin, I cannot go," he said. "Please don't send me away."
I ignored the tiny flare of hope that bloomed in my soul when I heard him plead with me to allow him to stay. He only wanted to fulfill his duty, I told myself. He could do that on his own. We didn't need him.
"You heard her, leech," Xavier said. His hand burned my shoulder, but for once I craved the heat, the vibrant life Xavier exuded. "You're not welcome here. The pride will handle this demon without you."
"Xavier, I understand your anger," Mathias said. "Probably better than you might believe. But you will need my help to end this threat to you and your families. Do not do this." Mathias looked at me, his dark eyes seemed to plead with me for something more than permission to stay, but I refused to acknowledge the barest hope in my heart.
"We don't need you, Mathias," I said. "You promised you'd never leave me until I sent you away. You lied." The breath in my lungs fetched against something hot and painful, but I pushed on. "I don't need you. I want you to go." In my chest, my heart stopped beating. Whatever had once been the center of my being shriveled and burned in the flames of my pain and anger. Mathias stepped back, his hand outstretched, his expression first devastated and then blank.
"I will not walk away from this battle," he said. "But I will...I will go now."
Xavier led me back to the living room where I joined the discussion of how to handle the demon and its minions when they made their appearance. I never looked toward the door, never searched the shadows for Mathias. Instead, I listened with keen interest to what I could do to help bring destruction to something, anything. Because to destroy this evil would be to make something else as dead as I was.
***
I watched Tawnya pack clothes and sundries for herself and Mom. She kept glancing at me, but hadn't yet said anything. It wasn't until she closed the suitcase that she sat on the bed and motioned for me to join her.
"What's going on, Mairin?" she asked.
"You're taking Mom to a convention," I said.
"You know that isn't what I meant. I want to know why I'm taking Loraine out of town. I want to know what has changed that you're suddenly so angry."
"You love Mom, right?" I asked.
"You know I do, but I love you and Kerry too."
"Then just go to Atlanta with Mom and keep her safe and happy."
Tawnya grabbed my shoulders and forced me to turn to face her. "Mairin, what the hell is going on?"
"Are angels supposed to say 'hell'?" I giggled. I couldn't help it. Since I'd sent Mathias away and then listened as the panthers planned the destruction of beings I never thought existed, I'd lived on the edge of hysteria. These little releases were all that kept me from losing my mind.
"You're gonna hear a whole lot worse than 'hell' if you don't start talking, Mairin."
I shook my head. "It's better if you don't know too many details, Tawnya. Just take Mom away. I'll make sure Kerry is safe and here when you guys get back."
"And what about you?"
"I'll be here too, Tawnya." Even I didn't believe my words. I knew I would fight for the safety of my family and the panthers, but I was already dead, my body just hadn't figured it out yet.
"Mairin, whatever it is that you're keeping from me, you're going to have to share it with someone, soon, or it will kill you. I believe you'll keep your promises and I feel something coming that I want to get Loraine away from, but I'm losing you and I can't have that. I gave up too much to see you grow up to lose you now. I know there are bigger things in your future than you might believe, but to experience them, you have to live. You have to fight."
I didn't know what to tell her. My ability to see a future for myself had ended on the porch at Xavier's house. Since then I'd only been able to imagine the coming battle as my future. Beyond it was nothing but blank darkness.
Tawnya must have seen something in my expression to convince her I had nothing more to say. She let go of her grip on my shoulders and hefted the suitcase off the bed. "Be here when we come home, Mairin. All of you. Your mother needs you too."
I knew that in East Hampton a similar scene was taking place as the panthers got their families away from the center of the storm. We all knew that distance wouldn't matter in the long run, but we wanted our families clear of the literal hell storm that was coming. We'd worry about what to do if we lost when it came to that.
Kerry and I waved to Mom and Tawnya as they backed out of the drive. When they turned the corner, we headed back into the house. Xavier and the panthers would be coming here for the last strategic planning sessions. The demon had sent word that the battle field would be a stretch of beach between Highland Home and East Hampton. Our house was closer to the location than Xavier's.
"Maire, you're gonna keep your promise to Tawnya, right?" Kerry asked.
I was curled into a chair in the living room, staring blankly at the television. "Of course I am, Kerry. I won't let anything happen to you."
"That's not what I meant," Kerry sa
id, kneeling in front of my chair. "I want to know that you're really going to fight, Maire. That you're not going into this with the intention of dying."
Kerry's determined expression made me smile sadly. She reminded me of our dad when she looked like that.
"I don't intend to die, Kerry," I said. It was true. I intended to fight. The ultimate outcome of this battle, however, was likely to include the death of nearly everyone involved. Elise had been clear that the main demon would be difficult, if not impossible to kill, and the minions he would bring would be deadly. She hadn't yet explained why Kerry and I needed to be there, but she'd taught us the ways we could battle if we had to. She knew we had no real advantage. The blessed weapons she had given us would wound the demons so the panthers could kill them, but Elise, Kerry and I were definitely the weak links in the battle plan.
Kerry nodded and flopped onto the couch. "You better keep your promise," she said. "I need you and I just got you back. You promised to be around to annoy my grandchildren."
She was silent after that and it was some time later I realized she had dozed off.
"You should have sent her away with your mother and her angel," Alfred said, stepping out of the shadows of the hallway.
"She wouldn't go and Xavier agreed. Elise says we all need to be there. I won't doubt her vision since I don't have one of my own." I wasn't surprised Alfred was there. I'd actually thought I'd see him much sooner.
He sat carefully and watched me for some time. I had nothing to say to him and I think my silence surprised him.
"I thought you might berate me as you did my son."
"You haven't broken your promises, Alfred. I have no reason to be angry with you."
Alfred nodded and leaned back in his chair. "I thought you might not know. Now I am sure."
"Know what, Alfred? I really don't have the patience for your riddles today."
"There seems to be an unprecedented outcome which has resulted from your ending of Serina's eternity."
"And what outcome is that? The bond between a human and a vampire that was once believed to be soul deep broke as though it were nothing? I'm pretty sure you were hoping that would be the case." Goosebumps rose on my arms. The bitterness of my words shocked even me.
"Quite the opposite, I'm afraid," Alfred said. "Do you recall ordering Mathias away from the panther's home?"
"Vividly," I said dryly.
"I heard that order." Alfred drummed his fingers on the arm of the chair. He seemed to be having trouble keeping eye contact with me. I couldn't imagine why. He'd never before behaved with any sort of hesitation around me.
"So? I figured you were out there somewhere. You've rarely let Mathias out of your sight since you met me."
"That isn't what I meant, Mairin. I was at Mathias' home when he went to the meeting with the cats. I mean that I heard your order as though it had come from Serina. I was able to resist it only after much struggle on my part. That is why it has taken me so long to come to you, to talk to you about this...development. You ordered me away with that order to Mathias and I had to fight that order to come here."
"What are you talking about Alfred?" Understanding was slowly dawning in me. "Are you saying that if I tell you to get out now, you'd have to go, whether you wanted to or not?"
"I am saying that apparently when you took Serina's life, you inherited her army. You now have her power over her children, though to varying degrees."
Shock thundered through my system. Serina had made thousands of vampires and had bound each of them to her in such a way that they often became her slaves. I shuddered. I didn't want that kind of power over anyone, let alone thousands of vampires.
"I don't want them," I said.
"I'm not sure your preferences matter," Alfred said. "I do know that apart from my reaction to your order, I have seen the affect of your connection to Serina's children in the weakened ones Mathias and I have brought back from her castle. Their reaction to your order to Mathias was immediate. They attempted to leave Mathias' home, even though some would have burned in the sunlight. I've never seen such a strong connection and I would never have believed it was possible that a human could engender it in immortals."
I could see Alfred was attempting to be polite, but his anger was barely concealed. "I don't want this connection, Alfred. You're free. Go back to whatever life you have without me and take Mathias with you."
Alfred jerked and I heard the arm of the chair crack under his clenched hand. "It would appear that your desire to free me does not break the bond," he said through clenched teeth. "Only my own strength is keeping me here now. Please rescind the order so I may finish our discussion."
"Stay, Alfred," I whispered, watching him release his grip on the chair and relax into it again.
"Thank you," he said. "I came to tell you of this bond so you would understand that it will mean Serina's children will come to you over time. Mathias and I will continue to care for the weakest of them, but eventually you will receive visits from the others. They will have felt your bond and will come to investigate."
"Are you telling me that I'm going to have a flood of vampires wandering into Highland Home to meet me?"
"Yes," Alfred said.
"Magnet for weird," I whispered, shaking my head. "I guess I'll have to deal with these others when they come. If I'm still here. We have a slightly more immediate problem to deal with right now."
"Yes," Alfred shifted in his chair. "The demons are gathering now. Mathias has made it clear to the one who called for this confrontation that he will be joining the battle, against my recommendation."
The thought of Mathias fighting the demons essentially alone jerked something deep in my chest. I knew that after the confrontation on Xavier's porch, the panthers wouldn't rush to his aid during the battle and Alfred's comment certainly sounded as though he planned to sit out the fight. "What advantages do you...vampires...have against demons?"
"Speed and strength are our best weapons. Many of the demons are immune to our venom, though those who are not can be killed by it. Our best chance to destroy a demon is to tear it apart. Most cannot recover from that kind of damage."
The panthers had similar advantages. It had surprised me to learn that many demons were not much more dangerous than a human. They were stronger and faster, but not that much tougher as a whole. They did have the advantage of regeneration of limbs, but if the panthers could get their teeth and claws into them, they could dismember the demons. Once the head was off the body, Elise believed the demons wouldn't be able to regenerate. The problem was, she wasn't certain of that and she was pretty sure Braden's father was going to be a major exception to the rule.
"Well, I'm sure that will be enough to keep him safe," I said. "This isn't an order, but you can go anytime you want to, Alfred. Xavier and the panthers will be here soon and they probably shouldn't find you here."
Alfred nodded, rising from the battered chair. "I wanted to tell you something else, Mairin," he said. His words were hesitant, as though he were still fighting against me or what he felt he needed to say.
"Go ahead," I said.
"He isn't whole," Alfred whispered. "My son isn't whole."
I nodded. I'd known, deep down, what Alfred wanted me to know. "Neither am I, but he made his choice Alfred. He left me. I thought you'd be glad he chose immortals over humans."
"If I'd known what it would do to him, I might have wished for something else."
"You played a pretty big role in his decisions and the events which led to them. What you wish for means very little to me now, Alfred," I said.
"I realize that, Mairin," he said. The anger he'd held in check since his arrival rose to the surface and he looked as though he were considering his next move.
I heard Xavier's car rumble into the driveway. "Go," I said softly. Alfred's eyes widened, but he didn't fight the order. He was gone before Xavier's steps echoed on the porch. Guilt for having used this new and terrible power washed over me and Xavier
found me silently weeping in the darkening living room.
Chapter 11
I stepped carefully over the outstretched limbs of the sleeping panthers. Many of them snored or made other sleep noises, but Hector lifted his head to watch me cross the living room and head for the kitchen. He'd spent most of the strategic meeting and the ensuing hours of waiting watching me. I figured he had something he needed to say to me, but had wanted privacy.
"Want company?" he whispered. I shrugged and he picked his way through his brothers.
"Can I get you anything?" I asked, opening the fridge and digging for something to drink.
"Whatever you're drinking, if there's enough," Hector smiled. "I know my brothers probably cleaned you out."
I shrugged. "I don't mind. I'd rather they have whatever they want. I can buy more juice."
"You feel that way about just about everything, don't you?" Hector asked. "That you'd rather everyone else had what they wanted, no matter what it costs you."
I pushed the glass across the table at Hector and sat across from him. "I guess so," I said. "What makes you say that?"
"I've seen you do it," Hector said. "You put up with the pride, even when we're not particularly nice to you. You let Kerry get whatever she wants before you even express a preference. You even defer to Xavier when you really don't have to." Hector ran his hands through his hair and I could see he was uncomfortable with the idea that I didn't really have to step aside for Xavier. "Elise says that you're going to be some major metaphysical heavy and has warned the pride that at some point we may need to take orders from you, but you don't order. You defer. I just wondered why."
I toyed with my glass and avoided looking too closely at Hector. I didn't know how to answer him. Everything he'd said was true. I rarely did anything for myself before considering how my choices would affect those I cared about. Part of me knew that this particular habit often meant that I didn't get what I most desired, but the happiness and safety of those I loved meant more to me than my own desires.
Captured Sun Page 11
