Dating Delaney

by K Larsen

  “Nice to meet you. I’m Mike,” he extends his hand to me and I shake it.

  “You too. Jake. We ready?” I get three resounding yeses.

  Amelia and Laney chatted in the back seat, laughing often the whole way to Seacoast. Mike and Laney seem to be close, judging from the easy banter swapped between them. Mostly Mike tried to strike up conversation with me, and even with an eight-year age gap between us, the conversation flowed freely. He’s funny. I can see why Laney gets along easily with him.

  “You guys get the tickets,” Amelia tells Mike. Mike nods and we head into the little office together.

  “So what’s Laney’s deal?” I venture.

  “What do you mean?” Mike asks.

  “She’s a different person around you two. When it’s just us she’s…reserved I guess,” I tell him.

  “She likes you. She’s ahhh…” He stops momentarily, searching for the right words. “She’s had a rough time in the relationship department. Always picking guys who treat her like crap. She’s really funny and caring and outgoing but since she started writing she doesn’t leave the house as much. I think after The Jackhammer she gave up on dating,” he informs me.

  “The Jackhammer?” I ask quizzically.

  Mike laughs, “We nickname all the losers. He was the one she claims jackhammered her to near death in...uhh, bed...then proceeded to tell her how awesome it was afterward.”

  I take one look at Mike and we both burst out laughing.

  “You should hear some of the others... there was Mr. Pick--the nose picker, The Hugger, Mr. Wedge--permanent wedgie, Closetalker McGee, Halitosis Henry... the list goes on. I swear I can't make this shit up.” He laughs.

  “Wow, that’s an unfortunate lineup.”

  “You’re telling me. She and Trent have been divorced for four or five years now I think and he’s happily remarried... but she just can’t seem to find anyone who doesn't suck at life,” he confides in me. We’re still laughing when we reach the girls.

  “What’s so funny?” Amelia asks.

  “The Jackhammer....” Mike falls into another fit of laughter.

  “Oh my god, Mike!” Laney screeches. “You didn't!”

  Mike nods his head at her.

  She looks to me and I can’t help but join in. “At least I’m Mr. Attractive... so far.”

  Amelia and Mike double over and Laney glares at them both.

  “How’d he find out his name?” Amelia asks when she catches her breath.

  “I overheard her friend say it at Foreplay,” I answer for her.

  “You guys suck,” she says but her ribs are shaking and she finally joins us laughing.

  “Are we ready to do this?!” Amelia points to the SkySwing. We all nod and make our way over.

  Laney and I agree to go first but Laney seems to think Amelia is going to chicken out once she sees us go. We’re standing at the top and the attendant is buckling us into the harness. “It’s pretty high.” Her voice has a nervous pitch to it.

  “It will be fun,” I reassure her, but in truth, it is pretty fucking scary-looking from up here.

  “Ready?” the attendant asks.

  Laney shoots a nervous look my way, but I answer yes for us anyways. They hoist us up and let us rip and we’re suddenly free falling. Laney lets out a scream and her hand grabs mine in a death grip. By the time we swing to the other side and start our backwards decent the grip on my hand is light and the grin plastered on her face is huge.

  “That was AWESOME!” she yells. “My stomach totally dropped to my butt but it was so awesome!” It takes all my energy not to laugh at her but a chuckle escapes me anyways.

  Her grin never leaves her as they unbuckle the harness and set us free of the swing.

  “OH MY GOD Amelia! That was so awesome!” We’re back on ground and waiting for Amelia to live up to her end of the deal and climb up with Mike.

  “Eh, it didn't look that great,” Amelia says with irritation.

  “Shut your hole and get up there.” Laney points to the swing. Reluctantly, with Mike’s encouragement, the two of them make their way up for their turn.

  “So...” I start. “How long have you been writing?”

  She turns to me with a youthful sparkle in her eyes still riding the adrenaline-high from our ride. “Ah, I guess four years now,” she says.

  “Is it a full-time income?” I prod.

  “Yeah, actually it is. Occasionally Amelia finds me a temp job through the agency she works at for some extra cash but the sales from the books pretty much covers all my expenses,” she explains.

  “Must help to live with your parents,” I push. She shoots daggers at me.

  “I pay rent. A hefty sum actually, and we split all the utilities...so it’s not exactly cheap.”

  “You pay rent?” There goes the spoiled rich kid theory.

  “Ah yeah, of course I do, none of us are wealthy,” she admonishes.

  I feel pretty stupid for assuming but it is pretty unusual for a Cumberland resident to not have some sort of wealth. “What about you? Rent? Own?” she asks.

  “I have a house in Brunswick.”

  “I love Brunswick! Where is it?”

  “Merepoint Road?” I tell her.

  “On the water?!” she squeals. “You must do pretty well for yourself.”

  “Yeah, I do okay.” I wasn't wealthy by any stretch but I had the house and a nice little nest egg stocked away and a retirement account. Laney points up and I follow her finger. “Here they go!” she squeals. Amelia and Mike came screaming down the zip line with the most hilarious, terrified expressions, and both of them were squealing like little girls. Laney and I burst out laughing at the sight of them.

  Delaney

  When Ame and Mike finally made it back on ground we all decided on a round of mini golf. So far the four of us were having a great time. It was nice to be out with a guy who carried himself with pride and got along with my sister and brother-in-law with ease. I can’t stand someone who’s negative all the time or who doesn't get along with my sister. We are very close and it’s very important to me that anyone I date meshes well with them.

  “SUCKYMcSuckerton!” Ame crowed as her ball missed the hole for the millionth time. “Men are much better at putting balls in holes apparently,” she blurts. My giggling was beginning to make my abs hurt.

  “Your hole is so big Mike doesn't even need his glasses on to find it. It’s like throwing a ...”

  “Hot dog down a hallway,” Mike and I finished in unison while laughing.

  “Shut it turd burglar, you had a kid too!” Ame retorts. Jake clutches his stomach and laughs out, “Do they ever stop?” to Mike.

  “Nope...and so far they only get better with age…you should hear it when they get their mom in on it too…”

  “How do you survive?” he questions.

  “Listening to them is my only ab workout,” he chuckles.

  “I bet,” Jake laughs. We finally move on to the next hole after letting Amelia kick her ball angrily into the hole.

  “So, what’s your story, Jake?” Amelia prompts.

  “I don't have a story?”

  “Divorced? Dumped, why no girlfriend? Obviously with the hotness factor, you should be unavailable,” she pushes him more.

  Jake’s eyes widen in surprise at her boldness. “Never been married. As for the rest of it…I don't know. Just haven't found anyone worth putting the time in for,” he answers.

  “No one?” I pipe up, curious.

  “Not in the last year…like you I’ve had my share of awful dates but no relationships.”

  “Huh, even attractive people have troubles, who knew?” I say sarcastically.

  “Hey hey, I feel like a piece of meat when you talk about me like that,” he jokes.

  “You are,” I say with a deadpan tone. Mike laughs and Ame reaches over and pinches Jake’s butt.

  “Yup, definitely meaty,” she giggles. Jake leaps forward when she pinches him and crashes
straight into me. My arms start windmilling as I try to keep my balance but it’s too late. I crash butt-first into the slimy pond on the eighth hole.

  I sit stunned for a moment, but this is so classic me that when I see Ame’s ribs shaking violently with laughter I can't help but laugh with her. I always fall in the most ridiculous ways. Once I did this weird pirouette while playing basketball and somehow landed Indian-style on the ground. Ame’s clutching Mike and they’re both trying to catch their breath when a hand appears in front of me.

  Jake looks horrified. “I’m sooo sorry, Laney!”

  I wipe the tears from my eyes and take his hand. He pulls me up and starts wiping my butt off which makes me laugh even harder. “Stop! Stop! It’s fine. I’m fine. I just need to catch my breath,” I tell him.

  Once he sees I’m really okay, his ribs start shaking and he finally lets go of a laugh that comes straight from his belly. This sets all of us off again and the people waiting behind us start telling us to hurry up. We finish mini golf without any more injury and head to the Dugout for some ice cream.

  Jake and Mike are headed towards us with our ice creams and when Jake’s tongue darts out to take a lick of his cone my mouth starts watering. “Gross. Quit staring or he’s going to think something’s wrong with you,” Amelia says and nudges me.

  “Uh,” I snort--an actual snort, “sorry, his tongue’s distracting.”

  “Did you just snort? You DID!” she laughs.

  “What’s so funny this time?” Jake asks and hands me my cone.

  “Oh nothing, Laney is just distracted by your tongue,” Amelia chuckles.

  My eyes dart to his and to my surprise he sticks his tongue out and slowly moves it up the side of his ice cream, never taking his eyes off mine. It is the most ridiculous thing ever. Mike, Ame, and I all roll with laughter.

  “Hmmm, you seem to fit right in,” Mike says with a devilish grin. Ame started shaking her head and backing up as Mike lunged at her and wiped ice cream down her face. Jake and I sat and watched the wrestling match and ice cream fight ensue.

  “They seem happy,” he murmurs close to my ear.

  “They really are perfect for each other,” I tell him. Jake leans in further and I hear an intake of air. Wait...what just happened? “Did you just sniff my hair?” I ask in disbelief.

  Embarrassment at being caught flashes across his features.

  “Uh, nooo,” he says without looking me in the eye.

  “Oh my god! You sniffed my hair! Creepy!” I laugh.

  He leans in and does it again.

  “Gross! That’s seriously weird!” I squawk and lean away from him, still laughing.

  “But, Laney,” he says, “it smells so good.”

  I can't keep it together and a giant, snorty laugh erupts from me.

  “Snorting’s hot,” he says and chokes down a chuckle.

  “Shut up. It’s not like I do it on purpose,” I scold.

  It takes me three tries to stop laughing, tears are streaming down my face, and every time I think I have it under control Mike yells “balls” and I lose it again. Jake and Mike play this game most of the way back to Amelia’s. By the time we pull in, Ame and I have to pee so bad we’re both dancing around like lunatics trying to get the door unlocked.

  Mike and Jake stand at the bottom of the stairs laughing. I hear the lock click and I push Ame through the door, sending her to the floor and me stumbling over her racing for the bathroom.

  “You suck!” she yells after me, trying not to laugh. I obviously beat her to the bathroom and when I finally sit, the release feels so good that I groan loudly. Amelia laughs from outside the door and then barges in just as I’m pulling up my pants.

  “Hey!” I squeal.

  “Move over, or I’m going to pee all over you,” she shouts. I exit the bathroom and find Mike and Jake sitting on the couch grinning.

  “I thought we’d get to witness a cat fight for the bathroom,” Jake chuckles.

  “Oh no, I always win but I don't fight fair either.”

  His smile grows and his dimples appear. He’s so handsome. So genuine. So real.

  “You ready to head home?” he asks.

  “Yeah, all set,” I murmur breathily. Geez, Laney--pull yourself together. We say our goodbyes to Mike and Amelia, once she comes out of the bathroom, and head out.

  Jake

  The evening hadn’t gone exactly as planned, well, who plans on pushing their date ass-first into a pond? But we’d all had a really good time. Laney was comfortable and fun with her sister and brother-in-law there, which made the experience even better.

  “I had a great time tonight, Laney,” I say as I pull to the end of the driveway, putting it in park and getting her door for her. Her smile is ear-to-ear and infectious. I want to stare at that smile forever. She’s radiant.

  “Me too, although I hope my sister and I didn't scare you off with our antics.” She takes my hand and hops out of the truck.

  “Nope. You two are quite the entertainment and I really like Mike.”

  “Yeah, he’s great,” she says as we walk to her door.

  She stops at the screen door and turns to face me. “I really did have fun, you’re good company, Jake,” she says seriously.

  The way she lifted her eyes to mine, I might as well be a teenager again the way my body responded. My belly fluttered. It had been so long since I’d felt any real desire, I’d almost forgotten the flare, the heat. I wanted to push her back against the door, press my body to hers and kiss her until she pulled me to her bed for more.

  “Thanks,” I croaked as she stared up at me. A few seconds passed that felt like an eternity. Her expression changed from hopeful to hesitant.

  “Okay, well...see you tomorrow.” Her voice was quiet and her eyes darted everywhere but mine. She wanted more, I could sense it but it was like I was dealing with a wounded animal.

  Before my brain could catch up with my libido, I leaned down and brushed my lips across hers softly, but my intention was clear. I straightened and brushed a thumb over the lips I’d just kissed and she trembled.

  “See you tomorrow, Laney.”

  She nodded her head and turned. I watched her fumble with the door handle, trying to get into the house as I stepped off the porch. As I headed for the truck I heard her mutter, “Real smooth, Laney.” My lips tipped up and I shook my head.

  I had plenty of time on my drive home to an empty house to think about how fun the night had been. Laney was funny, and a good sport, and I hadn't laughed so much in years. And her lips. A groan crawls out of my throat. Her lips were soft and full. There was a hint of lemonade taste to them. Mmmm. I could have stood there all night like a randy teenager and made out with those lips. I kept it light for good reason, but I really wanted to know what it would feel like if I’d given her the chance to kiss me back. I actually need to know what it would feel like. The craving for more of her hits me hard. That would have to wait for next time and I’d make sure there was definitely a next time.

  Delaney

  By the time I finally made it inside the house, I could have kicked myself. When I’d gone to open the door you’d have thought I’d never operated a door handle before, or my hands suddenly refused to work.

  I let out a sigh and head to Claire’s room to check on her. Fast asleep. I stare at her for a moment, lost in thought, before letting my parents know that I’m back. After playing twenty questions with my mom, I finally made my way to my desk and fired up the laptop. I had some ideas whirling around my head that I needed to get out. Desire and heat laced with want.

  At midnight, when I couldn't bear to sit and write any longer, I got up, stretched, and threw on my pajamas. In bed I stared up at the ceiling, smiling like a giddy school girl. His lips were soft but his thumb was rough and the contrast in sensations had sent a chill through me when he’d brushed the pad of his thumb across my bottom lip. I closed my eyes thinking about a beautiful man, tall and firm, with ridges in all the right places. It
didn't take me long to find sleep and steamy dreams.

  The sound of scaffolding clanking wakes me up. I overslept. Shit! I shoot out of bed in a tizzy, yelling for Claire. It’s field trip day and if I don't get her there on time she will miss it and then I’ll be deemed the worst mother ever for the rest of the weekend. Maybe for all time. Kids never forget.

  “Claire!!!!!!!! Get dressed quick!” I holler towards her room, turn on my heel, and dart to the bathroom.

  “I’m already dressed, Mom,” I hear her voice coming from the opposite direction of her room. She meets me in the kitchen, dressed and ready to go.

  “What? When did you get up? Did you eat? Snacks packed?” I pummel her with questions.

  “You slept too long. I got dressed and then Jake was here, so, he helped me with breakfast and my snacks.” She shoots me a look that no seven-year-old should even know how to shoot yet. It’s official: I suck at parenthood.

  “Uh. He did?” I’m not even fully awake enough yet to process what she’s said.

  “Yeah. Come on, we have to go!” she urges.

  I scoot to the bathroom still wondering if I heard her right, pee, run a brush through my hair, and tug on a sports bra, tank top, and yoga pants from the dirty laundry pile. Why are my mornings always so screwy? “Okay! Car! Now!” I yell. Claire and I rush out the door and pile in the car.

  “Have fun today,” I say and lean down to kiss the top of her head but she’s already running to her counselor, excited for the day. I lift a hand and give a little wave to her back before exiting the building and driving home.

  I hate starting my day off thinking I’m late. Even if I end up not being late, it sets my whole day on edge, making me feel like I still need to be rushing. When I pull back into the driveway at home I feel completely off my routine for the day and am flustered for no good reason at all. Claire made it on time and all’s well but I can't shake the feeling of running behind now. I get out of the car in a huff and all but stomp inside. In an effort to calm myself down, I plug my headphones into the laptop and let the sounds of Bitter:Sweet drift into my brain and help me focus on the next chapter of my book. I zone out and my fingers start to fly effortlessly across the keyboard.