Beyond Innocence

by Carsen Taite

  *

  The guard held up five fingers to signify time was running out, and Serena groaned. This visit had been way too short. Would she ever see Eric again? As much as she hoped Cory would be able to pull off a miracle, she didn’t place much trust in a system that was better at doing than undoing.

  Seeing him now was painful. He was gaunt, hollow, restless, likely counting down the days, maybe even hours until his death. She’d produced enough quarters to buy out one of the vending machines, and then done her best to project a cheerful demeanor, but she feared he could see through her despair. This visit hadn’t been about the legal and factual issues in his case. She’d made the long drive to demonstrate solidarity, support, love. Those things didn’t translate into much in the way of conversation, and soon the conversation drifted back to the case.

  “Ms. Lance, she’s a good attorney.”

  Serena, surprised by Eric’s words, couldn’t tell if he’d asked a question or made a statement. She’d deliberately avoided the topic of Cory because she couldn’t stop thinking about her and she worried her attraction would shine through any discussion on the subject. Their closeness from the night before, combined with the torrid sex of her dream, had whipped her into a frenzy that she’d driven hours to keep at bay. She didn’t need to stir up that trouble again. Still, Eric deserved some response. “She’s working very hard on your case.”

  “I know. She keeps me up to speed. I hope this writ gets me a hearing at least.”

  “When did you talk to her?”

  “This morning. She gave me a call. Said she was on the way to talk to one of the witnesses in the case and then she was going to finish the writ and get it filed later today or tomorrow.”

  “Does she call you often?”

  “If you listen to what the guards say, she calls me more than any other attorney with a client on the row.”

  Serena smothered a huge grin and filed away the intel. She’d give Cory a big hug when she saw her.

  No, she wouldn’t. They’d been too close to crossing boundaries last night. Still, she couldn’t help but be happy to hear Cory had taken such a personal interest in Eric’s case, and she wondered if personal rather than professional interest played a part.

  The guard signaled it was time to go. The visit had been both too long and too short. Serena leaned as close as she could get to the divider, and whispered into the handset, “I love you.”

  She fought back tears as Eric echoed her sentiment. He added, “Don’t cry, sis. I’ll be okay. No matter what happens, I’ll be okay.” He cleared his throat. “I need you to promise me some things.”

  “Anything.”

  “Don’t come watch. If I’m going to die, I want this to be the way you see me last, not strapped—” She put a hand up to stop him before the gruesome image could stick in her mind. He shook his head. “I’m not done.”

  Serena braced herself.

  “Don’t let them bury me in a pauper’s grave.”

  Serena couldn’t stop the tears this time. Both she and Eric wept. Neither of them had any idea where their mother was buried. She’d died alone and penniless, a victim of her addiction, at a time when neither of her children had the means or were even old enough to deal with the details. She’d been cremated and her ashes buried in a county plot. Eric’s fear of meeting the same anonymous fate as her mother was palpable, and Serena rushed to reassure him. “I swear. I’ll take care of the details. I promise.”

  “Thank you. One last thing.”

  She took a deep breath, bracing herself for his last wish.

  “Don’t let the past hold you back. I let everything that happened to us growing up shadow my life. I didn’t even try to break free. I just lived my life like the criminal everyone expected a junkie’s son to be.”

  As Serena drove away from the prison, she realized she felt a deeper connection to her brother days before his death than she’d felt their entire lives. She turned his last request over and over in her mind. Ostensibly, she’d already outshone her roots. She’d graduated college. Hell, she’d graduated high school. She had a steady job, a modest savings account. She didn’t have to rely on the random charity of others for food and clothes. Yet she was empty. None of the trappings she’d accumulated filled her mind, fueled her heart, fed her soul.

  She was more like her mother and brother than she cared to admit. They’d had choices to make, and although they’d chosen differently than she, they’d all wound up without the things that really mattered. What a waste. She was done wasting time and emotion. She sped her way back to Dallas. To Cory.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Cory’s car was the only one in the clinic lot when Serena pulled in at seven o’clock. Serena had driven straight there after she’d retrieved the message Cory had left on her voice mail letting her know she’d be working late on Eric’s case. Her only stop had been to pick up dinner.

  The front door was unlocked. Serena pushed through the door and tiptoed to the back where Cory had taken over Greg’s office. She stood in the hall, peering in at Cory who was so intent at her keyboard, she didn’t notice she had a visitor. It didn’t matter how rumpled and fatigued Cory was; she was still beautiful. Serena wished she could freeze time, put Eric’s case on hold, and take advantage of the intimacy Cory had offered her. But she couldn’t. Eric’s clock was ticking and any day now, Cory might return to her former job. What would she do? Go back to her solitary life in Florida, content to the be the celibate daughter of an aging couple in a job she only mildly enjoyed?

  As stressful as the last few weeks had been, she felt truly alive for the first time. Even with the looming execution date, she’d felt renewed hope in her relationship with her brother, but mostly in her ability to have a relationship of her own. Would she have the courage to face her fears once she was back in Florida? The question rocked her, and she realized it wasn’t the fear of being in a relationship that scared her. She feared leaving the world she had created here. She may only be pushing paper, but unlike the same activity at the bank, here she had a chance to affect lives. And she wanted to take that chance.

  She stared across the room and realized that was the crux of it. She wanted Cory. More than want, she craved her. Despite all the reasons why she shouldn’t. The list of negatives was long: Cory was her brother’s lawyer, Cory would return to her job putting people behind bars, Cory was still entangled with that other woman. Why then, did none of these reasons outweigh the pull of attraction?

  “Hey, you, what are you doing here?”

  Serena returned Cory’s greeting by hefting the bag of dinner. “I got your messages. Thought I’d bring you dinner.” Short and choppy sentences were all she could manage, but what she really wanted to say was “I missed you today and came straight here. I wish you didn’t have to work because then we could…” She couldn’t finish the sentence even though she knew what she wanted. Asking for intimacy, speaking her desires out loud, would shatter the shield she’d built around her heart. She should give Cory the food and leave.

  “Hope you brought enough for two. I could use your help. I want to get this brief filed first thing in the morning.”

  A harmless invitation. A working dinner. But Serena knew if she decided to stay she would cross a line, and her life would never be the same again. She set the bag down on Cory’s desk. “I came prepared.”

  *

  Hours later, Cory hit the print button on her computer. “Pretty sure this is the final draft, but I want to read it one more time. In the morning, with fresh eyes.”

  Serena yawned and pointed at the clock on the wall. “Um, I hate to be the one to break this to you, but it is morning.”

  Cory laughed. It was two a.m. “I lose track of time when I’m deep into a project. In fact, I usually forget to eat too. Thanks again for bringing dinner.”

  “Couldn’t let you starve. Besides, I wanted to see you.”

  A sense of urgency lay within the tentative declaration. Cory turned away from
her monitor and faced Serena. “I’m sorry. I put you right to work and didn’t even bother asking if you needed something. Is everything okay? Did visiting Eric upset you?”

  “Yes. I mean, no.” Serena cleared her throat. “Visiting him didn’t upset me, but it did put some things in perspective.”

  “You want to talk about it?”

  “I don’t think I want to talk at all. I think talking…actually, I think thinking is what keeps me from doing the things I want.”

  The air between them was heavy with anticipation. Cory sensed they teetered on the edge of change. Would Serena pull back? Or would she? “Tell me what you want.”

  Serena crossed the few steps between them. Cory stopped breathing when Serena placed her hands on either side of Cory’s face. She was the one with the power to pull back now. All the reasons she should clamored loudly in her head. Serena’s lack of experience. Serena’s relationship to her client. Serena, Serena, Serena. The reasons fell away until all she cared about was the beautiful, compassionate woman standing in front of her, offering herself, completely. She couldn’t pull back, but Serena had to be the one to jump first. “Show me what you want.”

  “I will.” Serena’s whisper turned up the heat. “But not here.”

  “My place?” Cory hoped the comfort of her home would outweigh the memory of Julie’s late night drop in.

  Serena took her hand. “I’ll drive.”

  Cory gladly let her take the lead. She’d worry about her car later. All she cared about now was taking this path, seeing where it led. While Serena drove way too carefully through the streets, Cory sat on her hands and focused on everything but Serena to get her through the ride. When they finally arrived at her house, she felt like she was going to explode. When they crossed the threshold, she forced herself into hostess mode, determined not to force anything else on Serena before she was ready.

  “Can I get you a Coke, maybe some water?”

  “Why don’t you make me breakfast?”

  “What?” Really? She wanted food? Of course, it had been hours since dinner. Serena had cooked for her before; she should return the favor. “I think I have a few things in the fridge. I can probably come up with something. If you don’t mind if it’s inedible. Did I mention I’m not much of a cook?” She wasn’t done babbling, but Serena’s finger over her lips stopped the ramble.

  “Hush. I was kidding.” Serena removed her finger and replaced it with her lips. Soft and hard, strong and gentle. Cory melted into the embrace, savored the light caress followed with sure strokes.

  When she could no longer breathe, she ducked her head and said, “You’re an amazing kisser.”

  “So are you.”

  “What other amazing talents do you have?”

  “Not much else, I’m afraid.” Serena stepped back. Cory could feel her hesitation, and she gave her the space to voice it. “Truly. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

  Such unbridled trust deserved acknowledgment, solidarity. Cory closed the distance between them. Serena had jumped off the cliff; it was time for her to follow her off the edge. “Do you want to?”

  “Desperately.” She breathed the word and Cory felt her need, her want, full-force. She held out her hand and led her to the bedroom.

  Serena took in her surroundings. Cory’s room was cozier than she expected. Scattered pillows, framed photos featuring Cory with what appeared to be groups of friends and family, a stuffed Scooby Doo in a chair by the bed. She’d exhausted all her confidence with the kiss, with the not so subtle hints she was ready for more. Now she found herself stalling for time to decide if this was what she really wanted. “Scooby Doo? I bet there’s a story to tell.”

  Cory’s whisper grazed her neck. “Scooby’s great. Gag gift from my brother. Kiss me.”

  Serena barely digested Cory’s breathless words before they were kissing again, but this time the kiss was different. Instead of being all-consuming, it felt like a prelude, and Serena ached to see where the passion led. She pulled back. “I want more. Show me.” A simple request. She could only hope Cory respected the strength it took to ask the question.

  “May I undress you?”

  “How about you go first? I want to see what I’m getting into.” She was only partly kidding. She didn’t know if she could handle standing naked in front of Cory, worried whether she would pass inspection. On the other hand, she already knew Cory would be stunning. Maybe seeing Cory vulnerable would make it easier to expose herself.

  “Fair enough.” Cory slowly unbuttoned her shirt. Too slowly, yet Serena forced herself to wait, to let the gathering tide of arousal sweep her up in its embrace. She licked her lips as Cory shrugged out of her shirt and tossed it on the floor.

  “Messy little thing, aren’t you?” She needed the levity to maintain her composure.

  Cory grinned in response. “Just anxious, I guess.”

  “You took so long taking it off, I was beginning to wonder.”

  “Seems every time we’ve gotten close, we’ve been interrupted. I suppose I just wanted to prolong the moment.”

  “You’re killing me.”

  Cory stepped close and placed a hand on the hem of Serena’s blouse, tracing a finger just underneath. “Any chance I could help you with this?”

  “Please.” Serena could barely get the word out, though she was desperate for Cory to touch her. She groaned as Cory took her time, accompanying the release of each button with increasingly intense kisses against her neck, her shoulder, her chest. When Cory’s tongue dipped into her cleavage, she could wait no longer. She pulled Cory’s head up and kissed her deeply, then gasped, “Too slow. I’m going crazy.”

  “Me too. Bed?”

  Serena could only nod and then follow as Cory led her across the room and gently pushed her back against the pillows. She reached for Cory’s fly as Cory tugged off her pants and then watched as Cory tore out of her own trousers. Despite the frantic lead-in, once she was undressed, Cory stood frozen in place, staring down at Serena’s naked body. Serena started to panic. “Change your mind?” She didn’t even try to hide the undercurrent of nerves racing through her.

  Cory shook her head. “Are you kidding? You’re gorgeous. I can’t believe you’re here with me.” She trailed her hand down Serena’s thigh. “Like this.” Cory climbed into bed and pulled Serena into her arms. “You’re sure?”

  Serena was as sure as she’d ever been about anything in her life. Whatever they were to each other outside of this moment, right now, all she felt was the rush of arousal, the ache of wanting, the surge of need. Being with Cory, naked and vulnerable, was coming home. “Kiss me.”

  As their kiss deepened, Serena’s confidence grew and she let her hands explore Cory’s body, her breasts, her tight abdomen. She reached lower and grazed the inside of Cory’s thigh and sighed as Cory shuddered against her.

  “Ah, that feels wonderful.” Cory opened her eyes and asked again, “Are you okay? Do you feel good?”

  Serena answered with another deep kiss. When they were both breathless, she pulled back. “Being with you, like this…nothing has ever felt more right. I want to please you.”

  Cory reached for her hand and moved it to her breast and gently guided her to squeeze her nipple. She groaned. “Touch me like this. Your touch is wonderful.” As she teased Cory’s breast, Cory leaned over and swirled her tongue around both her nipples, murmuring, “Does that feel good? Do what feels good.” Serena arched her chest toward Cory’s hungry mouth until she felt she would explode, then she inched down and savored Cory’s nipples with her lips and tongue.

  Cory’s hand moved down her body until she reached her sex and she began caressing, coaxing her to levels of fervor she hadn’t known she could attain. Her first orgasm was a quick, shattering blast of wonder. She rose from the bed, taking Cory with her as the powerful waves of arousal coursed through her. Cory held her close, whispering unintelligible comforts in her ear until finally she lay spent in Cory’s arms.

  H
er dreams had not prepared her for the onslaught of feeling. She’d spent a lifetime confining what she wanted, what she craved, to what was safe, or what she thought was safe, denying the risk of her desires. But right now, even in the throes of ecstasy, she’d never felt more safe, more loved. She’d vowed she would never suppress her desires again. And she desired Cory most of all.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Cory sat in front of Paul’s desk, tapping her foot as he read the writ she’d prepared the night before. She wanted him to give his stamp of approval, but beyond that, she wanted to get the brief filed so she could take a few hours off. Take Serena to lunch. With or without food.

  Serena had dropped her at the clinic pre-dawn, her desire to be circumspect about their relationship only slightly stronger than the urge to stay in bed. Naked, sated, and warm.

  “Get in your car and drive back home. We can go back to bed.”

  Serena’s face flushed as she delivered the invitation, and Cory almost gave in. It was still early, but she knew if they went back to bed, she wouldn’t return to the clinic that day. She hadn’t wanted to leave that morning, and a repeat performance would only weaken her resolve to work at all today. She remembered the other night, when she’d left work undone to be with Serena. She’d hate herself if she didn’t put responsibilities before play. And as much as Serena seemed to want her now, she’d feel the same way.

  “I’d love to, I really would. But I need to put the finishing touches on the brief, show it to Paul, and get it filed today.” She softened her pull back with a deep kiss that left them both panting. She shook her head to gain perspective. “See what happens when I’m with you? I lose my head.”

  “I’ll come in with you. Help you work.”

  “Oh, no you don’t. I won’t get a thing done. You go. Get some sleep. I’ll call you when I’m done and we’ll go to lunch.”

  “I don’t think the Budget Suites does room service.” Serena’s wicked smile signaled food was the last thing she wanted for lunch.