Saving Cassie (Fairfield Corners)

by Remenicky, L. A.

  “I’ve always believed. Sometimes I can feel the presence of my parents; usually on the day before my birthday. Maybe it has something to do with it being the anniversary of their deaths. All I know is it makes me feel better. Maybe someday I’ll be able to look forward to my birthday, instead of dreading the day before it.”

  “You were so young when it happened. Do you remember much about it?”

  “No, for years I thought I was here with my Gram when it happened. I must have blocked it out.”

  “Well, who can blame you?” His thumb lightly rubs the back of my hand again. “That had to have been a horrific experience. Enough about the past, let’s talk about the future, our future.”

  “There is no ‘our’ future. I’m only going out with you to get you off my back.” I pull my hand out of his and put it back in my lap, “I told you, I’m nowhere near being ready for another relationship. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready after what I went through. I don’t want to talk about it anymore, especially with you.”

  We finish our dinner and manage to make small talk without any further mention of anything that’s happened in the last few days or what happened to me six months ago. I am so ready to just get on with my life.

  We walk out of the restaurant which was excellent and get back in the car. Night has fallen, but the temperature has remained steady; we are definitely in Indian summer. It’s September but the weather feels like July. Eventually, that will change and the cold weather will arrive.

  Logan opens and closes my door for me again when we get back in the Jeep, someone made sure he knows how to act like a gentleman on a date. He turns out of the parking lot and heads east. I wonder where we are headed now. Eventually we pull up at the local small concert venue. The marquee says “One Night Only – Adam Bricklin unplugged.” I look at Logan with surprise, “Really? I can’t believe it!” Logan looks at me and winks, “I do know people; you would be surprised.”

  “You mean you arranged this? Got Adam Bricklin to come here to Fort Wayne?”

  “Yes, he’s a friend of mine.” He smiles and I see he has a secret, “I was a roadie on his tour for a couple of years right out of high school.”

  Wow, where did that come from? Who knew?! I can only look at him dumbfounded, there’s definitely more to this deputy than meets the eye. We walk in and the place is empty. We are the only ones here other than the employees and the roadies setting up the stage.

  I look at Logan with thousands of questions in my eyes. He answers these unspoken questions, “Do you think that with everything going on that I would bring you to a concert with no chance of keeping you safe? I told you, Adam is a friend of mine. He agreed to do a special show for us tonight. There will be another show for the public tomorrow night.” He looks up and sees someone walking towards us, “There he is. I want to go say howdy and thank him again for doing this.”

  I stand there probably looking like a fish out of water. “Hey, Darlin’, I want you to meet a good friend of mine. This is Adam Bricklin. Adam, this is Cassie.”

  “So, this is who you were telling me about. Pleased to meet you Cassie. I hear you’re a fan.”

  I nod my head yes, clearing my throat. “Wow, still can’t wrap my mind around that fact that Dudley here knows you personally, and knows you well enough to set this up.”

  Adam looks at me quizzically, “Dudley?”

  “Yeah, Dudley Do Right. He’s a little anal about doing things by the book. I am very glad to meet you, Adam. You’ve been my favorite singer for quite a while. I still can’t believe this!” I stand there with a giant grin on my face, wondering what Logan does for a second date if this is his normal first date.

  “It’s my pleasure to do this for an old friend. Let’s sit here and I can get started. Logan, I took the liberty of ordering some champagne; I hope that’s all right?”

  “Sure, Adam; thanks for that.”

  A couple of hours later I have completely forgotten all my troubles. There is nothing like sitting and talking and singing with your favorite singer. Then Adam drops another bomb. “OK Cassie, now this is a very special song. I bet Logan didn’t tell you that he helped me out with some lyrics back when he was a roadie and I bet you’ll recognize this song,” and he begins playing one of his best love songs “Dreaming of You.” Logan is blushing as he stands up and takes my hand, pulls me up, and begins to dance with me. This is the most magical night of my life, dancing to Adam Bricklin, who is playing and singing especially for us. Logan begins singing along during the chorus, and my heart breaks. He deserves so much more than I can give to him, that’s why I have been fighting what I feel for him. A single tear runs down my cheek and Logan kisses it away. At this moment I think he is about the sweetest man God put on this Earth. I don’t want to break his heart, but it is inevitable. I will have to tell him the truth; I just don’t want to do it here in front of Adam.

  Adam finishes the song and Logan looks down into my eyes. If he sees how I’m going to have to break his heart, he doesn’t show it. “So, how was that Darlin’?”

  “This has been the most incredible night. I will never be able to thank you, Logan, and you Adam. This has been so special.” I give them each a kiss and I turn and run to the ladies room, overcome with emotion. How am I going to be able to tell Logan the truth?

  Chapter 28

  The next morning I wake up with a heavy heart. I must tell Logan my biggest secret. He didn’t pressure me to tell him why I acted the way I did last night. He left me to my thoughts on the drive home, laying one of his “knock my socks off” kisses on me when we got back to the house.

  “I hope you had fun Darlin’. I’m sure you’ll tell me what’s bothering you when you’re ready. I hope it isn’t anything I’ve done. When I helped Adam with those lyrics, I had no idea that you were out there waiting, and I would find you here in this small town in Indiana. Goodnight sweetness.”

  I blink back tears just thinking about how I am going to tell him my biggest secret.

  ###

  I hear the front door open and close. “Hey Logan, how did the date go? How did she react when she realized it was a private concert?” I hear James ask.

  Logan answers, “It was going really well, I even got her to dance with me. When the song was over she had the saddest look on her face. Do you have any idea why? She didn’t want to talk about it last night, I’m hoping I can get her to tell me this morning.”

  “I have no idea.” James looks up when he hears me walk into the kitchen. “Morning Reggie. How was your date?”

  “Why are you so happy this morning? Get some early morning nookie from Marie?”

  James knows something is wrong. “Reggie, what is it? You get pissy when something is bothering you and that comment was definitely pissy.” He walks over and grabs my hands before leading me over to a chair and sitting me down, “What’s up? You know you can tell me anything.”

  “I know, and I’m sorry for that comment. Yes, something is bothering me. Can you please give us a couple of minutes, James? I need to talk to Logan alone.”

  “Sure Reg,” James replies, worriedly. “I’ll just go out on the porch and read the paper.”

  James walks out the front door and sits on the glider with the paper in his hand. I hate to worry him, but Logan deserves to hear this first.

  “Logan, please come over here and sit down. You’re hovering and it’s making me nervous.”

  “Sure, Darlin’. What is so all-fired terrible that you couldn’t tell me last night?”

  “Well Logan, I have to tell you that there is no way that we can be together. I should never have agreed to a date and we definitely shouldn’t have made love. There is something that I can’t change and I haven’t told anyone, not even James. I can’t let you fall in love with me.” I turn so my back is to him, “it all goes back to the night that Matt attacked me. That night, Matt did more than just beat me up, he killed our unborn baby.” I stop, afraid to turn around and look Logan in the face. I
straighten my shoulders and turn around to face him as I finish what I have to say, “I had just found out I was pregnant the day before and I was so excited! I was sure the news would turn him around, and bring back the Matt I had fallen in love with.” I begin to cry and Logan reaches over to bring me into a hug but I shrug off his hands, “Please don’t, let me get through this. When Matt punched me, I fell down the stairs. This caused some internal damage and I miscarried. I was lying on the floor, in so much pain. The doctor told me the next day that due to the internal damage I would only have about a 5% chance of ever conceiving again.” I sit down and put my head in my hands.

  I feel Logan’s hand on my shoulder. “My God, Cassie. Why didn’t you tell anyone? Why are you telling me this? Why can’t you let me fall in love with you? I don’t understand.”

  “I’ve seen the way you are with Olivia. You want children, I can see it when you look at her. You deserve someone who can give that to you. That isn’t me. No matter what I feel, we cannot be together. I will not be the reason you don’t have children. I cannot let myself fall in love with you, it would be impossible to say goodbye and you deserve so much more than I can give you.”

  He reaches for me again, and I yell, “No Logan, don’t touch me!” I turn and run up the stairs as James comes running into the house.

  “What did you do, Logan? Why is Cassie crying?” James asks as he heads towards the stairs.

  “James, wait. You know I would never do anything to hurt Cassie. I think I’m in love with her. Please go up and talk to her, she needs to tell you this herself.” He turns towards the back door as he pulls out his phone. He dials and waits for someone to answer, “Marie, it’s Logan. You need to get over here. Cassie needs you.” He hangs up without explaining and goes out into the backyard, walking towards the garage where he punches the door, “How could that bastard do that to her?” He punches the door twice more, wishing it was Matt’s face. He is angry at the situation and angry that he can do nothing to rectify it. Marie rushes up, “Logan, what in the world is wrong? Why are you punching the garage door? Let me look at your hand, I hope you didn’t break anything.” She starts to lead Logan to the house.

  “Don’t worry about me Marie. I’ll survive. Cassie needs you, she’s upstairs with James. Please, just leave me and go to her.”

  “Are you sure Logan? Let me at least clean up those knuckles.”

  “No, dammit! Cassie needs you, not me!” Logan yells and stomps off towards the front of the house. Marie hears his car door slam and the squealing of tires as he roars off.

  Marie hurries into the house. “Cassie, what’s wrong? Why is Logan so upset? What is going on?”

  “We’re up here Marie!”

  She hurries up the stairs and into Cassie’s room. James is sitting on the bed with Cassie in his lap. He looks up at Marie, “It’s that bastard, Matt! Long story short, when he beat up Cassie she fell down the stairs and miscarried. Yes, she was pregnant and she has been dealing with this all on her own.” He looks up at Marie, his anguish showing on his face, “Why didn’t I see it? Why couldn’t she tell me? We’ve always shared everything.”

  “Cassie, come here and tell me all about it. James, go and find Logan. He’s really upset.”

  James heads out the door. “Call me if you need anything.”

  “Come on, Cassie. Let’s go down to the kitchen and make some tea. You need to get this off your chest. Why did you think you had to deal this with all alone? You should have told me!”

  In between sobs I start to explain to Marie, “I was so ashamed that I stayed with Matt after he started getting violent. I always said I would never let anyone treat me that way. I just couldn’t face it so I pretended it wasn’t happening. The problem is I can never forget and it will haunt me forever. I only have a 5% chance of ever conceiving again and I may not be able to carry a baby to term. I can’t let Logan love me, he deserves someone who can give him children and I can’t do that! He deserves better than me!”

  “Did you even ask Logan how he feels? I can’t imagine that it would make a difference to him.”

  “I’ve tried to keep him at arm’s length but he’s just so there, bigger than life, and that lopsided country-boy grin. He deserves so much more than someone who can’t even give him children.” I sob harder.

  “Cassie, will you at least talk to Logan about it? I saw him outside and he looked angry; so angry that he was punching the garage door.”

  “God, I’ve made such a mess of everything! You and James are upset because I didn’t tell you and Logan is pissed at something he couldn’t stop. He didn’t even know me then, how could he fix it? He is such a Dudley Do Right.”

  “I think Logan fell for you the first time you ended up in his arms,” Marie admitted. “I’ve gotten to know him pretty well the last couple of months and I don’t think he’s ever felt that for anyone. You scare him Cassie.”

  “Me, scare him? He’s always lurking around and popping out at me. I swear he’s gonna give me heart failure.”

  “Quit avoiding the issue, Cassie. You have to talk to Logan about this. Above all, let him know how you feel. When I saw him outside he looked like he just lost his best friend. James will find him and get him back here.”

  James finds Logan at the gym, taking out his frustration on a punching bag, wincing every time he hits the bag with his scraped knuckles. He is still wearing his jeans, didn’t even take the time to change to his workout clothes. He is dripping sweat, and extremely pissed off.

  “There you are Logan. I’ve been looking all over town for you. Are you OK?”

  Logan continues to punch the bag, “How could that bastard do that to her? Why didn’t anyone notice? She shouldn’t have had to go through that, especially not alone. She is so stubborn!”

  “Noticed that did you? I should have warned you. I just didn’t realize you were going to fall for her so hard and so fast. I’m glad it’s you, she deserves someone like you who will protect her even when she insists she doesn’t need it.”

  “Why does she think that it’s a deal breaker? Do I come off as that shallow?”

  “No, I don’t think it was anything you did or said. From the way she was talking, I think she was planning on never getting married or falling in love. She has this crazy idea that she isn’t worthy of it. You really need to go back and talk to her. I’m sure Marie has gotten her calmed down by now.”

  Logan turns and looks at James, “I suppose you’re right. I think I’ve calmed down enough to talk about it without losing it again. I just want to find this Matt and rip his head off. He definitely didn’t deserve Cassie or her love!”

  Logan strides out the door, leaving James standing there staring after him. “Man, has he got it bad. Those two are perfect for each other; she’s definitely going to keep him on his toes.”

  About ten minutes later Logan gets back to the house and politely knocks on the door. Marie opens the door. “Come on in Logan. I think Cassie is calm enough to talk about this rationally now. Since you’re here I’m going to head back home. Olivia will be home in about ten minutes.”

  He hugs Marie, “Thanks for understanding and sending James after me. Give Olivia a big hug from me.”

  “Will do. You take care of our Cassie, she needs you right now.” And she heads out the door and walks next door to the Marsten house.

  Logan calls out for me. “Cassie, where are you, Darlin’?”

  “I’m in the kitchen, Logan.” I say as he makes his way toward me. “I’m sorry I freaked out on you. I’ve been holding all that in for so long and I just exploded. Can you forgive me?”

  “Anything for you, Darlin’. Now why did you think you don’t deserve love? It wasn’t your fault and it wasn’t something you could prevent.”

  “I just felt like the whole world would be against me because I stayed with him after he started getting violent.”

  Logan pulls up another chair and sits directly in front of me, “Cassie, I want you to understand
one thing: the past is the past. Let’s work on our present.”

  “It’s going to take me awhile to work through this; at least the truth is out there now so that’s not eating at me. I hope you understand, I want to give you my whole heart but I need to finish grieving and I’m not going to just jump into a relationship with you.”

  “I don’t want to rush you, Darlin’. I can wait. I can’t guarantee that I won’t be trying to change your mind every day.”

  Logan pulls me into his arms, resting his cheek on the top of my head, content to just hold me. At this moment I feel like I am the luckiest lady in the world.

  Chapter 29

  It’s been almost a week and there have been no more unusual incidents. Maybe now I can talk James into letting Logan go home. I’ve been trying to work through all my problems, but it’s really hard when Logan keeps popping up every ten minutes. I get up in the morning and he’s in the kitchen making breakfast or I go out to sit on the porch and he decides it time to mow the grass, shirtless if the weather is warm enough, so no complaints there. I just really need some time to myself, and I really need to actually go to the bookstore. Thank God for Mel. She has been doing such an awesome job running the store, but she needs a break and I need the work to take my mind off all my problems. And, with Logan here 24/7 James has been working way too many hours, he is looking tired and worn out. Maybe Marie can help me convince the two of them that I can take care of myself, at least during the day.

  About noon, I call James and ask him to stop by for lunch. I haven’t seen him for more than ten minutes at a time for the last few days. He agrees to stop by and take a break. Since the temps are in the 40’s today, I go to the kitchen and start making grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup, our favorite lunch since we were small. The food is almost done when James walks into the kitchen and gives me a hug. “Hey, Reggie, how are you today?”

  “I’m doing better every day, getting everything out in the open has really helped. Did you see Logan on your way in?”