Two Halves (Cate & Kian Book 2)

by Louise Hall

  Cate knelt down so she was at the same height as Lola. “Tell you what, if you’re a good girl for Granny Jean, this afternoon I’ll take you to the Trafford Centre and we can have tea out. Anywhere you like; just you and me.”

  “Mummy,” Lola said softly. “Why do you have to go? Why can’t you stay home with me?”

  “Oh honey,” Cate felt a stab of guilt. “There are so many people who want to spend time with you. Think about it, if you spent all your time with me then who would bake biscuits with Granny Jean? Who would play football with Uncle Ben or braid Auntie Liv’s hair? They wouldn’t get to see you and they’d be really sad about that.”

  “I guess,” Lola said, she chewed on her bottom lip as if she was thinking it all over. “Granny Jean said we could make special biscuits today and I could decorate them.”

  They went downstairs to the kitchen and Lola sat at the table while Cate made her breakfast. “Mummy, you’ve got a funny face,” Lola giggled.

  “Thanks Lo, love you too.”

  Lola stood up on the chair so she was closer to Cate’s face. “Lola fix it.” She licked the palms of her hands and rubbed them over Cate’s cheek. She must have had ink on there from the textbook she’d used as a pillow last night.

  “Careful,” Cate said, quickly reaching out to hold her. “Don’t fall.”

  “I won’t fall Mummy because you’re holding on to me.”

  After class, Cate picked Lola up from Jean’s. “Mummy, close your eyes,” Lola said excitedly as Cate walked through the door. “Hold out your hands.”

  “Okay.”

  “You can open them now,” Lola said. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

  Cate looked down and in her hands was a heart-shaped biscuit with red icing. “Wow, did you make that?”

  Lola nodded proudly, “with help from Granny Jean.”

  “That’s beautiful, I love it,” Cate bent down and kissed the top of Lola’s head. “Why don’t you go and collect your things?”

  While she waited for Lola, Cate took a piece of kitchen roll and started to wrap up the heart-shaped biscuit. As she placed it down on the table, a crack appeared right down the centre. Cate couldn’t help but smile. Even my biscuit heart is broken.

  Jean put a hand on her arm, “are you okay, sweetheart?”

  Cate quickly finished wrapping up the heart and placed it carefully in her handbag. “I’m fine.”

  Jean wrapped up a 2nd biscuit and put it in her hand. “I know you probably don’t feel hungry right now but try and eat something. I don’t like seeing you look so thin.”

  “It’s just the black,” Cate said, gesturing to her outfit.

  She took Lola to the Trafford Centre. They went to Giraffe and Lola was delighted with the yellow, plastic giraffe that came with her drink. Thinking about what Jean had said, Cate ordered a toasted sandwich with fries but her appetite was non-existent and so she could only pick at it.

  It was Valentine’s Day so she was surrounded by couples.

  At the front of the food court, underneath the big screen, they’d cleared all the tables to one side and there was a tea dance taking place. After they’d finished eating, Cate and Lola stood at the railing and watched for a while as the silver-haired couples swayed to the music of Frank Sinatra and Doris Day. Lola tugged on her hand, “they’re dancing like you and Daddy did at Christmas.”

  Cate wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “So they are. Come on, let’s go and have a look at the shops.”

  Even though it was February, White Christmas played inside her head. She could see Lola’s little Christmas tree lit up at the side of them and feel his strong arm around her waist as they swayed back and forth.

  Ugh, she shook her head. She couldn’t afford to take a trip down Memory Lane. It was just too painful.

  They went into HMV and looked at the Children’s DVDs towards the back of the store.

  Cate didn’t realise until it was too late that they were playing the Rovers Season Review on the large TV screen. She reached for Lola’s hand and was about to pull her away when Kian came on the screen.

  Cate froze. He was looking at the camera but it felt as if he was looking straight at her. She felt it in every part of her body.

  “Daddy,” Lola said excitedly, pointing at the screen. A couple of people turned around. “That’s my Daddy.”

  Cate quickly grabbed Lola’s hand and pulled her out of the shop. She was in such a hurry to leave that she didn’t notice the two people coming towards her until they almost collided.

  “Cate?”

  It was Vanessa and Thom, her two closest friends from university. They didn’t know that she was married or that she had a daughter.

  They looked down at the little girl holding Cate’s hand.

  Before Cate could explain, Lola did it for her. “Mummy.” Suddenly overcome with shyness, Lola tried to hide behind Cate’s legs.

  “You’ve got a kid?” Vanessa looked shocked.

  Cate tried to coax Lola out from behind her legs. “Come on sweetie, say hello to Mummy’s friends.”

  “Hello,” Lola said quietly.

  “Oh my goodness, she looks just like you,” Vanessa exclaimed. She crouched down so that she was nearer Lola’s height. “What’s your name?”

  Lola looked up at Cate, who nodded. “Lola.”

  “Nice to meet you Lola,” Vanessa offered her hand. “I’m Vanessa and this big oaf right here is Thom.”

  Vanessa and Thom hadn’t eaten yet so the four of them went to Subway. Lola took an instant shine to Thom and while she was distracted, showing him her plastic giraffe, Vanessa bombarded Cate with questions.

  “We’re not together anymore,” Cate whispered when Vanessa asked about Lola’s Dad. “It’s just me and Lo.”

  She felt a little bit guilty, cutting Kian out of the picture like that. He wasn’t just some faceless guy, a sperm donor who’d ditched Cate when he’d found out she was pregnant. He deserved more credit. But she’d spent so long compartmentalising her life; she didn’t know what would happen if she stopped. To Vanessa and Thom, she was Cate Klein – she’d enrolled at university under her maiden name. Where she was now, living back home with Irene and Liv, sleeping in her old attic bedroom surrounded by the paraphernalia of her teenage years, she felt closer to Cate Klein than she did to Cate Warner.

  CHAPTER 15

  When they got back from the Trafford Centre, Ben and Erin had already gone home.

  “Thanks for the heads up,” Cate said as she passed Liv in the hallway.

  “No probs,” Liv nodded. “After you’ve put Lo down, can we talk?”

  “Can we take a rain check?” Cate pleaded. “I was kind of hoping to have an early night.” For the first time in nearly two months, she felt tired.

  She quickly got Lola changed into her pyjamas and in bed, eager to hold on to this newfound tiredness. It would be so nice to fall asleep in her bed for a change.

  Cate had just got changed into her pyjamas and pulled back the duvet on her bed when she heard the door at the bottom of the stairs creak open.

  “Go away,” Cate muttered under her breath. But she could already feel the tiredness begin to ebb away. She felt raw, like somebody was stripping away layers of her skin. Her blood felt like it was pumping too fast, like it was infused with high doses of caffeine.

  “Hey,” Liv said, peeking over the wall. “I know you’re tired but…”

  Cate sank down on her bed, already resigned to another sleepless night. Her thoughts started to pinball around her head like tiny silver balls smacking into the edges of her skull. She ran her hand over the soft, pillow remembering how close she’d been to resting her head on it, closing her eyes and allowing that tide of sweet, dreamless sleep to carry her through to morning. She’d been so close, like she could still feel it just beyond her fingertips.

  Liv shifted awkwardly, dancing from foot to foot and Cate immediately raised her defences. She’d never liked surprises and she liked them even less
so now.

  “I need to tell you something and you’re not going to like it.”

  Cate took a deep breath, “okay.”

  “Kian…” Liv looked everywhere but at Cate. “He wanted to warn you so you didn’t… Ben thought you’d be here tonight.”

  Cate pressed her hand over her heart, which was thudding loudly. “Liv, please just tell me.”

  “She’s sold her story. It’ll be in the newspaper tomorrow.”

  “Okay,” Cate nodded. Liv’s words seemed to hang in the air as if she couldn’t quite decide what to do with them. “Okay.”

  Liv sat down beside her on the bed and put a hand on Cate’s shoulder. She quickly shrugged her away; her skin was just too sensitive. She got up and began to pace back and forth in the small floor space of her bedroom. She didn’t know what to do but she knew that she couldn’t stay still.

  “Cate,” Liv’s voice broke through the haze. “Will you sit down for a minute? You’re freaking me out.”

  “Huh?”

  “Will you sit down?”

  “No,” Cate shook her head. She needed to focus on something else. She walked over to her dresser and picked up her hairbrush. As she brushed her hair, the strokes seemed to calm her down a little bit. She grabbed a hairband from the dish and quickly plaited her hair.

  She turned back to Liv, who was still watching her warily. “Did they tell you what happened?”

  Liv shook her head, “I didn’t ask. I figured if you wanted me to know, you’d tell me.”

  Cate laughed bitterly, “I suppose it doesn’t matter now, does it?”

  She resumed pacing back and forth faster and faster until eventually Liv had to intervene. She grabbed Cate in a bear hug, restraining her. “Cate, you’re scaring me. Please, just stop okay, please.”

  “I can’t,” Cate said, her breath coming out in short, staccato bursts, like machine gun fire.

  “I’m going to get Mum,” Liv said.

  Cate thought of the little, plastic duck which had been her lifeline on Christmas Eve. Lola’s plastic duck. As she thought about her little girl, it slowly became easier to breathe. She’d got through the last two months and she’d get through this; she had to.

  Liv was still watching her anxiously. “Don’t tell Mum,” Cate said. “I’ll be fine. It was just a shock, that’s all.”

  “Do you want me to stay with you?”

  “No,” Cate shook her head. “I need to be by myself.”

  After Liv had reluctantly gone back downstairs, Cate grabbed her laptop and retreated into her closet. She lay back on the beanbag and listened as her computer whirred to life.

  She found the newspaper’s website and continually refreshed it until eventually The Story appeared on screen. There was the ubiquitous photo of Jenna, posing seductively in sexy lingerie. Cate thought about how she’d tried to pose like that in front of her bathroom mirror; she’d felt ridiculous. Jenna’s breasts were perfect and full. Cate looked down at her own, nestled inside her nightshirt, and she’d never felt more inadequate. The first time Kian had undressed her, on their wedding night, he’d said her breasts were perfect. Cate was struck by how many times he must have lied to her over the years.

  She read The Story, stopping every so often when the words danced around on the screen, to wipe her face. It wasn’t just a kiss and tell; it was a complete obliteration of the marriage she’d thought she’d had. It called into question everything that had happened since their first kiss on Christmas Eve all those years ago.

  When she’d found out that Kian had cheated on her, Cate felt as though he’d destroyed their marriage but now, as she read The Story, she began to wonder if their marriage had ever even existed. She wasn’t Kian’s wife, she was his shameful secret. In their words, which in a few hours would be read by millions of people, Cate was a ruthless gold-digger, who’d seduced Kian when he was at rock bottom the night of his Dad’s funeral, trapping him forever into a loveless marriage and fatherhood.

  Cate looked across at her bookshelves, at the novels her Mum had never approved of. She pulled her favourite, Jane Eyre from the shelf and flung it at the wall. If Irene thought love was for fools, Cate had been the biggest fool of all. She’d hoped that she and Kian were like Jane and Rochester, that they had this great love story. She was poor, obscure, plain and little just like Jane. But she wasn’t Jane at all, she wasn’t his true love; she was

  Bertha Mason, the lunatic 1st wife locked up in the attic of Thornfield Hall. Kian might not have locked her away in an attic but he’d still kept her hidden from his public life. He’d never acknowledged their marriage. He didn’t wear his wedding ring. In this story, Kian had been tricked into marrying Cate just as Rochester had been tricked into marrying Bertha.

  Cate put her laptop down on the floor and lay back on the beanbag. She pressed the soles of her bare feet against the cold wall. She kept thinking about all the people who would read The Story in just a few, short hours. Her Mum, Liv, Jean – would they look at her differently now? Would they believe that she was the Cate in The Story? The night of the funeral, while they’d all been grieving Eamon, would they believe that she’d callously gone after Kian, determined to trap him into marriage? Cate thought back to that night; how utterly broken Kian had looked. Had she taken advantage of him? All she’d wanted was to take away some of the sadness that was weighing him down. Cate felt as if her world had been jumbled up and she didn’t know what was true and what was false anymore.

  She felt herself descend even further into the swirling vortex of pain and humiliation, confusion and anger. She’d been skirting it for nearly two months, keeping a foothold only by sticking to a routine. She grasped for her lifeline, the image of that little, plastic duck, afraid of what would happen if she let go of it for even a second. She thought of Lola, sleeping peacefully downstairs; she needed Cate to be strong.

  But tonight, thinking about Lola, seemed to drag her even closer to the vortex. Newspapers weren’t just tomorrow’s fish and chip wrappers. The Story would be available on the internet for eternity. Someday, Lola would find it and she’d read those ugly words about her parents’ marriage and her conception. She’d read that she wasn’t the product of love, that her Dad had never loved her Mum, that Cate was a ruthless gold-digger who’d just used her as a pawn to get access to Kian’s wealth and celebrity.

  Cate thought of her little girl, someday in the future, riddled with doubts and insecurities, questioning whether she’d been a mistake. The Lola that had once loved so freely, putting up barriers now to protect herself, to keep anyone from getting close enough to hurt her again. Cate felt her strength start to return. She was going to make damn sure that Lola knew that she wasn’t a mistake, at least not for Cate. From the very moment she’d found out that she was pregnant, she’d known that she wanted her child.

  The night Lola was conceived, Cate hadn’t been thinking about Kian’s money or his fame, she’d just seen the man she loved torn apart by grief and weighted down with responsibility for his family and she’d wanted to take some of it away from him. Lola was conceived because Cate loved Kian so much that she’d sacrificed a precious part of herself to make him whole again.

  Cate closed her laptop and curled up on the beanbag. She knew that the next few hours, days, weeks would be tough. But the last two months had been tough and she’d got through them. The only person that mattered in all of this was Lola. If people Cate had never met before wanted to judge her based on some cruel words in a tabloid newspaper, there was nothing Cate could do about that. She knew what was her truth, what was in her heart. She’d loved Kian and if she was honest with herself, even after everything he’d done, she still did love him and she loved their little girl.

  When she went downstairs the following morning, Liv was in the kitchen nursing a mug of coffee.

  “Hi,” Cate said warily. She tried to hold on to the fighting spirit from last night.

  “Morning,” Irene breezed in.

  “Is the
re um… anything you want to say to me?” Cate asked. “It’s just I’d rather you did it now, before Lo comes downstairs.”

  Irene looked confused, “sweetheart, you’re talking gibberish. If I wanted to say something to you, I would.”

  “She’s talking about The Story,” Liv rolled her eyes at Cate.

  “What story?” Irene continued, filling her flask with coffee. “Why are you two talking in riddles this morning?”

  “Have you read it?” Cate asked Liv.

  “Have I bollocks,” Liv grinned. “Geez Cate, don’t look so worried – I’ve known you since you were born, we share some of the same DNA, you really think a story by a skanky little ho-bag is going to change any of that.”

  Cate let out a huge sigh of relief, “Mum?”

  “Please, like I’d read that piece of trash,” Irene sniffed, “I’d find watching paint dry more mentally stimulating.”

  CHAPTER 16

  Cate rang the doorbell at Jean’s house. She was incredibly nervous; it was the first time she was going to see Jean since The Story had been published. She’d begged Liv to drop Lola off this morning on her way to work.

  “Cate?” Jean pulled open the front door. “My goodness, what are you doing standing out there in the rain?”

  “I…” Cate shifted awkwardly. Would Jean believe that she’d been so cold-hearted as to seduce Kian the night of his Dad’s funeral? It was so humiliating that the night she’d lost her virginity, a night that was supposed to be private between her and Kian, had been dissected in a national newspaper.

  “Mummy,” Lola wrapped herself around Cate’s leg. “You’re all wet.”

  “Why don’t you get Mummy one of those nice, fluffy towels we’ve just put away?” Jean said to Lola. “Come on; let’s go through to the kitchen.”

  While Lola ran upstairs, Jean gestured for Cate to follow her into the kitchen. She poured her a mug of tea and they sat at the kitchen table. “Is this because of that story in the newspaper?”