by Lois Richer
“Don’t go there, Kelly.” Sam pulled her into his arms and held her, offering a few moments of quiet refuge. But his embrace did nothing to calm her. In fact, her heart rate soared. “And don’t wish yourself dead,” he whispered hoarsely. “That wouldn’t help anyone, especially me. I’ve come to value you a lot.”
There was such tenderness in Sam’s voice, his touch so affectionate, so gentle. She could have stood in his arms much longer, savoring the comfort he offered until she remembered the invoices.
“Sam?” She drew away slowly. “Can I ask you something?”
“I guess.” He followed her down the hall and waited until she sat at the desk.
“Are those medical invoices for Marina’s treatments to have a baby?” He grimaced then nodded. “Why hide them from me?” She glanced at the columns of figures on the computer and did a quick calculation. “They’re marked paid and yet there wasn’t enough in either the ranch account or their personal account to cover them.”
Sam sat down, but he wouldn’t look at her. And suddenly Kelly guessed the truth.
“You paid for my sister’s treatments, didn’t you?” she whispered, marveling at the debt her family owed him.
Sam was silent for a long time. She thought he wasn’t going to answer. Then suddenly he began to speak in a low tone.
“She and Jake were so happy. Marina loved it on the ranch. She pitched in to any task, even cleaning out stalls. Said it made her feel useful.” A slanted grin teased his lips for a moment until sadness changed his tone. “She tried to hide her unhappiness at not getting pregnant, but I could see my brother was worried. I pressed him and he finally told me that Marina needed a treatment that was ultraexpensive. It isn’t offered here so it wasn’t covered by health care. My brother was beside himself trying to figure out a way to make it possible for her to have the baby she wanted. Somebody had to do something for them.”
“So you offered to pay for it. But where did you get the money?” Deep in thought, Kelly suddenly noticed a clock on the shelf above them, its parts strewn around. “You’re the Fixerator.” She saw the truth in his eyes before he ducked his head. “You used the money you earned, your travel savings.”
He finally nodded.
“Why would you do that?” she whispered, her heart brimming with affection for this kind, caring man, who was willing to give up his dream so her sister could have hers.
“Because when Jake married her, she became my sister. I wanted her to be happy. I wanted Marina to have her dream,” he said quietly.
“At the cost of yours.” Kelly turned, wrapped her arms around his neck and drew him close, pressing a kiss against his cheek. “Thank you for giving my sister her dream,” she whispered.
“I’m not sure it was me.” His arms slid around her waist and held her. She leaned back, curious about his words, and he said, “Marina had the first treatment and nothing happened. I insisted she have another.”
“Which you paid for again.” Oh, Sam.
“Well, yeah. But then the twins came. I think it was their arrival that made her forget about getting pregnant. She was so busy loving them she didn’t even realize she was pregnant until the doctor told her.” His breathy chuckle disturbed her bangs. “I made fun of her for that.”
“But your dream.” Still holding him, Kelly focused on his face, on those warm green eyes with golden chips that sparkled whenever he looked at the kids. “What about your dream to travel?”
“Doesn’t matter much now, does it?” he asked and let her go, forcing Kelly to release her hold on him. “Even if the twins are taken away, there’s still Jacob Samuel to think of. I intend to make sure the Triple D is waiting for him to run if he wants it.” His jaw firmed.
“You don’t want to travel anymore?” she whispered, unable to believe he’d let go of his lifelong dream so easily.
“Next to the kids, traveling doesn’t even compare.” Sam cleared his throat and began shuffling papers. “We’d better get back to work.”
“Yes.” But Kelly’s mind was only half on bookkeeping as she watched him enter the figures then file the information. The other half of her brain was busy trying to imagine anyone else she knew doing such a noble, generous thing. Sam was truly a man among men.
Next to Sam’s choice to give up his dreams, Kelly felt her decision to leave in August seemed selfish. But what else could she do? This wasn’t her home; it wasn’t her family. It was just an interlude, a chance to experience everything she’d never have.
And now she realized just how much she would miss.
“That’s it, I think.” Sam leaned back, surveyed his work and smiled. “I can take this to the accountant tomorrow. Thank you, Kelly.”
“I didn’t do much.” She smiled at him. “Okay, I kept pushing you. But it was for the kids, to make sure everything’s in place if and when someone comes to examine things.”
“Yeah.” Sam fell silent, studying the keyboard. “I realize that and I’m grateful. I’m willing to do anything I can to ensure they don’t leave.”
“I know. Me, too.” She rose. “I’ll check on the kids then head to bed.”
“Can I ask you something?” The words seemed to spill out of him.
“Sure.” Kelly waited.
“About the kids—I mean, how far are you willing to go to ensure they stay?” Sam’s voice sounded ragged, edged with frustration, as if he was battling something.
“I don’t know what you mean.” Was this some kind of test? Kelly frowned.
“I’ve been thinking about what Abby said. There’s this great-aunt now. She seems determined to get custody and, well...” He shifted then rose to pace across the room. “If worse comes to worst, if there is no alternative...”
“Sam.” Frustrated by the non-completion of his sentence and by the horrible feeling that something was wrong and she couldn’t figure out what, Kelly glared at him. “Just say it,” she begged.
“I was wondering if we should get married.”
* * *
Sam mentally kicked himself. He shouldn’t have asked her like that. He should have couched it in better terms, softer, more romantic terms. Women liked that.
Only this wouldn’t be a romantic marriage, and Sam didn’t want Kelly to think that was what he was proposing, because he couldn’t love her.
“I beg your pardon?” Kelly said it slowly, enunciating as if she wasn’t sure she’d understood. “Did you just—?”
“Ask you to marry me?” He shook his head, saw her eyes flare wide with surprise and gulped. “No. Well, sort of.” Get a grip, man!
Kelly looked at him as if he’d suddenly grown two heads, neither one containing a brain.
“Actually, what I was asking was if you’d be prepared to get married if there was no other way to keep the twins.” That was clear enough, wasn’t it?
“I’m sorry, Sam.” Her brown eyes studied him for a long time before she ducked her head as if she didn’t want him to see what she was hiding. “I don’t think that’s a good enough reason for marriage.”
“You don’t think keeping the twins here is worth getting married for?” he demanded, anger swooping in.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t.” Kelly’s voice dropped. “Marriage is a solemn covenant between two people and God. It shouldn’t be undertaken for any reason except that they love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together.”
Sam couldn’t stop his snort of disbelief.
“What does that mean?” Her brows drew together to give him a dark glare.
“Arranged marriages happened all the time in the Old Testament,” he said and knew from her huff of disgust that she wasn’t impressed by that argument. “People today get married for all kinds of reasons, not just because they’ve fallen in love. Companionship, children, to share expenses.
”
Sam stopped because Kelly was laughing—at him.
“You want us to get married so we can share expenses?” she teased.
“I’m not saying we should get married. I’m asking if it would be a possibility if there was no other way to keep the twins,” he snapped.
“I’m not prepared to go there, Sam.” Kelly hugged her arms around herself as if she was chilled. “I intend to keep praying about it, to keep waiting to hear and see what God will do. I’m not going to invent a solution because I’m afraid to trust His will. I believe God has a plan,” she said earnestly. “I want to find out what it is because His way is always best.”
She rose and stepped toward the door. Partly because he was frustrated by her pat answer and partly because he just wanted to get the whole mess settled, Sam lashed out.
“Is that the whole truth, Kelly? Or is it that you’re afraid to get married, afraid to stick around in one place for more than a few months lest you get tied down and don’t get to live the high life anymore?”
Sam knew the moment he said it that he should have kept his lips zipped. Astonishment followed by hurt rolled across her face. Her words, when she finally spoke, oozed pain.
“No, that’s not why, Sam.” Her voice cracked, but she kept speaking, slowly, carefully, choosing her words with great care.
“Then why?” he asked, hoping she’d explain.
“Because I’ve learned that forcing things to get my own way ends up causing problems.” Kelly paused, her gaze on something in the past.
“Tell me.” He didn’t think she would until he heard her heavy sigh.
“Four years ago I was ready to toss away everything I believed in, the career I’d worked so hard to achieve, friends I cherished—I was going to give it all up in order to make my dream of being loved come true. I’d planned for everything, certain I could overcome all the barriers that kept us apart. And I was willing to suffer whatever I had to if it got me what I wanted.” She stared at him. “That’s how badly I wanted to belong, to have a home and someone who cared about me.”
“But you had a home. Your parents love you. You belonged.” Even as he said it, Sam knew it wasn’t true. Something had happened the night of the wedding, something that drove her away and kept her from coming back.
Kelly shed no tears. Her voice was clear and firm, her face stoic as she spoke.
“I didn’t belong, Sam.” She said it sadly. “But I wanted to so badly that I was willing to leave my friends and live on an isolated island where I knew no one, a place my husband would only visit between sea voyages. I figured that was okay because he’d come home to me. I’d belong to him. He’d love me.” She sighed, managed a half smile. “He didn’t believe in God but that was okay, too, because I was sure I could win him over. I didn’t pray for God’s will to be done. I prayed for God to do my will.”
Sam waited on tenterhooks, afraid to hear her next words and yet needing so badly to know what had changed for Kelly. “What happened?”
“The day we were to be married I was in an accident. I wasn’t badly hurt, but I couldn’t get to our meeting place in time. When I did arrive he wasn’t there. I waited and waited but he didn’t come. I barely made it back to the ship. That night a friend, one of the crew whose warnings I’d disregarded, told me he’d been praying God would stop me. He’d learned that morning that my fiancé was married. His wife had arrived unexpectedly to spend the day with him. He already had a wife, a home and four children, whom he rarely saw. This was my dream husband, the one I was giving up everything for.”
“I’m so sorry.” He couldn’t think of anything else to say to wipe away the wounded look in her eyes.
“So am I. Sorry that I didn’t trust God and wait for Him to give me the desires of my heart. I came so close to ruining my life because I tried to make things happen my way, in my time.” She looked straight at Sam. “You once asked me why God didn’t stop pain. Maybe it’s because He knows we’re too stupid to learn any other way.”
Sam didn’t know what to say to that.
“Yet even though I didn’t wait for God’s plan to happen, even though I tried to work everything out myself, God prevented me from making the biggest mistake of my life.” Kelly chuckled. “He put me at the scene of an accident where I couldn’t escape. That’s what saved me.”
“So that’s why you’re determined to wait on God,” Sam murmured, more to himself than to her. But Kelly nodded.
“God has a plan for us. We don’t have to go searching or trying to make things work, because ‘All things work together for those who love God.’” She smiled at him and it was like the sun appearing after a fierce storm. “What we have to do, Sam, is trust Him, wait for His will to be done. You don’t have to marry me to keep the twins. If God wants that, He’ll find a way to make it happen. If He doesn’t, then He’s got something better in store. Trust Him.”
Easy to say, he thought to himself. Hard to do.
“I’m going to bed,” Kelly said between yawns. “Good night.”
He let her get as far as the doorway. “Kelly?” She turned, arched a questioning eyebrow. “Thank you. I appreciate you trusting me with your story. There’s just one thing I want to add.”
“Oh.” She looked at him, her big brown eyes wide.
“Wherever you go, wherever you are, know that you will always belong here. From now on I’d like you to consider the Triple D as home. You’ll always be welcomed back.”
He wasn’t prepared for the spill of tears down her cheeks. But her gentle smile spoke volumes.
“Sam Denver, you are the most generous, kindhearted man I’ve ever known. It’s no wonder Marina loved being here with you. I share that feeling.” Then with one last look, Kelly turned and left.
Kelly loved him? He stood transfixed by the thought as a tidal wave of pure pleasure rushed through him. Until reason returned.
Love him as a brother-in-law. That was what she’d meant.
But that wasn’t the way Sam thought of her. Not anymore.
Something had changed inside Sam. Something made him wish for what his brother had found. Peace. Contentment. Happiness.
When he looked through the window of the future, he saw Kelly racing across the grass, chased by the twins and Jacob Samuel. He saw her standing next to him, coffee mug in hand as the twins came downstairs on Christmas morning, eager to see what made their stockings bulge. When cattle stocks declined, as his parents aged, when drought held the land in its grip—through all these times, good and bad, Sam saw Kelly, standing there, buffeted by the wind but strong, dependable.
There for him.
For a long time Sam struggled to make sense of his whirling thoughts. But nothing seemed to compute, so finally he switched off his computer and the desk light, left the room and trudged to his house, to the little log place he’d built for Naomi.
She was a memory now. A blessed memory that he cherished in a private part of his heart. But here, today, the rest of his world seemed filled with Kelly, teasing him for eating the whole pie, hugging him for caring about the kids, placating her mother so she’d stop badgering him.
Kelly had become an integral part of his world, and now he couldn’t imagine the future without her.
Chapter Nine
“Happy Mother’s Day, Auntie Kelly.” Sadie held out a hand-painted picture that had a lopsided bow stuck to one corner.
“Happy Mother’s Day,” Emma repeated, holding up her own creation to be admired.
“Oh, my goodness. Thank you.” Kelly gulped down her surprise and her tears to savor this special moment. “How lovely. You girls did an amazing job. I’m going to hang these on the fridge where everyone can see them.” She did so, hugged each of them and listened to their explanations about their artistry as they ate their cereal, thinking how precious it w
as to be part of this. When she looked up, she found Sam grinning at her. “What’s funny?”
“You. You take delight in everything.” His hand, wrapped around Jacob Samuel’s, clutched a bouquet of flowers, which he held toward her so that the baby couldn’t eat them. “These are from him. For you. Because you’ve mothered him so well.”
Kelly took the flowers, sniffed appreciatively then leaned forward to brush a kiss against the baby’s cheek. “Thank you, darling.”
“Hey, Oscar and I helped him,” Sam said with a grin.
“Thank you, Sam. I’ll thank Oscar later.” She pretended not to hear his rumble of complaint. She also kept a little distance between them as the memory of his words last night still rang inside her head.
“You always look beautiful, Kelly, but this morning I see dark smudges under your eyes.” Sam frowned. “Did you stay up too late last night?”
“Never went to bed.” Jacob Samuel was fussing, so she scooped him from Sam’s arms, set him in a walker, tied on a bib and handed him a biscuit. “This guy’s teething. We walked the floor after you left.”
“You should have called me. I could have spelled you off.” Sam frowned at her. “It’s too much for you to have the parents here for lunch today.”
“Not at all.” She checked to be sure the salads she’d made yesterday were sitting ready in the fridge and heaved a sigh of relief. She didn’t want to give her mother any reason for negative comments. “Since it’s so warm, we might want to eat outside at the picnic table. That will mean hauling dishes and food out there. Are you up for manning the grill?”
“Seriously?” He flexed his arm. “I can do that with one hand tied.”
“You might have to if your other hand is holding him,” she said, meaning Jacob Samuel. Suddenly, she saw the time. “Girls, we have to leave for church. Now.”
Both Sadie and Emma appeared, smudges on their cheeks.
“What were you doing?” Kelly grabbed a wet cloth and scrubbed away the mess, though regretfully the marks on their dresses seemed there to stay.
