by Lois Richer
“Making pictures for Gran and Grannybell,” Sadie said.
“But you made those yesterday.” Regretting the comment when Sadie launched into a long explanation about touch-ups, Kelly held up a hand. “Tell me later, okay? We have to leave now.”
Naturally, the service was dedicated to mothers. Pastor Don spoke eloquently of the role mothers played in the lives of their kids, and Kelly realized anew the many things her mother had done to enrich her life. His words also offered perspective on the faith a mother needed to instill in her kids, making Kelly wonder who would do that for the twins and Jacob Samuel.
A deep yearning rose inside, a longing to be able to stay, to share raising the kids with Sam. His question about marriage wouldn’t leave her brain. If only it was that easy. If only he could love her.
Of course he hadn’t really proposed, only offered it as a last resort, so he wouldn’t have to wait and trust God. And yet... She told herself to concentrate on the sermon, to soothe Jacob Samuel’s discomfort. But then Sam took him out and there was nothing to stop her brain from dwelling on how perfectly wonderful it would be to stay in Buffalo Gap, on the ranch, with Sam.
Kelly squeezed her eyes closed. She couldn’t marry Sam. The weeks she’d spent in Israel, searching for answers about her future, had taught her that her decisions had to be based on God’s leading. And while she knew that marriage to Sam would be wonderful, she also knew he couldn’t offer her the solid love she’d craved her whole life. Marrying Sam was not God’s leading. Perhaps He wanted her to learn to be satisfied with the life He’d given her.
But then why did these soft feelings for Sam keep growing inside her? Life with him on the ranch felt more right than anything had for a very long time, despite tiring nights with a fractious baby and days of keeping the twins entertained. Her life of travel now seemed dull compared to ten minutes showing the kids the first crocus pushing through the earth, celebrating Easter together or marking their heights on the office wall for tangible evidence that they were growing.
Kelly found deep satisfaction in sharing those special moments with Sam. His hearty laugh and constant appreciation were a balm to her lonely heart. Sam never decried her efforts or made her feel excluded. On the contrary, thanks to him the Triple D had become the one place in all these years where she felt comfortable, at home. So much so that she’d secretly persuaded Oscar to give her riding lessons. One summer’s day before she left she wanted to see the ranch with Sam via horseback. With Sam, Kelly felt free to be herself, to laugh or cry or simply savor the moments. Now that Marina’s videos had filled in her family’s past, it had become harder to imagine life anywhere but on the Triple D, with Sam.
But he didn’t love her.
Kelly offered a prayer for courage to trust God to parent the kids more perfectly than any human ever could. Wait upon the Lord.
“Are you asleep?” Sam nudged her shoulder, jerking her from her inner thoughts. The congregation had risen.
She rose, gave him a droll look, took the edge of the hymn book he held out and sang along with everyone else.
At the end of the service, older children moved through the congregation, passing out carnations to moms. Kelly noticed her own mother, seated next to Mayor Marsha, eagerly reach for the bloom and bury her nose in its petals. Then Arabella lifted her head and looked directly at Kelly, a smile on her lips.
Startled, Kelly smiled back. At least the two of them had progressed far enough to be able to smile at each other. She rode back to the ranch with a song in her heart.
“What can I do to help?” her mother asked the moment she and Neil arrived. “Why, he’s teething,” she said when Jacob Samuel sobbed. “Hold him a minute longer, Sam, then I’ll take him. I know just the thing to help.”
Sam blinked and looked at Kelly in surprise. She shrugged as Arabella pulled an orange from the fridge and peeled it. She took the baby and let his gums rest against the cool, juicy orange. After a moment to adjust to the cold, Jacob Samuel smacked his lips and began heartily sucking. Arabella grinned at them.
“Kelly went through a terrible time teething,” she explained. “This was the only thing that gave her relief.”
“Thank you, Mother.” Kelly leaned over and kissed her cheek. “I’m about at my wit’s end trying to make him comfortable.”
Arabella blinked. “Oh. Well, I have lots of tips. I’ll make some notes for you. Though I don’t suppose you’ll be here much longer, will you?”
“Awhile yet,” Kelly said, tamping down her chagrin. “Come on, Sam. Let’s get lunch on the table.”
“I’ve got the fire going. The girls will soon be able to roast their wieners. What else needs to go out?” he asked agreeably, though a frown furrowed his forehead.
Neil and Jock also offered their help, and soon the salads and her mother’s favorite cold cuts were ready. Kelly lifted her freshly baked rolls from the oven, proud they’d turned out so light and fluffy. Sam carried the high chair outside, where Arabella set Jacob Samuel in it then insisted she sit beside him. When everyone was seated at the table, Sam spoke.
“Today’s a day for mothers. We’re very thankful to you, Mom, and to you, Arabella. You gave us life. You taught us how to live it.” He held up his glass of juice. “Thank you both.”
Plastic glasses clinked against each other, especially the twins’, who went round the table. Then, to Kelly’s surprise, Sam asked them to sit so he could say grace. Amazed that he was actually talking to God, her heart sang as the family shared a meal that was not only delicious but fun, too.
“I love this salad, Kelly.” Arabella took another small helping. “I’ve never had anything like it. Where did you get the recipe?”
“One of the chefs on the ship used to make it. It’s very simple.” Marveling that they could have such a calm conversation, she decided to use the opportunity. “I have a gift I made for you, Mom.”
“You made it?” Arabella accepted the bag and pressed away the tissue paper. She gaped at Kelly. “You quilt?”
“Not like you. I could never manage that,” she said quietly. “I make art quilts.”
“It’s stunning.” Her mother held up the picture of her and her husband with Marina in front.
“I copied a picture Marina had. You look good in that shade of blue, and Dad’s eyes twinkle against the navy suit. Of course, Marina always looked great.” Would using Marina’s picture make her efforts acceptable?
“It’s beautiful.” Her mother delicately traced the lines of stitching with one forefinger. “I’ve never seen anything so exquisite. Thank you.” Then she lifted her head, a frown on her face. “But why aren’t you in the picture, Kelly?”
Her mother actually wanted her to be part of the family picture? Kelly grappled with the thought, fully aware that everyone was staring at her, waiting for an answer.
“Oh, uh, you know. I, uh, never think I look like myself. It’s easier to do others,” she stammered.
“But you’re part of our family, Kelly,” her father said in a soft voice. “You should be in the picture.”
The words burned a path straight to her heart. Kelly gulped and forced herself to speak in a lighter tone.
“Thank you, Daddy. Maybe someday I’ll do one of me.” She glanced at the twins, now smeared with chocolate icing from the cake Sam had bought to mark Mother’s Day. “If I have time,” she added with a chuckle.
“I hope you do,” her mother murmured, running a finger over Marina’s chin. She lifted her head and studied Kelly. “I really hope so. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” she whispered with a full heart, so happy God had worked this softening in her mother.
Sam winked at her, sharing in the moment. Then he presented his mother with a bouquet of her favorite spring flowers and two cookbooks she’d been wanting.
“Not that yo
u need cookbooks,” he added. He opened one and flipped to the section on desserts. “I’m hoping you might lend it to me, because ever since this book arrived, I’ve been salivating over this recipe for pineapple upside-down cake.”
“My son the baker,” Verna teased. “I’ll lend it if you let us sample your cake.”
“Deal.” He leaned back in his lawn chair with a smug look and promptly toppled backward. Face chagrined, he rose, dusted off his jeans then shared the twins’ laughter before turning to the parents. “I wonder if you’d mind babysitting for a while.”
“Sam, I—” Kelly stopped when he raised his hand.
“I thought you might show me how far you’ve come in your riding lessons.” His eyes danced with fun at her frown.
“You know?” she demanded.
“Do you honestly think anything goes on around this spread that I don’t know about?” he asked with a cocky smile. He glanced at the other adults. “So? Is it doable?”
“Of course.” Arabella answered for everyone. “Go and have some fun, Kelly, if you can stay awake. Teething isn’t easy on anyone.”
Given no choice when the others agreed, Kelly went inside to change. Sam waited at the door for her, but when she was about to pull on her sneakers, he handed her a big box.
“What’s this?” She lifted the lid and found a pair of bright red cowboy boots inside. “Red?” she asked, glancing at him.
“It’s your favorite color, isn’t it?” He chuckled at her blink of surprise. “I told you, I know what’s happening on my own place.”
“They’re beautiful, Sam.” Kelly lifted out the boots, admiring the tool work that skipped and danced in a floral pattern up the sides. She pulled one on and found it fit perfectly. She glanced at him questioningly.
“Sheena helped with the size,” he told her. “But you can return them if they don’t fit right.”
“They’re perfect.” She rose and gazed at her boots with admiration. “Sam, boots are expensive.”
“So is finding someone who loves the kids and is willing to clean up their messes, tell them exciting bedtime stories and walk the floor all night.” He stared at her, his green eyes dark and intense as they gazed into hers. “Happy Mom’s Day, Kelly. And thank you.”
He leaned forward to brush his lips against her cheek but at that exact second, Kelly shifted. His lips touched hers. And suddenly he was kissing her as if she was the most special person in his life. And Kelly was kissing him back.
After the initial contact, Sam hesitated, as if he wasn’t sure about her response. Stunned by the longing that rose inside, Kelly drew him closer, unwilling to break whatever bond held her in his arms. And Sam responded, his arms gathering her close and holding her with a firm gentleness that reassured her this could end whenever she wanted it to.
But Kelly didn’t want it to end. She felt alive, excited, thrilled, by his embrace. She couldn’t get enough of his touch, and when his lips finally drew away from hers, she tilted her head so his lips could graze her jawline. She leaned back just enough to let him.
After too short a time, Sam drew away, his eyes shadowed.
“Sadie’s coming,” he murmured.
Immediately, Kelly let go of him and stepped back. A thousand sensations tugged at her, confusing her, leaving her wanting more of his touch, more kisses. She turned away from him and slid her jacket off a peg.
“Auntie Kelly, can we make s’mores?” Sadie stood in the doorway, jaw dropping when she noticed Kelly’s boots. “Awesome. Where’d you get ’em?”
“Uncle Sam, and you’re right. They are awesome.” She eased past Sadie and stepped outside, inhaling the fresh air deeply, desperate to put some distance between them. Jacob Samuel’s weeping offered the perfect escape. “It was a nice thought, but I’d better stay and look after the baby,” she said without looking at Sam. She jumped when his hand curled around her arm. “What are you—”
“He’ll be fine. We’re going for a ride now but maybe we’ll have s’mores after, Sadie.” Sam drew Kelly forward. He tossed, “See you,” over one shoulder as he led her to the tack barn, chuckling when she drew her arm away from his touch. “It was just a kiss, Kelly. No biggie.”
And that was the problem. Sam’s kiss was a biggie to her, but it clearly meant little to him.
* * *
“Oscar did a good job teaching you.” Sam forced his gaze off Kelly’s trim figure on the horse and onto the land that had been in his family for three generations. “You ride well.”
“Thank you.” She beamed as if it was the best compliment he could have given her. “Dancer is a great horse, and this is a gorgeous place to ride. I always had this mental picture of me in the saddle, tearing across some exotic beach at a gallop, the wind streaming through my hair.”
Sam gulped. He had no trouble creating the image, but was astonished that sweet innocent Kelly would have daydreamed it. Which proved he didn’t know enough about her. Given the way she’d kissed him...
“Emma had a bad dream last night.” Kelly’s words jerked him from his fantasy of standing on a moonlit beach with Kelly.
“Another one?” He frowned, hating the frustrated feeling that dogged him because he couldn’t figure out what was wrong.
“I was pretty thankful that Jacob Samuel had drifted off. It gave me a chance to cuddle her.” Kelly’s lips pursed, and her brown eyes narrowed when she turned to glance at him. “She’s afraid someone is going to come and take her away, Sam.”
“You mean, like steal her?” he asked.
“Like this isn’t her forever home,” she said softly, her gaze moving to stare into the distance. “Those are her exact words, forever home.” Kelly sighed. “I did my best to reassure her that we love her and this is her home, but I’ve been thinking about it and—we have to prepare her and Sadie, Sam. Just in case.”
“No.” His jaw tightened, and he sat rigidly in the saddle.
“We have to at least make them feel that our love for them won’t change, even if they live somewhere else,” she pleaded. He shook his head. That made her brown eyes darken. “You’re sticking your head in the sand, and it’s only going to hurt them. We don’t have to tell them some great-aunt wants them to live with her, but we have to tell them that no matter where they go or what they do, for the rest of their lives we’ll care about them and always be here for them.”
“But you won’t be,” he snapped and wished he hadn’t when she winced, her expression pain filled. “I’m sorry. That didn’t come out right,” he apologized then tried again. “I meant I don’t want to lie to them, but more than that, I don’t want them to worry about leaving. They’re kids. They should be running and playing, enjoying life. Not cringing in the dark, waiting for someone to take them away from everything they know.”
“I know, but—” Kelly reined in her horse and sat staring at him with the saddest look he’d ever seen. “I’ve prayed so hard,” she whispered helplessly.
“I guess sometimes praying isn’t enough,” he mumbled, feeling as helpless as she did. Seeing they were beside the river, Sam dismounted, walked over to Kelly and held out a hand. “Let’s talk here,” he said quietly.
He helped her slide off her horse then led her to a boulder he’d sat on at various times throughout his life. When she was seated, he sank down beside her, enjoying the rub of her shoulder against his. This was his thinking place. Maybe together they could find the answers that had eluded them.
“What do we do, Kel? We haven’t heard any more from this woman lately. Maybe she’s no longer interested in the twins.”
Kelly remained silent. Sam sighed and nodded.
“I don’t think that’s true, either.” He threw his Stetson on the grass and lay back against the rock, letting the sun chase away the chill caused by thoughts of losing the twins. “So?”
&nbs
p; “I don’t have any answers, Sam.” A tinge of hopelessness in her voice bugged him. “I don’t know where God’s leading. The only thing I know to do is to prepare the twins by making sure they know that wherever they go, they’ll always be loved.”
“Okay, maybe.” He chewed a stem of grass, trying to come up with a plan. Then he remembered their picnic lunch. “Your mother seemed to love her picture. She even wanted you in it. I think she’s realizing how much she’s missed having you in her life.”
“It could be.” Kelly sounded cautious.
“You don’t believe she liked it?” Her attitude confused him.
“I guess, but I’m afraid to trust. I’ve gone so long believing one thing. It’s hard to do an about-face and believe she actually wants me in her life.” Kelly closed her eyes and tipped her head back so the sun lit her face.
“What actually happened to make you leave that night, Kelly?” Maybe now, here, alone in this glade, he’d finally understand why she’d left and never come back.
“You don’t want to hear my sad past, Sam,” she whispered.
He touched her cheek with his knuckles. “Actually, I would.”
He watched as she sat up straight, pushed her shoulders back and let out a huge sigh. Then she looked at him, her brown eyes steady, determined.
“She wanted, no, insisted, I go back to Bible college,” Kelly said, the words stark. “She said that if I didn’t, she and Dad would cut me off. That I’d have to move out.”
“Why?” Somehow in all the things Sam had imagined, this had never come up.
“I’d been a little wild when I came back after a summer mission trip and found out your brother was marrying my sister.” She hung her head in shame. “I stayed out late, went on drinking sprees, found an unsavory crowd that went against pretty much everything I believe in.”
“Because you were hurting about Jake. Because you loved him.” He nodded.
“Funny how you understand.” Kelly’s smile brimmed with sadness. “Mom didn’t. She thought I was doing it to spite her. I wasn’t. I just couldn’t come to terms with the death of my girlish fantasy of love.”
