Union of Sin

by Eden Summers

  “Cassie,” his voice called to her in her mind.

  She winced through the delirium and cried a little more. She didn’t deny the madness. She deserved it, and so much more.

  “Cassie!”

  This time, she frowned and slowly moved to her feet. His voice wasn’t a dream. He was here, unlocking her front door and stepping into her nightmare.

  “Cassie!” T.J. shoved into the house, his heart pounding. He ran for the hall and pulled up short at the sight of her in the fading light. Her hair was a mess, her eyes bloodshot and skin pale. “What’s wrong?”

  She blinked up at him, her forehead creasing. “What are you doing here?”

  “Jan called.” He held out a hand, like he was creeping toward a frightened child. She looked fragile. Breakable. “She said she could hear you crying but you wouldn’t answer the door.”

  Cassie blinked and shook her head. “I didn’t hear it.” Her voice wasn’t even the same. It was lifeless. Numb.

  “Cassie…” He took another step, needing to fix whatever was broken. After sleeping with her last week, he’d vowed to stay away, but as soon as Jan called, he’d been in the car, frantic as hell to get to her side. This was what he’d feared would happen, that he would walk away to protect her but not know how she coped while they lived separate lives. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

  She frowned at him, anger creeping into her expression. “You knew.” Her chest rose and fell with harsh breaths. “You knew and you didn’t tell me.” She stepped toward him, glaring. “You knew.” She shoved at his chest. “And you kept me in the dark.”

  “Cassie.” He retreated, bumping into the wall as he slid backward. “What did I know?”

  She gave a delirious laugh. “Everything.” She shoved again, and a tear fell down her pale cheek. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Her voice was a plea. “I deserved to know what I’d done.”

  His throat closed over. “You haven’t done anything, sweetheart.”

  Her face crumpled as she slammed her fists into his chest and sobbed. “I ruined all our lives.” She sucked in a manic breath. “A woman was raped.”

  Everything inside him died. For a second, he stared at her. At the destruction he’d tried to avoid. At the pain he couldn’t stand to inflict. He yanked her to his chest and closed his eyes to stem his own tears.

  “It’s okay,” he whispered, holding her tightly while her body shook. “It’s not your fault.”

  It was his. It had started years ago, when he’d began to push the boundaries. Love required spontaneity, but he’d gone too far. Their marriage had been perfect, and he’d ruined it with the continuous desire to strive for more excitement. He’d driven her to that club. He’d held her hand as they walked through the door. And he hadn’t yanked her out of there when he’d discovered it was less than worthy of their attendance.

  She’d been his responsibility, and in return, he was to blame for her suffering.

  “Did you give money to the woman?” Her voice was barely a whisper.

  “No.” He’d tried hard to cover his tracks, to delete phone logs and emails, but Cassie must’ve found a message from the investigator. Yet another mistake he’d made. “I wanted to. But the possibility of upsetting her because she didn’t know where the funds came from made me rethink the idea.”

  Her face contorted in pain and she sucked in a breath. “Is she okay though? I mean…is she…does she have people to support her?”

  No. “Yes.” Honestly, he had no clue. He couldn’t bring himself to snoop. He wouldn’t risk scaring her if she found out an investigator was following her. So he’d made his final payment to Scott six months ago and tried to leave it behind him.

  She pushed back from his chest, scrutinizing him. “Why don’t I believe you?”

  He winced. There were no words, only the confirmation in Cassie’s eyes that told him she hated what he’d done.

  “You should’ve told me.” She shrugged off his touch and moved out of reach. “How could you keep this from me?”

  “Because I didn’t want to see you go through this.”

  “You withheld information of a rape, and the entire reason for our divorce, because you can’t handle my tears?”

  “No.” He shook his head. “I mean you don’t deserve this. This isn’t your guilt to bear. It’s mine.”

  “So I wasn’t responsible for telling the police of a crime this man committed?” Her words were filled with venom. “I couldn’t have changed that woman’s future if I’d pressed charges against her rapist well before she was raped? He could’ve been in jail sooner.”

  “You never would’ve been in that club if it wasn’t for me.” He got in her face, needing her to listen to the truth. “You wouldn’t have been attacked, Cassie. There never would’ve been a cause for us to fall apart, and you wouldn’t have even known of this man’s existence. My decisions led to this. Not yours.”

  “You’re wrong.” She glared at him, her puffy eyes filled with contempt. “I want you to leave.”

  “I tried to save you from this, Cass.”

  “I’m a grown woman.” Her voice rumbled off the walls. “I take responsibility for my own mistakes.”

  “Yes. But this mistake wasn’t yours. It was his and mine.”

  “Get out.” Her voice held less venom this time. “Just go, T.J.” Her shoulders slumped, all the fight and fury vanishing.

  “Cass, please. This isn’t your fault. You aren’t to blame.”

  “No?” She raised a brow. “Then why keep it from me? Why end our marriage if not because you’re disgusted by my actions.”

  “Why?” She knew so much, yet so little. “Because I no longer deserved to kiss you when there were secrets between us. I couldn’t stand to look at you knowing I withheld the truth, and I couldn’t sleep in our bed knowing that woman could’ve easily been you. I’ve told you all along, my guilt made it hard to be close to you.”

  “Well, your guilt is misguided. And to think you see me as someone weak and incapable of making my own decisions disgusts me.” She looked away and sighed. “I don’t know who you see when you look at me, T.J., but it’s definitely not the woman I am.”

  “I know you.” He knew her better than himself. She was beautiful. Kind. Nurturing. Above all, she had a heart that felt the pain of others far worse than her own.

  “You don’t.” She shook her head and walked away. “You don’t believe in my strength. You don’t think I’m capable of making my own decisions. So I guess this divorce is for the best after all. I finally agree we’re better apart.”

  “You don’t mean that.” She was in shock. Getting over this news would be the hardest struggle she’d had to endure, and he couldn’t stand to let her face it on her own. “Let me stay with you a while.”

  “No.” She stopped at the end of the hall, her breathtaking silhouette making his chest ache. “All those nights I wished you were here, holding me. Now I’m thankful I’m not stuck in a toxic marriage.” She strode out of view, taking his heart with her. “Make sure you lock the door on the way out.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  T.J. was pacing. Again. It seemed that was all he did lately. Each day, he walked miles in the same spot, trying to drive away the image of Cassie. Not only was she haunting his dreams, she was now terrorizing his every waking breath.

  “You summoned us,” Leo drawled, his frame coming into view from the threshold of the Shot of Sin office.

  “Again.” Brute shouldered his way into the room.

  Shit. His heart was in his throat, his pulse a rapid beat, his palms sweating. He couldn’t stop the fear that throbbed through his veins, telling him he was making the wrong choice by continuing with the divorce. The apprehension increased with every passing second that neared the day he would legally sever himself from his wife.

  “What’s the reason for t
he meeting this time?” Brute scowled. “Apart from the need to re-carpet the office due to you wearing down the pile.”

  T.J. planted his feet, fighting the urge to keep moving. He’d kept track of Cassie every day since she’d found the lone email he should’ve deleted. Jan was keeping an eye on her, Shay too, and every spare second he had was spent doing drive-bys past his old house in an effort to feel close to her. He’d called a time or two, exchanged a few guilt-filled words, but she never wanted to talk. She was moving on, and doing a better job of it than he was.

  “I think I’m making a mistake.” He ran a shaky hand over his jaw. He hadn’t been able to say the words aloud all week. Only the panic wouldn’t stop. His chest was pounding with each tick of the clock.

  “Which one?” Leo raised a superior brow and sank into the sofa opposite the office desk.

  T.J. shook his head. This was a mistake. It was nerves. Indecision. Obviously, he’d have to experience some form of chaotic regret as the time dwindled to doomsday. What he was feeling was only natural… Right? “Just forget it, okay?”

  He had less than forty-eight hours to get through. Relief would come once the divorce was final. Cassie would start to drift from his mind once they were legally separated. She had to.

  “Spit it out,” Brute grated. “I’ve got suppliers to call and wages to pay.”

  T.J. closed his eyes and rubbed the tension from his forehead. His friends were going to be pissed. They deserved to be after what he’d put them through.

  “I think going ahead with the divorce is a mistake.” He glanced at Brute, winced at his furious expression and then turned his focus to Leo. “She knows the truth now. There’s nothing left to hide. It’s only my guilt keeping me away, and I don’t think that’s enough anymore.”

  “Are you fucking serious?” Brute stared at him, deadpan.

  “I don’t know.” It was the truth. He couldn’t think straight anymore. His conscience was aware that leaving Cassie was the right option. But his heart? His soul? Every part of his chest that pounded all day long? They all told another story. They pushed him to go after her and make sure she was coping with the news.

  “You’re joking, right?” Leo asked. “You’ve already dragged her to hell and back, and now you want to do it again?”

  “I don’t know.” That was the problem. He couldn’t decide. “I don’t know what to do. I’m not sure if this is cold feet, or if it’s intuition telling me I need to change my mind before it’s too late.”

  “It could be your menstrual cycle.” Leo crossed his arms over his chest and sank back into the sofa. “You’ve been majorly moody lately.”

  “You’re one to talk,” Brute interrupted. “I seem to recall putting up with the same shit when you were having problems with Shay.”

  “Point taken.” A grin stole across Leo’s face. “So what do you need from us?”

  T.J. shrugged. “Just tell me I’m doing the right thing. Tell me I can’t go back and beg her forgiveness.”

  “In that case…” Leo cringed. “I think you’re right.”

  “That case?”

  “If the aim is to stop her from hurting, I’d let her go. She’s recovering better than you’d expected. She’s going to counseling, and Shay is always over there doing girlie things. She’s not dying without you.”

  But he was dying without her.

  “You’re wasting our time,” Brute grated. “You don’t want the truth. You want us to stroke your guilty conscience and make you feel better. You want us to placate you and come up with suggestions that will never be better than the option to cut and run.”

  True. All of it was true.

  “But if you’re looking to punish yourself, I’ll give you my honest opinion.” Brute’s frown increased. “You’re a fucking idiot for taking her to that club and leaving her alone. But most of all, you’re a fucking idiot for letting her go. I know it, Leo knows it and so do you.”

  “She never asked for this lifestyle or the depravity that skirts the boundaries of what we do. And what if I hurt her again? What if I fuck up?”

  “You’re worried about making another mistake?” Brute scoffed. “Don’t. If you fuck her over again doing some stupid, irresponsible shit, you won’t have time to deal with her pain, because I’ll fuck you up myself.” Brute spoke without a hint of humor. Not even a glimpse.

  His friend would do exactly as promised and not spare a thought.

  “You fucked up once, give yourself a break,” Leo added. “But if you fuck up twice, I won’t save you from Shay. I promise she’ll be more of a threat than Brute.”

  “I’ll never hurt her again,” he promised. He’d die before he caused her more tears.

  “No.” Brute raised his voice. “Hurting her is inevitable. It’s how relationships work. Don’t even think you can go back to her and treat her like glass. If you do go crawling back, do right by her. Treat her exactly the way she wants to be treated, not the way you think she deserves. Her fragility is your issue, asshole, not hers.”

  Asshole. That was as close to an endearment as T.J. would get from Brute.

  “You both know I love her more than life,” he murmured.

  Brute smiled, all teeth, no charm. “And you know I’ll gladly take her off your hands the next time you mess up.”

  T.J. rolled his eyes and focused on Leo. “Any more words of wisdom from you?”

  “Yeah, you’re running out of time.”

  “Don’t you think I know that? Tomorrow’s the last day before the divorce is finalized.”

  Leo winced. “Yeah, tomorrow’s also the day Shay takes your wife out for a night in the city to help her move on.”

  Goddamn it. That kick-started his heart into next Tuesday. “Are you serious?”

  Leo inclined his head. “Deadly serious. And from the look of the outfit Shay picked out for Cass, she won’t be going home alone.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  “You look edible.”

  Cassie blushed at Shay’s compliment and gave a halfhearted smile in thanks. The Bodycon dress was too tight, the material barely coming to her knees, accentuating every curve…and she had many.

  “It isn’t too much?” She pulled at the hem in a vain attempt to hide more skin. “Don’t be silly. The aim of the game is to regain your confidence and put a smile back on your face. Now get in the damn car.”

  This wasn’t a game, it was torture. Shay had spent days consoling her through grief and guilt. Along with Jan and a newly found counselor. Sleep was still illusive, and the pain wouldn’t ebb, but for tonight, Cassie wanted to paste on a smile and pretend like her life wasn’t going to be irrevocably changed tomorrow.

  “Come on. Come on. Come on.” Shay strutted toward her car parked in Cassie’s driveway, swaying her perfect ass. “I’m dying for a drink.”

  It was already approaching nine o’clock when they slid into the small hatchback.

  “So where are we going?” Shay hadn’t given specifics. A club in St. Kilda had been mentioned once or twice. A club that was currently in the opposite direction to where they were headed.

  “I made an executive decision and changed our plans.”

  Cassie sighed, now all too familiar with Shay’s chipper tone that announced she was up to something. “You know what? Don’t tell me, just turn the car around and drive me home. I always seem to get myself in trouble when I’m with you.”

  Shay snorted, ignoring her request. “And that’s my fault?”

  “Ah, yeah. I was trouble-free before we met.”

  “Sounds kinda boring,” Shay said around a chuckle.

  Boring but safe. There was no more desire for fun or depravity. Without T.J., none of it really mattered. Yeah, she planned on having a fling or two in the future…maybe…if she gained the courage to go home with a stranger. But that would take time, and determi
nation she currently didn’t have. “Why don’t we go to my place and have a few drinks instead?”

  Shay shook her head. “I know what you’re doing, and I’m not going to let you. The first step is the hardest. Once tonight is over, you’ll find it easier to go out next time. And then the time after that, and so on and so forth. The longer you put it off the harder it will be.”

  “Fine.” Cassie sighed. “So where are we going? And don’t think I haven’t noticed that you distracted me for long enough to take me out of walking distance from my house.”

  “I can’t slip anything by you, can I?” Shay shot her a grin.

  “So?”

  “So…we’re going to the Vault.”

  Oh, no. Hell, no. “Forget it. Stop the car. Right now. I’m not going anywhere near there.”

  Shay waved away her protest. “Calm down. T.J. won’t find out. And besides, you can’t back out now. I arranged the whole night for you. Vault of Sin doesn’t usually open on Thursday nights, so I’ve invited a few regulars. I picked them out specifically to ensure you have a great time.”

  The innuendo in Shay’s tone turned Cassie’s cheeks to flame, the heat expanding all the way to her chest. “I don’t want to sleep with anyone—”

  “You don’t have to.”

  “I don’t want to cause trouble the night before the divor—”

  “You’re not going to. T.J. doesn’t work tonight. He won’t even be there.”

  Damn it. This woman couldn’t take no for an answer. “Leo and Brute wouldn’t approve either.”

  “Actually,” Shay drew out the word, giving her a pointed look. “Leo’s the one who suggested it.”

  “Bullshit.”

  Shay turned her focus back to the road and nodded. “I’m not lying. He’s worried about you. If you’re going to get laid, he’d prefer you do it at the club, with someone who has gone through the vetting process. It’s a safe environment. You won’t have to contemplate taking strangers back to your house, or be enticed to go home with someone.”