“So if I love Dave too, then it’s not bad, it’s okay?”
“It’s absolutely okay. He makes your mom happy, right? He treats her well and he’s good to his daughters and you two. I think those are very good reasons to love him.” Jonah heaved a big sigh and smiled up at Ruben. “Do you feel better?”
“Yeah, thanks, Dad.”
Ruben hugged him. “Thank you for talking to me. Now, why don’t we go check on your sister before she decides to go body surfing without us?”
“Yeah, okay.” Jonah set his pail under their beach umbrella. “Dad, does this mean you’re going to marry Uncle Alan like Mom got remarried?”
Oh boy, what was it with kids stabbing right at the heart of an issue? “Actually, despite what you may have read online, Alan and I are just taking things a day at a time, no rush. Mostly we’re friends, and that’s not a bad way to start a relationship.”
“I love Uncle Alan, and so does Jessie,” Jonah offered as they headed across the hot sands to the shoreline.
“He feels the same way about you two.”
“Wow, I didn’t know I loved so many different people. Are you sure there’s enough to share?”
Ruben laughed and squeezed Jonah’s shoulder. “I’m absolutely positive.”
The past few days had been amazing, and Ruben had soaked in every minute with his kids. It didn’t matter where he was: if he was in Tampa, he felt like half his heart was left behind in Vermont with Alan and the boys, and when he was back home, he felt the same way about Jessica and Jonah.
This was like when he’d been on the road, working that hectic, grueling schedule. Only then he had been able to see his kids more often, and now his relationship with Alan was maybe turning into everything Ruben had dreamed of. He knew Alan was worried that he was frustrating the hell out of Ruben, but Ruben had already been through this stage, trying to figure out what he really wanted out of his life. He knew Alan had concerns that Ruben would get it in his head to move back to Tampa, and damned if there weren’t times when he was tempted. But when Alan said he didn’t want Ruben to be just an experiment, Ruben had vowed to himself to see this through to the end.
Alan was worth fighting and sticking around for. When he got back, Ruben was going to make a stand and show Alan what he really was choosing if he chose him. And he would make the most of every moment he had with his kids when they were together.
“Jonah.”
“Yeah, Dad?”
Ruben crouched down at the water’s edge and smiled at him. “Thank you for talking to me. You helped remind me about what’s important.”
“I did?” Jonah scrunched his face together as he thought about it. “Was it about the love stuff?”
Ruben laughed and hugged Jonah to him again. “Yeah, buddy, it’s about the love stuff. You know that no matter where I am, I love you whole bunches, right?”
“Totally.” Jonah flung his arms out as wide as they would go. “You love us this much and more.”
“You’ve got it, little man.”
Chapter 8
WHEN Ruben emerged from the airport, he found Alan waiting for him by the curb, leaning against his SUV and studying the open binder he held in his hands. Ruben paused, his heart doing the Charleston. Even after all these years, whenever he saw Alan after a few days’ absence, he still got that little thrill of awareness, the feeling he was coming home.
“So, you ready for the annual town exhibition game Saturday?” Ruben asked, setting his carry-on down. “My shoulder is all rehabbed now; you’re not going to be able to walk all over me like you did last year.”
Alan glanced up and the corners of his eyes crinkled with his smile. “Well, look at you, Mr. Florida. Looks like you had plenty of sun while we were stuck with rain up here.”
“It was beautiful. Hot, but beautiful.”
Alan tossed the binder onto the backseat through the open window, then went to open the hatch on the back of the SUV. Ruben felt a little awkward as he put his bag in the back. Normally, Alan would’ve hugged him. He was that kind of a guy—he hugged, he backslapped, he drove Ruben crazy with all those small, innocent touches.
Apparently he’d done some thinking over the past few days. Ruben’s thoughts went back to what Alan said before he left, that he didn’t want Ruben to be an experiment. He’d taken it as a plea for more time to process what was happening between him, but now he wondered if it meant Alan really wanted to step back altogether and go back to being only friends.
“Come on,” Alan said, slamming the hatch shut. “If we hurry, you’ll just make your practice. Laurie will be happy to see you.”
Ruben slid into the seat and buckled himself in as Alan rolled off down the access way. “She said practice went well, but I’m sure the boys were antsy; Opening Day weekend is coming up fast. Who are you playing on Sunday?” he asked to distract himself from his disappointment. Both days were utter chaotic fun, Saturday with the demo game, team pictures, and parade, then Sunday with every team getting a chance to play at some time either in the morning or the afternoon.
“Eddlington’s team. We have one of the first slots, right before they start the picnic feast.”
“We’re not on until after lunch, so I’ll be able to watch.”
“That’s cool, it’ll give me a chance to grab Mikey beforehand. I think Brett is playing right after you.”
It was easy to sink into the familiar talk of juggling schedules, maximizing their time together without even thinking about it. Still, nagging at the back of Ruben’s mind was the sinking thought that Alan might want to go back to the way things were. If that happened, Ruben didn’t know how to start letting go of that dream for both of their sakes.
“How are Jonah and Jessica doing?” Alan asked as they headed north. “It sounded like you were having a fun visit.”
“Jessica is doing well. Nothing much fazes her. She misses your monster squad.” Ruben watched the countryside go by, the white glare of the sun in Tampa replaced with the cool green of the mountains. He let the scenery settle and soothe him. “Jonah is having some problems adjusting.”
“What, with the new stepfamily?” Alan asked, a note of concern creeping into his voice. “I guess when you think about it, not that much time has passed since the divorce.”
“That, and having his summer routine changed and Karen’s pregnant. That’s playing into it as well.”
“Wow. That’s a lot to take in.”
Ruben debated whether he wanted to get into the rest of it with Alan, but he wasn’t likely to get another chance soon without them being interrupted. It was just the two of them and a long ride ahead.
“He was also worried that I was going to stop being his dad, that Brett would replace him.”
“Where did he get a crazy-assed idea like that?” Alan asked, and Ruben caught his glance out of the corner of his eye.
“Some damn pictures a blogger posted from the airport.” Ruben knew he should’ve warned Alan about it, but that last day had been hectic. That was probably just an excuse; Ruben hadn’t wanted Alan to find out about it until he had a chance to be with him to run damage control if he needed to. “And a nice piece speculating on the length of our relationship.”
Ruben turned to look at Alan to gauge his feelings, but Alan was hard to read sometimes.
Alan let out a breath and his hands tightened on the wheel before they relaxed. “Well, there were rumors going on about us before there was anything to talk about. I guess you could say we’ve finally given them something to actually discuss.”
“Yeah, I guess so. I’ll send you the link. The pictures came out rather nice.” Though Ruben would’ve preferred that the intimate moment would’ve been left out of the media. His emotions about Alan were too raw right now to share with anybody else.
“I know I said we’d talk when you came back,” Alan said. A chill touched Ruben’s stomach, and he nodded without looking at Alan. Please, don’t let it be a complete step backward. He couldn’t
go on pretending the love he had for Alan was just friendship. “And I’ve been giving it all a lot of thought.”
Thinking about it was better than the alternative. Ruben wished he had something to do with his hands, anything. “I know it’s a lot to consider.”
“It is, because it doesn’t affect only me. Honestly, I’m scared of fucking this up, Ruben, I really am. I don’t want to lose our friendship. I need it. I need you, and the boys need you too.” Alan stole another glance at him, and this time Ruben met his gaze.
“I’ve been thinking about it too. I had a good conversation with Jonah, and it helped me put some things into perspective. We’re not going to lose our friendship. Neither of us would let that happen. If you decide you can’t pursue this and I have to take a step back to regroup, then I will, but it doesn’t mean I can’t be your friend, it just means I need to learn to let go of the idea that we could be something else.”
“I’m not asking you to let go,” Alan said quietly.
A wild surge of hope leaped up in Ruben’s chest. “You’re not?”
“No, I just want some time to figure it out. It feels like everything is happening so fast. I know it’s not, maybe it’s been building for a long time, but to me, it’s like suddenly we were one way and the past was the past, and now it’s all different. I’m thinking of you differently, and it’s kinda blowing my mind.”
Ruben remembered those days when he first realized he was falling for Alan—the stress of trying to bury the inappropriate thoughts, the ache of wanting to be closer and being afraid, the realization that the map he’d laid out for his life was completely altered because the mask he’d built for who he thought he was had been stripped from him.
And he sure as hell hadn’t come to any conclusions overnight, either, or even over a long few days apart. It had been a painful, liberating, slow revelation, and he couldn’t deny Alan the same time to wrestle with his feelings and identity.
“Take all the time you need, Alan. I’m not going anywhere.”
Alan flashed him a smile that lit up his whole face. Damn, he just made Ruben crazy. He reached over and squeezed Ruben’s hand. “That’s all I need to know.”
“GET a home run, Dad!” Brett shouted from the stand as Alan walked toward home plate.
Immediately, another familiar voice piped up. “Strike him out, Uncle Ruben!”
Alan glanced at his boys, who sat next to Miss Sarah, and pointed at Seth, who grinned impudently back at him. Ruben laughed and called back from the pitcher’s mound, “Don’t you worry, little man, I’ve got your dad’s number.”
Adjusting the straps on his batting gloves, Alan tried to get into the zone. Maybe it was just an exhibition game, where all the Little League coaches in the county made two teams and started off Opening Day weekend with a blast, but whenever he faced off against Ruben, neither of them held back. Last year he’d gotten the best of Ruben, but he knew it was only because of the surgery. That hadn’t stopped the locals from enjoying the hell out of the contest, and the two teams had been itching for a rematch all year.
He tapped the edge of the plate with his bat three times and hopped from foot to foot in his old routine, getting himself geared up. Ruben might go easier on the less experienced batters, but he’d bring his A game for him. Alan lifted his bat and stared at Ruben as a frisson of awareness sizzled through him.
They had faced each other more times than Alan could count, both in practice, while they were on the same team, and as rival players when the stakes were much higher. As Ruben leaned forward, his razor concentration on the catcher, his entire face focused, Alan felt the jolt of heat that had become impossible to ignore. Ruben was sexy when he was so intent. It made Alan want to march over and kiss him until all that attention was focused on him instead.
Ruben gave a slight nod, then straightened, his entire body still for a moment until that long leg came up. Alan steadied the bat, his heart thumping from more than just adrenaline. He remembered that leg hugging him as they’d rubbed against each other on the couch last week.
Alan let out his breath in a rush as the ball came screaming toward him. He swung, but his rhythm was off and he knew he’d missed even before he finished the motion. The crowd groaned and Ruben grinned, a wicked curve of his lips. “It’s too early in the game for you to get psyched out, Hartner,” he called.
“I’m just getting started.” Alan pointed the bat at him. “Don’t forget what happened in Boston.” Ruben’s gaze narrowed as he leaned forward to study the catcher again. No, Ruben wasn’t likely to ever forget Alan was the one who had shut down his no-hitter. He had been hopping mad.
And today Alan’s focus was all wrong, just like it had been all wrong that night in Boston. Alan had kept getting distracted by all of Ruben’s little mannerisms and he’d screwed up every time he’d stepped up to the plate, striking out swinging until the frustration had built up to the breaking point in the ninth inning, when he’d smacked that damn ball right over the Green Monster.
Only that wasn’t the most distracting memory that kept flitting through Alan’s head. It was what had happened later, when Alan went to Ruben’s hotel room, still filled with the same frustration from the game, the same ache of losing his best friend to another city, another team.
He’d showed up at the hotel room, and Ruben’s eyes had been hot and furious as he stared back at him. They’d almost been black in the dim light coming from his room. He’d warned Alan not to press him, but all Alan could think was he didn’t want to be shut out anymore.
Ruben’s gaze caught him again with a rough jolt as he straightened. Alan remembered the feel of those firm lips, those hard hands on his body as they’d pulled their clothes off with impatient tugs, stumbling their way to the bed.
The ball sailed across the plate, and Alan blinked as the crowd roared. “What’re you doin’, Dad!” Brett yelled at the top of his lungs over the ump calling strike two. “Stop daydreaming and swing the bat.”
Alan chuckled as he heard his own oft-repeated words shouted back at him. If he didn’t get his head on the game, he was going to be the laughingstock of the town for the rest of the weekend and his sons would never let him hear the end of it. “Come on, Alan, you don’t have to make it that easy for him,” the catcher said with a snicker.
He tapped his bat on the plate again, forcing his gaze away from Ruben. Those memories were hitting him hard. And he was consumed with thoughts of inviting Ruben up to his bedroom tonight, undressing him, and taking it slow and easy as they explored one another. Ruben hadn’t tried kissing him once since he came back, keeping to his promise to give Alan space, and it was making him absolutely nuts.
Ruben’s leg came up and Alan narrowed his focus on the bat in his hand and the ball that came toward him. It was slower than the last two pitches and seemed to almost dance in the air between them. Alan swung, cursing himself even as he did. Ruben hadn’t thrown a knuckleball in a long time.
He connected and knew it was no damn good. The pop fly was caught easily by the shortstop and Ruben came jogging forward as the end of the inning was called. “Didn’t get enough sleep last night, Alan?” he called teasingly, and Alan narrowed his eyes. Oh no, he was not going to be the only one who had a hard time concentrating today.
“Just remembering The Maltese Falcon,” Alan said, patting Ruben’s back as he came to an abrupt halt. “Makes it a little hard to stay focused.”
Ruben turned to look at him, his gaze hot and intense, and Alan knew he’d gotten under his skin. He was learning to recognize the little signals from Ruben that gave away his interest, like the way those eyes of his would darken even more, or the way he’d kind of lean in toward Alan. “Good movie,” Ruben said, after a minute examination of Alan’s face. “Good memories associated with it.”
“Good, hmm?” Alan let his gaze rake over Ruben and grinned wickedly as the other man shook his head in bemusement. “I can think of many other adjectives.”
Ruben leaned c
loser still and lowered his voice. “You’re a damn tease, Hartner. I never would’ve thought that of you.”
“Goes to show you don’t know everything about me yet.” Alan backed away toward his dugout with another grin, spreading his hands wide. “Kind of exciting, isn’t it?”
RUBEN watched Alan saunter off. Even though no one had gotten on base from Alan’s team, it felt like the other man had come out on top. He looked down at the dust coating his feet and grinned. It had been hard during the past week to pretend that the night on the couch had never happened, to stop himself from stealing kisses good night or confessing once again that he loved him. It seemed like his patience was finally paying off.
Still, though, despite Alan’s words and the simmering sexual tension between them that was impossible to deny, Ruben didn’t want to rush things. He’d let Alan make the next move when he was ready, and in the meantime he rather looked forward to discovering this new, playful side of his best friend.
“Hey, Martell, you going to stand there daydreaming all day? We’ve got a game to finish.”
Ruben felt his cheeks heat as he joined the other coaches on his team in the dugout. The rest of the game went by in a blur as the coolness of early morning gave way to the lethargic heat of midday. Ruben had no other opportunity to talk to Alan again as they rushed from the game to change into their uniforms for the team pictures, followed by the parade down Main Street. The excitement of the kids was palpable, as most of the town had lined up to watch. There were four big festivities in the county during the year; this weekend for the All-Stars was one of them.
He didn’t get a chance to see Alan again until at the end of the day, when he was herding the boys into the SUV. “You want tacos?” Alan asked as he buckled Matt into his car seat. “I prepped everything before I left the house this morning.”
“Can’t, I promised Laurie and her husband pizza, and she’s already giving me enough grief for the way I let you distract me earlier.” He’d had a hard time getting his equilibrium back to find the plate again in the second inning.
Playing Ball Page 27
