When Sinners Kneel (Blackest Gold World)

by R. Scarlett

  “Beau,” Molly’s voice shook me out of my thoughts and my head shot up to meet her gaze. “I wanted to ask you about…” She glanced at Lex, whose brows had knitted in a frown. “About being heartless… about… getting better.”

  My entire body stiffened at her words.

  Being heartless.

  I stared back at her, working my jaw.

  Once a demon’s heart was ripped out, it could grow back, but it took time and nurturing. If she wanted a quick solution, I truly couldn’t offer it. I had lived in anger and fear alone. I’d been heartless and alone for a long time.

  When I felt Lex’s eyes watching me, I turned to meet her gaze, a longing in her stare. Like she wanted to know the answer too.

  Like she wanted to save me.

  I couldn’t be saved.

  I couldn’t forgive myself.

  I looked away and back to Molly. “Why?”

  Molly licked her lips and moved closer. “So I can help him. Make it better for him.”

  I tsked. “To save him. For your own selfishness. Maybe he’s better as a beast. Maybe he wants to stay that way.”

  Lex folded her arms. “Better as a beast?”

  I glared at Lex, my anger, my fear eating me alive and I lashed out. “Take a walk. This has nothing to do with you.”

  The moment the words left my mouth, I regretted them and winced. My fingers itched to reach out to her and hold her, to apologize. Lex blanched and then her delicate features morphed into a scowl. “Fuck you.”

  It felt like whiplash, like she had dug into my chest and squeezed whatever tiny heart I had.

  But I had deserved it.

  Lex grabbed a bag off of the couch and stomped out, slamming the door behind her.

  Molly didn’t move, staring at me as I ran a hand down my face.

  A few seconds passed before Molly spoke. “Are you and her…?”

  I shook my head. “No.”

  But I wanted to say yes as wrong as it was. As selfish as it was.

  The jealousy eating at me was too much to think clearly, it was blurring my vision.

  Molly nodded, deciding it was best to steer clear of that conversation. “Beau, how much of a heart do you have?”

  I sighed and turned to my kitchen. I turned on the tap and poured myself a cup of water. “Over half a heart.” It was a lie though. I could feel my heart expanding, strengthening for the last few weeks. And I knew who had caused it. Who had caused it to grow so fast when it had barely even grown after years following my demise. I took a large gulp of my water, the droplets littering on my dark scruff. I moved toward her, fixing her with a dark, steady stare. “It took ten years to get there.”

  Molly’s eyes widened and the little bit of hope that had existed vanished with my words. “Ten years?”

  I took another gulp and nodded. “Ten fucking years of darkness.”

  Molly gripped the back of the couch for support. “What if I did something? To speed the process?”

  I cocked a brow and felt a wave of anger. Of jealousy that Tensley had someone who loved him so much she was willing to try and do anything to save him. To bring him back. While I had been abandoned and loathed most of my life. “What exactly?”

  She swallowed. “I cursed him to grow a heart.”

  What the fuck?

  My brow dropped low and I stepped forward, anger in my movements. “You fucking cursed him?”

  “I was desperate.”

  I swore and paced. “Well, he better fucking still be alive. You didn’t kill him, right?”

  Molly shook her head softly.

  I shrugged after a moment. “I don’t know how it’ll work. It may grow back faster, it may still take time.”

  She fisted her hands. Time wasn’t on her side.

  I looked straight into her eyes, gaze cold. I wanted to give her hope. I wanted to give her a chance to not give up, not on my brother. Despite the anger and jealousy. Tensley was my little brother. He and I had never had an easy, loving relationship, there had even been a rivalry for a long time, but I still hoped for him to heal faster than I had. No one deserved to go through what I’d gone through.

  But still, still bitterness boiled in me.

  “I had no Molly in my life during those ten years,” I snapped. “Because I wasn’t lucky like my brother. The woman I fell for was long dead and so was my unborn child. No one and nothing helped me, so I don’t know shit about helping someone grow a heart. All I know is the darkness and pain that followed me around all those years. And it’s still there, it never goes away.”

  Molly visibly straightened as if I had slapped her, but then her features softened again. Like pity for me.

  Tensley had people willing to sacrifice everything to bring him back. As for me, everyone had given up.

  But there was a truth in my harsh words that rang louder than the bite they delivered. One I knew she heard, loud and clear.

  Be there for him. No matter what.

  Molly nodded, her eyes dropping. “Thank you, Beau.”

  I sucked at my teeth and looked away as she made her way out the door. I hoped she would be able to save him quickly enough so that their child wouldn’t come to this world with a beast as a father. But I wasn’t sure.

  As I stood in the dark apartment, my chest grew heavier and I clenched my hands.

  I needed to find Lex. I grabbed my jacket and rushed out, doing it up as I made my way down the stairs.

  As I turned the corner in the hallway, I found Lex standing by the front entrance. Her tiny body shook, the cool wind whipped at her cheeks, her wet hair now brittle from the cold air.

  “Alexandra,” I said, my voice soft.

  Her body froze, but she didn’t look back at me.

  I stepped closer, being careful not to invade her space. I could feel the anger radiating off of her. She was pissed off.

  I deserved it.

  “I fucked up, okay?” I said, my breathing warring against my chest. “I’m sorry, I don’t like people prying into my relationships.”

  “I know this isn’t a relationship, we’re just fucking,” she hissed back, and I caught her side profile, her lashes lined with droplets. “But you don’t have to be an asshole about it either.”

  I hollowed out my cheeks and sighed, staring at the ceiling. I wasn’t ready to commit to more. I wasn’t ready to give her my soul and heart, but somehow, I felt she already had it and didn’t even know she held all the power in her tiny, kissable hands.

  I moved closer, so my front flushed against her back and she shivered, a moan escaping.

  “Are you that embarrassed of me?” she whispered, brokenly. “Because I’m a souleater?”

  It felt like daggers were jabbed into my chest. “Fuck. Alexandra, I’m not embarrassed of you at all. I’m a fucked-up man. I’m complicated. I do and say harsh things I don’t mean and realize too late that I’ve fucked up.” I gripped her arm and turned her around, seeing her tear-stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes. My fingers touched her cheek. “But if you want me, you can have me.”

  “I want you,” she murmured, her fingers toying with my t-shirt, unable to look up at me. “But why did you react that way up there?”

  “Why?” I sighed deeply, staring at her, willing my answer to help. “Because I’m afraid. Afraid of what is happening between us. I can’t commit to anything more than giving you my body now. But maybe…” I leaned forward and rested my forehead on hers. “One day, I could give you more.”

  Maybe all of me.

  She sniffled, her fingers tightening around my shirt. “I can accept that.”

  I sighed with relief and brought her mouth to mine.

  I wanted to show her in a kiss that she already had most of me.

  Maybe all of me already and I hated it and loved it. I wasn’t meant to be caged anymore.

  But, this cage didn’t feel like such a bad place to be trapped inside.

  The pit was louder than usual and somehow brighter it seemed as I waited o
n my tables. My ankles ached, tender and sore, and I couldn’t recall rolling one, but maybe I had and just didn’t notice.

  Before coming here, I’d visited Dolores at the new apartment Scorpios had setup for her and she told me that Beau had pulled a few strings so they would accommodate her. She didn’t say a word about my shocked expression and only smiled. The man continued to surprise me.

  Months had passed since our fight after Molly’s visit. I didn’t mention wanting more again after that discussion because I had everything I wanted. I didn’t want to scare him off with talking about a relationship. I knew he needed time and I would give him that. I was a patient person. I knew, like a wild wolf, if he was cornered, he’d attack.

  I had been like that.

  Except, my default reaction had always been to run.

  But now, with Beau, I wanted to stay. It wasn’t a fling to me, he wasn’t a pit stop. He was the final stop.

  I had no reason to be at the Pit, but to be close to Beau and he found it best that we stay close, day and night. We trained together, worked together, and slept together.

  As I made my way to the bar, I caught Danny standing at the end of the hallway, watching me. He tipped his chin at me, but I kept walking. I wasn’t giving him the time of day.

  I had been struggling to ask Beau if he would ever look for another career or if he’d move somewhere else, but I was afraid I’d offend him. The Pit was part of this new life he’d chosen for himself. I didn’t know how tightly he held on to that though. To me, he seemed like a changed man. A reformed man. He was so close to being free, of being happy, but he didn’t want to see it. He didn’t want to believe it. He wanted to stay in the shadows and in the past.

  If Danny and his entourage were still selling low-class demons, I didn’t see it. Perhaps he had learned to be more discrete. It didn’t sit well with me, but for now, I was stuck.

  When I made it to the bar, black dots filtered my vision and I gripped the counter.

  “You okay?” Jackson asked, a heavy dark brow rose in concern.

  I swallowed thickly and smiled at him. “Just lightheaded.” I waved him off. “Four rounds of whisky and rum, please.”

  He studied me but poured four drinks and placed them on my tray.

  I moved through the room, squeezing in-between the crowds. Sweat dribbled down the side of my face and I wiped it off. Maybe I was just tired…

  I placed the tray down and handed the drinks to each of the men. When they tried to talk to me, I smiled and kept walking.

  A heat washed over me, and I fanned my face. Too hot. Sweat continued to roll down my face and my vision blurred again.

  Black dots took over my eyes and I swayed, searching for a surface to catch. It happened every so often the last few months, but now it was happening more often.

  Hands gripped my sides, preventing me from collapsing. “I got you.”

  Jackson, still holding underneath my armpits, guided me behind the bar and made me sit on a box.

  “Put your head between your legs,” he ordered. He wasn’t asking me, he was telling me.

  “I’m fine,” I said, but let my head drop between my shaking legs. “Maybe I didn’t eat enough.”

  But I knew that was a lie. I’d been eating well, better than ever before. All thanks to Beau and his manic way of making sure I ingested the standard three meals a day.

  “Do you think…”

  I didn’t need to hear the rest. I shook my head violently. “No. No. I’m definitely not. He’s careful.”

  Too careful. The last thing he would ever want is to get me pregnant.

  Pregnancy sadly was too tainted for Beau. I never thought much of having children, but sometimes when I lay in his arms, listening to his husky breathing, I imagined having a baby with him.

  Not anytime soon, but one day.

  Just like he promised, maybe one day we could be in a committed relationship and maybe one day have a family.

  I doubted I would be the best mother. I didn’t have much experience growing up with a family. I looked after myself. Looking after another human being, one as defenseless and fragile as a baby? I wasn’t sure I could do it.

  “I’m okay,” I said after another minute, lifting my head to glare at him.

  He put his hands on his hips and returned the glower. “You almost passed out.”

  “I think it’s just too hot in here,” I said, waving a hand in front of my face. I reached for a water bottle behind the counter and unscrewed it, gulping it down.

  I had felt tired the last few weeks, but never hot.

  I gripped my knees, pushing them to my chest, feeling even more nauseous.

  “Your shift’s almost up,” Jackson told me.

  “Is she okay?” Fiona asked, rushing to sit beside me. It was now crammed behind the counter, but I felt her pat my forehead, testing if I had a fever. “You’re a little bit hot.”

  I shrugged, still too focused on my thoughts. “I’m okay.” I looked at my watch, seeing it was almost midnight and Beau would be waiting for me outside. He liked to walk me home and I liked burying myself into his warmth and hiding away from the cool wind and snow.

  I stood, Fiona and Jackson both reaching out as my legs wobbled. I gripped the counter, steadied myself and grinned at them. “Seriously, you guys need to relax,” I said laughing, but the sound was strained.

  Jackson scowled and turned back to his work.

  “I’ll walk you out,” Fiona said and took my arm. I gathered my wool coat and tied the belt tight. Fiona threw her jacket on but didn’t bother doing it up and followed me outside. “Do you need me to call you a taxi?”

  I shook my head, stopping, watching the snowflakes flutter downward, covering the cement sidewalks.

  “Beau’s coming to walk me home,” I said, enjoying for once the coolness of the air against my flaming skin.

  Fiona smiled. “I never thought I’d see it.”

  I frowned at her. “See what?”

  Her eyes brightened. “The beast fall.”

  A shiver ran down my spine and I breathed out slowly, my breath visible in the cool night air.

  Her smile widened as she looked at something behind me and when I turned to see what she was looking at, all my muscles in my body relaxed.

  “Feel better,” I heard her say, but I didn’t look back to watch her leave.

  I watched Beau, standing in the dark and snow, snowflakes coating his black hair. I walked slowly over to him, unable to look away, unable to break the intense eye contact between us.

  I breathed out again once I reached him, tilting my head back to see his dark eyes.

  I smiled and when he didn’t return it, my stomach twisted. “What’s wrong?”

  “You need to go home,” he said. “Scorpios is being attacked right now. I’m going over.”

  “What?” My eyes bulged, and I gripped his wrist. “I’m coming with you.”

  He shook his head, a muscle in his jaw feathering. “It’s Ares. Someone must have leaked them the pass code to get in.”

  “I can help you,” I fought.

  He glared and stepped closer, towering over me. “My mother is in there. And…” He paused, gritting his teeth. “And Molly’s there. Pregnant. I need to protect her for my brother. I can’t protect both of you.”

  “You don’t need to protect me,” I snapped. “I can help you. I can help you get her out of there. I promise.”

  His jaw clenched, and he glanced away, staring at darkness, but the darkness inside of him. “Fine. You get in and out. We find Molly and my family and get her out.” He reached into his coat pocket and handed me a knife. It glimmered in the streetlight glow.

  I nodded and took it, reaching out to squeeze his free hand.

  If Ares conquered Scorpios…what would that mean for us? For Beau?

  As soon as the taxi pulled up to the curb, Beau was rushing to his feet. The white townhouse before me made me shiver, not knowing exactly what chaos was occurring inside. />
  I scooted out of the taxi and followed after Beau. He paused at the front door and glanced back at me.

  “Find Molly and get out,” he said, his eyes dark and cool. The beast had taken over. His family was under attack and he would not allow them to be slaughtered like pigs. Not by Ares.

  I nodded, my throat too thick to speak. Nerves ate up my senses so I focused on my breathing.

  Beau gave me one last look, long and delicate, as if memorizing my features. He turned, opened the door and snuck inside.

  The hallway was dark and at the sight of fallen soldiers lying in their own pool of blood on the oak wood floorboards, my stomach dropped. I could taste pure wrath in the air, so thick and potent, I choked on it.

  “Fucking hell,” Beau hissed under his breath and walked ahead, farther down the hallway.

  I tried to keep up, but my eyes continued to stray onto the soldiers. None I recognized, but these were men that protected Scorpios, that fought for them.

  They were dead.

  Ares had come in and killed them.

  I shook my head and sped up to catch up to Beau but paused at the sound of a woman’s scream.

  My head jerked to a closed door and without thinking, I sprung forward, throwing it open.

  The scent of blood filled my nostrils and I froze at the sight of Molly leaning against the paneled walls, her eyes wide. Then I noticed the other man in the room.

  The man who had been at the Pit.

  The man who had held me down and called me weak, a slut, garbage.

  My body tensed, and I glared at him.

  And then behind them lay Beau’s mother, a pool of redness around her, soaking her white nightgown in crimson.

  She wasn’t moving, her eyes shut, head tilted back against the floor. Beau’s mother…dead. No, no. He wouldn’t be able to handle that.

  “Lex,” Molly breathed out, bringing my attention back to her. “Get away. Run. Now.”

  I opened my mouth to speak, but the disgusting man spoke first.

  His beady eyes watched me carefully, a bloody smile gracing me in a flash. “Ah,” he began, his nasty voice dragging the word out. “I remember you from the attack at the Pit, little thing,” he added, looking at me up and down as his tongue ran across his bottom lip, making me want to vomit. “Who would forget a pretty bitch like you, huh? I still remember the taste of your skin, the taste of your fear as you were shaking in my arms. Please. Please stop,” he mocked, imitating me.