Honest Love

by Cm Hutton

  “Big plans this weekend?” I was desperately trying to snap him out of whatever funk I might have put him in with our conversation.

  “No, you?” Finally. He was back.

  “Well, I’m sure you can imagine how busy I am.” I made a grand gesture like I was important royalty and it made Derek laugh.

  “I’ll be at the station all weekend. I told my captain I’d come in and help do a few minor things around there. Don’t worry. I won’t re-injure anything.”

  “You’d better not make it worse.” I scowled at him. “We’ve worked hard this week.”

  “I know and I don’t want to repeat any of this, believe me.” I smiled at him.

  “Okay go, get out of here.” I shooed my hands for him to leave. “Go rescue a few cats or whatever it is you firefighters do for work. I’ll see you Monday.”

  “Sounds good.” Derek limped out of my little room and I followed, headed to my office.

  “Claire?” Derek turned to face me.

  “Yeah?”

  “Have a good weekend. Give me a call if you get bored or lonesome…whatever.” He handed me a piece of paper with his number on it. When had he written that down? I looked up to see that his face was a little red. Embarrassed maybe? His sweet tone was genuine, not teasing and didn’t hold any innuendoes.

  “Thank you, Derek, I will and you have a great one, too.”

  He left and I sat in my office replaying my week with my new friend. He could use a little touch of tough love when it came to his ex-wife, but he wasn’t ready. I needed to be gentle with my words and I hoped that I could.

  Chapter 9

  Derek

  I didn’t sleep worth a damn Friday night. Thoughts of Claire spending the weekend alone really bugged the shit out of me. I hated it for her. Sounded crazy to feel something about a woman I’d just met, but I understood her. I understood starting over. When Abbi first left me, I couldn’t function. I hadn’t seen it coming. I thought we were happily married. I knew she was worried about me…about my injury, or at least I thought she was worried. It wasn’t until we were told that I was done with football that our life started to unravel. Looking back, I should have seen the signs.

  I’d noticed the rather ‘cool’ reception toward me when she would come home from work or shopping, from anywhere really. She’d claimed to be busy at work and I thought it was odd. I mean, I’m not some chauvinistic pig, but how busy can a high school teacher be? Still, I chose to believe her. Then, the fights would start about pretty much anything. It was crazy because in all the years we’d been together, there weren’t any real fights. We’d enjoyed each other.

  So, when I’d try to point out the ridiculousness of our fights, it only made her furious. She’d storm out, leave and not come back for hours. Then, she’d come home and say she was just stressed out or worried about me…always something to reassure me that we were okay. I’d talked to Melissa about it and she was convinced Abbi was having an affair. Of course, I blew up at my sister for even suggesting it, until I realized I hadn’t had sex with my wife in more than a month. Abbi and I had always had an incredible sex life. I couldn’t believe I totally missed the fact that we hadn’t so much as kissed in weeks. Between my therapy and all the shitty fights we’d been having, I’d missed it and we needed to stop and reconnect. So, I’d surprised her with a trip to Tahiti and things with my wife seemed to be back on track. We’d spent ten days laying on the beach and making love, only coming up for air or to eat, occasionally. Life was good again.

  In hindsight, I don’t think we talked about my knee or my career the whole time we were there. It was one month to the day of our return that Abbi hit me with the biggest bombshell of my life. She was leaving me. She’d met someone else and he was one of my teammates. Abbi summed up the harsh reality of our marriage in just a few simple words. “I love the lifestyle more than I love you.” Our time in Tahiti was “simply a goodbye,” she’d told me. I was fucking devastated. I threw myself into working harder on my recovery and finding a new career. Abbi had often asked me what I would’ve done after college if I wouldn’t have been drafted. Every time I would answer, “Probably a firefighter.” And she would lecture me on all the finer points of why that was the stupidest answer she’d ever heard. So, I did what I could to get my knee healthy enough to train and become a fireman. The ‘icing’ of it was that I was getting to have a career I knew I would love and it was a giant ‘fuck you’ to my ex-wife. The only problem—I was still in love with Abbi. I couldn’t turn it off. Yes, my love diminished significantly when she dumped me, but for the next two years, I couldn’t see past the love/hate I had for her.

  The weekends were the worst, especially at first. To make things even harder, for the first six months, Abbi would occasionally show up at our house and I was weak. I’d let her in and we’d fuck. I just needed to feel her next to me again. I even knew she was still with the other guy and I didn’t care. Oh, I wore a condom…no telling who else she’d been with, but still, I was pathetic. I was grateful my family never found out how weak and stupid I’d been in those first six months. After that, I sold the house I’d shared with Abbi, bought my place in Torrey Highlands and just focused on moving forward. I even bought a big house, a five bedroom, stucco home that was ridiculous with upgrades, just to throw it in Abbi’s face that one day, I’d planned to fill that house with someone else and rooms full of kids. It wasn’t easy. It was lonely and it was hell.

  So, while I was busting my ass helping to clean up the fire station that morning, and thinking back to those lonely, horrible days, I’d decided I wasn’t letting Claire spend her weekend all alone. I didn’t have a friend to hang out with after Abbi left. It had always been Abbi or the team. Yeah, I had my brothers and Melissa, but they were busy with their own lives and fucking sick of my whining. I wanted to be that friend for Claire. I was determined to be. I had hoped she might call or text me during the day on Saturday, but knew she wouldn’t. She was as stubborn and hardheaded as I was. No doubt she’d fight me. I’d just have to take matters in my own hands.

  And I was prepared for that.

  Chapter 10

  Claire

  The weekend was excruciatingly slow and painful. I left my house Saturday morning to explore more of the city. I drove to La Jolla Cove and walked along the sea wall. It was absolutely beautiful and I made a mental note to bring my kids back to the area to snorkel in the caves and see the seals. I stayed out all day, avoiding sitting around my lonely house. I shopped, did a little more sight-seeing and kept as busy as I could. I was so tempted to call Derek, but didn’t. I liked talking to him. Once he’d let his guard down, he was funny and quite sensitive. I was pretty shocked at how quickly he’d exposed his softer side to me. It was dark out as I made my way back to my house from all my sea-worthy adventures. I was nearly home when my phone illuminated with an incoming call. I figured it was one of my kids, so without looking, I answered.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, Claire, it’s Rob.” What the hell?

  “Hey, Rob.” Talking to him felt awkward.

  “How are you?”

  Shit! I really didn’t want to talk to him.

  “I’m fine. All is going well, Rob.”

  “Glad to hear. I miss our talks.”

  I didn’t say anything, so he continued. “I’m going to be in SD next week. Can I come see you?”

  I had to be honest with him. There was no way around it. He represented a past I was desperately trying to leave behind. He was Kaye’s ex-husband…the other jilted spouse. “I don’t think that would be a good idea. I’m trying to get settled here, start over and forget the island and everything that happened. I’m sorry. Give me some time? Please?”

  “I understand. I can do that.”

  “Thank you! It means more than you could know to hear that you get it, Rob.”

  “I do. I’m sorry, you know. Check on you next week?”

  I was a little confused as to what he was sorry for
exactly, but I wasn’t going to ask. “Okay. Thank you, Rob…for checking up on me.”

  “You’re welcome. I selfishly did it for me. I wanted hear your voice.”

  “Give me a call next week. We can chat more.” I wasn’t a cruel woman. I knew he needed a friend.

  “Sounds really good, Claire. Talk to you soon.”

  “Good night, Rob.”

  I drove home, my mind heavy with memories. As insane as he had gotten and the absurd, questionably criminal shit Rob had pulled, he was still just a man who was hurting from losing his wife to someone else. He was stuck in it…couldn’t move on. I definitely felt pity towards him and it made me not like myself. Walking into my dark, empty house, I plugged in my phone and sat it on the kitchen counter before making my way to my room and running a hot bath. I heard my phone ring a few minutes later. Surely Rob wasn’t calling back. We’d just agreed he could call next week. I ignored it and slipped off my shorts, shirt, bra and undies as I walked back into my bedroom to turn on a little music. I’d kept an old iPod full of my favorite tunes docked on a Bose speaker that sat on top of my armoire. Lionel Richie came out singing “Easy”…one of my favorites, as I was climbing into my luxurious, hot as hell bubble bath. I soaked away the day for a long time, trying to clear my mind and relax.

  After about thirty minutes, I crawled out of the tub, slipped on my short, black robe and strolled into the kitchen for a glass of wine. I smiled to myself as Peter Bradley Adams sang Between Us on the stereo. It immediately made me think of Derek. As I poured a rather generous glass on Merlot, I took a peek at my phone and nearly dropped the bottle when I saw Derek’s name on the screen. He’d texted me?

  Derek:

  How is your weekend going?

  I felt…well, I didn’t know how I felt. Happy? Confused? Excited? Yes, to all three.

  Claire:

  Hi! My weekend? Good. Odd. How did you get my number? Let me guess…

  Derek:

  Yes, and no. Melissa didn’t give me your number. But I did take a peek through a file on her desk that had your name on it. Sorry.

  Claire:

  Forgiven. You could have just asked me, though.

  Derek:

  True. But I thought maybe you would call or text me today and I’d have it. But, sadly, no. So how did you know this was me? Add my name and number to your phone?

  Busted.

  Claire:

  Yeah, so what?

  Derek:

  So, nothing. Makes me smile. Now, back to your weekend. Doing okay?

  I was glad he’d dropped it. I’d added his name and number to my phone just minutes after he handed it to me. I told myself it was for professional purposes only. Yeah, we’ll go with that.

  Claire:

  I guess. Got a strange call that has me feeling a little weird…melancholy, maybe. It was unexpected is all.

  Derek:

  WHO, CLAIRE?

  Claire:

  Whoa…caps? Really? Why do you want to know?

  Derek:

  YES, CAPS! And an exclamation point! Tell me, please. I need to know.

  Claire:

  Why?

  I waited for him to tell me. But his text wasn’t immediate like the others. Maybe he’d realized it wasn’t his business. I shouldn’t have brought it up in the first place, but I wanted to. I wanted to talk to someone about it and he’d said I could.

  Feeling anxious, I took a big drink of wine, grabbed my phone and went back to my room. The Civil Wars were softly playing on my speaker as I climbed up on my bed, wine in one hand, my phone in the other and settled against the giant pillows at my headboard. Right as I looked at screen on my phone for the fifteenth time, Derek’s name flashed.

  Derek:

  Because I have a feeling it’s someone toying with you, Claire. And I feel protective of you.

  My heart felt like a stone dropping to my stomach. He was protective of me? Really? I thought I was the one preparing to protect him. I mean, I’d been preparing my tough love speech and everything. I shook my head in confusion and read his next text.

  Derek:

  Claire, talk to me. If it was something that made you feel weird and melancholy, that’s not good. Is it who I think it is?

  Claire:

  No, it was Rob, the other jilted party…

  Derek:

  Hmm…not what I was expecting. What did he want?

  Claire:

  Same as you. He was just checking on me.

  Derek:

  But why? Isn’t he the ex-husband of the other woman?

  Derek was starting to piss me off with his inquiry…interrogation was more like it.

  Claire:

  YES, and I don’t know, Derek. Maybe because he knew I was here all alone, away from everything and everyone. He’s in the same position. We both had to start over.

  I didn’t mean for my text to be so snarky, but my emotions were all over the place. Yes, I was a bit creeped out by Rob’s call and I didn’t really know what to think.

  Derek:

  Makes me uneasy.

  Claire:

  Well, I guess it’s a good thing you don’t need to worry about it.

  I was pissy and in the middle of digging a nice hole for my pity party. I didn’t need any reminders of Rob, Jake or Kaye. My weekend was tough enough as it was without my past adding more pain.

  Derek:

  I’m sorry. Let me care. It’s all I’m asking. You’re my friend, my new friend and I’d like to keep you around and away from creepers.

  Sigh…he’s trying to be nice to me.

  I wanted to be mean, push him away, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to push Derek away, so, I tried to lighten things up.

  Claire:

  By ‘creepers’ do you mean guys who snoop around in offices for other people’s phone numbers?

  Derek:

  Yep! Like those weirdos. Gotta watch out for them.

  Claire:

  HAHAHA. That made me laugh. Thank you.

  Derek:

  I care about you, so you really don’t have a choice. Okay?

  Claire:

  Of course. You’re one of the only friends I have here and I might like having you around too. I’m just not used to this.

  Derek:

  Used to what? People caring about you? Wanting to help you?

  Claire:

  Yes.

  Derek:

  Well, get used to it friend, cause I plan on creeping around you as long as you’ll let me. Besides, I need my therapist. I hear she’s the best.

  Claire:

  Ahh…the motive is revealed.

  Derek:

  You know I’m teasing, right? I hate texting.

  Claire:

  Yes. And I agree. I’m fabulous AND texting is stupid.

  Derek:

  Can I stop by?

  Where did that come from?

  Claire:

  Stop by?

  Derek:

  Yes, I’m not far away. I thought I’d bring some entertainment so you didn’t have to spend the night alone…since you’re kids are gone. That okay? Or do you have plans?

  Claire:

  No plans. Need my address? Let me guess…

  Derek:

  Admitted creeper…remember.

  Claire:

  Hahaha

  I wanted him to stop by.

  Claire:

  Come on over.

  Derek:

  I’ll be there in about five minutes.

  Claire:

  You really are close by! Are you in your car?

  Derek:

  No, I live in your neighborhood. I’m only a few streets over.

  Claire:

  Hmm…that might be a problem once the restraining order takes effect.

  Derek:

  Right!

  Derek:

  See you in a few.

  Claire:

  Okay.

  It was easy, this new friendship I had with Derek. He made
me smile and laugh like I hadn’t in years. It was addictive. He was addictive and I’d only known him a short time. Reality hit me that I was still wearing just my tiny black robe with nothing underneath. I’d washed all my makeup off in the tub and my blonde hair was in a messy bun. I jumped off the bed and quickly put on a pair of black yoga pants and a t-shirt before I went into the living room and turned on a few lights. I’d barely finished straightening the couch pillows when the doorbell rang. With my wine glass in my hand, I walked to the front door, looked out to see Derek’s face then opened the door. There was a long moment we both looked at each other. He was dressed in lose fitting, long black workout pants that hung low on his waist, a white tight t-shirt and what looked like house shoes. My smile widened when I realized he was giving me a long look, too.

  “Hey, come on in.”

  I stood back so he could walk past me. He had two bags in one hand and his wallet and keys in the other. I peeked out to see he’d parked a motorcycle in the drive. I closed the door and walked around Derek so he could follow me to the kitchen. “You have a motorcycle? How in the hell are you driving that with your knee brace? And how’d you carry those bags?” I didn’t mean to reprimand him, but damn.

  “I haven’t been riding it and I don’t have my brace on right now. I only did it because I was so close. But it wasn’t very comfortable. Bad choice, maybe.” He winced as he took a few steps. “As for the bags, I have a small leather case that sits on the side on my bike.”

  “Well, I can take you home later if you don’t want to ride back.”

  “I’ll be fine. It’s only two streets.” He sat the bags on the counter and removed the contents. He’d brought two movies, microwave popcorn, a box of Milk Duds, bag of peanut M&Ms and two Dr. Peppers.

  I laughed. “I don’t know how you did it, but you just brought every kind of junk food I love. Of course, I probably haven’t had any of these since high school, but still. Who are you?”

  “You’re kidding. I totally guessed. I actually grabbed this from my house. Even the movies are mine.” He smiled and nodded his head as he mentally patted himself on the back. “Man, I’m good, huh?”

  I shook my head and rolled my eyes. “So what movies are these?” I held up the first one. “Animal House. Good. And Goodfellas. Excellent.”