You Loved Me At My Ugliest

by Evie Harper

  I lick and bite my bottom lip as I take in his handsome face. Nine months of not seeing his soft, short black hair and his usual three-day-old stubble across his strong jawline. He is the most handsome man I’ve ever seen in my life, but most of all, his appearance and his presence reminds me of home. He is home to me.

  “What the fuck?”

  At Joey’s words, I swallow roughly and look back to his eyes.

  He’s staring at my clasped hand with Matthew’s.

  “I didn’t know it was her.”

  “Let go of her hand before I tear your fucking arm out of its socket,” Joey orders, his tone deadly.

  Matthew rips his hand from mine as fast as lightning and my limp hand falls to my side.

  He’s alive.

  I’m still in shock. I try to speak, but all that comes out is a strangled cry. My chest rises and falls harshly.

  “Who the fuck is Lexi?”

  I turn my head rapidly to my right and find a frail, elderly man looking at Joey with a murderous gleam in his eyes.

  Suddenly, two big, burly men surround me.

  The old man looks me up and down, and then I watch as understanding crosses his features. He looks to Joey, and with a snarl says, “Bag her.”

  A man from behind me grabs my arms and pulls them harshly.

  I scream and then I’m thrown out of the chaos and watch as Joey has the hands of the man in his. My would-be attacker howls in pain as I cringe at the sound of bones breaking.

  Joey turns to the elderly man. “Nobody touches her except for me.” He growls. “Hear me now, Michael, because I will not repeat myself. If there is a next time, I will not hesitate to snap your decrepit body in half, and leave my cousins’ wishes in the wind.”

  My breathing slows, and I watch the stand-off between Joey and Michael. Nobody makes a sound except for the man moaning in pain on the ground, holding his hands close to his chest.

  Michael stares at Joey, his features giving nothing away.

  “Fine, but she comes with us. You have a lot of fucking explaining to do, Joseph, and I won’t make any promises about the future until I find out why the fuck a dead woman is standing in front of me.”

  My body jolts in shock at Michael’s words.

  Dead woman?

  Joey turns away from Michael and walks toward me. This time his furious temper is aimed at me.

  Uh oh!

  ~~~

  I stare out the window as we drive through the city and up into the hills. I sit quietly with Joey to my left. Matthew is to his left and two other men, whom I’m guessing are Joey’s cousins from their jawlines and similar appearance to Michael, sit across from us, with their father starring daggers at Joey the whole time.

  The man with the broken fingers sits up front with the driver, the other man who circled back at the building. From their attire, trousers, boots, black shirts and thick jackets, I would guess they are men who work for Michael, protect him maybe.

  My emotions range from trying to hide my happiness at Joey being alive, and fear that I may have just placed us both in danger. Where Joey may not live much longer anyway, and it will all be my fault.

  My hand itches to hold Joey’s, but his expression is stormy, and part of that fierce storm is directed at me.

  The limo comes to a stop at a steel gate with beautiful, intricate patterns on the fence. Beyond the steel, I view a stunning modern house.

  The limo rolls in and around a water feature before it pulls to a stop.

  Joey reaches across my body and pushes the door open for me.

  “My office, Joseph, now,” Michael instructs, his voice still a snarl.

  Joey gives Michael a tight nod.

  I step out of the car, and Joey takes my hand in his, fitting his fingers between mine. Finally. The action warms my chest instantly, and I look up to give him a smile, but he isn’t looking at our hands or me, just ahead to the front door we are getting closer too.

  I glance over my shoulder and find Michael with his two goons close on our heels. Joey’s cousins stand by the limo whispering among themselves.

  My hair whips around my face, but calms as we approach the front door, and the house begins to protect us from the strong, ocean breeze.

  A man in a servant’s uniform opens the door before we get a chance to knock.

  He bows his head and says, “Master Joseph. Miss.”

  I open my mouth to smile and be polite, but all I can manage is a quick thank you as Joey continues to pull me hastily along with him.

  Again, I peek over my shoulder as Michael stops and hands his coat to the doorman. Joey’s furious whisper catches my attention, and I swing around to him.

  “What the fuck are you doing here, Lexi?” I begin to reply, but he cuts me off. “No, don’t tell me now. When Michael asks you where you were when my father's house burned down you tell him the truth, you ran away and never told me you were leaving me, okay, Lexi?” Remnants of pain flicker in Joey’s eyes.

  I wince from the truth in his eyes and words. It wasn’t easy to walk away from Joey. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life, but I had to do it, for myself.

  I nod swiftly and softly say, “I missed you, Joey.”

  Joey’s face softens, and his fast strides falter for a second before he continues and leads us through the opulent entry to his uncle’s office.

  We enter the room and the first thing I notice is varnished, wooden panels on the walls and floors, and then the great, hanging light fixture we walk underneath. There are heads of animals placed strategically around the room.

  Joey sits me on a three-seater lounge in front of a large wooden desk, and he seats himself next to me just as Michael, and the man who drove us in the limo, walk behind the desk. Michael doesn’t sit down. Instead, he stares between Joey and me.

  Joey is the first to speak. He looks at me and states in an incredulous voice, “I thought you were dead.” Dead?

  And I honestly reply back, “I thought you were dead, too.”

  “Lexi, how did you survive the fire in my father's house?”

  “I wasn’t there. I ran away a few days earlier. I left you, Joey. I couldn’t handle it anymore.” And for a dramatic show, I raise my voice. “They beat me, badly. I couldn’t take it any longer.”

  Joey’s face turns ashen and pained. I know his reaction is real.

  “Hang on a moment,” Michael interjects and points to me. “You left days earlier and you”—he points to Joey—“ran off right before the fire, yet you both thought the other died?”

  I look to Joey with raised eyebrows. Ran off right before?

  Joey replies to Michael in a tone of wonder, “Looks like it.”

  Hmmm. As a woman and his girlfriend at the time, I think I should be very angry about that, right?

  I pin Joey with my stare. “You left me to die?” I say low and clear, with a hint of crazy in my tone. I am a woman after all; unbalanced is my middle name when I think I’ve been wronged.

  “You left me,” Joey accuses back at me, realizing the role I’m playing.

  I stand from the lounge and swing my arms out. “I didn’t leave you to die, you fucking asshole. I left you to fucking live the rest of your life. If you chose that hell with your father, then so be it, but I wouldn’t let you fucking die in a fire!”

  I’m geared up to keep playing the offended ex when Michael starts laughing. “As entertaining as this is, I’ve a meeting in an hour I need to prepare for.”

  Suddenly, a high-pitched dinging sound rings through the house.

  “Jesus, what’s the time? Jorge, is that my meeting already?” Michael asks the other man in the room, but apparently, he doesn’t answer quickly enough, and Michael sighs heavily and grimaces. “Oh, don’t worry about it, you buffoon. I’ll go see who it is.”

  My eyes widen at how Michael speaks to the physically more powerful man. I guess money can buy you grown men to crawl at your feet.

  Jorge shakes his head at M
ichael and then regains his composure, standing upright with his hands clasped in front of him.

  When Michael leaves the room, and his mumbling gets far enough away that we can’t hear it any longer, Joey speaks. “Jorge, give us a minute.”

  Jorge nods and begins to leave the room, but before he does, Joey turns on the lounge and says, “Jorge, make sure the men know, if they touch her,”—Joey points to me—“I’ll do to them what I did to Carlos, no exceptions. They get an order from Michael and follow it through, I’ll make them wish they’d never been born. You get me?” Joey’s voice is deadly, but his body looks relaxed.

  “Yeah, understood,” Jorge replies with a sigh and leaves the room.

  Joey turns to me and in a panicked whisper, he asks, “What the hell are you doing here, Lexi?”

  “You stopped keeping in contact,” I snap at him.

  “Yeah, months ago. It wasn’t safe. I had to let go of that part of my life to get this job done.”

  My face falls. “You mean you had to let go of me.”

  “You told me we were done. Did you let go? Did you finally drop my hand?” Joey’s words bring tears to my eyes. He’s referring to a promise I made as a child, but even then, I knew it was a pledge I would spend my life trying to keep.

  Joey stares at the floor, unable to look me in the eyes.

  “I had no choice,” I begin in a whisper. “I didn’t drop your hand, Joey, you ripped it away from me. You chose something else. You never put me, us, first, and I’d had enough. You can’t always be the one dictating where our relationship is or where it should be. That’s not fair. Relationships are about compromise, both sides agreeing. You decided for the both of us.”

  “This wasn’t a choice for me either. This was something that needed to be done for us, to protect you from my fucked-up family and any threats that could destroy a future we built together. And now you’ve walked straight into what I wanted to protect you from. I’m a fuck up, always have been.”

  “Joseph O’Connor, don’t you dare talk about yourself that way.” I raise my voice before speaking softly, “I wish you saw what I see.”

  “I thought you saw a monster?” Joey asks with pain in his eyes.

  “I’m so sorry.” Tears threaten to escape. “I didn’t mean those horrible words. Joey, you’re a better man than your father could ever be. I’ll forever regret letting those lies cross my lips and hurt you.” My eyes drop to the ground as shame eats away at me. My tears finally fall and sadness fills my veins.

  Joey's arm stretches out and he cups my face, his thumb running softly across my cheek, catching my tears. “I know you didn’t mean them. I hurt you, and that’s another cross I have to bear among many others. But that’s why I’m here, so you never have to question those thoughts again. By wiping out Michael, I’m giving us a better, safer future. And I’ll have protected you, be a man who’s worthy of you.”

  He’s a fool. My bones believe and my soul knows he’s a good man. A man who’s been forced into dreadful situations, done horrific, unthinkable things to men who deserved much worse. He’s trying to prove something I already know about him.

  I push my face into his hand. “I love—” My words die when a female voice interrupts us.

  “Joseph?”

  Joey drops his hand from my face hurriedly and stands away from me as if I’m a fire about to burn him.

  I glance over at the woman. She’s tall and beautiful, with stunning long, white-blonde hair with loose curls.

  I tilt my head, and my eyes move between the woman and Joey. A fluttering begins in my stomach, not a good sensation, one that has my instincts on high alert. My heart begins to race and a rising pressure in my body makes it hard for me to take an easy breath.

  Michael hobbles into the room, muttering about too many damn stairs in the house.

  Joey walks straight past me to the woman and kisses her on the cheek, placing his arm around her waist. His eyes stay down cast, never once meeting mine.

  My world falls colorless. He kissed her... right in front of me.

  After a few seconds, Joey’s eyes snap to mine.

  I peer into his for an answer, a hint of what’s going on, but there’s nothing there, only a look I know all too well from him, emotionless and blank, an expression I hadn’t seen in a very long time.

  “Gabrielle, this is Alexa, a friend from my past. Alexa, this is Gabrielle, my girlfriend.”

  Chapter Six

  Welcome To A Whole New World

  Alexa

  I gasp, it’s as if all the air in my lungs evaporated. I’m frozen, unable to move or speak. Joey’s words came out rough, even Gabrielle notices and looks at Joey, confused.

  I sense someone beside me. Feeling in a dream-like state, I turn and it’s Michael, grinning at me.

  “This must be a bit awkward, ex meeting the new girlfriend,” Michael states with a smug chuckle.

  “Ex,” Gabrielle asks, surprised, and looks to Joey with worry in her eyes.

  I look on as the man whose soul is connected to mine, reassures another woman with a shake of his head, as if it’s nothing, nobody to worry about.

  My mind runs through everything we just talked about. He said our future. Joey said he was doing this for us, for him and me. There has to be an explanation, something I’m missing.

  Questions, one after another, pop into my mind.

  Why does he need a girlfriend to find out what Michael knows?

  Why does he need a girlfriend to kill Michael?

  Why does he need a girlfriend to secure our future?

  Why does he need a girlfriend, a woman to warm his bed to be a better man for me?

  He promised me he was coming back. Why, if he wanted me, would he sleep with another woman? Would I have ever known if I didn’t surprise him by turning up today?

  I falter and hold on to the lounge to stay upright. My mind screams at me to exit this moment, to find a way out of this room.

  “Why don’t you two love birds head out and I’ll have someone show Lexi to her room.”

  Room? I’m not fucking staying here.

  Suddenly, Joey is on the phone speaking to someone and then just as quickly as he started the conversation, it’s now over.

  “Matthew is on his way. He will show Lexi to her room and keep an eye on her until I return.” Joey says with a penetrating stare directed at Michael.

  Michael gives Joey a hard glare and grumbles, “What is it with you and my sons? I get no fucking respect in my own home.”

  In the next moment, Matthew arrives and steps into the room, but he says nothing, only stands to the side and observes his surroundings.

  “There, her guard has arrived, now off with you two. I have a meeting soon,” Michael states while gesturing to the door to move them along quickly.

  Joey glances to me and I lower my eyes, desperate not to give him anything. I want him wondering, stewing on how I must feel, on how much this moment just destroyed me and any future we may have had together. I want him very afraid of what I might do to him in his sleep.

  As soon as Joey and his girlfriend are out of sight, I spin to Michael. He’s sitting behind his desk looking through some papers.

  “I’m not staying. Thank you for...” I pause, unsure what I’m expressing my gratitude for. So I gesture to the lounge I was interrogated on, “...your hospitality, but I can see there is nothing for me here.”

  With quick strides, I head toward the door when Michael sighs dramatically.

  “As much as I don’t want you here, you will be staying, indefinitely. You’ve given me something I didn’t have before.”

  I turn to the frail old man behind the desk and ask icily, “And what is that?”

  “Power,” he says without missing a beat.

  Power? What could I possibly give him that he doesn’t already have?

  “Joseph looks at you as if he would burn the world down attempting to save you. That, I can use.”

  “Are you blind?” I
say, bewildered. “He just walked out of this room with another woman. I think in your senile brain you’ve got me and that blonde confused.”

  Michael chuckles. "No. I've heard about you over the years. The girl next door, you grew up together, and it seems that history is strong enough to have one of my guards getting his fingers wrapped at this very moment, and from what I’ve heard, a warning to my other men if they touch you.”

  My mouth falls open from shock that Michael knows that information already.

  “I’m old, but I'm not stupid. My men know whom they work for. They also know who would kill their families for disloyalty, and that definitely isn’t my nephew.”

  “Then you don’t know Joey very well.” I narrow my eyes. I instantly regret my words. I should not be getting into a battle with this man, who has killed more people than I could possibly ever comprehend.

  “Ah, there’s that history again. My nephew definitely doesn’t love Gabrielle. He is, however, getting his needs met by her though.”

  His words hit me hard, right in the heart. I want to scream and throw things about the room.

  “What would I care? I'm just the girl he left behind in a house to burn.” I spit the words out, spin on my heels and head for the front door.

  My anger is real, but my words are fabricated. This man thinks he can hurt Joey through me, and I can’t let him have the upper hand. I leave the room, almost running into Matthew on my way out, forgetting he was there at all.

  I feel the pocket of my jean shorts to double check my cash is still safe and wonder how far of a walk it will be before I can hail a taxi.

  I walk back through the stunning entry and hear heavy footsteps behind me. I glance over my shoulder and spot Matthew following closely behind me. I begin to walk faster, the only sound my rapid breathing and the small heel of my flats clicking loudly on the pearl-colored marble floors.

  Matthew gently pulls on my right arm and steps around in front of me, stopping me at a statue, which sits beside the staircase.

  “Move,” I say sternly.

  “Can’t do that. My father says you are to stay with us for a while,” he states matter-of-factly.