You Loved Me At My Ugliest

by Evie Harper

  William and Alexander join their brother, like a pack of starved dogs drooling over a carcass.

  “He won’t bleed out for a while, but the acid in his stomach will kill his organs first in a few hours. Do what you must, but take it from me, I beat my dead father in a burning building until I had to be dragged away before I burned with him, thinking I could get my power back, take back the years of abuse. It didn’t help. It just proved I was as ugly inside as he was. Nothing is going to bring your mother back or the years of abuse you all suffered. Don’t give him the satisfaction; end him, move on and prepare for your new lives, free of him once and for all.”

  I can’t grasp which road they’ll take, so I tighten my hold on Lexi and carry her out of the room. She doesn’t need to hear or see what they will do to Michael.

  When I’m halfway up the stairs to Lexi’s room, a gunshot echoes through the house.

  Lexi doesn’t react; she stays clinging to my body.

  As I continue climbing the stairs, I wait for another and another as they fill their father with bullets, but there is only silence.

  I stop at the top of the stairs, turn around and watch my three cousins walk out of the living room and split up, going in different directions, all of them leaving to deal with their demons on their own.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Found

  Alexa

  Three days of hell.

  Seventy-two hours of alternating between crying and agonizing over every moment from the past week and wondering what I could have done to change the outcome. Three days of blaming myself.

  I didn’t begin to think clearly again, until last night, when Sarah called, for the fiftieth time.

  Sitting on the patio looking out at the blue ocean, I wished I could get lost staring at it forever.

  Once more, the familiar ring tone beckoned, telling me Sarah was ringing, again. I knew why she was calling, to condemn me, to tell me how much she hated me, to break my heart. I couldn’t handle it, hearing the pain in her voice and the tears.

  The door opened and Joey walked in with a plate of food. He stopped dead when he saw me standing in the middle of the room, staring down at my phone.

  Sighing heavily, he placed my food on the dresser next to the bed. He’d been telling me to answer the phone and talk to Sarah since she started calling two days earlier.

  Joey had called Jake the night of Nick’s murder and told him everything. Joey said Jake was a mess, but he’d been calling every day, checking in, seeing how we were, asking if we’d heard from Dom. No one had been able to get in contact with him, another life on my conscience.

  My cell finally stopped ringing and my heart died a little more. Turning to head back out to the patio, I stopped when Joey picked up my cell.

  “What are you doing?”

  “She left another voicemail message. I’m going to listen to it. Either she’s angry or hurting, Lexi. Don’t you want to know if she’s hurting? What if she needs you?”

  I scoffed. “She hates me. She has no family left now, thanks to me. She’ll never be able to look at me.”

  Joey cocked his head to the side and lifted an eyebrow. “I never thought you could be so cold toward someone you cared about.” His words cut me deep, and I stepped back as if he struck me. “If she’s angry, she’s in pain, Lexi, and yes, I agree, then you shouldn’t talk to her, but you're not even willing to find out if she’s calling because she needs her best friend, because you're too scared to even hear her voice.”

  Fearful tears fell as I nodded at Joey. He was right. I was being selfish. If Sarah needed me, then I had to talk to her, go to her.

  Joey put the phone to his ear, and my heart punched against my chest hard, repeatedly, as I waited to hear my fate.

  He took the phone away from his ear and pushed a button.

  Sobs echoed around the room. “Alexa,” Sarah cried softly. “Please pick up. I need to talk to you. I need to know if you’re okay. Please, talk to me. I love you.”

  The call ended and I looked at Joey. Guilt, worse than I’d ever felt, flowed through me. How could I have been so self-centered, so scared when she needed me?

  Joey handed me the phone as I was about to take it from him.

  Dialing Sarah, she picked up on the second ring, and all I could do was cry. We both broke down, neither of us able to form words.

  When we both calmed, I begged for her forgiveness, and she told me she didn’t blame me and all she wanted was for me to be there with her at Nick’s funeral. I promised her I would be.

  I got off the phone and told Joey straight away that I would be flying back to Minnesota on the private jet he had set up the next morning to fly Nick home to Sarah.

  No arguments, he just hugged me, long and hard.

  I’d been a different person the last few days, said a lot of things I regret. I’m so grateful he stood by me, understood what I was going through.

  Last night, we talked. We both decided to stay, to make this place and his cousins our family. Joey offered me a life of traveling the world, a house in Minnesota or an apartment overlooking New York City. He said he didn’t care where we are as long as we’re together. The words I’d longed to hear. But I told him this is where I wanted to be. We could be happy here, and I do believe that. But honestly, I’m choosing this place because I want to give Joey something he never had, a good family. I want him to grow close to his cousins, to understand the connection you feel with family, blood family. It’s my gift to him.

  Joey’s cousins are never going to go straight. They wouldn’t even know what straight looked like. This lifestyle, it’s all they know; they’re built for this reality, but they’re good men and I’m proud to be a part of their family.

  We’re all sitting outside this morning, eating breakfast in the warm sun overlooking the ocean. Alexander and William have forgiven Joey for taking Michael out before they wanted to. Having stewed on it for a few days, they realized it was the right thing to do. See? Good men.

  Ringing interrupts our chatter and we all look at Joey who quickly pulls out a cell from his jean's pocket. I glance at the phone, and my heart squeezes tightly, recognizing Nick’s phone.

  “It’s Dom,” Joey announces and picks up the call.

  We’ve been waiting to hear from him all morning. Jake called during the night to let us know Dom made contact and is safe. He told him about Nick, and Dom took it badly, as expected; they have all been best friends since they were very young children. Jake also said Dom would be in touch with us with news. We have no idea what that means, but desperately hope that when I was meant to meet Nick at the post office, it was because he and Dom found the sister, or information about who knew where she was.

  Joey places the phone on the table, hits answer then the loud speaker.

  “Dom,” Joey states.

  “Joseph,” Dom replies in a hoarse voice.

  “You’re on speaker, Dom, with Alexa and my cousins, Matt, Alex and Will. And before you start, I just wanted to say from all of us how sorry we are about Nick.” Joey stares around the table, his lips pressed together. He shakes his head knowing words can never make a difference, no doubt wishing he could do more.

  Silence.

  Dom clears his throat and in a gruff voice, he says, “Thanks, that means a lot. One consolation is he died doing what he loved. He was at his happiest on jobs and being undercover. He loved the thrill of the life. And, Alexa, I know he would have been proud to go that way, helping you. He cared for you more than he’s ever cared for another woman.”

  Dom’s words caress my soul like a balm. A memory of Nick smiling enters my mind, and I remember how funny and thoughtful he was. I adore hearing someone talk about him, and I’m also thankful Dom is speaking to me, grateful he doesn’t blame me either.

  “I cared for him too, Dom...” my voice comes out strangled, “...so much.”

  Joey wraps me in his arms, gives me a warm hug and kisses my head.

  Joey clears his thr
oat. “Jake said you have information for us?”

  “Yeah, I do. We found out who the sister is.” Everyone around the table freezes and doesn’t dare to move, waiting for Dom to continue. “I actually know her. Well, more than know her. She’s my girl. Well, she was my girl.”

  “What the fuck?” Alexander says in disbelief.

  “Yeah, it’s a long story, but the short version is, Serrano, the dumb fuck, told most of his men who it was in case he was killed and they were supposed to go after Michael and your sister if anything happened to him. So we took a few of the guys out for drinks, and it slipped out easily, like taking candy from a baby, so fucking easy. When I found out who it was, I got on the next flight and headed to tell her. Nick was supposed to let you guys know, but obviously, Michael got to him first.”

  “What’s her name? Who is she? Where does she live? Is she happy?” William begins shooting off questions to Dom.

  Dom chuckles. “Her name is Della King. She’s twenty-six and she’s studying business at college. She’s beautiful, smart and sassy as fuck.”

  “Della King,” I say, testing the name on my lips.

  “She took that name a few years ago, with her brothers. Her family life is complicated. Della and her brothers are the Portland Street Kings, and while that might not mean much to you all, in Kentucky, it holds a lot of weight. They are known as a ruthless gang.”

  “Fuck!” William spits out. “We need to get her out.”

  “She’s not trapped. Those men are her brothers, and I know you want to find your sister, but be prepared, because I doubt she will ever leave them to come play happy families with you all.” We hear Dom sigh, as if he realized how harsh his words were. “See, they came from a bad home, a terrible one. They escaped and grew up on the streets, and to become safe, began standing against those who would hurt them. They had to be ruthless, but they did it out of necessity. They’re a family first and foremost. They’re all she’s ever known, and they have done things, illegal things, to make sure Della had the best life they could offer her. They are why she’s in college. Don’t go thinking she needs saving from them, because she’s loved.”

  “So, you're saying she won’t want to know us?” Matthew asks with real concern in his voice.

  “I have no idea. I'm just preparing you for anything. There’s another reason I’m calling. Since I came back, shit has hit the fan. And now, Frank Lucini has his sights set on Della and unfortunately, half of that is my fault, and the other half happened just as I turned up.”

  “What the fuck happened and what do you mean it’s half your fault? What the fuck did you do to our sister?” William yells, standing from the table angrily.

  “It’s a long story and I don’t have time to chat to you all on the phone. We’re one day into our road trip to Minnesota for Nick's funeral, but fuck, these bastards keep finding us. I've already lost two tails, and I’m not sure how many more are going to stay back and watch. I’m not happy to just wait around for the one with the enforcers. She needs your help. You guys hold a lot of weight with Frank and can also take away his biggest business. You need to strike a deal with him, one, that will make sure Della walks away from all this alive.”

  “Done,” Alexander says quickly.

  “I’m coming to Minnesota with Alexa tomorrow. I want to meet her,” William makes his demand, not seeking permission.

  “I’ll let her know. She knows everything. She's taking it in, but right now, she hates my fucking guts, so I don’t have a clue if she’s happy or not.”

  “Fine, but tell her I’ll meet her,” William states, and I roll my eyes at his high-handed order.

  We all listen to Dom’s deep, chuckle on the other end of the phone, “Yeah, buddy, I’ll let her know, but just a warning, you speak to her like that to her face, and I will kick your balls so hard you’ll choke on them. Hell, she might do that to you first. Remember, she’s used to tough guys. They don’t faze her at all.”

  I try to hide my smile as William sits down with a sour expression.

  “Before you go, Dom, let us know what she did to get Lucini off side so we know how bad this is,” Joey asks.

  “She killed two Sicilian mafia family members,” Dom answers, and then the call goes dead, and we’re all left staring at each other, stunned by the revelation.

  Shit!

  Chapter Fifteen

  Family Time

  Alexa

  We finish breakfast and head inside.

  I tell Joey I’m heading up to pack for my trip tomorrow. His apologetic eyes stare into mine. We say nothing as he embraces me in a tight hug.

  Joey feels guilty because he can’t come with me. The guys sent a message to Serrano letting him know of Michael’s death, and that they will no longer be granting Serrano a 5-percent discount. He will not take this lightly, and he’ll realize any deal he had with Lucini is now a dead end, so all the guys are on high alert.

  I understand Joey wanting to stay; we’ve decided to make this our home, and to do this, we need to protect it and our family. Joey is happy I’m going though. He wants me to stay in Minnesota for a few weeks, hopefully letting things settle down around here. I agreed, but only because I want that time with Sarah, to help her go through Nick’s things, settle his estate and help her pick her life back up. I informed Joey I would be visiting her regularly, and he gave me no argument.

  Closing my suitcase, leaning on the lid and pulling the zipper hard all the way around, it finally closes. I hear my bedroom door open as I’m pulling my suitcase down from the bed. A heavy breath releases from me as it drops to the ground on its wheels.

  I glance up and see tensed shoulders and worry lines on Joey’s face.

  “Oh no, what’s happened?”

  Joey sighs, walks to the bed and sits down. “We just heard from a man who is in with Serrano, but also owed William a favor. Serrano has let all his people know he’s at war with the O’Connor’s. He’s planning something already.”

  “Oh, God!”

  Matthew appears in my doorway and leans against the wall. The same worry lines sketched on his face.

  “It’s only a 5-percent discount. Maybe we should just let him keep it, if it saves lives?”

  “If we let Serrano keep the discount, what’s to stop another cartel from declaring war on us for the same discount and then another and another? We’ll look weak. Then we’ll have twenty different gangs against us and soon, someone like Serrano, will move and take the Coastal Road from us while we’re busy fighting to stay alive,” Matthew states. “We say no to Serrano. We fight him head on, and he’ll lose. It then sends a message to other cartels that we won’t back down. We aren’t weak.”

  I nod, understanding everything Matthew is saying. He’s right. We let one walk all over us and soon, all of them will be stomping on us.

  Matthew steps into the room, crosses his arms against his chest, with his chin held high and his feet in a wide stance.

  “I’ve been given the job of finding out where you two stand.” He looks to Joey. “I know you’re staying to help. Again, we’re thankful you have our back, but we need to know your long-term plans. We have trusted men we will be bringing in, to help with protection and surveillance. We need to inform them of who lives here and who they’re protecting.” Matthew looks between us again with a raised eyebrow. “So, you both staying for good?”

  I smile massively, because this situation is just too adorable.

  Matthew catches my smile. His lips tip up as if he’s trying to hide his own. “What’s so funny, Alexa?”

  “That speech, it’s just big, tough-man speak for, ‘We want you to stay and be a part of our family.’”

  Joey laughs.

  “Yes, Matthew, we’re staying,” I inform him and look at Joey, catching the end of his laugh and enjoying the warmth in his eyes. He’s happy. Staying is the right thing to do.

  I glance back at Matthew, and, with contentment in my heart, I say, “This is where we both belong
and want to be, surrounded by family.”

  Matthew smiles and stretches out his hand to Joey. Joey grasps his tightly and they come together, patting each other on their back, roughly.

  Matthew steps away from Joey and gives me a hug.

  “I’ll let the guys know. They'll be happy to hear this.” Matthew grins and leaves the room with purposeful strides.

  Joey stands and captures me, sending us flying back onto the bed, me with a giggle. He brushes his nose up my neck, and inhales deeply, the act causing a delicious shiver to run down my spine.

  Joey pushes up on one arm and our eyes meet. “You finished packing?”

  I nod, biting my lips, trying to hold in my laughter because I know exactly what Joey wants right now, but I have another idea.

  “Good, my dick is so fucking hard. I can’t wait to be buried inside you again.”

  I shove Joey’s shoulder gently, and he moves back to look at me. “I want to watch a movie.” I tilt my head to the side, waiting for his reaction.

  He narrows his eyes and replies, “Right now?”

  I nod and smile.

  Joey exhales loudly and lies down next to me, bringing me into his chest. “Fine, movie, and then I’m inside you.”

  I grin, hop off the bed and grab his hand, pulling him off the bed. “Let’s go downstairs and watch it, and ask the guys if they want to join us.”

  Joey steps off the bed, readjusts himself and scowls at me. “I have a hard-on, Lexi. Why can’t we watch it alone?”

  “Because we’re staying and we need to bond with them. We’re a family now. We need to start doing things together,” I explain.

  Joey cringes. “I did not know staying here meant quality time with my cousins and having to share our time with you, with them.”

  I roll my eyes at his possessive comment and reply to the rest, “That’s exactly why we need to do this. You guys have no idea what loving families do, except for risking your lives for each other. Other families have movie nights, taco nights and board game nights!” I end on an excited note.