You Loved Me At My Ugliest

by Evie Harper

  I move my hand and grip his just as I had the day I found him beaten by our fence, and I pledge, “I promise to never let you go.”

  I place a gold wedding band on Joey’s ring finger.

  Tears break loose from Joey’s glassy eyes and he brings our clasped hands to his mouth and kisses my band, his hands shaking lightly.

  There’s a moment of silence before the celebrant speaks.

  “Now that Joseph and Alexa have given themselves to each other by solemn vows, with the joining of hands and the giving and receiving of a ring, I now pronounce them husband and wife. You may kiss your bride.”

  Joey wraps one arm around my waist, and with the other, he threads his fingers through my hair. He bends his face to me, but pauses right before our lips touch and he whispers with a husky voice, “Mine.” Then his mouth slams down on my lips and we kiss as husband and wife for the very first time.

  Now this is the happily ever after I’ve been waiting for.

  ~~~

  Five years later.

  Lily

  I stare out my parents’ kitchen window and view my family and friends laughing, talking and eating out in the backyard on the picnic table and chairs.

  The sun shines down warmly, and the sky is blue, not a grey cloud in sight.

  I watch in awe as Kayne says something, which has Emily laughing loudly. When she’s done, he kisses her eagerly.

  I stare at Joseph who has his arm wrapped around a smiling Alexa, both sitting across from Kayne and Emily, also laughing with them. Joseph steals glances at Alexa and I can see how content and happy he is.

  I regard my husband, talking and grinning with his father over at the barbeque stove, while my wonderful father-in-law holds his newest granddaughter, Savannah, Kayne and Emily’s three-month-old baby girl.

  Jake’s mum—the best mother-in-law on the planet, I swear—holds my four-year-old daughter, Sophia, on her lap, and is tickling her until she becomes breathless and runs away, begging her nanny to chase after her.

  Running between and around everyone is my five-year-old nephew, Chase, with a string in his hand, giggling crazily, while a balloon floats above him.

  Sarah couldn’t make it, but promised she will next time, and we’re still waiting on Dom. He’s on his way with a surprise he said. I think it will be baby news, and Jake thinks it will come in the form of a wedding band, but we’ll have to wait to find out.

  I look around the kitchen, and even though things have changed, I can still hear my parents’ cheerful laughter and Sasha’s chatter in my ear about which boy told her he liked her today. It’s so vivid, as if I could reach out and touch them and be zapped back in time.

  I hear little running footsteps and look to the back door. “Mommy, Chase won’t give me back my balloon. He’s going to pop it,” Sophia whines to me, with a pout on her lips.

  Jake pops his head in the door and says excitedly, “Soph, there’s a rainbow. Let’s go find some gold.”

  I rub my five-month-pregnant belly and laugh as my daughter’s eyes widen and a huge smile spreads out across her cute, chubby cheeks. She dashes out the door, with her daddy right behind her.

  I follow them and so does everyone else, but I stop at the end of the yard, right before my feet touch the soft, newly cut wheat field.

  I watch as Joey strides casually after Alexa, who is hurrying after a giggling Chase toward the rainbow. Emily carries her daughter, Savannah, with Kayne by her side, following behind Joseph.

  Barb and Kenny stop and stand back a bit, arms around each other. Barb’s shoulders begin to shake and her husband turns to her and presses his forehead to hers as if sending a prayer up thanking the heavens for his family, a family they both thought they’d lost a long time ago.

  I watch as my husband runs with our daughter in the same fields where I ran with my sister. Running in a blazing, bright light toward a rainbow that stands for everything our lives began with: new beginning, love, faith and a promise.

  I turn my head and look to Sasha’s grave and our willow tree. I close my eyes, take deep breaths in and out, and open them. A tear spills out, but that’s okay. Crying for my sister is something I’ve come to learn will always happen. Each tear shed is keeping her alive with me.

  I look back to the rainbow and find everyone now standing together in a line, looking out at the beautiful view.

  Jake turns, searching until his eyes land on me, and with his hand, he motions me toward him.

  I step forward and walk quickly to my family.

  Wrapping his arms around my shoulders, I look up at Jake, who’s staring down at me with love in his eyes. He kisses my lips and then focuses his attention on our daughter who continues to run toward her pot of gold, with her cousin following closely behind.

  I gaze along the line of my family and find Joey with his eyes closed contently, head resting on Lexi’s, while he holds her tightly. Then to Kayne, his arms circled around Emily, his chin resting on her shoulder while he stares down at his baby girl.

  I gaze to the rainbow and send up a thankful prayer.

  Jake and I survived our darkest days.

  Kayne and Emily fought through their weakest.

  Joseph and Alexa battled through their ugliest and won.

  Thank you.

  What more could this world throw at us that we couldn't all stand against, step up and battle, as we always have?

  This world may be a dark and bitter place, but in its most precious corners, where my family lives, we make our own happily-ever-afters. We fight and die for them, because true love and real happiness are worth fighting for.

  THE END

  SNEEK PEAK

  Prologue & Chapter One

  from

  Collision, #1 (PORTLAND STREET KINGS)

  Prologue

  I step into the tiny bedroom I share with my five foster siblings. Four now. Agony explodes under my skin and causes my head to spin. A memory of her small, pale, dead and beaten body slams into my mind and nausea assaults me. I hold my stomach and turn my head to the side, trying to hold the bile down.

  “Slater? What’s wrong; are you sick?” Hearing my little sister’s sweet voice causes a tear to escape.

  A warm hand lands on my shoulder and my brother, Pacer, repeats the question. “Slater, what’s wrong?”

  Just the thought of telling them, breaking their hearts, has me racing to the shared bathroom attached to our bedroom.

  I kneel at the toilet and just as a wave of nausea hits me, my throat finally releases and I heave the contents of my stomach into the bowl.

  When I’m sure I have nothing left to throw up, I sit back on my haunches. I sense the presence of my younger siblings behind me and break down. I physically feel the emptiness of one of my family members now gone, the girl I could never call a sister like Della. A girl whose smile brightened even my most terrifying days, one who made living in this dark, frightening house bearable.

  Mia.

  Della’s smile always warmed my heart and made me smile back at her. But Mia... her smile made my heart pound heavily with excitement and something else I don’t understand. It always felt strange thinking of her as my sister, but she was in our group home so we were all brothers and sisters, through circumstance, not family.

  I grip the toilet seat and stand on shaky legs before I turn and face my family. All of them are staring at me with fear in their eyes.

  Pacer steps forward, waiting for me to explain. As the second eldest at eleven, one year younger than me, it’s always been him and me looking after our siblings.

  I look to Mackson and at nine years old, he’s already been through too much. Mia and Kelso were the only two who are the same age, at eight. We all joked sometimes that they must be twins. And then Della, the youngest at seven... So sweet and gentle, she often offers her food or water to us all, her nature to give and care for others. Even being brought up in this house, all of them are gentle, protective and giving people.

  We are child
ren who have lost all hope, who had our childhoods stolen away, who don’t smile often and when we do, it’s rare and something worth remembering. This is all we’ve ever known, all we can remember. We see what life is like on the outside through the little bit of TV we have been allowed to watch. We know we aren’t normal; we know our lives are set on a different and more terrifying path than others. I had thought that as I got older things would change and then I could get us all away from here, but that day has come much quicker than I thought it would. I’m scared. I don’t know how to feed or protect my family in the outside world. I only know the rules inside these walls, but I have no choice now. I will not lose another.

  I stare at Pacer for strength as I speak, because I know seeing my younger siblings’ faces will break me.

  “We have to leave, now. Phillip—” I pause as a lump forms in my throat. “Phillip killed Mia.”

  I find the courage to look to my brothers and sister and find wide eyes and sorrow evident on their faces. Della’s lips tremble and she cries out, “No.”

  I pull her into my arms as she grieves the death of the only sister she’s ever known.

  My brothers start falling to the floor one after the other. Cries and moans echo around the bathroom as they grieve for their little sister. My eyes glaze over as I realize I don’t have enough arms to hold them all.

  Ever since they started arriving, one after the other, I took them as my family and promised myself I would protect them as much as I could. We were all placed here through the system because our parents didn’t want us or couldn’t cope with us anymore. The system, which was supposed to protect children, willingly handed us over to a monster. A group home that held many screams behind its closed doors.

  I knew the horrors which awaited the kids who came after me, as I was the first. Each of them arrived when they were five, just like me. Any time Phillip neared the boys I would grow tense and prepare for a battle with him. I took many beatings trying to save them from Phillip’s wandering hands. Usually, I would end up in our bedroom, beaten and crying, knowing what one of my brothers was enduring at that very moment. What I’d failed to prevent once again.

  I could be more relaxed around my sisters; Phillip’s hands apparently didn’t like little girls. Thank God. But Phillip’s fists found their faces often when they didn’t keep up with their chores. We all did what we could to help the girls when Phillip wasn’t looking, and often we felt the belt across our backs when we interfered with him hitting our sisters.

  I call to Pacer because I need his help to get us all out of here alive. We need to stay strong for just a little while longer.

  “Pace, I need your help and we don’t have much time.”

  Pacer’s eyes swing to me.

  His tormented face brings an ache to my chest which attempts to explode from my mouth, but I stop before it can show them how close I am to falling apart. I need to stay strong. I need to get the rest of my family out of here.

  “Pace, we need to move quickly and quietly so Phillip doesn’t hear us. I need you to silently close our bedroom door and move a bed up to it. If he tries to get into our room, I want time before he gets in here.”

  Pacer nods and quickly races out of the bathroom. I don’t hear our door close but I hear a soft drag of a bedframe.

  I pick Dell up, carry her to her bed and place her down. She curls her body into a tight ball and sobs into her knees.

  I rush back to Mack and Kelso and gently pull their chins up, forcing their eyes to meet mine. “I’m sorry,” I say, swallowing back the large lump in my throat. “I’m so sorry this has happened, but I promise you, today we’re getting out. We’re leaving this place behind forever, but I need you guys to pull together and help. Can you do that for me?”

  Mackson is the first to nod in understanding that we need to act now and grieve later. He’s only nine, but he has always been the most level-headed one of us all. My gaze turns to Kelso and his eyes are still wide and glassy. “Can you do this, Kel? I need you, buddy.”

  “Slate, how? Where is she? We can’t leave her behind.” Kel’s words come out strangled and they gut me to the core.

  We can’t leave her behind.

  I bow my head and take a deep breath before I answer him. “She’s gone, Kel.” I don’t tell him there was blood everywhere, that she was unrecognizable. “Now we need to leave so that doesn’t happen to one of us.” My words must register with Kel because he quickly nods and stands with Mack next to him.

  “Okay, I need you two to pack all of our clothes into our backpacks, and then take the sheets and pillows from our beds, got it?”

  They nod quickly, stand and run to the closet where our backpacks are stored, ones we were only ever allowed to use when we went to the store for groceries. Only Pacer and I got to go; the others had to stay behind. Phillip said it gave Pacer and me incentive to come back, and he was right. If he ever let us all go, I would have made sure none of us ever returned.

  I scan the room, thinking of a way out without risking going through Phillip. I look to the windows. We are in a lone, two-story house at the end of a dirt road but not far from town. I think back to a movie where a boy tied sheets together to escape through a window. Does that work in real life? I don’t know, but it’s our only hope at the moment.

  Mack and Kel are already taking the sheets off the beds, moving Dell gently to stand so they can grab hers, as well. I knew it wouldn’t take them long to pack all our clothes. We don’t have much—just a few shirts and shorts we all share and the girls only have a couple of long dresses they shared.

  “Mack, Kel, pass me the sheets.”

  They throw me the white sheets and I begin tying the ends to one another. I finish and count the knots; there are four. I look around for the sixth sheet. I find it on Mia’s still made-up mattress with her pillows still fluffed from this morning when she’d made her bed. A sharp pain shoots through my chest at thinking of disturbing her things. I decide to see if five sheets will be enough first.

  I push the one window in our bedroom open, a chipped-paint, two-paned, wooden-framed, glass window which opens outward and faces the front of the house. Shoving it all the way out, it leaves more than enough room for someone to climb through.

  A cool breeze from a midday storm, which just passed over us, blows into the room and the fresh smell of rain invades my senses.

  I feed the sheets through, slowly letting them fall more and more with the weight of the material. When I’ve dropped all I can, I look down and find the sheets almost touch the ground. My family will have to jump down the last few feet.

  I call Pace over and tell him he needs to go first and wait at the bottom to catch our siblings. He nods and readies himself to climb down.

  I wrap the end of the sheet around my forearm and prepare to hang on tightly. Just as Pacer is about to lower himself down, I say, “Pace, when everyone is at the bottom I’m going to chuck you the bags, sheets and pillows. We need to take them with us.”

  As if just realizing, Pacer asks, “How will you get down without the sheets?”

  “I’m going to sneak through the house and out the front door or a window, whatever I can find to get through. We’re going to need our clothes and sheets. I don’t know where we’re going, but we will need them for shelter and warmth through the nights. We can’t go to the police because they will put us back in the system, possibly separate us. Or worse, put us with another monster. I’m not escaping one hell just to go to another. And we need money to survive, Pacer. I need to take Phillip’s wallet; it’s our only option. We’re going to need money for food and train tickets to get away from here, far away. We can’t let child services find us.”

  Pacer shakes his head, not wanting to hear my plan. I place my hand on his shoulder and reassure him. “I will be fine, Pace. Right now, you need to get our brothers and sister out of here, and I need to get us the money to help do that. Take them to the store, and I’ll meet you there. When I arrive, we’re going
to the station to catch the first train that pulls in.”

  “Slate, if Phillip catches you—”

  I cut him off. “He won’t, Pace. I promise, I’ll be right behind you.”

  Pacer pauses, staring at me for a long moment before reluctantly nodding, turning and climbing down the rope of sheets.

  I grab a tight hold of the sheets and sit on the floor with my back to the wall. I grit my teeth as I hold on with all my strength. After a few minutes, they go slack in my hands.

  I jump up quickly and let out a relieved sigh as I see my brother safely on the ground, gesturing for me to hurry up.

  Della goes next, then Kel and last, Mack. I throw down the sheets, pillows and three backpacks stuffed full of our clothes.

  When they have everything, I mouth a silent, “Go!” They stare up at me with terrified eyes for a brief moment before they turn and start running, racing from this house of horrors, toward the road into town.

  I turn and walk to the door and as quietly as possible, I drag the bed away and twist the handle softly. Opening it just a bit, I still my body to listen for Phillip in the house. I hear nothing, so I peer out into the hall—it’s clear. I race to the end of the hallway and descend the stairs, stopping halfway down and listening again for any signs of Phillip inside the house. I hear nothing except the pounding of my heart in my ears.

  I creep down the last set of stairs and inspect the living room before heading left into Phillip’s room. I take three quick steps backward as my heart crashes against my chest. The door to Phillip’s room is open when it’s usually closed and locked unless he is in there. I freeze on the spot and strain my ears to listen for anything, but when I still hear nothing, no sound of him in the house anywhere, I creep down the rest of the stairs. I move closer to his bedroom and slowly push open his door. Fear slams into my heart as it sounds with a creak as it opens; my pulse races and sweat drips down my face.