Valdemar Books

by Lackey, Mercedes

  "That was a fine lady," Gesten observed as he expertly put away the oils and stowed the massage table. "I think I ought to go over and suggest she spend one of those 'useless' chits of hers on a makeover with us. I don't see any reason why she has to keep on looking like a wild mare. She's lean enough to be elegant, and if she'd just let me do something with her hair..."

  "That's a good idea, if you want to," Amberdrake agreed. "I'd take the exotic approach with her. You know, she could carry off some of the Kaled'a'in costumes quite impressively. Maybe with a cat-stripe paint pattern across her shoulders—"

  "That's what I like about you, Drake," Gesten interrupted cheerfully. "You always see the potential. Think you can exercise that one more time today? That gryphon Zhaneel will be here shortly."

  "Gryphon?" Amberdrake replied, momentarily confused. Then he hit his head with the heel of his hand. "Right! I nearly forgot! My mind is still muddled from this day. I'm just tired. Did you—"

  "I've got the oils and the satin cords and the beads and feather-paint," Gesten said, snorting a little. "As if I'd forget! Listen, I'd like to go over and put Skan to bed if you don't mind. Do you think you can handle this youngster alone?"

  It was Amberdrake's turn to snort. "As if I hadn't been taking care of gryphons all by myself long before you came looking for some fool to hire you! Of course, I can."

  "All right, then, fool-who-hired-me," Gesten replied, giving him back as good an insult as he'd gotten. "I'll go make sure that featherhead up on the hill gets his sleep, then I'll see to it you don't drown yourself in the tub when I get back."

  Gesten indicated a bright but battered wheeled storage chest with a nod of his snout. "Everything you need is in there, and I replaced whatever had dried out or was too old to use. If I do say so myself, I don't think there's a kestra'chern in the army with a better stock of 'gryphon pretties.' By the time you get done, she should be stunning. Provided you can do your job."

  He whisked through the curtain before Amberdrake could make a rejoinder. Amberdrake just laughed and took his time getting out of his chair. He changed into a utilitarian pair of loose linen breeches and baggy shirt, tying a sash about the latter. He would not need any fancy robes with this client; instead, he needed clothing he could work in, clothing that could be splashed with dye and not take harm. Over that he wore his receiving robe, with its intricate designs.

  Amberdrake stepped outside the tent to take in some of the camp's relatively fresh air before the client arrived. "Small" feathers—the size of a hand—drifted by in the breeze, discards from some gryphon's vigorous preening, no doubt. Activity in the camp had stepped up a bit from earlier that day; it seemed that the rumors had fed a packing frenzy. The children that he'd seen before were engaged in tying blankets and packs, with the help of two kyree tugging with their teeth. He saw adults mending wagon covers and double-checking the wheels of carts. Farther beyond that, a set of soldiers and an Apprentice mage—who looked to be Vikteren, one of Amberdrake's social acquaintances—leveled and tested a hovering-sled. The large sleds floated half a man-height above the ground—although they could be raised higher—and were mainly used for troops' supplies. A few of the kestra'chern, Amberdrake included, had bought one for use in moving their own gear, rather than relying on the army to do so for them.

  Next to them, the horse-skirmisher he'd cared for earlier—who was moving much more freely than before he'd begun—was keeping a number of her fellow warriors enthralled with some great tale. Or if not great, certainly one that called for a substantial amount of gesturing.

  Maybe she's talking about me...? That would be good if she was. Let them know I treat the lower ranks as well as I do their commanders.

  Hidden back behind the cluster of humans, though, was a mere wisp of a gryphon—a fledgling, judging by her size, or a subadult. She—yes, definitely a female—was eavesdropping on whatever it was the horse-skirmisher was saying. How strange. Normally, gryphons simply walked into conversations they wanted to be a part of, invited or not.

  Then Amberdrake's attention was taken by a flight of messenger-birds winging past, darts of living paint flittering across the sky. Their bounding flight carried them and their messages toward the Tower; with luck, they carried news that the war's hunger was sated for a while.

  Amberdrake turned back inside, and set about finger weaving feather-shaft-adornments for his next client. It would be so relaxing, for a change.

  * * *

  Zhaneel, when she arrived, turned out to be the little gryphon he'd seen lurking behind the warriors earlier. She was a very pretty thing, in a quiet way; lean and fit, with long wings and feathers set very close to her body. He'd walked out from the back room of the tent with a handful of finger-woven satin cords, and found her in the receiving area, hesitantly nosing around the cushions and boxes.

  She's never been to a kestra'chern before, I can tell that right now. Nervous, expectant, unsure of herself.

  He cleared his throat gently, and she started. "Welcome, Zhaneel," he said in a soft but commanding voice. "My name is Amberdrake. I am honored to serve you." He executed the sweeping, graceful bow that customarily accompanied the greeting and ended it down on one knee, so that he would not be looming over her. His receiving robe gathered around him in glossy folds as he knelt, a shimmering contrast to the work clothes underneath it.

  Her eyes darted across his entire body as he bent forward to touch one of her forelegs, as was also customary. It was in this first touch that an experienced kestra'chern could tell the way the session was going to go. Involuntary reactions mixed with postures and poses, hopeful or desperate projections, all would be caught by a sensitive kestra'chern in good form. One did not have to be an Empath to read body language; that was a skill taught to every kestra'chern during his or her apprenticeship.

  In this case, the signals were decidedly odd. Zhaneel slicked her feathers down and turned her head until her delicate beak touched the wrist joint of her folded wing. A soft, sibilant voice came from that beak, in as near to a whisper as gryphons could manage.

  "The Black Grrryphon sssent me to you. You are my kesssstrrra'cherrrn." Then her head dipped and her wings fluttered near her body, spread ever so slightly.

  "Yes. I am the kestra'chern that will serve you, Zhaneel, as you requested, and as your reward for bravery. I will adorn, comfort, and help you and give you the attentions you may deserve and the insight you may need." Amberdrake raised his other hand and touched the remaining foreleg, reading her physical reactions clearly while another part of his mind reasoned out what to do about it.

  She's practically seething with sexual tension... definitely worked herself up into a frenzy somehow over the past candlemark. Well, I know what that usually means. Some feather-work and oils should increase this unique beauty of hers, so her lover will be especially pleased by her after our session. Still...

  Still, this sleek little creature wasn't coming across like the usual gryphon client to be prepared for a special tryst. There was anticipation, and an electric desire, but there didn't seem to be any confidence in the outcome of the night, nor the sense of certainty that gryphons were so well known for.

  And no gryphon went for an expensive tryst-grooming unless she was positive she had a partner waiting for her!

  Suddenly, Zhaneel looked directly at him and stepped forward, causing Amberdrake to rebalance himself—and then she kept moving forward. Amberdrake fell backward as Zhaneel straddled him. Her long wings spread to either side of them, with her tail up and neck feathers roused. Her beaked face was nearly touching his nose when she asked, "You will give me pleasssurrre, Amberrrdrrrake?"

  Oh, gods... that explains what...

  He stared at her beak, remembered the size of gryphon talons, and felt himself blanch. "Zhaneel, no—wait—you'll hurt me," he begged. "Please let me up!"

  Skandranon marked his page with a discarded feather and stretched, looking back to where Gesten meticulously brushed and treated his back just
above his tail. Urtho had sent down a book by an explorer who had been in his employ from before the war had started, and the heavy tome was filled with small notes written in the margins, observations and anecdotes by others that the book had been loaned to. Urtho had sent it by messenger-kyree to make up for his hasty departure earlier; yet another small gesture that told the Black Gryphon of his status in Urtho's eyes. Gesten had been there for at least two candlemarks, quietly putting all of the details right for Skandranon; cutting, sanding, and rounding partially snapped feathers, rubbing in soothing gels around strained feather-shafts. Without saying a dozen words, he'd moved Skandranon—who was twice the weight of most human men—into easier positions for tending tiny cuts the Healers hadn't gotten. He had sanded down the chips in Skan's beak, filling in near-invisible cracks with cement, and coping his overgrowing talons. He then moved on to a deep and thorough combing, removing all the tiny snags and remaining bits of burr and twig from Skan's black coat.

  Skan was in good shape—much better than even this morning, he mused—and in little pain, thanks to one of Lady Cinnabar's clever abilities, a trick with shunting pain away. She was a delight to know, even peripherally, and seemed to have the sort of personality he'd like to find in a gryphon mate one day.

  Skan counted himself fortunate that he'd lived this long. Ah, but taking a mate? Seriously considering the possibility of fathering young had been reduced to a worn pastime over his years of service, one that at some times felt like his only reason for persevering, and at others like an impossible fantasy from a laugh-singer's tale. The concern was not one of merely finding sex. He had no lack of lovers; there were few gryphons who wouldn't be ecstatic to raise their tails to him, but, still, they were at best casual friends, and none of them fertile. Mmm, but there were those that had been so sweet, so warm....

  He shifted the way he was lying; thinking about lovers was causing his belly to tighten with longing. He'd never been embarrassed about his virility before and felt no pangs about such now, but his healing state kept poking reminders at him about how limited his movement really was.

  Gesten didn't miss a stroke while grooming Skan's flank and tail, although he surely noticed the outward signs of Skan's line of thought. There seemed to be very little the little hertasi missed; but, as with other topics that came up around him daily, Gesten's best comment was not to comment at all.

  Tchah, by now little Zhaneel is settled in warm and comfortable with Amberdrake. Amberdrake knows how to make everything right. He's such a good kestra'chern; so clever, so graceful, so intelligent. I'm proud to know him; I'm glad I sent her to him.

  I'm going to kill Skandranon for this, Amberdrake fumed as he faced away from Zhaneel. Surely that mindless, oversexed, bug-bitten, arrogant mass of black feathers had given Zhaneel the impression that Amberdrake was going to make love to her somehow. This was an unforgivably cruel joke on Skan's part! After this situation was handled, Amberdrake resolved to go over and give Skan a verbal flaying—asleep, injured, or in whatever condition he happened to be.

  Zhaneel had disentangled herself from him only a moment before and was now watching his every move for some cue to resume, her head bobbing up and down and hind-claws clenching.

  Amberdrake wiped a palm across his face and turned back to speak to her pointedly. "Zhaneel, I can't be the kind of lover you want. You and I aren't physically compatible. I just can't—"

  A moment passed.

  An unmistakable, inexplicable look of horror transformed Zhaneel's entire demeanor from one of desperate desire to one of emotional devastation. She let out a gurgling cry and suddenly bolted through the opened tent flap and into the darker and more private inner room.

  Skandranon finished the annotated chapter on social organization among the southeastern tribes, and luxuriated in the attention Gesten was giving his recently-battered crest.

  By now she must feel like the most beautiful and capable gryphon in the entire world! Amberdrake always knows how to say exactly the right thing to make someone feel good. He's given me so many compliments, and he's hardly ever wrong. Maybe once I'm recovered, he can give me a tryst-grooming, and we can talk about how much good my suggestion did Zhaneel.

  The Black Gryphon sighed and settled down for a nap, smug in the knowledge that all was right with the world as far as Zhaneel and Amberdrake were concerned.

  Amberdrake found Zhaneel curled into a ball in the farthest corner of the tent, shivering, her head tucked under her wings. It was a saddening, unnerving thing for Drake to see; this was the gryphon equivalent of racking sobs, as bad as any he'd seen in mourning or after nightmares. Surging, palpable waves of shame pounded at him; feelings of self-blame hissed in his mental "ears" the closer he got to her. He braced himself to receive a backlash and reached out to touch her quivering body.

  Instead of the expected strike, she didn't acknowledge his presence at all. Nothing. Yet, with the touch, a staggering rush of sickening emotions blinded Amberdrake for the span of a heartbeat.

  She hates herself. She genuinely hates herself. Self-doubt, self-pity, an overwhelming sense of worthlessness, of loss. From a gryphon! This I could expect from a human, but from a gryphon? They're all convinced that Urtho created them as an improvement on all other races! Who or whatever made her this way was long in building. If it can be stopped, it has to stop now. If I can change her—it has to start now.

  He spoke quietly, soothingly. "Zhaneel?"

  She whimpered, the barest whisper of sound.

  "Shh, little one, I am here for you. Please listen. Please listen. I'll make you feel better, I promise it. I am here for you." He moved in closer and folded his robed body across hers, to comfort her as he had other distressed gryphons with the sensation of protective, caring wings wrapped over them. He could feel her underneath him, body temperature high, breathing fast, and there, yes, her eyes tightly shut. Her delicate ear-tufts folded back tight to her head. Drake stroked her neck feathers and spoke more reassuring words, keeping his voice steady and deep, speaking "into" her, and held her as her shuddering subsided.

  The sexual anticipation earlier can help some, at least.... Amberdrake swam through Zhaneel's nerves with his Healing powers, found her pleasure-centers, and gently stimulated them while he soothed her with his words. Gryphons' bodies held stores of specialized fluids, elements, in various glands and repositories, and the delicate touch of an experienced Healer could release them at the right time. A careful nudge there and a feather-light stimulation so, and the "rewarding" sensation following a mating coursed through her veins; in a small amount, by no means as great as the euphoria following a real mating, but definitely there. It had the desired effect; she slowly went from quivering to a state of relaxation—physically, at least—and uncurled from her ball after what felt like a harrowing eternity. All the while, Amberdrake reassured her and spoke encouragements. It didn't cure any of her problems, no, that could come later, but her gradual relaxation at least opened a doorway toward a cure.

  A candlemark must have passed since her arrival before she spoke again. It was a time in which her kestra'chern held her and scratched her ear-tufts, all the while carefully touching her mind and soaking in the feelings she unknowingly projected into him. He could not help thinking that it was a good thing she had chosen him, rather than a kestra'chern with no Empathic or Healing abilities. Anyone else would have had to send for her Trondi'irn—and an apprentice would have been as terrified and traumatized as she.

  "Zhaneel," he said urgently, "you must tell me why I distressed you so. I had no intention of hurting you."

  She shivered all over. "You... kessstra'cherrrn. Think I am mmmisssborrrn, too. No desssirrre, neverrr...." She hunched her shoulders and hung her head, deep in purest misery. "Should have died," she cried softly. "Not worth raisssing, ssshould have died. Trried."

  Amberdrake didn't hesitate a moment; strange how, after waiting in silence for so long, a moment's delay in a reply could cause damage. "No, lovely child, you
misunderstood me entirely! You're far from misborn, Zhaneel. You were made by Urtho as his proudest creation. And you are lovely to me."

  She uncoiled some more, and nervously looked at him with one eye. "But you sssaid—no lover. Physssically. Not even you want me—"

  He rubbed his cheek against hers, as a gryphon-sib would do, and replied quickly. "Zhaneel, no, little one! I said I can not, not that I would not if I could. I am only a human. Thin skin, and smaller than you. We wouldn't fit, you and I, our sizes and bodies are too different. And you'd tear me up trying." He allowed a small chuckle. "Dearheart, believe me, if I were a gryphon, you and I would be in the sky together the moment after I saw you."

  She opened both eyes and blinked, twice, as if the dry observation that humans were perhaps a third the size of a gryphon—in every salient way—hadn't even occurred to her.

  Some people think a kestra'chern can do anything!

  "Never learned how mating goes. Parents died. Left me, left me alone." Zhaneel slumped down, her beak touching the floor. "Misborn, wings too long and pointy, too long for body, head too big, too round, no ear-tufts at all!" she cried out, shivering. "That's why they left me, why they flew and died. I was misborn, and they were ashamed."

  Amberdrake scratched her head, fingers disappearing into the deep, soft down-feathers, and projected more calm into her, soothing her, lest she ball herself up again and never uncurl. "I just can't believe that, Zhaneel. You are lovely and strong. Your parents must surely have treasured you and looked forward to seeing you fly."

  Apparently, a floodgate had been released when she had first started speaking. She continued to pour out her feelings. "Not enough talon to hurt even mites—"

  Amberdrake surveyed the outstretched forefoot dubiously. The talons looked plenty long to him.

  "—freakish, misborn, should have died," she whispered hoarsely. "No one wants Zhaneel in wing. No one. No one wants Zhaneel as mate. Worthless."