Here to Stay

by Adriana Herrera

  “You make me want so many things, Julia.” He had his arms one on each side of my head. All over me. All I could see was Rocco. It was too much and not nearly enough.

  “I want you.” That didn’t do justice to what I was feeling. Not even close. I wanted to say that this felt big, that being here with him was going to change things. But my body, my head, and my heart couldn’t cope with everything that was happening, so I focused on the one thing that was imminent.

  As if he needed me to get back in the game, Rocco brought his hand down to his cock and rubbed it hard to my clit, making me moan again.

  When he asked, “Can I?” I nodded hard.

  “Please.”

  He entered me slow and careful. I could feel the tension in his body, the way he kept from going in hard. He gathered me to him and moved his hips in a tight grind that was making me dizzy, and soon I was moving with him, thrusting up as he pushed in until he was all the way inside.

  “You feel amazing.” He was winded, his body practically vibrating with need.

  I was full to the brim, enveloped in him, and it felt pretty fucking perfect. “You do too.”

  After that I pushed my knees up and he was even deeper, so deep. I could feel him in my throat. He kissed me hard as he surged into me, and I was already feeling like I’d come again. He pistoned in and out of me, that big cock hitting every nerve deliciously. But when he licked his thumb and started circling my clit, I was done.

  In my own fog, I heard him groan as his hips thrust in harder a couple more times, and an agonized, “Fuck, Julia,” came out of his mouth.

  He slumped over me and kissed me hard as we both got our bearings. After a minute, he reached over and grabbed a small towel that he’d placed there at some point, got his condom off, and cleaned us both up.

  I still was trying to figure out what to say, knowing reality would come knocking at some point, and I didn’t want to shatter this moment. Rocco was bolder than me and said what I didn’t want to admit just yet.

  “There’s no way we’re not doing this again.”

  I groaned, my head still spinning. Every muscle in my body had turned to water, but I couldn’t disagree. This was definitely happening again.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Rocco

  “Rocco, you’re here. I thought I’d missed you.”

  I sighed internally and raised my eyes from the monitor screen to find Sturm’s CFO smiling down on me. It was all I could do to keep a grunt from escaping my mouth. Phil’s shitty superpower seemed to be showing up in people’s office right at the moment they were about to head home.

  “How can I help you, Phil? I only have like ten minutes. I’m catching a flight to New York tonight.” As soon as I said it, the apprehension I’d been fending off all day came back in full force. Even though I’d booked this trip home before I ever left New York, I was not feeling it. I’d almost backed out like ten times, but Julia was there already and I figured if shit got real bad, I could at least hang out with her.

  Actually, she’d promised me we would. A warmth spread through my chest, thinking about the morning we’d had together the day she left. I’d woken her up with kisses and fresh coffee. After breakfast we’d gone for a run together and when we got home we’d made love for hours. These last few weeks together had been some of the best in my life. After that first night, it was like something had been unlocked and we couldn’t stay away from each other.

  I was obsessed with her body—and never hesitated to show her just how much—and she had no qualms about telling me exactly how she wanted me. I could talk dirty with the best of them, but holy fuck, I’d never been with a woman who just told me what she liked and screamed out her pleasure like Julia. If she was into what I was doing, she told me and she held nothing back. I could almost hear her hoarse voice when she moaned my name, telling me my tongue fucked her so good.

  I sucked my teeth at the memory, just as Phil cleared his throat. “You coming down with something, Rocco?”

  Oh, God.

  I was having visions about going down on Julia while my boss was in the room. I tried for a smile, but gave up and just shook my head. “I’m fine, Phil. What can I do for you?”

  As soon as he flashed those shark teeth, I knew whatever he came to my office for would be some BS that would further sink my mood.

  “I just wanted to confirm that the board plans to meet between Christmas and New Year’s to decide on a few things.” He sounded elated, which confirmed that he was up to no good, again. “Duke and I will push hard on rolling back the foundation expenses, at least temporarily.” I wondered what it took to get a person to be this soulless. “You know, until the IPO is done.”

  From that creepy-as-fuck smile he was flashing me, I knew this was no temporary anything. Once that foundation funding was gone, it was never coming back.

  I almost said something, but I kept my mouth shut. I did not need to antagonize this jackass.

  “I don’t know what that has to do with me, Phil. I don’t have a vote with the board.”

  With his dumbass grin still on his face, Phil went to close the door to my office and sauntered back to my desk.

  “You have more than a vote—the board is waiting on your say on how to proceed. Davidson’s was hired to give us a green light for the IPO and I am counting on you to deliver it to the board.”

  I swallowed hard, because I didn’t know if I could live with myself knowing it would probably mean giving up so much of what made Sturm’s great, not that this asshole cared.

  “The Twins have the romantic idea that the Sturm’s mission is to cater to the wealthy in order to give back to the community. And that bleeding-heart shit may work when you’re a family operation, but when we go public that just won’t cut it.”

  I made sure I blinked, but it was hard.

  Phil knew very well I’d taken all this into consideration for my report to the board, but that wasn’t enough. He wanted me to be his and Duke’s mouthpiece.

  The foundation’s programs deserved the financial support; there was no doubt in my mind that the bonuses for executives was where the cuts needed to come from. It wasn’t even about Julia and her job either. It was about doing the right thing, and that knowledge put me in a very difficult position. I glanced at Phil, who was standing in my office in his four-thousand-dollar suit, and I really wanted to throat punch him.

  I thought about how much I’d worked for the last five years, the extra hours, the sacrifices I’d made, so that I could get a shot at a promotion. All of that was riding on this one job. If I went against Phil and recommended they continue to fund the social justice programs, the IPO would be in jeopardy, and in Phil’s mind I’d basically fail to accomplish what I’d come to Dallas to do. He would not be happy, and he would let my boss know.

  I felt a chill run through my body, thinking about the consequences of me going against this asshole. He had a predatory smile on his lips as we stood there in silence. We both knew what was at stake for me.

  I wanted to be reckless and tell him I was going to tell the board to do the right thing, but I couldn’t do that. The impotence I felt in that moment was strong enough to make me want to sob. I thought of Julia’s excitement whenever she told me of some new thing they were doing in the program or her joy at one of the kids hitting a milestone. Of all the things they were doing to help the community. You couldn’t put a number on that; I knew the difference a person caring about my future had made in my life. Phil couldn’t care less about any of that.

  My phone buzzed on my desk and it finally broke the stare-off Phil and I had been in for the past few minutes.

  It was from my sister.

  Can’t wait until I see you. I can’t promise Mom and Dad are going to behave, but Blue and I missed you so much!

  I grabbed the phone as I looked at Phil. “I’m sorry, I have to take
this. Have a good holiday.”

  He nodded and left without saying a word. We both knew this had not been a courtesy call, and I was too fucking tired to pretend. When I tapped on the screen, I saw Sofia had added a photo.

  There was a picture of Blue in her little cowboy boots and holding a sign that said “I love you, Uncle Rocco.”

  I closed my eyes and felt the tension gripping my skull. What was I going to do? If I went against Phil, even if it was the right thing to do, I’d seriously jeopardize my plans. If I did what Phil wanted, I’d have a hand in shutting down a program that helped a lot of people probably for good.

  I felt desperate and helpless, and the only thing I wanted was Julia. I grabbed my jacket, my duffel, and the carry-on I’d brought to the office as I headed out. I was planning to be there for three nights. A short trip, but with my family, it was more than enough.

  * * *

  As I got into my car and headed to the airport, I thought about where my life had been when I got to Dallas and where it was now. I’d left New York content to focus on my sister, keeping my own life and happiness on hold.

  Now, as I drove through familiar streets, headed to the East Coast, Dallas felt more like home than New York had felt in a very long time. This place had become comforting in ways that no place had ever been. I loved New York, but I’d always felt a little lost there, like I could disappear and it would take days, maybe weeks, for anyone to notice. Here I would be missed. The twins, the Exiles, Julia—they would notice I was gone within hours, they’d miss me, they’d look for me, and if necessary they’d take care of me.

  A call from Julia came in through the Bluetooth, tearing me away from my thoughts.

  “Muñeca. Como estas?” I smiled as I called her baby doll, which in Spanish was a term of endearment. She grumbled on the phone, and I laughed. She always complained when I called her that, yet she never failed to melt in my arms, even as she griped.

  “One of these days, I’m going to forbid you from calling me that. I hate you for making me like it.”

  “Sorry.”

  She scoffed at the obvious lack of remorse in my voice. “You’re not even a little sorry, you smug bastard.”

  I did laugh at that. “How’s la familia? Are Pura and Yolanda getting on your nerves yet?” I smiled, thinking of the two women. Since dinner with them on Thanksgiving, it seemed like every time Julia called home either Mami or Abuela made a point of asking about me. I wasn’t sure how much they knew about what had been going on with me and Julia. Fuck, I didn’t know for sure myself. But anytime they called and I was around they’d insist I get on the phone to say hello. I wasn’t going to lie, it was pretty heartwarming, even though I knew they drove poor Julia up the wall sometimes.

  She exhaled in answer to my question, and I heard rumbling like she was shutting a door. “I love them, but they are a lot. I forget how much I regress when I’m home. I’ve been here for three days, and as much as I’m happy to be home, I turn into a petty adolescent when I’m around my mother.” She sighed, but when she spoke again she sounded lighter.

  “I shouldn’t complain too much. Overall it’s been good to visit. And I get to see you soon.”

  “I’ve missed you. Can’t wait to get you alone. I’ve been jerking off to the panties you left in my bed.”

  “Rocco,” she yelped and I grunted, imagining her flushed and little off-kilter. “I’m in my parents’ house. Phone sex is out of the question.” She sounded more delighted than distressed, but I’d cut her a break.

  “But you love being home, right?”

  The perverse selfish part of me wished she said that she loved being in New York. That she didn’t miss Dallas and our friends or our neighborhood and the restaurants we’d discovered and loved. Because that way she would come back to New York and maybe that way I could have her.

  But Julia had fought like hell to make a life in Dallas, and wishing that all that fell apart would make me a real monster. And I’d be lying too. I’d miss our friends and our spots. I’d miss her and who she was here.

  “You still there, babe?”

  “Yeah, sorry.”

  “I can imagine. Anyway, it’s nice to see my family and Alba.” She groaned again. “I feel so ungrateful, because they are so happy to have me here, and it is cool to be in town. But—”

  She paused for a moment, like she was unsure of how to say what she was feeling, and I held my breath for a second.

  Why was I doing this to myself?

  “But what, muñeca?”

  She chuckled ruefully. “I don’t know, I guess I miss Dallas, I miss you and the crew.”

  It was like a punch in the gut, because I knew all of this would be taken away. If I did what Phil wanted me to, I’d lose her. If I didn’t and fucked myself over, I’d be out of a job and back in New York, scrambling to help my sister. No matter what I did, this little bubble of happiness I’d been in would burst. But something in me still wanted to fight to keep it, to keep her.

  “Maybe it’s just that you need your space. That you’ve gotten used to having your own place.”

  She exhaled again and then muttered an apprehensive maybe, and I wondered if I’d missed a chance. If I should’ve told her that I hadn’t been able to sleep the last few nights, because she wasn’t in my bed. That in the three weeks since we’d been doing this, whatever it was, she’d burrowed into my heart and I had no clue how I was going to walk away.

  “Rocco, are you there?”

  I snapped back to attention and realized I must have zoned out again. “I’m here. Navigating traffic, that’s all. I’m almost at the airport.”

  “Did you get Miss Pulga settled?”

  I smiled at the mention of my tiny roommate. “Yeah, José’s dogsitter will go by my place once a day to check on her and leave her some food.”

  It’d been so easy to find help. To call José and ask him what he did with his dogs. I had people now I never thought I’d have. The idea of losing it all in just a few weeks felt like an anvil on my chest.

  “That’s good. José really likes her.” Another pause. “Are you feeling okay about seeing your folks?”

  With as little as I’d shared about my family, she still knew to ask.

  “It is what it is. I’m looking forward to seeing Sofia and Blue.” Thinking about my sister did make having to deal with my parents seem less daunting. “Yeah, I can’t wait to see her open her gifts. I had to bring my gym duffel with me because I got a little carried away with presents for both of them.”

  “You’re such a good brother, Rocco.”

  “I feel like it’s all too little too late.” I scoffed, thinking of those years when I’d been at Columbia and barely made time to see Sofia.

  I heard her click her tongue on the other end of the line. “Baby, no. You were doing what you needed to survive. To make your own way. It was not on you. No matter how much you felt that responsibility, it wasn’t yours. You’re a good man, and I know how grateful your sister must be for you.”

  “I’m not so great, but I can buy them a few presents.”

  “You’re too hard on yourself, papi.”

  There it was. That word. She seldom used it, but when she did my dick went hard as a rock and it was all I could do not to beat my chest like a fucking caveman. I lowered my voice when I spoke. “You know I get a little wild when you call me that. How am I supposed to get through an airport thinking about how you moan that in my ear, when I’m inside—”

  “Rocco, stop. My grandmother is literally five feet from my bedroom door.” I would take her a little more seriously if I didn’t hear the heat in her voice.

  “Are you still coming over for dinner day after tomorrow?”

  I wanted to say more sexy shit, get her more revved up, but I had to go.

  “Yeah, that’s the plan. Are you staying over at my hotel one of
the nights I’m there?” I sounded extremely desperate, but at the moment I was more concerned with luring her to my hotel. I’d always been disconnected from the women I casually dated. I liked them well enough, wanted them too, but I never felt a need for more. With Julia I could not get enough.

  “My parents are going to ask a million questions if I do, and I’m not sure I have the bandwidth to explain what we’re doing.”

  I almost asked her if she could enlighten me, because the more we were together, the less I knew how I was supposed to go back to New York and leave her in Dallas.

  “Okay, I get that. I still want to see you though.” I growled that out because even if I was confused about a lot of things, wanting Julia was not one of them.

  “I want to see you too. Text me when you get in.” There it was again, us doing things that were not at all what people did when they were just hooking up.

  “I will. Say hi to your family for me, okay?”

  “Okay, papi.” I could tell she was smiling as she said it.

  “Why do you torture me?”

  “It’s not torture if you like it.”

  I chuckled at her smart-assness, “Touché, talk soon.”

  I ended the call and headed for the terminal. I’d been a ball of nerves before Julia’s call and would probably get myself riled up by the time I landed in LaGuardia. But I could not deny that her presence felt like everything I needed.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Julia

  “Well you look relaxed and...flushed?” Alba said, before tapping my shoulder. “Move over, we can’t fit in this bed like we used to.” We maneuvered for a few seconds until we were both sitting up on my bed like we’d done so many times over the years.

  I looked over at my friend, her brown skin so similar to mine, her black afro big, like a big fluffy halo around her head.

  “Albita, that dress looks so good on you.” She was wearing a cobalt-blue wrap dress I’d brought for her that accentuated all her curves. “The colors are gorgeous, friend.” Alba preened as I admired her outfit. My friend was the epitome of body positive. She gave no fucks about what anyone thought about her size and what she looked like. Which made her that much more beautiful.