Here to Stay

by Adriana Herrera

“J, it is not our business to tell her, we don’t even know what’s going on.”

  José’s face was blotchy when he stood up. He walked over and sat on the coffee table right across from me. Beyond him I saw the box of canned pigeon peas Rocco had brought when he picked me up at the airport. I ruthlessly shut down the memory of him teasing me about how he got them because he thought I’d run out.

  But when I really looked at Salome and José, I finally understood there was something serious going on. Her face looked scared, worried. His was angry and sad.

  “What happened?” I asked, knowing it had to somehow be about Rocco.

  “What happened is that I’m not going to let you think that man doesn’t love you.”

  “José—” Salome balked, clearly alarmed.

  “No!” José yelled as he stood up again, both hands up like he needed to keep a distance, to say what he needed to say. “I would give anything—anything—to get a do-over of those last hours with James.” He was openly sobbing now and I had no idea what was happening. I stood up to hug him while Salome looked on, terrified of all the emoting going on. I almost laughed.

  He pulled away after a second, wiping his eyes roughly. “This is not about me. This is about you, Julia.” He said it looking at Salome, who stood there shaking her head in resignation. “Rocco ended up telling the board that he thought keeping Sturm’s integrity was more important than the IPO. He stood up there and asked them to keep the foundation programs, hon.” I kept my eyes focused on his fluttering hands as my head spun.

  I felt dizzy from all the things running through my head. “He did what?”

  “He basically put his job on the line, his project, and the promotion he was counting on trying to make a case for keeping the social responsibility programs intact.”

  I stood and before I knew it, I had my coat on and my keys in my hand. “That asshole. Why does he think he needs to fix everything for everyone?”

  Salome and José both smiled at my outrage. “Is he okay? Did something happen with his job?”

  This time they both looked down, and my heart sunk. It was Salome who spoke this time. “He got fired. He needs to be out of his apartment by the end of the week. Looks like those two guys who had been giving him a hard time here made a stink with his bosses. Tariq said that shit hit the fan for real. He’s going back to the city as soon as he’s packed up.”

  I’d heard enough. “That stubborn motherfucker. He was going to leave without even saying goodbye?” I knew tears were running down my face. “I’m going over there,” I said, as I got my bag. I probably looked a wreck but I didn’t care. “If he thinks I’m just going to let him walk out on me, he has another thing coming.”

  Rocco

  The sharp knock on the door made us all jump.

  I looked up from my slump on the couch to see Dani and Tariq, who had been here all day “holding my white ass down.” Tariq looked to the door, his eyebrows high on his forehead. Just yesterday, he’d informed me he’d been offered a job in the foundation’s finance department, and that he was going to take it. So Tariq was a real NYC exile now.

  “Did you guys order food?” They both stood up on the third knock and seemed like they were looking for an escape route.

  Tariq was about to say something when we heard Julia’s muffled yelling from outside my door.

  “Rocco. Fucking. Quinn. You better open this damn door. Right. Now.”

  Tariq and Dani had their coats on and were already flashing me deuces by the time I got up.

  “We’re gonna bounce, my man,” Tariq said, clearly too scared to open the door himself.

  Dani just nodded as he wearily looked at the piece of wood Julia was pounding on like it was about to explode. My heart was thumping in my chest as I reached for the doorknob.

  She was here.

  I wasn’t sure if she’d just come to tell me off one last time, but the need to see her was practically forcing my limbs to get the door open. I closed my eyes and pulled on the doorknob. When I opened the door, air filled my lungs for the first since I left her apartment.

  She look tired and like she’d been crying, her eyes red-rimmed. Her hair was up in a messy bun, and her clothes rumpled. She was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, and she was standing in my doorway holding four huge bags from... Pet Mart?

  Her eyes flashed as she ran them over me. “You look terrible.” Her voice caught on that last word, but she rushed into the apartment before I got a chance to answer.

  Dani and Tariq who were already on the move, each with an arm up like they wanted to give her a hug but were afraid she’d punch them if they tried. They both knew better than to mess with a Queens girl when she was in a mood.

  She put the bags gently on the floor and she stared them down. “So I guess you guys split up, half at mine and the other half here.”

  “We’re heading out.” Dani sounded spooked and Tariq was clearly not trying to get on her radar. They hurried out, shutting the door behind them, and then it was just us.

  I didn’t dare make a move to touch her. I didn’t dare try and explain. I was paralyzed under her scrutiny.

  “So you broke up with me and blew up your job.”

  She looked hurt and I wanted to hide from the knowledge that I’d put it there. “I don’t need a hero, Rocco.”

  She came closer and I moved to meet her, then remembered I had no right to touch. My nose flared as I took in her scent, that faint smell of the coconut-and-lemon lotion she used.

  “Why did you do it, Rocco? I want to hear you say it, because even though these past couple of days have been terrible, I know you’re not cruel.”

  At that moment we heard a high-pitched meow coming from the bedroom, and we both turned to look at Pulga, who was now almost twice the size she’d been at Thanksgiving. She came straight up to Julia and started demanding attention.

  Her serious face softened and she kneeled down to pet the kitten. “Hey, baby girl. I missed you.” For all that Julia talked about hating my cat, she certainly wasn’t acting like she did. Even if Pulga was permanently banned from Julia’s place. Probably so was I, now that I thought about it.

  Julia picked Pulga up and cradled her in her arms as the cat alternated between rubbing her little head against Julia’s sweater and sending me mutinous looks, as if to say, “Why would you mess with this?”

  I was having trouble figuring out what to do or say, because not only was Julia in my apartment, she was cuddling my cat, who she almost consistently refused to touch. And yet she’d brought her presents?

  I moved to the kitchen, trying to buy myself time. I knew Julia would make me talk. She was not going to let me get away with brooding.

  I grabbed a couple of the kombuchas she’d gotten me addicted to and offered her one. She shook her head and kept petting Pulga.

  “I’m not thirsty, and I need to know, Rocco.”

  “I was planning to just do what Phil asked; with Blue and the CPS situation, I felt like I had no choice. But in the end Sofia talked some sense into me, and I knew I couldn’t go through with it. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself, and even if you hated me for the way I acted I’d at least have a clear conscience.” I scoffed, thinking how poorly my plan had gone. “Not that it mattered. The board still voted for the IPO.”

  “You could’ve told me the turmoil you were in, Rocco. That you were under pressure, knowing that would’ve helped.”

  I went over to the couch and sat there as I thought about what she was saying. “I didn’t want to complicate things any more than they already were. It doesn’t matter either way though.” I laughed bitterly and looked up at her again, willing her to get closer. “I ruined everything for nothing.”

  She came over then and sat next to me on the couch, carefully put Pulga down, and then turned to me. “We got the funding.”

 
“What?”

  She shook her head and looked at me like I was a misguided idiot. “We got the funding. Gail just called me to say the twins have assured her they’ll continue to support us.”

  All the air left my body at once. “So you’ll be all right, then?”

  “Oh no. You’re not going to do your selfless-hero act with me. I still need to hear why it was so easy for you to break things off between us. Why did you let me think you didn’t care about me, Rocco?” Her voice broke then and I couldn’t not touch her when she was so close. I reached out, but at the last second stopped.

  “Can I?”

  “Can you what?”

  “Can I touch you?” My hand was hanging in the air, floating by her ear.

  She rolled her eyes and breathed out. “You’re an idiot.” She pushed forward and before I knew it our lips were touching, her mouth pressed with mine. “Why do you think I’m here, Rocco? For fuck’s sake.”

  We pulled back and her face was all business again, and she turned back to where Pulga was nosing through the bags on the floor. Julia glanced up at me with a look of complete exhaustion, then gestured to the floor. “Help me out with these.”

  “So you went shopping?”

  Before I could say more, she pulled out a cat bed exactly like the one she and I had picked out for Pulga the day I’d found her.

  She put it down on the floor and looked up at me, looking as confused as I was. “I don’t know, I needed to clear my head before I got here, so I stopped at the store. I bought things for Pulga, so she can have them when you come over to my place.” This time the tears spilled over and streaked her face. “I wanted you to know, you stubborn dumbass, that there is a place for you and your damn cat in my life. Even after it seemed so easy for you to give up on us.”

  That’s when I broke. “I’m so sorry.”

  She shook her head as she ran the back of her hand over her nose, her face streaked with tears. Her voice was clogged when she spoke. “I don’t even know why I got this stuff since you’re leaving.” Her eyes looked bleak as she pulled out more duplicates of Pulga’s things. “Were you really going to do that? Were you going to leave without even saying goodbye?”

  She was openly sobbing now and I knew tears were streaming down my face too.

  “I thought I’d messed up your job, Julia. I thought I had wrecked your program. That you’d hate me for it.”

  She came closer, her eyes widening in confusion like she had no idea what I was talking about.

  “Rocco.” She stopped after one word, her chest moving up and down, gasping for breath. “I am not better off without you.”

  “I didn’t want to be selfish.” I was barely keeping it together. My voice gave out in the last word and that was when she finally came to me. She put both arms around my neck and pushed up, pressing her lips to mine. How could I ever think I’d be okay without her?

  She was holding on so tightly to me. I knew like me she was still struggling with how close we’d come to losing this. How my baggage and my issues almost threw it all away. I licked into her mouth and it tasted like her tears. They tasted like my future.

  “You stubborn man. Don’t ever do this again. It will never be better for me without you.”

  I finally let myself hear that. Let myself believe it.

  “I don’t know if I can be enough, Julia.”

  She looked up and her eyes flashed, furious, and I felt everything in my body align. She shook her head as she hugged me. “You’re better than enough. You’re mine.”

  I turned to look at the couple of boxes of books and things I’d accumulated since I’d been here. Julia turned to look at them and sighed. Neither of us wanted to be the first to say it. I pushed our foreheads together and spoke in a low voice. “I have to go.”

  She nodded and pressed herself against me again. “I know, but you don’t have to be on your own anymore. We’ll figure it out.”

  I thought about the mess I’d have to deal with back in New York, about needing a new job, about Sofia and Blue, and I almost caved from the weight of it all. But she was here and I would figure out how to make my way here too. This place and her had become my home.

  And I had people. I didn’t have to do any of it on my own. “I want to make this work. I want to find a way to come back here.” Sofia had said she would too, so maybe there was a chance. Maybe...

  She grabbed my hand and pulled me to the couch with her. We walked by Pulga, who was busy inspecting all her new toys.

  I closed my eyes, remembering the mess my parents had made of Sofia’s life, again.

  “I think we would all be better off here. Blue and Sofia too. I just can’t make any decisions until a few things are clearer.”

  “We’ll figure it out.”

  The way she looked at me, with such certainty. I felt like I could trust it was true.

  “I know,” I said, smiling at her. “We just need to get through the next few months. I’m out of a job and need to get Sofia away from my parents once and for all. But before we get into all that, I owe you something.”

  My heart started racing thinking of all the things that were up in the air, but I had to say it before any of it could really start. “I love you.”

  She smiled that smile that only happened for me and she leaned in close, so much that our foreheads smashed together. “I know. I love you too.”

  I closed my eyes, breathing out some of the tension of the last two days. “It’s going to be hard, but we can do this.”

  Julia nodded and brought her hands to either side of my face. “You have me now, baby. Even if we can’t see each other until you figure things out with your sister. I’ll be here waiting. We’re doing this, right?”

  I nodded, feeling grateful and overwhelmed, hoping we could figure things out. “I hope I can come back here to you, that I can bring Sofia too. All of us together.”

  There was not much that was certain right now, but for the first time I felt like I had something solid. I was grounded in the people in my life, in my friends, in Julia.

  As her lips touched mine, I felt like the entirety of my life was centering on this moment, on sealing this promise we were making. It’d been so long since I’d touched her, since I’d felt her skin under my hands.

  I gasped, suddenly desperate for her. “Julia.”

  Her eyes were mirror images of my own hunger. I stole my tongue into her mouth. Ravenous for her. Just as I was about to make quick work of her clothes, my phone rang.

  I cursed and she sighed, but it was the ringer I had for work people.

  I grabbed it from the coffee table and when I saw the number, I turned the phone so Julia could see.

  She sounded as puzzled as I felt. “Mitzy Sturm?”

  I put her on speaker and answered. “Ms. Sturm, how can I help you?”

  I heard two matching scoffs at my greeting. “I thought we’d gotten past formalities, Rocco.” I smiled at her cantankerous tone. “We wanted to hear how you’re getting on since that asshole Phil managed to get you fired.”

  I took a deep breath and looked over at Julia, who sucked her teeth at the mention of Sturm’s CFO. “I’m all right. Getting ready to go back to New York and start looking for work.”

  One of them clicked her tongue and I could almost see the thunderous expressions on their faces. “We were hoping you’d still be in town.”

  I shrugged at Julia, who was looking confused. “What can I do for you?”

  “Well, Muffy and I let Duke buy us out. We’re no longer part of Sturm’s.” I knew they’d considered leaving if the IPO was approved.

  “I’m sorry to hear that,” I said honestly.

  I heard her sigh. “It was time. We wanted to move on, spend the rest of the time we had before retirement building something. The Sturm family’s legacy has to be more than the stores. We
kept the foundation, and that’s where you hopefully come in.”

  I had no clue where this was going. “Ma’am?”

  This time they both laughed. “That just rolled off your tongue. I guess this town is finally rubbing off on you.”

  Julia and I both grinned at that, but were brought back to the conversation by Muffy’s no-nonsense tone. “Let me cut to the chase. We need a finance guy to help us run this foundation. We have an endowment from our grandfather of almost two hundred and fifty million dollars. And we’re not interested in running day-to-day operations. We want to focus on the vision, the big picture.”

  I sat down as Julia barely contained a yelp.

  “Really?”

  “Yes, really. Rocco, you’re the kind of guy we need. We need someone with values that he can stick to. No matter what. So what do you say? Do you want to exchange that Mets hat for a cowboy one?”

  I took Julia’s hand in mine, as I leaned in to give them an answer.

  Epilogue

  Six Months Later

  Julia

  “Looks like Pulga finally’s going to need to learn how to share your attention,” I said jokingly, as I walked back into the house after seeing off the last of the Exiles. They’d been over for a housewarming of our new place. I looked down at Rocco, who was trying to build a Magna-Tile castle with Blue while Pulga did her best to trample the structure.

  I shook my head, watching Blue trying to protect her blocks from Pulga’s wrath.

  Sofia smiled at them. “She’s a menace. Whoever heard of a cat with a leash?” She laughed as Rocco looked up from his spot on the carpet.

  “Hey, she likes going on walks.”

  We both rolled our eyes at him. Sofia and Blue had come over too, since they were now official Gotham Exiles. They’d been in Dallas for almost a month and we’d started a tradition of having them over for dinner on Sunday nights.

  The last six months had been wild and full of changes, but Rocco had managed to balance it all and had finally delivered on his promise to his sister. As I sat there enjoying the sight of my man, looking at peace and happy, my heart filled with love and pride for him—for us and the life we’d built here.