Safe Rider (A Lost Saxons Novel Book 2)

by Jessica Ames

  “How long would I be gone for?”

  “A few weeks—a month—I don’t know, darlin’.”

  A month. Maybe longer? Christ. It may as well be an eon. My head feels light as I take that in. It’s only a short time in our relationship and then we can be together… but leaving at all makes me nauseous.

  “Come with me.”

  “I can’t do that.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I need to make sure he’s no longer a threat and I don’t trust anyone with your safety but me.”

  Those words steal my breath. “Dean—”

  “Please, darlin’, please, just go. Please, do this for me and for our kid.”

  I stare at him, seeing the tension in his frame and feeling the pain in my heart as it breaks. I don’t want to go, but in all the time we’ve been together he’s never asked me for anything. Until now. And the way he says it, I can’t say no.

  “Okay,” I tell him and I feel the palpable relief he exudes at that news. “But I have a condition.”

  As expected, the mood changes at these words.

  “Liv—”

  “No, Dean. You want me to walk away from our life, leaving my friends and you in danger and I’ll do it, but I don’t think it’s too much to ask that you do something for me in return.”

  “What’s your condition?”

  “You don’t touch Simon.”

  He stares at me as he digests my words. Then, to my surprise he says, “Fine. You’ll go?”

  “Yeah, Dean, I’ll go.”

  He closes his eyes and I can see the relief. “Thank you.”

  “But you have to keep your promise. You can’t do anything to Simon. I mean it, Dean.”

  “I know, and I will keep that promise.” His lips brush mine and I let myself feel the love between us.

  “I don’t want to be without you,” I tell him as we part.

  “I don’t either, but I want you whole and healthy.”

  I nod. I want this too.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  “So, what’s the plan?” I ask the next morning when Dean returns to my room. He’s been off sorting things out for hours, leaving me with Holly and two Saxons in the hallway outside—my guard dogs. For my part, I’ve been in and out of it, despite trying to fight the pull of sleep.

  The police stopped by first thing. I wasn’t sure what I should say but Dean said to tell the truth, so that’s what I did. They were dismissive and uninterested the moment they saw the kutte on Dean’s back. I don’t trust them to find Simon, and they left me feeling even more anxious.

  Dean gives Holly a chin lift before coming to my side and pressing a kiss to my lips.

  “Clara’s arranging to have you moved to a hospital near to Axel. From this point out the Club’s radio silent on you. No one’ll talk about you, mention your name—even within the Club. I don’t want Simon getting a whiff of your scent. I don’t think that fucker can link you to the Club and that’s a good thing. Means he’ll never fucking see us coming. Only me, Holly, Clara and Prez know where you’re being sent. Everyone else is in the fucking dark, and that’s how it’s going to stay.”

  “I don’t want you to lie to your brothers or your family, Dean.”

  “I don’t like lying to them either, but it’s the only way to keep you and our baby safe. The less people who know where you are, the less chance it has of getting out. I trust Derek and Clara with my life; they won’t talk. I’m hoping you’ll keep silent too.” He says this last bit to Holly.

  “You know I won’t say a word,” Holly says, a little affronted.

  I give her a weak smile. I hate that I’ve drawn her into my mess as well.

  “Get some rest, darlin’. And try not to worry. In a couple of weeks this’ll all be a distant memory and you and me can get on with our lives.”

  I want that more than anything.

  Clara gets things set up in record timing. I have no idea how she manages it, but within a few hours I’m told I’ll be moving to the other hospital tomorrow morning. A rock sits in my gut as I let this thought consume me. When will I see Dean again? Will Simon be found? Will he hurt Dean to get to me? If there is one thing I know about Simon it is how petty he can be, and I know he’s not going to let this go. Getting out of the way is the best thing for all of us.

  Holly leaves us mid-morning to head back to the shelter. She’s been here more than she should have and June needs her help back over there to keep things running. We say a tearful goodbye and she promises to call and text me whenever she can.

  Dean sits with me in the hospital room, waiting for the huge clock hanging over us to tick down. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to leave him, but I know I must. I promised I would and I have to keep our baby safe.

  “Are you happy?”

  His head snaps in my direction. “Fuck no. You think I’m happy that you’re lying in that bed, bruised and held together with stitches?”

  “I mean about the baby, Dean.”

  “Oh.” His darkened expression is suddenly lighter as his mouth tugs into the hint of a smile. “Yeah, darlin’; I’m happy about the baby. I wish we had a little more time together, just you and me, but I’m happy about being a father. More than happy. I love you and I’m going to love our kid. I can’t wait to tell everyone.”

  And this statement makes my guilt mount. Because of me, because of my problems we can’t celebrate like normal people. “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “Because you should be able to shout this from the mountaintops. You should be able to celebrate with your family that you’re going to be a dad. Instead, it’s this huge, ridiculous secret.”

  “Yeah, I should. The fact I can’t isn’t your fault though. It’s Simon’s. And that piece of shit is going to pay for all of this.”

  “Dean… you promised.”

  “Oh, darlin’; I will keep that promise, don’t you worry. I won’t lay a fucking hand on that bastard.”

  There’s something in the way he says this that implies he won’t have to do a thing. Great. The last thing I need is his brothers going off half-cocked and ending up in jail instead. I’m sure the old ladies’ll love that. Then again, I’m starting to learn that you cut one Saxons and the whole lot of them bleed.

  “That extends to the Club too, Dean.”

  He shrugs. “I’m not responsible for what other people do or don’t do, babe. I made you a promise I wouldn’t do shit to him, and I won’t.”

  Inwardly, I groan but before I can do anything else Clara sticks her head around the door. Her blond hair is pulled into a high ponytail and her face is make-up free. She looks cute in her hospital scrubs.

  “They’re on their way up,” she tells me and Dean.

  “Thanks, Clar.”

  “Don’t mention it.”

  She ducks back out of the room, leaving me and Dean alone again and I cling to him.

  “This isn’t fair.”

  “I know.”

  “Dean, I don’t know that I can do this.”

  He pulls back from me and looks me in the eye. “You have to, sweetheart. You can’t stay here; it’s not safe.”

  “I know.”

  He cups my cheeks. “This isn’t forever, baby. I promise. As soon as it’s safe for you, I’ll ride to Axel’s myself and bring you home. And when I bring you home the first fucking thing we’re doing is talking to a solicitor.”

  “A solicitor?”

  “Yeah, darlin’; you’re getting your divorce.” He pulls me towards him, kissing me. “I want you and our baby to be Lawlers.”

  Tears well in my eyes. “Dean… if this is a proposal… it’s not a very good one.”

  He laughs as he swipes away my tears. “When I propose it won’t be when you’re lying in a hospital bed, love.”

  “Just as well; I expect romance,” I joke. Then I lean my head against his. “Please be careful, okay? I don’t know what Simon will do.”

  “He wants you—no
t me. I’ll be fine.”

  He kisses me and I relax against his touch. “Call me every day. Promise me.”

  “I promise, darlin’.”

  The ambulance drivers come into the room with Clara and it’s time to leave. I want to cling to Dean and refuse to let go but I can’t. I have to do this to keep me and my baby safe. I wish he was coming with me but Dean will never relax until he knows we’re both safe. He holds my hand and kisses me until we’re both breathless. Then he presses our foreheads together.

  “I love you more than life,” he tells me softly. I struggle to keep my emotions in check. I have no idea when I’ll see him next: a week, a month.

  “I love you too.”

  His hand caresses my cheek, swiping my tears away. “Do whatever Axel tells you.”

  I nod. “Please be careful, Dean.”

  “Always. I’ll see you soon.”

  As I’m wheeled out I feel like my heart is tearing out of my chest. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to be apart but what choice is there? Simon is crazed and hell bent on vengeance—and all that rage is directed at me. I’ve seen it time and time again at the shelter what happens when a spouse (or former spouse, in my case) becomes consumed with the idea of doling out punishment. Simon is too far gone. His only focus is destroying the object of his rage, which happens to be me. Staying clear of him is the only way to remain safe, and although it physically hurts to be without Dean, right now my only focus is the tiny bundle of cells and blood vessels and skin and bone developing in my womb. I’m lucky we’re both still here, and I’m not going to do a single thing to jeopardise that.

  So I’ll leave town and I’ll leave Dean until Simon is caught because I want my baby to live and I want me, Dean and our little one to be a family. Dean is the man I want to spend my life with. He’s a sheep in wolf’s clothing. He has turned my life inside out and upside down and I will love him until my dying breath. He taught me to love again, to feel again. He taught me that being with someone, opening up to someone isn’t something to be feared.

  The journey south to Manchester passes in a blur. Clara comes with me in the ambulance. I didn’t expect I would have anyone with me, but I’m glad I do. She talks nonsense at me, discussing everything from the weather to some reality television programme she’s watching (and clearly very into).

  Finally, she says, “He loves you, you know?”

  I break out of my daze, catching her words and glance up. “Dean?”

  She grins. “Of course Dean. Unless you have another grumpy, mopey biker stashed away.”

  I laugh at her words. “Dean’s not grumpy.”

  “Honey, all those men are grumpy. It’s like putting on that kutte sucks out their happy gene. Believe me, I’ve dealt with Slade for long enough. The man is like a bear with a sore head ninety percent of the time.”

  Slade is the Club’s vice president, and he does look like a grumpy bear.

  “But he’s your grumpy bear.” She gets this look on her face of complete contentment.

  “Yeah, he is.” She shakes herself. “These men… people judge them and they judge them because of their lifestyle and the way they look. In my experience, these boys are better than ninety percent of the men out there. They’re loyal and they’ll die for their family. I’m not saying they’re perfect—they’re not. No one is. And there are bad apples in every cart, but Dean’s a good ‘un. Probably one of the best in that place. His grandmother raised him well.”

  I laugh a little, then wince at the pull on my stomach and the pressure on my ribs. “I probably shouldn’t laugh.”

  “Laughter is the best medicine,” Clara says simply. She considers me for a moment, her hands gripping the bench she’s sitting on. “One thing I do know is those men are like a pack. They take care of each other and Dean is one of them. And now you’re Dean’s.”

  “I’m not Dean’s.”

  She scoffs. “You don’t think so?”

  “Well, he hasn’t said officially.”

  “Honey, you’re having his kid. The moment you get home I wouldn’t be surprised if he has a property kutte and ring for you.”

  I stare at her. “Dean’s not really the marrying type.” But as I speak these words I realise how wrong I am about that. To Dean, family is everything.

  “You’ll see,” Clara says, a hint of smugness in her voice.

  “Yeah, I guess so. Although it’s still early days with the baby. Dr Ryan warned me that… well, miscarriage—” I break off, unable to finish verbalising that thought.

  “He or she is a Lawler; your baby will be fine. Lawlers are near invincible.”

  This makes me laugh. “I don’t think that’s true, but thank you for trying to take my mind off this whole mess.”

  And it is a mess. I already miss Dean, even though it has been less than twenty minutes since I left his side. How am I going to manage weeks, possibly longer?

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  When I get to Manchester General, I’m wheeled up to the ward and placed in a side room on my own. I have no idea how I managed to get private rooms both times—I suspect it has something to do with the Club—but I’m not complaining. I’m happy to have my own space.

  Clara stays with me as the staff get me settled and doesn’t leave my side until Axel turns up. He looks like he stepped out of the nineteen-eighties. He must be in his forties, with long hair tied at his nape and a bandana wrapped around his forehead. His kutte is like Dean’s but in place of the Saxons emblem is a dog holding a scythe that looks like he crawled out of the pits of hell and the words Devil’s Dogs is arced over the top, Manchester at the bottom.

  He greets Clara with a chin jut. “Hey Clarabel. How’s my man Slade?”

  She gives him stink eye.

  “Keeps talking about coming to Manchester but considering the mess you two got into last time, I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

  Axel throws his head back and guffaws. “Sweetheart, that was nothing. Slade’s calmed his shit since he put his patch on your back. When we were younger and he’d visit we’d—”

  She holds up a hand. “I love you, Ax, but if you tell me this I’m probably going to want to hurt you, so let’s keep it quiet, yeah?”

  He grins. “Sure.” Then his eyes come to the bed, to me. “You must be Liv.” I nod. “You’re Law’s old lady?”

  By Law I assume he means Dean, so I nod.

  “Yeah,” I say.

  “My old lady, Harper, will be in after she’s done at work. You need anything? She can bring it for you: magazines, books, toiletries, food…”

  I shake my head. “Dean made sure I had everything before I left, but thank you.”

  “Okay, love. You need anything though, you just let me know.” He turns to Clara. “You sticking around, Clarabel? Or do you need a lift back to Kingsley?”

  “I’ll stick around for a little while but a lift back would be appreciated.”

  “I’ll ask Foz.”

  She groans. “Foz? Seriously Axel? That little twerp can talk the hind legs off a donkey.”

  He grins. “I’m going to get a coffee and call Law, let him know you landed okay. Try to stay out of trouble, ladies.”

  Axel leaves the room and Clara shifts closer to the bed.

  “So, that’s Axel.”

  She nods. “That’s Axel. He’s a good man and his Club are like extended family. They have a few chapters—one in London, this one in Manchester and another in the West Midlands. The London chapter came to visit last year. It was messy.”

  This I can imagine.

  It’s a full five days before I’m able to leave the hospital. Axel and his wife, Harper (who is adorable), take me to their cottage on the edge of the Peak District. They call it a ‘holiday home’. I suspect it’s some kind of safe house, although Harper tells me her and Axel often come here on vacation. Whether that’s true or not, I have no idea but when we arrived at the house I was met with a cosy looking stone cottage out in the foothills of the Peak D
istrict. It really is in the sticks. There’s not another house for miles and we’re nowhere near the main road—perfect location to disappear for a while.

  My injuries are healing and every day I feel stronger. And my baby is growing. I don’t have even the barest hint of a bump yet, but I can feel my body changing already. My breasts are swollen, which kind of surprised me. Perhaps naively, I thought they would be the last part of my body to expand but apparently not. My bras are already beginning to tighten and at this rate I’m going to need to indulge in a shopping trip. My nausea is through the roof. It seems like everything smells terrible. Things I once loved, like bacon and cheese now send me running to the bathroom. It’ll be worth it in the end, but I’m looking forward to returning to the days when every little smell doesn’t have my head hanging over the toilet.

  I feel bad that both Axel and Harper are staying with me. I’m sure they have their own lives to attend to, but every time I say this they just say they need time out. Since they’re only out here because of me I know this is a lie, but at least I’m not alone out here.

  I am bored out of my mind.

  I’m used to being busy; between the shelter and my job I don’t have a lot of downtime. This enforced relaxation is not enjoyable, although my body wouldn’t be able to do much even if I was home. It’s been less than a week since the hospital released me and while I’m moving around now, all I can do is potter around the house and the garden. Don’t get me wrong, the views are spectacular; the house sits in a dip in the rolling hills and is surrounded by open moorland, but I’m crawling the walls. It’s wild out here, and deserted. The nearest neighbour is a good mile away.

  “Tea?” Harper’s voice draws my attention from the window. The living room has a large box seat under the frame, filled with cushions. I often spend my mornings in this room, watching the world pass me by, waiting for my daily text or call from Dean. I speak to Dean every day, as he promised we would. I can hear the tension in his voice every time he’s on the phone because Simon is still at large and despite his assurances the Club—and the police—seem no closer to finding him. The longer he stays missing, the longer I’m away from home. I’m also worried he may discover my location, although few people know where I am, and no one from the Devil’s Dogs apart from Axel and Harper know I’m here. Axel’s brothers think he and his old lady have taken an impromptu few weeks off.