Neither Light Nor Dark: Destiny Awaits (Beyond the Gates Book 1)

by Lynn McCain

  Tizipporah rose and embraced me. I had no more tears to cry, so I just stare at the hem of her dress until she released.

  “Three days, all I have is three days,” I sighed.

  After Tizipporah exited the room, I glared around, looking for something to throw. I just needed a release. I found a glass vase that somehow had made it through the war and crashed it against the wall, shattering it into many pieces. I wished momentarily that I would have just died. I wished I was peacefully resting on the other side. Instead, I was alive, and I was leaving my heart in Arcadia. I had to get outside.

  The sun had set, and the fairies shone brighter than ever. All the people had gone, but the grounds below were littered with bodies of the fallen and what remained of the beast. A soft wind blew through the leaves of the trees that had made it through the battle. Most were burned, but some stood firm, their roots deep beneath the earth. I thought of my window back in Eden, how I loved to watch the branches sway, and a smile crept across my face. At least I’ve the trees, I thought.

  After a short time, the terrace filled with familiar faces. Tizipporah revealed to them that I had news to tell. They all looked at me with wonder, searching for answers to the questions they had produced within their own minds. Maleke’s warm smile filled my heart. They all were staring at me like I was on display. I could not tell them. Tizipporah saw my struggle and came to my aid.

  She addressed them all matter-of- factly.

  “Lily must return to Eden. She only has three days left with us.”

  Every one of them gasped. Shim wept at my leg while the others wrapped their arms around me, everyone except for Henry and Calev. They both stayed back. Henry ran his fingers through his perfectly combed hair. Calev turned his face to the wall, his hands stayed firm within his pockets. I felt the weight of the others upon me. Although I would miss all of them, my heart ached for the two men that shared my soul. How would I live without them?

  Chapter 13

  That first night I asked to be left alone. I had no words for my friends, nothing to say to them. They reluctantly all left my side. I locked the door to all of them and drifted off to sleep.

  The next morning I was woken by a large commotion going on just outside. The soldiers were taking Mother off to the Gates of Eden to be removed from Arcadia forever. Chained at her wrists and fighting them with all of her might, she screamed, but I could not make out the words.

  A knock at my door frightened me to the point I almost tripped over a piece of the broken vase I had thrown earlier. It was Levona.

  “Your mother, she is demanding to see you before she is taken away.”

  Without a thought I raced down the stairs, making my way out to the grounds where she was being carried off.

  “Stop, stop!” I commanded.

  The soldiers came to an abrupt halt. Mother glared at them, as she tried to recompose herself. I walked right up to her. I don’t know what I was expecting. As I turned to my right, there stood Calev. He was part of the soldiers enlisted to return her. Never looking at me, his eyes remained focused before him and never faltered. My heart sunk at the sight of him; he was absent. I turned my eyes back to Mother who was leaning in toward my face; her hands secured tightly behind her back. Blood dripped from her lips as she spoke.

  “They are taking my memories, Lily. Don’t let them take my memories!” her voice igniting as in flames. “I never want to forget! I would rather die! Just kill me! I want to die! Kill me now!”

  The words filled up every empty space in my mind and still remain.

  I stood before my mother, Elizabeth Ann Channon, once a beautiful woman, but now beaten and scared and begging for me to kill her. I looked again toward Calev, still no response.

  “No,” I answered firmly.

  Her response filled my cheek with her saliva. I moved aside and watched as they dragged her kicking and screaming outside the castle walls. Something within me changed that day, and I have never been the same.

  Henry stood watching from the entrance to the castle. He had seen the entire thing. I ran into his arms and was welcomed by them, tightly embracing me until he felt I could stand alone.

  “What did she mean, taking my memories?” I questioned.

  “They will remove all knowledge of Arcadia from her mind. It’s called a Reawakening. She will never know it even existed, therefore she won’t try to return,” he offered.

  “Has this been done before?” I asked.

  “Yes, many times among the Searchers,” he sighed as his face lowered to the ground.

  “But how,” I begged, “Who has the power?”

  Henry hesitated. “Calev. He was given the power as a boy, being the last of the first born.”

  It felt like someone stabbed me through the chest.

  “Has he ever done it to me?” I inquired.

  Henry turned his face away from me, causing my pulse to increase.

  I yelled again, “Has he ever done it to me?”

  “I’m sure I don’t know!” he roared back at me. “Why do you care so much, Lily, do you love him?”

  I froze. The words hit me like a stone wall. Yes, I loved him, yes I needed him, yes my heart ached when I saw him, but as I stared into Henry’s beautiful eyes, I knew my heart belonged to him as well.

  Instead of answering, I lowered my face to the ground. After an awkward silence, Henry placed his hand under my chin and lifted my eyes toward his.

  “Is there still room enough in your heart for me, Lily?” Without waiting for a reply he continued, “I know I don’t deserve it, and you may never forgive me for what I’ve done, but please try to remember the way I feel about you has never been a lie.”

  With that, he kissed my forehead softly and walked away. On the inside I was screaming. I felt like Mother; just let me die already!

  I wanted to chase after Henry, tell him that I loved him and only him, but there was only some truth in those words; my feet remained cemented to the ground. What was the point anyway? I was leaving Arcadia and would probably never see any of them again. The prophecy did say I would return, but who knew when that would be? Who knew if I would willingly come back? It was ultimately my choice, wasn’t it? Would I torture myself again?

  To the dismay of all my friends, I spent the next few days locked away in my room. Tizipporah tried to comfort me but to no avail. The only person I let in was Shim. He spent all of his time with me. He even watched over me as I slept. I never imagined I would have a friend so dear. Henry came each day to my room and left beautiful notes with Shim. Calev never came once. I was angry at him but also a little thankful as well. Like I said, what was the point?

  On my last night in Arcadia, Shim finally talked me in to coming out of the room. Everyone wanted to tell me goodbye, and I had come to terms with the fact that I was leaving, so I agreed. They had decorated the place as best as they could and were throwing me a going away party of sorts. Shim found some of the old gowns Reficul made me wear and decided I needed to dress up. I agreed because you really can’t say no to Shim when he gets something in his mind. He worked his magic and had me looking as beautiful as ever. The gown he picked was gold in color with sequences down the middle. It was strapless and had a small train cascading down the bottom. He picked out pearl earrings and a pair of gold heels with a thin strap covered in diamonds. My lips he painted red, the same red that once dripped from the dagger above me. When I approached the mirror, a smile crept across my face. It was different having Shim dress me, much less degrading. I set my eyes on the camera that Reficul had used to approve of my choice of clothing for the day.

  I rejoiced at the fact that he was gone forever; never again would he have control over me. Before I could revel in the thought, I doubled over in pain, the way I had as we searched for Mother. Shim dashed to my side, but the pain was gone. I glanced again toward the mirror. Inside I could see Reficul holding a baby in his arms, both bearing the infamous red eyes. I quickly turned around, but no one was there, only S
him. Although the pain had subsided, a deeper hurt was left in its place. What did it mean? Who was that baby? I knew I would find out soon enough but was not sure if I really wanted to know.

  Shim straightened my gown and led me down the hall. Everyone waited in the room with the great fireplace. I stopped just before entering to catch my breath, for it seemed to escape me. Henry stood in front of the fire with his back turned away from us. His suit was impeccable, his hair perfect. He reminded me of Reficul, which sent chills throughout my frame. Levona and the others mingled around the room. Maleke and Azriel wrestled in front of the window. Calev was absent, not there, no sign of him at all. I scanned the room again.

  Tizipporah was the first to notice our presence. She glided effortlessly toward us and offered her hand to Shim.

  Leaning in, she whispered in my ear, “He’s on the terrace,” while clenching my hands.

  She spoke of Calev, but I was not ready to see him yet. I turned toward Henry, my first love. He smiled at me with his perfectly imperfect smile. For a moment, I saw the crimson shade return to his eyes but quickly vanish. He sauntered toward me as only he could. In his hands was a gift he had wrapped for me in a soft leather casing. The bow appeared to be made out of an old rope. On a tiny piece of paper it read, To Lily. I pulled back the leather and inside was his book of poetry. Memories came in flashes; our days out on the lawn in our spot, my fingers wrapped around his as we sat in church, the day he finally kissed me and the magic that followed. I caressed the cover and outlined the title with my fingertips.

  “Henry, I can’t. It’s your…it’s your favorite,” I whispered.

  “Lily, I want you to have it. After all, it was you who inspired all of them,” he insisted. “I never want you to forget what you mean to me. You changed my life. I only wish you could say the same about me. I can see in your eyes that you don’t trust me, that you can’t forget the things I’ve done, and I understand but you must understand this, I will never stop loving you. I only hope that one day you will find it in your heart to at least forgive me.”

  He leaned over to kiss the top of my head, but I turned my face toward his and let our lips touch once more. Softly and sweetly, ever the gentleman, he kissed me back. Henry placed my arm in his and led me toward the terrace. Stopping at the entrance, he pulled me close to him once more.

  “Go to him,” he whispered softly into my ear. When he pulled back I saw a tear fall from his cheek. With one last tiny grin, he walked away.

  Calev stood just outside the walls before me. We had not spoken since the reading of the prophecy. He had been purposefully ignoring me, but I needed the pain in my chest to stop. I needed the hurt to go away, and it seemed Calev was the only one with the answer, yet he withheld it from me. I had to at least say goodbye.

  I watched him out of the opening to the terrace. His curly, unruly hair made waves in the wind. The moonlight danced around him through the few clouds resting high in the sky. The light from the lanterns all joined in creating a ballet of shadowy figures. Resting his arms against the cold stone, he stared out over the grounds. Approaching slowly, I quietly made my way to the space beside him. I too placed my hands down on the cool stone and joined him in surveying the grounds. He never looked at me. Closing my eyes, I let the wind embrace me, wrapping itself around me like one of Grandfather’s hugs. The wind is the one thing that has remained constant in my life. Like an old friend, it always welcomes me back into its embrace.

  Suddenly, I felt a hand upon mine. When I opened my eyes, Calev’s finger was caressing mine. I felt panicked but in a good way. The pounding of my chest reached my ears, and I could not contain the trembling. My breathing became deeper, and I felt myself getting weak. He turned toward me. Tears came out of nowhere. I tried to hold them in, but the flood gates had opened. It angered me how I had no control over such things. Calev reached up and wiped the tears from my cheeks, which only caused them to fall more rapidly. Grabbing me tightly in his arms, he too began to weep.

  “I will miss you my sweet, Lily flower.”

  His words echoed throughout the air around us.

  “Will I ever see you again?” I cried.

  His face calloused as he turned away from me. Something was wrong. I tried to pull his gaze back to me, but he refused.

  “What are you not telling me, Calev?”

  Still nothing, so I moved to the other side of him.

  “Calev,” I begged. “I deserve to know what’s going on. I can’t handle any more surprises. Please, just tell me.”

  “Tizipporah, well she, she thinks its best if you,” he paused, “She’s calling for a Reawakening.”

  “What?” I screamed.

  My body shook violently.

  “You won’t, will you? Calev, please! Please, I beg of you. Don’t do this to me! I don’t want to forget!”

  The words began falling out of my mouth, and the panic within me turned dark. He straightened up and his face became stern. With the attitude of a soldier, he turned toward me and spoke harshly.

  “The decision has been made. It is best for all of us.”

  With that, he walked away, leaving me alone on the terrace.

  For a moment, I stood statuesque. But, much like the wind, an old friend returned. I could feel it pulse through my veins until it infiltrated my entire body. Rage was to me, now, like another limb, an extension of who I was. It lied dormant until it was needed and exploded out of me at just the right time. I raced after him. He was near the fireplace when I caught up to him. The entire room became witness to my animosity.

  “How dare you!” I trumpeted to the top of my lungs. “You coward, you’re a liar! You promised Grandfather to always protect me. Is this what you think he meant, to take away from me what I hold so dear? And you,” I turned viciously toward Tizipporah, “You are commanding this? After all I have done for you people. This is how I am repaid?”

  I glared at my Father. The silence was deafening. All those in attendance stood motionless all around, not knowing how to respond. Henry was absent, not to be seen. I found Shim across the room and nodded my head toward him as if to say goodbye before I stormed out of the room. That night I barricaded myself in my room, not even letting Shim inside.

  I did not sleep at all that night. I relived every memory that I was soon to lose. Every one of them, even the bad ones, I felt deserved to hold a place in my mind. I thought of how I had loved Calev and Henry. I could not imagine forgetting all the special moments I held so dear. I thought of the truth I knew of my mother, how I hated to imagine letting her embrace me again.

  A knock at my door the next morning found me staring out the window, watching the sun rise. It was a group of soldiers ready to take me back to Eden. I had wrestled all night with the fear of losing that place. I could only do one thing and that was to let it happen. I had no other choice. I thought maybe it would be easier to just forget anyway, to forget the hurt from Mother, my father, and most of all, to forget about Henry and Calev. I opened the door and let them escort me down the stairs and out on to the lawn. There was no need for chains. I went willingly, without a fight, unlike Mother. I felt the urgency in her cries, as they led me along the same path as she and briefly felt sorry for her. Calev walked in front leading the way. Just before we made it beyond the broken walls Shim came running out to me, yelling for them to wait, his tiny legs, bringing him all the way.

  Practically knocking me down, he wrapped his arms around me. In doing so, he pulled my sleeve down revealing my birthmark. He pressed his small finger against it.

  “You will always carry a part of us with you,” he whispered.

  Removing the necklace he wore around his neck, he placed it on to mine. “Try not to forget,” he sighed as he watched me walk away.

  My heart ached more than it ever had. I was losing my best friend.

  Maleke requested that he be part of the team that transported me as well. He knew the journey was long and that he could be of service to me if I tired. I no l
onger felt like I had super powers as I did in the battle. I felt just like I always had, and before the day was over, I rode upon Maleke’s back until we reached the gates. The day reminded me so much of our journey to find Levon Amlachi. Calev remained focused, not speaking the entire day unless it was to give an order. Maleke was such a dear; he even had me laughing a few times throughout the day. I was extremely grateful for his presence.

  It was a different feeling being led back to Eden than being led to the caves. I believe it was worse than death. At least it was my choice to die. This was so unfair. Whether I wanted to or not, not only was I leaving, but they were taking away from me the most precious and valuable thing imaginable. Not my life this time, but my reason for living.

  We made it to the gate at sunset. It was not really a gate at all. It was just a bunch of trees, much like the ones at Grandfather’s, surrounded by a stream. I listened to the birds sing above me, and the soft flow of the water over the rocks. Maleke brought me to Calev and hugged me before he walked away. As he neared the trees, he picked up a large limb that had fallen and threw it with all of his strength at the base of the tree. He was no happier than I about what was happening.

  Calev approached slowly. The Carrier of the Memories brought a small vile and placed it into Calev’s hand. I watched as his fingers embraced it tightly. Flashes of Mother enduring this same torment invaded my thoughts. Finally, Calev looked at me, and I saw him, not this soldier before me, but the man I knew so intimately. There was softness in his gaze. I knew he did not want to do it.

  He hesitated, “I’m so sorry, Lily.”

  Brushing the hair off of my shoulder, he placed the small vile against my neck. I held my breath just waiting for the impact. Again, he hesitated. I could feel the cold vile trembling within his hand.

  Quickly pulling it away, he screamed, “I won’t do this to her!” as he plunged it into his own neck.

  The soldiers raced to his side as he collapsed to the ground. Before I could even process what was happening, Maleke had me in his arms, racing through the trees. I screamed in terror. Stopping a short distance away in front of a large rock like the one I had entered to find the door, he screamed.