Flawless

by Sara Shepard

Page 29

 

  Foxy was a blur of kids. She couldn’t remember it ever being this packed. Most of the girls on the dance floor had taken their shoes off, and they held them in the air as they spun. There was an equally enormous crowd by the bar, and more kids were gathered in line by what looked like a karaoke booth. By the looks of the neatly set, empty tables, they hadn’t served dinner yet.

  Hanna grabbed the elbow of Amanda Williamson, a Rosewood Day sophomore who always tried to say hi to Hanna in the halls. Amanda’s face lit up. “Heyyy, Hanna!”

  “Have you seen Sean?” Hanna barked.

  A surprised look crossed Amanda’s face; then she shrugged. “I’m not sure…. ”

  Hanna pressed on, her heart pounding. Maybe he wasn’t here. She switched directions, nearly colliding with a waiter carrying a huge tray of cheese. Hanna grabbed an enormous chunk of cheddar and shoved it in her mouth. She swallowed without even tasting it.

  “Hanna!” Naomi Zeigler, dressed in a gold sheath and looking very faux-tanned, cried. “How fun! You’re here! I thought you said you weren’t coming!”

  Hanna frowned. Naomi was clutching James Freed. She pointed to both of them. “You guys came together?” Hanna had thought maybe Naomi was Sean’s date.

  Naomi nodded. Then she leaned forward. “Are you looking for Sean?” She shook her head, awestruck. “It’s all everyone’s been talking about. I seriously can’t believe it. ”

  Hanna’s heart sped up. “So Sean’s here?”

  “He’s here, all right. ” James ducked, pulled a Coke bottle full of a suspicious-looking clear liquid from his inside jacket pocket, and dumped it into his orange juice. He took a sip and smiled.

  “I mean, they’re so different,” Naomi mused. “You said you guys were still friends, right? Did he tell you why he asked her?”

  “Lay off. ” James nudged Naomi. “She’s sexy. ”

  “Who?” Hanna screamed. Why did everyone know about this but her?

  “There they are. ” Naomi pointed across the room.

  It was as if the sea of kids parted and a huge spotlight beamed down from the ceiling. Sean was in the corner by the karaoke machine, hugging a tall girl in a black-and-white polka-dotted dress. He had his head crooked around her neck, and her hands were dangerously close to his butt. Then the girl turned her head, and Hanna saw the familiar elfin, exotic features, and that trademark blue-black hair. Aria.

  Hanna screamed.

  “Oh my God, I can’t believe you didn’t know. ” Naomi put a consoling arm around Hanna’s shoulder.

  Hanna shook her off and stormed across the room, right up to Aria and Sean, who were hugging. Not dancing, just hugging. Freaks.

  After Hanna stood there for a few seconds, Aria opened one eye, then the other. She made a little gasping noise. “Um, hey, Hanna. ”

  Hanna stood there, quivering with rage. “You…you bitch. ”

  Sean stepped defensively in front of Aria. “Hold up…. ”

  “Hold up?” Hanna’s voice danced up the scale. She pointed at Sean; she was so angry, her finger was shaking. “You…you told me you weren’t coming because your friends were all bringing dates, and you didn’t want to!”

  Sean shrugged. “Things changed. ”

  Hanna’s cheeks stung, as if he’d slapped her. “But we’re going on a date this week!”

  “We’re going out to dinner this week,” Sean corrected. “As friends. ” He smiled at her like she was a slow kindergartner. “We broke up last Friday, Hanna. Remember?”

  Hanna blinked. “And, what, you’re with her?”

  “Well…” Sean looked at Aria. “Yeah. ”

  Hanna clutched her hand to her stomach, certain she was going to puke. This had to be a joke. Sean and Aria made about as much sense as a fat girl wearing skinny leggings.

  Then she noticed Aria’s dress. The side zipper was undone, revealing half of Aria’s lacy black strapless bra. “Your boob’s hanging out,” she growled, pointing.

  Aria quickly looked down, folded her arms over her chest, and zipped her dress up.

  “Where’d you get that dress, anyway?” Hanna asked. “Luella for Target?”

  Aria straightened her back. “Actually, yeah. I thought it was cute. ”

  “God. ” Hanna rolled her eyes. “You’re such a martyr. ” She looked at Sean. “Actually, I guess you guys have that in common. Did you know Sean’s pledged to be a virgin till he’s thirty, Aria? He might’ve tried to feel you up, but he’s never going to go all the way. He’s made a sacred promise. ”

  “Hanna!” Sean shushed her.

  “I personally think it’s because he’s gay. What do you think?”

  “Hanna…” Now there was a pleading tone in Sean’s voice.

  “What?” Hanna challenged. “You’re a liar, Sean. And an asshole. ”

  When Hanna looked around, she saw that a group of kids had gathered. The ones who were always invited to the parties, the ones who were interchangeably hooking up.

  The girls who weren’t quite cool enough, the overweight boys everyone kept around only because they were funny, the rich kids who spent oodles of money on everyone because they were cute or interesting or manipulative. They were hungrily eating this up. The whispers had already started.

  Hanna took a final look at Sean, but instead of saying anything else, she fled.

  At the girls’ bathroom, she marched straight to the front of the line. As someone was coming out of a stall, Hanna shoved her way in. “Bitch!” someone screamed, but Hanna didn’t care. Once the door was shut, she leaned over the toilet and got rid of the Doritos and everything else she’d eaten that night. When she was done, she sobbed.

  The looks on everyone’s faces. The pity. And Hanna had cried in front of people. It had been one of Hanna and Mona’s first rules after they reinvented themselves: Never, ever let anyone see you cry. And more than any of that, she just felt so naïve. Hanna had really believed Sean was going to take her back. She’d thought by going to the burn clinic and V Club, she was making a difference, but all this time…he’d been thinking of someone else.

  When she finally pushed open the door, the bathroom was empty. It was so quiet, she could hear water dripping into the mosaic-tiled basin. Hanna glanced at herself in the mirror, to see how bad she looked. When she did, she gasped.

  A very different Hanna stared back. This Hanna was chubby, with poopy brown hair and bad skin. She had braces with pink rubber bands, and her eyes were narrowed from squinting because she didn’t want to wear her glasses. Her tan blazer strained against her pudgy arms, and her blouse buckled at the bra line.

  Hanna covered her eyes in horror. It’s A, she thought. A’s doing this to me.

  Then, she thought of A’s note: Get to Foxy now. Sean’s there with another girl. If A had known Sean was at Foxy with another girl, then it meant…

  A was at Foxy.

  “Hey. ”

  Hanna jumped and whirled around. Mona stood in the doorway. She looked gorgeous in a slinky black dress Hanna didn’t recognize from their shopping expedition. Her pale hair was swept back from her face, and her skin shimmered. Embarrassed—she probably had puke on her face—Hanna made a beeline back to the stall.

  “Wait. ” Mona caught her arm. When Hanna whirled back around, Mona looked earnest and concerned. “Naomi said you weren’t coming tonight. ”

  Hanna peeked at herself in the mirror again. Her reflection showed the eleventh-grade Hanna, not the seventh-grade one. Her eyes were a bit red, but otherwise she looked fine.

  “It’s Sean, isn’t it?” Mona asked. “I just got here and saw him with her. ” She lowered her head. “I’m so sorry, Han. ”

  Hanna shut her eyes. “I feel like such an ass,” she admitted.

  “You’re not. He’s the ass. ”

  They looked at each other. Hanna felt a rush of regret. Mona’s friendship meant so much to her, and she’d been letting everything else get in the way.
She couldn’t remember why they were fighting. “I’m so sorry, Mon. About everything. ”

  “I’m sorry,” Mona said. And then they hugged, squeezing extra hard.

  “Oh my God, there you are. ”

  Spencer Hastings strode across the bathroom’s marble floor and pulled Hanna out of the hug. “I need to talk to you. ”

  Hanna pulled away, annoyed. “What? Why?”

  Spencer glanced shifty-eyed at Mona. “I can’t tell you right here. You have to come with me. ”

  “Hanna doesn’t have to go anywhere. ” Mona took Hanna’s arm and pulled her close.

  “This time, she does. ” Spencer’s voice rose. “It’s an emergency. ”

  Mona clamped down on Hanna’s arm. She had the same forbidding expression from the other day, at the mall—the look that said, If you keep one more secret from me, I swear, that’s it between us. But Spencer looked terrified. Something felt wrong. Very wrong.

  “I’m sorry,” Hanna said, touching Mona’s hand. “I’ll be right back. ”

  Mona dropped her arm. “Fine,” she said angrily, walking to the mirror to inspect her makeup. “Take your time. ”

  29

  LET IT ALL OUT

  Spencer wordlessly led Hanna out of the bathroom and past a clump of kids. Then she noticed Aria standing near the bar, alone. “You’re coming too. ”

  Hanna dropped Spencer’s hand. “I’m not going anywhere she’s going. ”

  “Hanna, you told everyone you dumped Sean!” Aria protested. “In English?”

  Hanna crossed her arms over her chest. “It didn’t mean I wanted you to come here with him. It didn’t mean I wanted you to steal him. ”

  “I’m not stealing anything!” Aria screamed, raising her fist. Spencer worried for a second that Aria might try to hit Hanna and inserted her body between the two of them.

  “That’s it,” she said. “Just stop it. We have to find Emily. ” Before they could protest, she dragged them past the ice sculptures, the karaoke line, and the jewelry auction tables. Spencer had just seen Emily not twenty minutes ago, but now Emily was gone. She passed Andrew, sitting at a long, candlelit table with his friends. He noticed her, then quickly turned back to his friends and barked out a loud, fake laugh, obviously for her benefit. Spencer felt a twinge of remorse. But she couldn’t deal with him now.

  Tightening her grip on the girls’ hands, she strode past the tables out to the terrace. Kids were gathered around the fountain, dipping their bare feet, but still no Emily. By the giant statue of Pan, Hanna started to moan. “I have to go. ”

  “You can’t go yet. ” Spencer pushed Aria and Hanna back into the dining room. “This is important for all of us. We have to find Emily. ”

  “Why is that so important?” Hanna wailed. “Who the hell cares?”

  “Because. ” Spencer stopped. “She’s here with Toby. ”