Thin Girls Don't Eat Cake

by Lindy Dale

  “I’ve no intention of doing anything other than that.”

  And I definitely would not be getting in the middle of any argument between her and Jed or even taking a side if she wanted me to. Because if truth be told I agreed with Alice’s mum. Until Alice knew exactly what was going on, she had to give Jed the benefit of the doubt. He’d never given her cause to treat him any other way.

  Alice seemed to rally after that. We ate some chocolate, had a couple of drinks and ogled McDreamy for a while. Then she turned to me. “Tell me what’s happening with that delicious, Cole. The last I heard he was playing Sir Lancelot and saving you from the evil dragon Gerry.”

  I couldn’t help smiling at the memory of Gerry’s face when Cole told him Adelaide was anthropophobic. “We’ve done a bit of text flirting and he’s been into the shop a few times. We went jogging and had breakfast after.”

  “And you managed that without breaking a bone? Well, done you.”

  “Don’t be a cow.”

  Alice snickered. “You like him, I take it.”

  “A lot.”

  “There’s no deep dark secrets to put a damper on things? No extra wives or girlfriends? No Mafia contacts?”

  “This time I think I may actually have found a normal man. A lovely, normal man. He said he was jealous when he saw me with Sean at Shannon’s party.”

  “And has he put the moves on you yet?”

  “We almost kissed the other night but that’s as far as it’s gone. Having you staying here is going to cramp my style.”

  “There’s always his place.”

  “Like I said, let’s cross that bridge when we come to it.”

  I meant it too. For the first time in years, things were going my way and if that meant I had to take it so slowly even a snail would get laid before I did, then that’s what I’d do. I liked Cole, and in my experience, that only meant that I was well on track to muck things up somehow. Not this time. This time there would be no bad karma ruining my chances because everything was out in the open.

  Chapter 21

  Cole sauntered down the stairs of the beer garden towards me, two glasses and a bag of nuts in his hand. The muscles in his arms flexed as he carried them and his jeans sat loosely on his hips in a certain way that made you want to rip them off. A nice thought, now that I was legitimately allowed to have it.

  Pausing at the edge of the grass, he stopped to look around. Above him, the setting sun shone through the silver birch trees casting a dappled light over his face and jaw. I shifted slightly in my seat, letting my eyes roam over his body. Yes, I knew it was rude to stare but gosh, he was pretty. Possibly not an adjective a guy like him would appreciate but it was true. Cole was pretty, not to mention pretty damn hot.

  Stopping in front of me, he put the glasses on the table. A swarthy grin spread over his face. “Whatcha lookin’ at?”

  Crap. He’d totally sussed me out. I tried to look as if I hadn’t been checking him out. “Nothin’.”

  A dark eyebrow rose behind his glasses. “Well, it couldn’t have been my bum, seeing as I was facing you.”

  More’s the pity. After jogging behind him along the river track I was well aware of how nice Cole’s bottom was. I didn’t need an invitation to look at it.

  “If you must know, I was looking at a bird in the tree behind you.” I pointed to the silver birch where a parrot perched, cursing myself for not being able to come up with a remotely less lame excuse.

  “Yeah and I’m Prince Harry.”

  “If you were, I wouldn’t have been looking at the bird.”

  Cole released a chuckle. “Smart mouth.” He tossed a bag of nuts in my direction. “Cashews. As requested.”

  “Cool. Ta.”

  Ripping the bag open, I took two nuts, popped them into my mouth and slowly sucked the salt off. They were such a treat for me now and I wanted to savour each and every one. At least it would give me something to concentrate on other than how cute Cole looked standing there in front of me or the disaster zone that was my house right at that moment. Alice still wasn’t talking to Jed. If anything, the big freeze had turned into an iceberg of titanic proportions. If only they’d get over it.

  “I thought a picnic at the falls might be nice. I’ve never been there. Do you want to go after work on Saturday?” Cole slid onto the bench beside me. His knee brushed against mine as he leant across to pick up his drink and a shot of something fizzy burst through my veins. I hated and loved how he could do that to me — that we could be so attracted that I felt it physically.

  “Olivia?” A hand waved in front of my face.

  “Sorry?”

  I’d been miles away then.

  “Am I boring you?” Cole attempted to look offended but all it did was make him appear even more smoulderingly sexy than he did on a regular basis.

  I gave him a slight shove with my shoulder. Cole could never be boring. He was, well… he was plain yummy. “Don’t be silly.”

  “But something else is on your mind? Other than my manly good looks, of course.”

  God, what sort of a man was he? Everyone knew the dangers of asking what was on a girl’s mind.

  “That does go without saying. But no. I was thinking about Alice and Jed on this occasion.”

  “Gutted.”

  “Don’t be. I spend a lot of time thinking about you. Well, your bum at any rate.”

  “And so you should. I think about your body way more than is respectable.” Cole took a handful of nuts and pointed the open bag in my direction. “Alice is the pretty blonde one, right?”

  “Yeah. Her husband Jed is the bank manager. Neat brown hair, quite tall, rather gangly.”

  “Do I know him?”

  “Not sure. I don’t think you’ve ever been introduced. Anyway, Alice is convinced he’s playing up on her. Unfortunately, the signs seem to be pointing in that direction. Even though I find it hard to believe.”

  Yesterday, Alice had come blaring into the shop and announced she’d seen Jed and some unknown girl in the alley between the supermarket and Jim’s. They’d been whispering and coordinating something on their phones. Most likely phone numbers. I stopped short of pointing out that was what most people did with phones — and who knew why Jed would need the girl’s number — I hadn’t wanted to start another crying fit or at the very least an argument. I also didn’t want to know how Alice knew this because I was fairly sure Alice had taken up stalking in her spare time. She’d appeared wearing a trench coat, dark glasses and a beret when it was a beautiful day outside and warm enough for a t-shirt and shorts.

  “And this affects you, how?”

  “Alice is staying at my place. She’s refusing to speak to him.”

  “Ahhh. Right. And you’d like her to leave?”

  “No. I love having her around but it’s so much drama. With Jed practically camped out on the doorstep, I feel as if my life has been invaded. Maybe I’m too old to be sharing a place. I haven’t done it since I was at Uni. I’m too set in my ways to have other people’s crap cluttering up my floor. I have enough problems keeping my own crap in order.”

  “You crotchety old woman. Remind me never to stay over.”

  He wanted to stay over? Luckily, he hadn’t seen the state of my house. It looked like a scene from that Hoarders show at the moment. No man would want to stay over in that mess.

  “She’s driving me bonkers, Cole. She never washes the pots — apparently that’s what dishwashers are for — and there’s gym gear strewn over the laundry floor. Plus, the undies have to be hung on the line in a specific way or she has an aneurism. Who’d have thought I’d been doing it wrong all these years.”

  I knew most of these quirks were probably stress related but it didn’t make it any easier. Having to re-peg my smalls had almost been the last straw.

  Looking at Cole, I could see his lips pressed together.

  “Don’t laugh,” I chided. “It’s not funny!”

  He made a serious face then began to wa
ggle his eyebrows.

  “Don’t do that either. You’ll make me laugh,” I cried.

  “If I’m not allowed to make you laugh, how about I take you away from this and we go on that picnic? Have a bottle of bubbly? Lie on the grass in the sun and feed each other tasty titbits from the basket like other people do when they like each other? That’ll take your mind off Alice.”

  A good point, though lying anywhere with Cole would probably guarantee my mind was elsewhere. There was only one snag in the scenario.

  “Uh, I don’t cook. The only tasty titbit coming from a basket I own will be pate on a cracker from the supermarket.”

  “And you struck me as the domestic type.”

  “Maybe in a past life. Muffins from a packet are the extent of my culinary greatness.”

  Cole looked serious. “I don’t know if this relationship can continue to blossom if you can’t be chained to the sink where you belong.”

  I liked the idea that we were in a relationship that was blossoming. It sounded sort of sweet.

  “I can make quiche,” I added, hastily. “I haven’t done it since high school, though, so it might be a bit of a fizzer.”

  “Desserts?”

  “My prowess with mousse and pudding are renowned only for their failures.”

  “So basically you’re a kitchen calamity.”

  “Basically.”

  Cole hooked a leg over each side of the bench, swivelling to face me. His voice was a soft rumble. A rasping, sexy rumble. “So what exactly are you good at?”

  Apart from eating mountains of cake?

  “Guess that’s for me to know and you to find out.”

  “An event I look forward to.”

  He wound his arm about my waist, pulling me against him as he slid my sunglasses onto the top of my head with his free hand. His eyes locked on mine. I’d never noticed before — possibly because I’d never been that close to him — but he had the most interesting streaks of smoky grey in his eyes. They were beautiful.

  “Olivia?”

  “Yes?”

  Was he going to kiss me? I certainly hoped so.

  “You have salt on your top lip.”

  “Do I?” Reaching up, I put a finger to my lip.

  “I’ll get it.” Cole reached forward, cupping my chin with his hand. His lips closed tenderly over mine. They were warm and soft and absolutely perfect. The kiss was absolutely perfect. Like no kiss I’d ever experienced before.

  At last, he drew away.

  “Did I really have salt on my lip?” I whispered, somewhat shaken by the emotion of the kiss.

  Cole chuckled and gave my knee a squeeze. “Guess that’s for me to know and you to find out.”

  *****

  I arrived home to find Jed on sitting the doorstep looking like an orphan puppy.

  Again.

  His shirt was creased, as if he hadn’t changed it in days and there was a faint trace of stubble on his normally smooth shaven skin. He looked defeated and the closer I got to the front door the more forlorn his demeanour became.

  “This is starting to become a habit,” I said, as I stepped over him. “If I didn’t know better I’d think I’d you were auditioning to join my garden gnome collection.”

  His face remained inexpressive, like a spell had been cast on him freezing his features into a sad scowl. “You don’t own any garden gnomes. You detest garden gnomes.”

  “Which makes it kind of lucky you’re not a gnome then, doesn’t it?” I slid my key in to the lock of the front door. “Is there any special reason for this visit or have you taken up full time guarding of my garden?” Between him and Alice there seemed to be an awful lot of covert operations going on.

  Jed stood up. His face looked even graver but that could have been due to the fact that we were standing in the dark because Alice hadn’t turned on the porch light. Or she’d turned it off, hoping he’d go away.

  “You have to let me in, Livvy. I’ve tried everything. She won’t talk to me, she won’t let me explain.”

  “I’m aware of that Jed. She’s been living with me for the past week, remember? And between us, I don’t know how you put up with her. Alice is my best friend but she has some rather unusual habits.”

  “The undies?”

  “One of many.”

  I turned the doorknob.

  “Can I come in?” Jed begged. “Please. I have to see her. It’s our anniversary tomorrow. I have to convince her to come to dinner with me. If I can get her there, everything will fall into place. She’ll understand then.”

  I sighed. “All right. But I’m warning you, there was mention of cutting your testicles off with a steak knife earlier in the week.”

  “Probably the least of my worries right now.”

  I led the way down the hall to the lounge and poked my head around the door. Alice was sitting in the dark by the fire, nursing a glass of wine. What was it with these two and darkness? They took power conservation to a whole new level.

  “Hey, Al.”

  Alice looked up. Her face was streaked with dried up tears. She had a crusty stain on the left shoulder of her top and her hairclip was askew making her look as if she’d sprouted a third ear. Marital troubles were doing absolutely nothing for her usually flawless appearance.

  “I have someone here who wants to see you.”

  “Tell him to go away. Unless it’s Patrick Dempsey. He can come in.”

  Jed moved into the space of the door. “Just me. Sorry. Mind if I join you?”

  I wondered if they were going to turn the lights on.

  “Well, I’ll leave you to it, shall I? I’ll be in the kitchen whipping up a gourmet dinner if you need me.”

  At least they cracked a smile.

  “And Alice, remember what I said about my carpet. Okay?”

  “If I kill him, I’ll do it in the hall.”

  After checking baby Ethan, who was sound asleep and blissfully ignorant of the domestic disharmony between his parents in the next room, I turned on the kitchen light and began to rattle around in the fridge. I hoped Alice and Jed were okay in the lounge alone. Maybe I should have stayed to mediate. It was awfully quiet in there, which could mean only one of two things. Alice had indeed killed him or they were perched on the couch, like a couple of possums staring into the dark, both too stubborn to begin a conversation.

  Chapter 22

  Pacing the hall whilst jiggling a crying baby was not my first choice of Saturday evening entertainment and given my limited experience with babies, not the wisest life move I had ever made. Well, apart from wearing those teeny tiny shorts to The Killers concert that time. In hindsight, they were a bad choice, mostly because I looked like I was wearing underpants in the photos. How was I to know that being the local weather girl had meant I was going to be photographed on my day off? Or that the resulting social media furore over my bum crack would have caused a stir that was bigger than the bloody concert itself. I’d been so innocent before Graeme had taught me the ways of the media world.

  And now here I was, at nine o’clock on a Saturday night, pacing the floorboards and wondering where to turn. Ethan was wailing at the top of his lungs. I’d fed him, I’d changed his nappy; I’d even played a lame version of peek-a-boo that only made him cry more. Nothing had worked. It was almost enough to put me off ever wanting a child myself.

  Yeah. Who was I kidding? It didn’t even come close.

  After twenty minutes of pacing I reached the front door for what seemed like the hundredth time and began to pace in the opposite direction. My mind raced in time with my pacing and jiggling. There had to be someone I could contact for help but who? Mum gone on a mini-break with Connor — I was convinced she thought she was an older version of Bridget Jones or something — and I certainly wasn’t calling Mrs Tanner, even if she was a retired midwife. Alice was off the list too. I had no intention of calling her. Not after it had taken every ounce of persuasive skills I’d had in me to convince her to go out for dinner in the
first place. Besides, she’d never trust me with Ethan again if I couldn’t cope on the first occasion she’d asked me to sit for more than an hour. And I didn’t want to be the incompetent baby-minder. I wanted to be able to have Ethan stay over any time he wanted when he was older. I wanted to be like a cool auntie.

  Until two hours ago, Alice had been set on staying home, standing Jed up. But after I’d pointed out she’d never be able to do that because I’d die of curiosity if I didn’t find out what Jed had been up to, she’d agreed to go for my sake. I wasn’t sure if she was doing a good job of pretending she didn’t care less or if she really didn’t but it wasn’t every day your best friend, who adored children but had absolutely no experience with them agreed to babysit at the last minute. There was no way Alice could turn down an offer like that.

  The louder Ethan squawked the faster I paced, my mind in a whirling frenzy. Who the devil knew anything about babies and would come at the drop of a hat to offer assistance? I’d mentally gone through every person in living memory and then some when the idea hit me. It hit me so hard I stopped dead in the middle of the hall causing Ethan to lurch in my arms and let out a gurgle of mirth. Then he began to scream even louder.

  Cole.

  I would call Cole. He’d had a baby once. He was bound to know what I should do. Now that we were in a ‘blossoming relationship’, there was no reason why I couldn’t give him a call. Balancing Ethan, who was now squawking in my ear whilst trying to take out my left earring, I went into the kitchen and picked up the phone.

  “Olivia?”

  “Cole. Um, are you busy?” I know I was probably yelling into the phone but it was the only way I was going to be heard over the baby.

  “What’s that bloody awful noise? It sounds like someone’s strangling a cat.”

  I didn’t have time for this.

  “I’m in a bit of a pickle.”

  “Does it involve a cat?”

  If he made one more joke I was going to cry. This was beyond desperate. Ethan’s cheeks had turned from red blotches to huge purple welts.

  “No, it involves a baby. He won’t stop crying. I’ve fed him and changed him. I’ve done everything I can think of but he won’t stop.”