by Lindy Dale
“I didn’t.”
“Are you serious?”
“I guess I was so caught up in myself I never paid that much attention. And we’ve never spoken about his work here. We don’t have time for talking when all we do is have sex—”
Not that I was complaining about that.
“—I mean, I knew what he did in Perth. I just assumed he was running the business from here.”
“Oh. I take it you just found out you were wrong?”
“I went over there to buy a cake.”
“Why?” It was a logical question. I had sworn off cake.
“Mum’s pregnant.”
Alice looked as if I had announced I was joining The Spice Girls on a reunion tour and then, once her mouth had returned to its usual position, she sat quietly, absorbing the information. She shook her head a few times. She frowned at nothing in particular and looked about, almost as if she couldn’t quite comprehend what I’d told her. Gradually, though, her expression became sadder and sadder, and her eyes filled with sympathy.
“Oh, Livvy. No wonder you wanted to eat a massive slab of cake. I’d down a bottle of vodka if my mother broke news like that to me. It must have been such a shock.”
“It was. I’ve accepted that Mum and Connor are an item but I never expected this. I feel like I’ve been slighted by my own mother and it hurts. It really hurts. She gets to have a baby and a husband and I get nothing. Big fat nothing.” I wanted to bang my head on the table. It seemed the only way the huge lump of pain in my chest would be relieved was if I replaced it with some other sort of pain. I wanted to scream and punch things and throw things at the unfairness of it all but I knew it would make no difference. “To top it off, I find out Cole owns the bloody cake shop. I stormed in there ready to eat so much cake I’d never walk again and there he was. He was talking to me but I couldn’t answer because his head had morphed into a giant cupcake. I can’t take anymore. I just can’t.”
Alice leant over and gave me a hug. She held me tight and I felt some of the anxiety leave my body.
“I guess I could say it’ll get better with time or not to worry about it but I’d be lying. Your mum being pregnant isn’t something you can fix with cake. It’s not going to go away. Cole owning the cake shop, however, is a minor blip if you want to be with him.”
I knew that. I also knew I’d overreacted to finding him there but at that point I’d lost all control. Rational thinking wasn’t exactly my first priority.
“I feel like such shit. Utterly useless. And idiotic.”
“Your mum’s pregnancy is a blow, for sure, and you’ve got every reason to feel like rubbish but you have to pick yourself up. Move on. You’ve done it before.”
“Do I have to do it right now?”
“Nope. You have my full permission to wallow for the remainder of the day. Now, eat the rest of your Mars Bar.”
That was another reason I loved Alice. Even though she wasn’t trying to make me feel better with fluffy words, she still did.
“I thought you knew about Cole,” she continued. “I was so proud of how you were managing to have a relationship with him and not going into his shop.”
“Things might have been different if I’d known. I would never have gotten involved.”
“I disagree. You make a lovely couple. You’d have got together eventually.”
“Maybe, but I don’t think I can be in a relationship with him now. Not yet. Every time I look at him, I’m going to think of that Phoebe cupcake. I can’t get it out of my head. It’s taking every ounce of willpower I have not to run across the road and eat every single cake in that shop.”
“It’s a response to the bomb your mother’s dropped. You’re trying to find comfort. Remind yourself that comfort eating is what got you into the weight pickle in the first place. Get your comfort from Cole. That’s what boyfriends are for.”
I tried to remind myself but all I could think of was cake or Cole feeding me cake like a drug dealer providing free samples. Somehow, his whole beautiful persona had suddenly become tainted and I didn’t know what to do.
“Not helping.”
“It’s a double whammy of disasters, isn’t it? You must feel like the man upstairs gave you a big kick down them.”
“I don’t think I even believe in God anymore,” I replied, the tears beginning to come again. “If he did exist, he wouldn’t let these terrible things keep wrecking my life, would he? Oh Al, it’s so unfair.”
“I know sweetie. I know. But we have to deal with life’s blows, don’t we?” She squeezed me tighter.
“Why is it always me? How come every time I think things are going well something bad happens? I try to be nice to everyone. I never say boo when people do me wrong.”
Well, except Connor but he deserved it for being a prick.
“Maybe you’re too trusting?”
Not anymore. “Graeme cured me of that.”
“Too nice?”
I snorted. “I think Mrs Tanner would disagree. I gave her a massive serve when she started quizzing me about Cole the other day. I’m so tired of everyone poking their noses in my business.”
Alice sat back on her stool and picked up her coffee. “So your Mum’s going to have Connor’s baby? That’s a bit of a head spin.”
“Sure is. Don’t you find it slightly ironic that my mother, who already has a child, a.k.a me, and had no desire to procreate again, has become pregnant the first time she had sex in a year? Yet I, who dreams about having a baby and feels an almost physical ache for one, is unable to conceive.”
That had been one of the other knock-on effects from the affair with Graeme. Shortly after arriving back in Merrifield, I’d discovered I was carrying his child. Ecstatic at the news — though I was aware I’d never have any type of support from him — I’d started preparing for the baby’s arrival, which had been a dreadful mistake. The pregnancy turned out to be ectopic and I found myself on the receiving end of an emergency surgery. One that had saved my life but terminated the pregnancy and most likely left me infertile because — oh yes — Graeme it seemed had also left me with another lasting reminder of his ‘love’. The complications had been so intense the chances of me ever giving birth were about as slim as Australia topping the medal tally at a Winter Olympics. Not only that, but after it happened I’d had to return home alone to face the spare room I’d already begun to convert into a nursery. Those cute baby things I’d collected had become an evil presence in the house while I was gone. I couldn’t bear to look at them, yet I couldn’t get rid of them. So I’d locked the door, refusing to acknowledge their existence and hid behind a mountain of lovely peppermint slice and mud cake. As my hips had expanded and my self-confidence plummeted, my need had turned into something much bigger.
When Alice became pregnant with Ethan, I finally found the strength to enter that room. I cleared it out, handing the majority of the contents over to Alice to use for her baby. The weakness for sweet things, though, was not as easily dealt with and now, every time I held Ethan and smelled his baby smell or saw someone in the street pushing a pram, I longed for a baby of my own. The only way I knew how to compensate for that loss had been to eat more cake.
“It does seem selfish of her,” Alice replied. “I can understand why you’re so upset.”
Now, on top of it all, the man I was beginning to fall in love with — yes, I was willing to own that fact — turned out to be the owner of a fucking cake shop. No wonder I’d been so attracted to him. He probably had pheromones laced with cake.
Chapter 24
“What was that about?” Adelaide asked Cole as they watched Olivia fly out the door, slamming it with such a force the hundred-year-old glass in the windows threatened to fall onto the front step of the shop.
Cole shook his head. “No idea. But I s’pose I’d better go find out. She seemed pretty upset.”
“Give her half an hour or so. She looked like she needed to calm down. I know I’d hate to be seen in a state
like that.”
Cole nodded. He knew Adelaide was right. Rushing across the road that instant might only make whatever it was worse. Maybe he’d do a tidy of the kitchen first. Shannon was great with a mixer but she had terrible aim when it came to the piping bag. The amount of icing she got on the cakes was nothing compared to what ended up on the bench and floor. He’d clean up the mess and then he’d pop over and see Olivia because he wanted to help. He wanted to cradle Olivia in his arms and make her feel better.
Twenty minutes later, Cole untied his apron and hung it on the hook behind the kitchen door before heading out the back and up the lane to the main road. He stopped at the kerb, glancing across the road at Olivia’s shop. The sign on the door was turned to closed. Olivia obviously didn’t want to be disturbed.
Cole stood for a moment, trying to formulate a course of action. He could leave her to it — a wise move when you were dealing with upset women. He knew from experience that trying to help his mother or Adelaide when they were in a tizz only made it worse. His brand of concern was apparently nothing a woman could fathom. On the other hand, if he didn’t try to help, Olivia would most likely go on some rant about how he didn’t care and if he was any sort of boyfriend he would have been over there like a shot to console her.
This was a no win situation.
Maybe he should knock on the door. Even if she told him to bugger off, at least she’d know he’d made an effort.
But what if she let him in? What if he had to sit and listen to her go on and on about women’s stuff he had no understanding of, or interest in. Whatever her problem was, it must be big. He’d never seen her behave in that fashion before. He could be stuck there for hours. Not that he didn’t care but, man, he had work to do.
The last option was a text but Cole discounted the idea as quickly as it popped into his head. A text would be viewed as a cop out. Even he knew that.
There was nothing for it. He’d have to knock on the door and hope he returned with his hair still attached to his scalp.
With a deep steeling breath, Cole stepped off the kerb and dodging a couple of cars, reached the footpath on the other side of the road. The sign on the door still said ‘closed’ but he knocked anyway.
A head emerged from the grooming area and disappeared. A rather dejected sounding dog began to bark. Cole knocked a second time with no response.
Oh well, at least he’d tried. He’d give her a call later to see if she was okay.
Just as he was turning go, Alice turned up at the door. She snipped the bolt. Her head jerked in the direction of the grooming room.
“She’s through there,” she whispered. “But be warned, she’s not in the mood for any advice. She may not even talk to you. She’s pretty upset.”
What the devil had he done? He had no idea. The only thing he knew for certain was whatever it was, the smallest thing — so totally unimportant to him yet obviously huge for Olivia — could have set it off. Had he forgotten her birthday? Was it the anniversary of the day they’d met? Had he told her he’d drop by and then let it slip from his mind — easy enough, when the shop was as busy as it was.
Cole followed Alice to the space where a red-eyed Olivia was sniffing while attempting to trim the bouffant topknot on a poodle’s head. She looked dreadful. So lost, so deflated, like the stuffing had been knocked out of her. But that paled in comparison to the job she was making of the poodle. The poor dog looked as if he’d been put through a car wash the wrong way.
Tentatively, Cole stepped up to the table.
“Are you okay?”
Olivia’s eyes were suddenly filled with fury, flashing like something from a seventies horror movie. The clippers were poised as if she were going to shave him. Or something worse. Was it too late to turn and run?
Not that he wanted to. What he wanted to do was to hold her and make this terrible hurt — whatever it was — disappear.
“Go away Cole.”
Right. Not a good start to the conversation. He couldn’t back down, though. He had a feeling she wouldn’t forgive him if he did. If she ever spoke to him again, that was.
“Please tell me what’s wrong.”
Olivia swivelled back to the dog. Her body was rigid, her shoulders tense but at least she wasn’t pointing the clippers in his direction anymore. And the anger he glimpsed in her eyes had been replaced by something like hurt as she turned.
“I don’t want to talk about it. Just leave.”
What was he going to do now? Pressing the case obviously wasn’t going to have any effect, she wanted nothing to do with him. He walked towards her. He reached across her shoulder, took the clippers from her hand and turned them off, placing them on the bench. She still refused to look at him.
“I asked you to leave.”
Cole ignored her. Instead, he stepped closer. God, she was beautiful. Even with big long stains of mascara trailing down her cheeks, she was still beautiful. Slowly, he lifted his arms and wrapped her in them. He could feel every muscle in her body tensing as he did so. She was wound so tight.
“What’s wrong?” he whispered.
Olivia sniffed. Her body relaxed slightly and she nestled into his chest. “Nothing Cole. It’s nothing.”
She was a shit liar.
“Did I do something?”
“No. You’re perfect. And I’m sorry I behaved like such a dick in the middle of your shop.”
He held her for a minute longer, feeling her heartbeat returning to normal.
“So it’s nothing I’ve done?”
“Not really. I can’t talk about it. Not now. I can’t. Just hold me.”
Tears coursed down her cheeks and she clung to him, sobbing. Jesus, what did he do now? Nothing, he guessed. Just hold her.
After a while, Olivia pulled away. She took a tissue from a box on the shelf and blew her nose. “Sorry about that.”
“Are you going to tell me the problem?”
She looked up into his face, her own a mixture of sadness and… was it embarrassment at her behaviour? “Not now.”
“When?” Cole knew he was probably pressing the issue but he didn’t know what else to do.
“I don’t know.”
“Will I see you later on?”
“Not tonight. I’ll call you.”
“Okay.” Dejected and befuddled, Cole walked slowly towards the front door. Alice was standing near the SALE bin fiddling with the things inside and trying to look as if she hadn’t been eavesdropping.
“Not too good then?” she asked.
“I think ‘shit’ would be the correct response,” Cole whispered. The worst thing that could happen now would be for Olivia to think he was talking behind her back, but he had to know. If it involved him, he had to find a way to fix it. “What the hell’s going on? What have I done?”
Alice bit the corner of her lip. She opened the door and gestured to the footpath, looking furtively back in the direction of the shop as if the information she was about to impart required security clearance. “It’s not you, as such. More a culmination of things. Olivia racing into a cake shop to discover her boyfriend was the owner was simply the icing on the cake. If you’ll excuse the pun.”
Cole frowned. Surely, having an unlimited supply of cake on tap was every chick’s dream, wasn’t it? Yeah, they moaned about their weight and all that guff but it never stopped them from hoeing into a cake. He’d seen girls in the shop recently who looked like they’d commit murder for that Phoebe cupcake. “I don’t get it.”
“Olivia’s addicted to sweet things. Cakes, biscuits, slices. She’s never been diagnosed or anything but she can’t stop at one. It’s not like she has to have a stint in rehab or anything but once she starts eating she can’t stop. She knows that and she’s working hard to overcome it.”
“But how? Why?”
“It’s an emotional thing. She hasn’t had a cake for over three months now. Your shop has been a constant temptation but she’s managed to fight the urge, even move past it. Unt
il today, anyway.”
“What was so bad about today?”
Alice sounded hesitant. “I don’t know that it’s my place to say. She should probably tell you herself.”
“But she won’t talk to me.”
“Look, Cole. You have to give her time. She’s had a lot of stuff happen over the past few years. The cake thing is a reaction to it and I’m sure she’ll tell you about it in due course but right now she needs some time to process. She’s going to have to work through this. Give her some space.”
Not a phrase he liked to hear, that was for sure. Jenny — his ex — had ‘needed space’ and look where that had landed him. Olivia was a lovely girl but he wasn’t overly happy about this turn of events. He’d moved to Merrifield to make a clean break, a fresh start. Did he want to be stuck with a girl with baggage when he was trying to get his own shit together?
“Right. Okay. Give her space. How much space should that be?”
“It’ll only be for a day or so. Positive. She likes you, Cole. She does. But she needs to sort some stuff out.”
Maybe so, but did he like Olivia enough to wait until she came around? That was the ten million dollar question. Maybe he needed to sort some stuff out too.
*****
The next few days were hell for Cole. As Alice had suggested, he gave Olivia space but all it did was make him lonely. Despite the fact that the shop was overflowing with people and the one or two reporters were still lurking he felt as if he’d been dropped onto a desert island. Now that he’d found Olivia, he wanted to remain part of her life. He didn’t want to be without her. If only she’d call.
So what if she had issues? He wasn’t exactly Mr Perfect. And he was positive they could overcome her issues if she’d let him in and what could be so bad, that she’d simply cut him from her life as soon as they’d become intimate? He didn’t know about Olivia but it wasn’t his way to have casual sex with anyone that walked. He may have been a bit of a lad when he was nineteen but his days of sowing wild oats were long over. He longed for stability, for a life with one girl who would make him happy.
