Finding You

by Stella Rainbow

  “A tattoo parlor?” I asked, turning to Luke to see if my guess was correct.

  Luke nodded before chewing on his lower lip like he usually did when he was nervous, “ The guy who owns the place, Julian, is really good at doing scar tattoos.” His hand unconsciously went to his abdomen, where his most hurtful scar was.

  I took a moment to process what he was saying and the first question that popped into my head was whether he was doing this for me or himself.

  “Luke, you’re not doing this for me, are you? I mean, you know I don’t mind your scars right?”

  He gave me a soft smile before grabbing my hands and turning to face me with his back against the passenger door. “I know. And I promise I’m not doing this for you, either. Scott, ever since I got free, I haven’t been able to look at myself properly without being thrown back into that horrible time. I know you don’t mind my scars, but I do. And don’t worry, I talked to Monica about this last week. She says it’s okay, that I’m not repressing anything. She told me it’s actually a good idea because I’m taking steps towards reclaiming my body, so to speak. My decision has nothing to do with you except for the fact that you gave me the strength to take this step. I promise.”

  I gave a sigh of relief before pulling him closer and giving him an awkward hug over the console. As long as he wasn’t doing it for me, the idea did sound pretty damn good. I’d hated the fact that Luke was scared of even looking at himself for so long and I was glad he finally had a way to get rid of the scars that were the source of so much pain for him.

  “So, what are you getting?” I asked once we were out of the car.

  He grinned at me before winking. “That is your actual surprise. You won’t get to see it today, but if all goes well, I’ll show you on Christmas day.”

  “That’s not fair! Christmas is a week away. Why do you want to torture me like that? Can’t I take a peek? Please?” I begged, mostly to keep him from getting anxious but also because it really did seem unfair.

  “Nope. You’re only here because I didn’t want to do this alone. But you’ll have to wait to see it.”

  I gave him a mock glare before opening the door to the parlor and waiting for him to step in before following him inside. Honestly, I was glad Luke had brought me with him, even if it was only for support. I was sure this would be an emotional experience for him and I wanted to be there for him in case he needed me.

  “Wow,” I breathed as I looked around. The parlor was comprised of a single room that was divided into two with a long wooden screen, the foldable kind. It was clearly a one man operation, with a single tattoo chair placed behind the screen with a stool and a table full of tattoo equipments. The walls were decorated with framed pictures of various tattoo designs, both in color and black and white.

  “Hello, there!” The man who I guessed was Julian, walked over from the desk he’d been seated at.

  “Hey. Julian, right?” Luke asked as he extended a hand and shook Julian’s. Julian didn’t look like the typical tattoo artist i.e. in all the skin I could see, there wasn’t a single tattoo, which surprised me. Wasn’t it like a rule for every tattoo artist to have at least one tattoo?

  “I do have one. But it’s in a place I won’t be showing you anytime soon.” Julian said with a cheeky grin and I scratched my forehead in embarrassment as I grinned. Was I that obvious?

  “Don’t worry. I get asked a lot, so I thought I’d get it out of the way first.” Julian said with a smile and chuckled. He was in his early thirties, I guessed, but his cheerful attitude made him look younger. The blond curls that framed his face only made him look even more like a kid and his blue eyes sparkled as he led Luke over to the tattoo chair.

  “So, Luke. I got your email with the tattoo ideas and I drew a few designs so you can pick your favorite. Once you do that, I’ll draw a stencil and we’ll get to work. It’s a big tattoo, so you can divide it into two sessions if you wish. I can draw it today and then you can come in tomorrow to get it colored or we can do it all today. It’s up to you.”

  “I think I’d prefer to do it all today, please. Oh, and this is a surprise for my boyfriend, so could you maybe make sure he doesn’t see the designs, please?” I rolled my eyes at Luke as he gave me a cheeky smile.

  “Of course! I’m sorry, I didn’t get your name?” Julian asked as he turned towards me.

  “It’s Scott.” We shook hands before Julian directed me towards the couch in the reception side of the screen. Once I was seated, I could see Luke’s face, but the rest of him was blocked off by the screen.

  Once Luke had chosen the final designs—which I obviously did not get to see—Julian handed him a bunch of forms to fill as he headed off to his desk to draw the stencils. By the time Luke had filled the forms, Julian was done with the stencils. He took the forms from Luke and told him to get comfortable in the chair before starting the prep as he narrated what he was doing.

  “I’m starting with the wrists because this is your first tattoo and I want you to get an idea of the pain level before we do your abdomen.”

  “Don’t worry about the pain, I’ve had a lot worse.” Luke said casually and his words caused a sharp pain to race through my chest at the truth in that statement. Never again, I promised myself. Never again would I let anything hurt Luke like he’d been before.

  Julian gave him a sad smile, telling me he’d seen the scars Luke was getting the tattoos for, “Yeah, I guess you have.”

  Julian worked quickly after that, keeping up a steady chatter interspersed with directions and telling Luke what he was doing. Once he had prepared everything, he picked up the tattoo gun and turned to Luke.

  “Stay relaxed and don’t move, yeah?”

  Luke nodded before turning to look at me. I gave him a soft smile and kept looking into his eyes as Julian started tracing the tattoo onto Luke’s wrist. We maintained eye contact even as Julian finished the linework and started on the shading and watching Luke deal with all that pain so easily only made me realize just how much worse pain he had already been through.

  Once Julian was done with the tattoo, he let Luke look it over before covering it up with a bandage. He asked Luke if he wanted to take a break before the next tattoo but Luke shook his head no, so Julian started working on Luke’s left wrist, repeating the same process. The only reason I was able to follow along was because of Julian’s constant narration of what he was doing since I couldn’t see anything from here except Luke’s face. It took another thirty minutes before the tattoo was done and dressed.

  “How about we take a break now before we start the last tattoo since it’ll be much bigger and will need around two hours or so to complete?” Julian asked as he put the tattoo machine away and got to his feet, stretching his arms above his head as he stood.

  “How about we get lunch and then come back here?” I asked Luke, since I knew he’d barely eaten any breakfast in his excitement to come here.

  “Sounds good,” Luke said, getting to his feet.

  Once we were outside, Luke turned to me and smiled. “Remember Brady? He owns a cafe just around the corner. He doesn’t serve lunch but he’s got a whole bunch of the most delicious pastries and cakes I’ve ever eaten.”

  My mouth watered at the thought of eating desserts for lunch and Luke grinned at me because he knew me so well.

  “Where? Where is this heaven you’re talking about?”

  Luke laughed as he grabbed my hand and pulled me onto the sidewalk and I grinned as I followed him. Over the past month or so, it was like a weight had been lifted off of Luke’s shoulders. The therapy was definitely helping him and despite the scare last week, Luke had progressed so much. Today was just another example of it. Slowly, but surely, Luke was fighting away his demons and returning back to his old self. And though I’d never known him as he’d been before, I was definitely loving every new part of him. Like the way he was shining brighter than the sun with that smile on his face as he walked beside me.

  After a dessert
lunch with Luke’s friend, we were back at the tattoo parlor. While Luke got his tattoo, I checked my emails and did some work to pass the time. It was nearing 5 p.m. by the time Julian was done. I put my phone away as Luke stood up, making sure to stay behind the screen so I wouldn’t spot his tattoo. I heard him gasp and murmur something to Julian.

  I waited impatiently as Julian dressed the tattoo. When Luke walked into the front-side of the parlor, he was back in his jumper. He walked straight to me before hugging me and I carefully curled my arms around him, aware of the tattoo on his lower torso. Luke buried his face in the crook of my neck and I heard him sniffle. Pulling back, I held his face between my palms and wiped the tears with my thumbs, “You okay?”

  Luke gave me a sheepish smile before chuckling wetly, “Happy tears. This feels…cleansing.”

  Smiling, I pressed a kiss on Luke’s forehead before turning to Julian, who was watching us with a fond smile. “Thank you for your beautiful work.”

  Julian arched a brow at me and I shrugged, “If Luke loves them, then I’m sure they are gorgeous.”

  Luke made the payment despite my offer to pay, but I didn’t press because I realized this was something he needed to do for himself and how could I stop him from doing that?

  Once he was done, we drove back home and cuddled on the couch with Tressa, drinking hot chocolate while watching the Christmas episodes of Friends as our own Christmas tree twinkled in the corner.

  30 | Luke

  It was Christmas morning and I couldn’t be more excited. I also couldn’t remember the last time I’d been so excited about the day. Even when I’d lived with my parents, Christmas day had mostly just included a visit to the Church and a gift that was related to school more often than not. The only highlight of the day had been my mother’s apple pies. There had been no trees, no hot chocolate, no Christmas movies. But this year, I was getting it all. Scott had promised me a fun Christmas and I was looking forward to it. We’d already spent the whole week in a Christmas haze of hot chocolates and Christmas movies and I was hoping today would be more of the same with the added bonus of Christmas presents.

  When I woke up, I was alone but I could also hear Christmas music coming from the kitchen, so I guessed Scott was in there making breakfast. I quickly showered before dressing up in the sweater I’d picked out for today and red pajama pants. I sneaked into my old room to grab the gifts I’d gotten for Scott before tiptoeing into the living room. My mouth fell open when I spotted the small pile of gifts below the twinkling Christmas tree. All those gifts were for me? I hurriedly placed my own packages besides them before walking into the kitchen. I moaned at the heavenly scent wafting throughout the room and Scott chuckled.

  Heading straight to my boyfriend, I pulled him into a kiss, my arms tight around his as my tongue curled around his. I could taste cookie dough on his tongue and I moaned at the sweet flavor. When my lungs started burning for oxygen, I reluctantly pulled away, resting my forehead against his. “Merry Christmas, Scott.”

  “Merry Christmas, Luke.” Scott pressed a kiss to the tip of my nose before straightening up. “Okay, so this is the breakfast menu. I was thinking after eating, we’ll open the presents and then cuddle on the couch and watch some holiday movies. How does that sound?”

  My eyes roamed over the chocolate drizzled waffles, the gingerbread men and the mugs of hot chocolate with what looked like marshmallows floating on top. It looked like a perfect Christmas breakfast. “It sounds perfect.”

  We ate at the counter, talking about the movies we’d watch and what we could make for lunch. I still hadn’t uncovered my tattoos, but Julian had told me I could remove the dressing today. I was just waiting for the perfect moment to do it.

  Once we were done with breakfast, I was practically vibrating with excitement as we washed up. Not just to see what Scott had gotten me, but also to find out what Scott thought about the gifts I’d gotten for him. After all the dishes were in the dishwasher and the counters cleaned up, we finally headed to the living room, the cheerful Christmas music still playing on the bluetooth speaker. Tressa was seated at the bottom of the tree, batting at one of the low hanging ornaments. When she spotted us, she quickly straightened up and gave us her version of ‘puppy eyes’. I narrowed my eyes at her and she promptly started cleaning her paw as if her life depended on it. I shook my head and followed Scott as he sat down near the gift piles. He grabbed a box from his pile and one from mine before setting them in front of Tressa. “Here you go, baby girl. Merry Christmas.”

  We watched in awe as Tressa stared at the boxes for a beat, watching the twinkling lights reflected on the glitter wrapping, before attacking them with her claws. We never cut her nails because she needed the extra grip to make up for not being able to use one of her legs for climbing and stuff, which was why she shredded through the wrapping and the cardboard withing a minute. “Well, that’s one way to do it.” Scott chuckled. I laughed as I carefully sifted through the debris before pulling out her gifts. I’d gotten her a metal tag with her name and my phone number on the front, in case she ever went missing, while Scott had gotten her a bunch of mouse and feather toys. I clipped the tag on her collar before throwing one of the toys at her and as expected, she attacked it immediately before racing off with it in her mouth.

  “Guess she loved her gifts then, right?”

  I grinned as I shuffled forward and grabbed the gifts I’d gotten for Scott. I hadn’t been sure how many gifts to buy, so I’d just picked stuff I knew Scott would like and paid no attention to how many there were.

  “Merry Christmas,” I said, pushing the pile towards him. I hoped he wouldn’t complain because I’d had so much fun picking these gifts for him. It had been the first time I’d had someone to buy gifts for and I may have gone a bit overboard. After seeing Scott’s pile of gifts for me though, I realized that I wasn’t the only one.

  Scott smiled at me before picking up a small package. He quickly unwrapped it and his eyes widened before he looked up at me. “Luke.” His voice was soft as he traced the pictures with his fingers. It was a photo frame with three pictures in it. The first was Scott with his parents, the second of Scott with his godfather and the third of Scott, me and Tressa. One frame with pictures of all the people who loved Scott. I’d wanted to add Mike’s family to the collage too, but I’d forgotten to ask them for a picture.

  “Luke, this is beautiful. Thank you so much.” His voice was rough, like he was barely holding back tears, so I pulled him closer and pressed a kiss to his temple. “You’re welcome.”

  He stared at the photos for another moment before putting the frame down and picking up another package. It was a reading journal. Scott had loved my journal when I’d shown it to him, so I figured he could fill one himself this new year. “Oh, it’s so pretty. I was going to buy it myself soon. Thanks!”

  He opened the next one quickly and I grinned when his eyes lit up and his lips stretched into a smile. It was a hiking backpack with the quote from Alice In Wonderland, We’re all mad here. I wasn’t sure if he’d realize it, but it symbolized our first meet and our first date.

  Scott met my eyes and I realized that he got it. His palm curled around the back of my neck and he pulled me closer before pressing his lips to mine and giving me a soft, heated kiss. “Thank you.” He whispered and I gave him a small smile before pushing the last and final gift towards him. It was the one I was the most nervous about because unlike the others I’d made this one with my own two hands.

  Scott grinned as he unwrapped the gift and his eyes lit up when he saw what it was. He pulled the woolen jumper out of the packaging before unfolding it. It was in the Gryffindor colors, which was Scott’s Hogwarts house, obviously. The jumper was maroon with a golden S in the center, just like Molly Weasley made for all the boys in the books.

  “Oh my god, Luke! It’s beautiful! And so soft!”

  “I’m glad you like it,” I said with a grin. All those late hours spent working on it hadn’t been for no
thing and I was glad.

  “Wait. Did you make it? Like from scratch?”

  “From wool, actually,” I joked.

  Scott stared at the jumper for a few minutes and I realized with a start that he was crying when a teardrop plopped onto the wool.

  “Hey,” I murmured, pulling him closer and hugging him to me. He held on to me tightly and breathed deeply for a few minutes. I pressed kissed on top of his head and rocked both of us, surprised at this role reversal. After a few minutes, Scott pulled away and wiped his eyes before giving me a smile. “Thank you so much for making this for me. I’m going to treasure it forever.”

  “It was my pleasure.”

  “When did you even make it? I’m sure it took a lot of time.”

  “Uh, I wasn’t really staying late for work. I’d go to Brady’s cafe and knit for an hour or two instead.”

  “You’re amazing,” Scott said simply and I blushed. I’d never get tired of Scott’s praises.

  “Now, my turn!” Scott declared before handing me the first gift from his pile. I unwrapped it eagerly and gasped when I realized what it was. It was a tea set, with a kettle and six cups and saucers. But the best thing was the fact that the kettle and the cups each sported a quote from Harry Potter. When I read through them, I realized they were one from each book. “Oh my god, Scott. These are beautiful!”

  “You love tea and you love Harry Potter,” Scott explained with a shrug.

  “And I love you,” I added and he smiled widely at me. “I love you, too.”

  My next gift was a book set that we’d read a few weeks ago that I’d wanted to buy in paperback for my collection. Scott had one upped me and bought me the hardcover set. “Thank you!” I squeaked as I ran my fingers over the illustrations reverently.

  Scott just smiled at me before handing me my third gift. It felt like it was some kind of cloth so I quickly unwrapped it to find a scarf. And not just any scarf, it was the color of a book’s page and full of quotes from different books. I read a few and realized it was fairy tale themed. I wrapped it around my neck and sighed at its silky softness. “Oh Scott, this is lovely. Thank you.”