“You’re so amazing, Bridget. I can’t believe how much of myself I see in you, but it’s like you took all the little good things about me and amplified them, and you’re just so much better than I’ll ever be.”
“Stop. Just stop trying to change the subject. You’re abandoning us.”
“No. I would stay if I could, but I have to do this. I love you so much, but I have to go.”
“Dad isn’t capable of taking care of us, Becca. He’s messed up, ya know?”
“He’s going to get better soon. Until then I’ll leave Amber in charge.”
“Why her?”
“Honey, you’re smart and great at almost everything you do, but you get scared. Amber’s tough.”
“Well what if we do something and get killed?”
“I can’t baby sit you forever.” I told her. It felt wrong just to say it. Like I was telling her she wasn’t important. “I believe in you. You guys will be fine.”
“You really have to go?”
“Yes.”
“I’m going to miss you. I love you, Becca.” She wiped at her eyes. “I always wanted to be more like you, so you’d be proud of me. And now you’re leaving and...”
“I couldn’t be more proud of you. I love you so much. There is no way I would have even made it through this if I didn’t have you around. But now you have to take care of Mom and Dad. I’m relying on you. And I’ll try to come back.”
“When?”
“I don’t know. Bridge, if I never see you again, it won’t be because I didn’t want to. I’m going to try my best to come back here some day.”
I said my goodbyes, then Amber walked me down the stairs so she could close the bottom doors and lock it behind me.
“Good luck finding her, Becca.” Amber said. We were at the door now.
“Thanks.”
“I’m going to take care of them. I promise you.”
“I trust you.”
“Can I ask you for a favor before you go?”
“Yeah, what is it?”
“Well, look, we both know I love you, and I’m pretty sure we both know it’s a crush and not real.” She held her hand up, stopping me from interrupting. “That doesn’t change how it feels, though. Anyway, this may be my last chance. And I don’t mean with just you, I mean ever, in my whole life. So... um... will you... kiss me?” She’s so red right now. “Not just a little kiss on the cheek, but a real kiss?”
Would that be cheating on Tasha? I don’t know. I don’t think she’d think so. Especially not in this situation. And this is something I can do for Amber.
I put my bag and my gun down, and I leaned over and put my hand behind Amber’s neck and pulled her close and kissed her. I just wish it was Tasha I was kissing.
“Thank you.” she whispered.
“Amber, don’t give up. Someone out there is right for you. Or maybe even someone here. You never know about Bridget. Tasha never even looked at a girl until I told her how I felt, so maybe you two will wind up together. I would be very happy if she ended up with someone as great as you.”
“I think David would kill me.” she said, laughing.
“Maybe.”
“I already think of her like a sister, anyway. You too, I guess. When I’m honest and get past my silly crush.”
“I am honored.” I said. I gave her a quick hug. “You’re like a little sister to me, too. I love you, squirt. I hope to see you again some day.”
“I’ll pray for you.”
And with that I was out the door. It felt weird leaving and knowing I’ll probably never be back. I have no idea if I’ll even be alive this time tomorrow, so I think making it back is unlikely. I’m okay with that. If I die trying to get to Tasha, that’s okay. I’d rather die trying than to sit and always wonder.
Saturday, May 21st
I slept in Tasha’s car last night. I only made it a few miles out of town before it started
getting dark and I decided I should try to rest. It was freaking scary to sleep alone in a car in the middle of nowhere. I mean the infected don’t seem all that smart, so it’s not like they would figure out how to use a rock to break the windows or something, but they’re still strong and could maybe break the windows banging against them. But there were no problems.
I ran over an infected person around noon. He walked out in front of me. I didn’t even try to miss him, I just slowed enough that it wouldn’t hurt the car and knocked him out of the way.
Later I was stopped along the road, beside a couple of abandoned cars, siphoning gas out. I could hear a car or truck of some kind on one of the highways crossing this one about a quarter of a mile up. I stopped and watched for a while, and I never saw it pass, but whatever it was was loud. Like some big truck with bad exhaust.
What would I do if I came across a bunch of people? I couldn’t really trust them, could I? Maybe. But what if they were like those guys who came to our cabin? I can’t risk that, because I have to get to Tasha. If I can even find her. I know it’s a military base near Cheyenne.
Thursday, May 26th
I spent the day driving around Wyoming, trying to find any signs of life, any road signs
pointing toward a military base near Cheyenne. I haven’t even bothered to eat for two days now. I’ve made sure I had plenty to drink, at least. Except it’s scary as hell stopping to pee behind a bush with all those infected people roaming around.
And then I saw it. I stopped the car and stared for maybe five minutes, crying. Signs pointing to the base. It’s just a mile away. I’m here. I can’t believe it, I’m here!
I rolled slowly down the road, not trusting myself to drive fast. If I died in a car wreck now it would be embarrassing. And I saw the gates. And four armed guards. I stopped the car about a hundred yards from them and got out.
“This is a military installation.” A voice shouted over a loud speaker. “Civilians are not welcome. Please turn your vehicle around and leave immediately.”
I stopped in the road. Okay, so what are they going to do, shoot me? At this point it doesn’t matter much. I’m not leaving without her. If they’d just shoot me it would be a mercy killing. That’s much preferable to the alternative.
I walked toward the gate. The warning was repeated. When I was maybe fifty yards away they all raised their guns toward me. I held my gun out to the side and dropped it, showing them I was no threat, but I kept walking.
“Stop right there!” one soldier shouted. I was about fifty feet away at that point. “We can’t allow you in. Nobody from the outside gets in, we can’t risk infection.”
“I’m not sick.” I told him.
“You have to leave. Please, don’t make me shoot you, ma’am.”
“I’m here to see Natasha Johnson.”
The four of them, three men and a woman, looked sideways at each other. I’m probably the first visitor looking for a specific person. I guess they really don’t know how to handle this.
“We’re not allowed to let you pass, ma’am.” he said.
“I need to see her.” I said. I started crying again and I walked closer. “You have to let me see her.”
“You can’t come in.” he said.
“Well bring her out here!” I shouted. “Tell her I’m here.”
“We can’t do that.”
“But I need her.” I sat on the ground and clutched my face in my hands. “I came all this way for her.”
“We can’t help you.”
“Can you give her a note?” I asked. I moved my hands away from my face and looked up at him.
“I’m afraid not. You’re going to have to leave, ma’am.”
“I can’t go. I can’t. I... I have to see her.”
“You need to leave. I have orders to shoot anyone who...”
“For Pete's sake, Leo,” the woman said. “She’s a child. You’re not shooting her.” She started toward me, slinging her gun onto her back.
“Lieutenant Mendoza, return to your post.” the first gu
y, Leo apparently, ordered her.
“She’s a child.”
“She could infect the entire base.”
“She isn’t even sick.”
“We can’t let her in.”
“Well you don’t have to be so mean to her.”
She knelt beside me and put her arm around my shoulders. Her eyes ran over me checking me for wounds, probably checking me for any signs I was infected.
“Hi, I’m Janet. What’s your name?”
“Becca.” Her head tilted a little when I said that, like she was surprised by it.
“I’m really sorry, Becca, but we have very strict orders not to let anyone inside here.”
“Can you just let her know...”
“I’m afraid our C.O. would have me executed if I helped initiate contact between someone inside and someone outside. As far as he’s concerned, everyone outside that fence is the enemy.”
“I ha-have to see her.”
“I know.” she said. “Tasha and her family live in the unit just down the hall from me. She would love to see you. I wish I could help, but I can’t.”
“Please.”
“I can’t. I’m so sorry.”
“But... but... I have to see her.”
“She loves you.” she said. “She talks about you, and she cries a lot. She misses you.”
“Please, I need to see her. Isn’t there something you can do?”
“I’m afraid not.”
“But... but...” I’m never seeing her again. “Can you just tell her I was here? Just... I just want her to know I tried.”
“I can’t do that.” She sighed and sat in the dirt beside me. “This whole situation sucks.” she said. “In this world there are too few people for us to stand in the way of two people in love. But we have our orders.”
“I can’t live without her.” I said. “Just... shoot me.” I whispered. “Just get it over with.”
“Hm,” she forced out a laugh. “I’m not going to shoot you.” She game me a little squeeze. “Tell you what, hon, sometimes when she wants to be alone, Tasha likes to sit on the roof of that building over there.” She pointed to a building maybe two hundred yards away. “She watches the sunrise some mornings. I shouldn’t even be telling you that much.”
“Just... is she safe? Is she healthy, and... she’s okay, right?”
“She’s fine. Heartbroken, but fine.”
“Thank you.”
I got up and walked the distance back to the car. So close. I’m so close to her. It’s weird, but in some ways it’s nice to be this close. In some ways it’s even worse, because she’s right there and I can’t get to her.
I sat in the car and watched the sun go down. I wonder if there’ll be soldiers here soon, making me move the car. Or maybe I can go to sleep now and never wake up. Wouldn’t that be nice?
Friday, May 27th
I was standing there, in the dark, staring into the compound. I can’t believe I got twenty
feet from the fence and nobody has shot me or ordered me away. The fence has huge signs saying it’s electrified, so I guess they know nobody is sneaking in.
As the sun came up in the east I could see a figure sitting on the roof of the building Janet pointed out. Holy crap! It’s her! It’s her!
“Tasha!” I shouted as loud as I could. She didn’t even move. I imagine she couldn’t hear me over all the activity on the base. “Tasha!” I shouted again.
I jumped around and waved my arms. And then a jeep stopped on the other side of the fence from me and a soldier got out and stared at me for a minute.
“Tasha.” I shouted again, ignoring him.
“You have to leave.” he shouted out at me. “You are considered a safety threat, and we will shoot you.” he said.
“Tasha!”
Suddenly she stood up. I don’t think she could hear me even now, but maybe she finally looked down and saw me. Anyway, she went down a ladder to the ground and I lost sight of her.
“You have to leave immediately.” the soldier repeated.
“Tasha.” I shouted again.
“Becca?” I heard. It was faint, but it was her, and she was shouting my name!
“Leave.” the soldier shouted.
“Just one minute, sir.” I said. “Please, just give me one minute.”
“We have orders to shoot.” he replied.
“Please.” I said. “Tasha,” I shouted.
“Becca, don’t go.”
Suddenly she was there, right behind the jeep. Fifty feet from me. We just stared at each other for a minute. We were both crying, both smiling. Then the soldier was in front of her, ordering her away.
“Leave me alone, I want to talk to her.” Tasha told him.
“We have orders...”
“I don’t give a shit about your orders!” she shouted at him.
“Tasha, I love you.”
“I love you, Becca.”
“I’ll be forced to restrain you, ma’am.” he said to her.
“Just leave me alone!” she insisted.
“I came for you, Tasha. I need you.”
“Ma’am,”
The soldier gripped her around the waist and shoved her into the jeep. She was thrashing around, fighting him, swearing like I’ve never heard her swear.
“Get your hands off of her!” I shouted. “Don’t touch her. What kind of place is this? You’re keeping her captive, like a prisoner?”
“Don’t make me shoot you!” he said.
He got in the jeep and drove away. With Tasha. I didn’t know what to do at that point. They took her away. Will they lock her up?
I waited there for two hours, praying that she’d come back. When she didn’t, I went back around to the front gate. I don’t know, just hoping she’d come out to see me. Except there were guards telling me to leave again. So I backed away and watched from a distance. And when they kept looking at me, I went into the bushes and watched from there.
There was a shift change in the early afternoon some time. I approached them, ignoring their warning and shouts that they would shoot me. It was the same guards from last night.
“I saw her. I talked to her.” I said to Janet.
“So I’ve heard.” she said. She smiled. “I’m so glad, Becca.”
“You need to back away. We have orders...”
“I know your orders, Leo.” I said, laughing. “I’ll back off for now.”
I went back to my spot in the bushes. Okay, so if I have to I will wait until tomorrow morning and she’ll be out again. Surely they won’t lock her up completely. And if she isn’t there tomorrow, I’ll see her the next day. Or the next. Now that she knows I’m here it’s just a matter of time until I see her again. Even if we’re never together again, just talking to her through the fence means a lot.
A jeep came up to the gate and stopped. I saw Mr. And Mrs. Johnson get out, and then Tasha. I ran from the bushes, up to the gate.
“Ma’am, back away or we will shoot you.” I was told.
“Stuff it.” I replied. “Tasha!”
“Becca, I love you.”
She hugged her Mom and Dad, and then picked up a duffel bag and started toward the gate. Two of the guards stepped across in front of her.
“We can’t allow you outside, ma’am.” one of them said.
“Let her pass.” Mr. Johnson told them.
“Sir?” the guard said.
“Let Natasha out.”
“Sir, once she leaves she will not be allowed to return.”
“I’m aware of that.” Mr. Johnson told him.
The soldiers looked at each other for a moment, then stepped aside. Natasha turned and looked up at her Dad. They were both crying. She hugged him, then her Mom.
“Are you sure this is what you want, honey?” her mother asked.
“I love you guys.” Tasha told them. “I know you’re safe, that’s what’s important. But I have to go. Don’t you see that? I have to.”
“Rebecca, dear,” Mrs.
Johnson said to me.
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Johnson.” I said. “I wish this could be different.”
“Please take care of my daughter.”
“I will, I promise.”
“Well this is it, Natasha.” Mr. Johnson told her. “This is the last time we’ll see you.”
“I love you, Dad. I love you Mom.”
Tasha stepped up between the guards. Just a few more steps and she’ll never be allowed back in. Stupid rules! But she stopped and looked back. No. Don’t stay, Tasha. Wait, is this best for her? Am I what’s best for her? Would she be better off staying with them?
“Tasha, wait.” I said.
“Wait for what?”
“You have to be sure about this.”
“Angel, I am sure.”
“It’s going to be tough out here. You’re safe in there.”
“Becca, I might be safe, but I barely make it through the day. So yeah, I’m coming with you. It’s where I belong.”
“As long as you’re sure.”
She took a deep breath and took one step, then another. And then she was standing right in front of me. She dropped her bag and we grabbed onto each other, hugging, then kissing, then hugging some more.
“Ladies, I’m afraid you’ll have to go.” Leo said.
“We’re going.” I told him.
“Bye Mom, bye Dad. I’ll always love you guys.”
“We’ll miss you.” her dad said.
“I wish you could come inside, Rebecca.” Mrs. Johnson said.
“We’re going to be okay. I’ll keep her safe, I swear.”
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