Buttons & Hate

by Penelope Sky

  “I think you more than like me.” She ran her hands up my chest, her nails digging into my chest with desperation. She eyed my lips seductively, wanting my mouth tight against hers. With subtle moves she turned into the sexiest woman I’d ever laid eyes on. Even without the whips and chains she turned me on like crazy.

  There were no words I could use to describe exactly how I felt. All I knew was I wanted her beside me—now and forever. I want her to share my bed every night and I wanted her to ride my cock every morning. Without her I would return to the ghost I used to be. “I think so too.”

  ***

  Her ankles hooked together around my waist and her nails clawed down my back. Her nipples were hard in arousal and her chest was flushed with a red tint. Sweat collected on her neck and her forehead, the heat between us burning us both. “Crow...”

  I loved hearing her say my name. When we first slept together she refused to make a moan. She didn’t want me to understand how much she enjoyed my cock. And then when she did it admit she still wouldn’t say my name. But now she said it every chance she got. “Button.”

  “God, yes.” She writhed on the bed underneath me, her back arching and her hips tilting to get more of my cock inside her. She took my entire length like pro without wincing. She loved my thickness and the way I throbbed inside her.

  Her pussy was always so wet. I’d never been inside her without that slickness greeting me. My cock moved in and out with perfect friction, feeling her tight pussy clench around me while the moisture pooled around my cock. She was a heathen in bed, the hottest sex I’d ever had.

  The longest time I’d been with a woman was three months. At that deadline, I got bored and walked away. There was nothing better than having a new partner. It was exciting and new, and you learned all the fetishes they liked. But I’d been with Button for nine months and I was just getting started. I didn’t want her to walk away from me. I didn’t want a new partner.

  I only wanted her.

  “Right there...” She clawed my back with a moan, nearly cutting me open with her sharp nails.

  I pounded her into the mattress, burying her underneath me. I gave it to her hard like she wanted, hitting her in the right spot over and over. Her pussy tightened around me and more moisture greeted me. The slickness increased and my cock ached for release.

  “God, yes.” Her head rolled back and her mouth made a delectable O. She screamed through the blinding orgasm, holding onto me tighter than before. She widened her legs to accommodate more of me, and her screams turned to incoherent moans. “Yes...”

  My cock ached for release after watching her sexy performance. Every time she came I wanted to do the same. I wanted to follow her into the bliss that combined us together. I wanted to fill her pussy with as much of my seed as possible.

  “Come inside me.” She grabbed my ass and pulled me further into her. “Fill me.”

  She was just as obsessed with taking my cum as I was giving it. She said the dirtiest things to turn me on. No woman ever got me hot and bothered like this. She pleased my cock with the uttermost satisfaction. But then she made him want more at the same time. “Fuck, Button. You’re so goddamn hot.”

  She pulled me further into her, grabbing my thighs so she could move her pussy down my shaft. She panted hard with the movement then moaned when she felt my cock thicken in anticipation. She knew it was coming because she fucked me so many times.

  The euphoria exploded inside my body, starting at the base of my spine then shooting down my shaft. My balls ached with satisfaction before I blew my load deep inside her. I shoved my cock inside as far as it would go and released, giving her every drop of cum. The muscles of my back tightened and my ass ached from contracting so hard. I filled her pussy to the brim, nearly overflowing from the amount.

  I left the sensation slowly pass, feeling my body drift high into the clouds. The moment I was finished I wanted to collapse beside her and sleep endlessly. My eyes focused again and I stared at her beautiful face. Her lips were red and puckered from my kiss and her eyes were hooded with satisfaction. I pressed a kiss to her lips, still wanting her even though I’d been thoroughly pleased.

  She kissed me back with intensity, like she wanted more despite the blazing orgasm she just experienced. She cupped my face and kissed me passionately, moving her tongue with mine. My spine tensed with desire when I felt her soft lips move against mine. I was never finished with her even when I thought I was. She pulled me tighter against her like she never wanted to let me go. She needed me more than ever, wanting more than I could give. Her lips moved against mine as she spoke. “I love you, Crow.” The emotion in her voice was enough to make her lips tremble with sincerity. Her nails dug into me harder and her legs tightened around my hips.

  I heard what she said but couldn’t process it. My lips froze in place because I couldn’t even move. The words entered my ears and solidified in my brain. Of all the things I expected her to say, that wasn’t one of them. I was still inside her, soft but getting hard, and my cum was deposited deep inside her.

  My heart rate skipped sporadically and my nerves were on fire. Agony ripped through me and all I wanted to do was run. Her words landed on my skin like a branding iron. The declaration didn’t bring me closer to her. In fact, it just pushed me away.

  The connection between us was ripped apart. My entire body shattered. All I wanted to do was move away from her as quickly as possible. I pulled my cock out of her and moved to the edge of the bed.

  She sat up and stared at me, the sheet pulled to her chest. Hurt radiated on her face like the hot burning sun. Her eyes couldn’t hide her sense of betrayal. She tightened the sheet further around her, pulling her knees to her chest at the same time.

  She told me she would never love anyone again. She said a husband and kids were off the table. Everything we had was perfect. Just earlier that day I couldn’t believe that I actually felt a moment of joy.

  But then it disappeared.

  I walked into the bathroom and got under the warm water of the shower. Her words echoed in my mind over and over. Anxiety and fear took over like a conquering enemy. All I could picture was her dead on the floor, a bullet through her head. The blood seeped out everywhere and formed a pool that couldn’t be cleaned. I could picture her body sitting in the graveyard where the rest of my family was buried. Just like the others, she disappeared into the soil.

  The thought was too much to handle.

  I couldn’t go through that again.

  I’d had enough.

  Right then and there, I turned everything off. I stopped every sensation from entering my brain. My body shut down and I cleared my thoughts. Button pulled me from the path and took me to a place I promised I would never go. I let her in far too far and now I was paying the price.

  I couldn’t let her love me.

  And I couldn’t love her.

  It wasn’t an option.

  And it would never be an option.

  ***

  When I left the bathroom she was gone. The sheets were still rumpled from where we laid. The room reeked of sex, the good kind that made you hot and bothered. The clothes she’d been wearing her absent and so were her shoes.

  She left.

  But where did she go?

  Did she call for a cab and prepare to leave me forever? Was she on her way to the airport at that very moment? Did my cold rejection chase her away for good? The idea of her leaving sent me into a panic. I didn’t feel what she felt, but I didn’t necessarily want her to leave either.

  I walked into her bedroom and found her sitting on the couch. A book rested on her thighs but she wasn’t reading it. Instead, she looked out the window, a void expression on her face. Her hair was styled and her make up pristine. It didn’t seem like an awkward moment just happened at all.

  I cleared my throat to announce my presence, my hands in the pockets of my jeans. The situation was tense and I wasn’t sure how to handle it. I’d never experienced anything like t
his. A woman had never told me she loved me. Not once.

  She didn’t turn my way even though she knew I was there. “Yes?” Her voice fell flat, like she didn’t care about anyone or anything.

  Normally, I would just walk away and let time heal the awkwardness. But I was afraid if I didn’t talk to her she might leave for good. How did I keep her around without telling her I loved her? Would there ever be a reason to make her stay? I sat on the couch beside her so she would be forced to look at me. “I think we should talk.”

  “What’s there to talk about?” She held the book in her hands, and slowly she shut it. It closed with a loud thud.

  She was going to make this difficult. I should have assumed. “I know I hurt you and I want to make it right—if I can.”

  “There’s nothing to make right, Crow. You did nothing wrong.”

  “It doesn’t feel that way.”

  “I told you how I felt and you didn’t say it back. It’s fine.” Her voice caught slightly, the heartbreak emerging. She did her best to hide it but some came pouring through.

  “I thought you told me you would never trust anyone again. You said you didn’t want a husband and kids. And I told you I would never love anyone. What happened?”

  She opened her mouth to talk and her eyes scanned back and forth. She took a loud breath then shut her mouth again, abandoning whatever it was she was going to say. “I would really love it if we could just pretend it never happened. Let’s just move on and leave it in the past.”

  There’s nothing I wanted more. “But can we really do that?”

  “We’ll have to.”

  “You don’t want to leave...?” If she stayed and never mentioned this fiasco again, that would be perfect. But it seemed too good to be true.

  “Not yet. I want to finish Bones first.”

  So she did want to leave. My heart sunk into my chest and excruciating burned me everywhere. I couldn’t breathe because it hurt so much. The idea of her walking away from me was unthinkable. But could we really go on after what happened. She crossed a line that could never be uncrossed. Perhaps it was best if she left. She was already too close to me. And when people got close, they ended up with a bullet in their skull.

  “But I do want to say something...” She finally met my gaze, her strength coming back.

  “I’m listening.”

  “Cane came to the house a few weeks ago and apologized for what he did to me. He said he never would have done that if he’d known you were in love with me. He told me that’s how you felt. And when he said that...it made me realize I felt the same way about you. If I’d known you felt otherwise I wouldn’t have said anything.”

  Cane came to the house?

  Without telling me?

  And he told her that?

  I’d kill him later.

  “I had no idea.” I didn’t know what else to say. All of this went on right under my nose and I didn’t have a clue.

  “I just wanted to explain where it came from. I wouldn’t have had the courage to tell you if he hadn’t said those words to me. And I know you didn’t say it back because you don’t feel the same way...but I find it hard to believe you don’t feel something. We’ve been together for a long time now and we’re inseparable. I don’t think it’s ludicrous for me to think you loved me.”

  She was justifying her behavior when she didn’t have to. “You don’t need to explain.”

  “But I do,” she whispered. “When I said I didn’t trust anyone and would never settle down I meant it. But I also realized you and I are the opposite sides of the same coin. You share my darkness. You share my strength. You share my weakness. We really aren’t all that different. I thought I could have a future with you. I could have something with you.”

  I bowed my head, feeling the shame. “I can’t have a future with anyone, Button. I’m not safe. Anyone I get close to dies. I do my best to protect the people I care about but...sometimes it’s out of my hands. I like short-term relationships because they’re fulfilling. But I don’t want anything longer than that. People get attached and feelings get hurt. It’s just better this way.”

  “Then what were you going to do if I were still your slave?” she whispered. “Have sex with me until you got bored with me? Then what?”

  “No. I would never get bored of you.” That was something I couldn’t deny. “But you would never be anything more than that. You would just be another member of the staff. I would never care for you enough to be leverage. No one could use you against me because I don’t love you.” That last part burned my ears. It was an insensitive thing to say but I had to push her away. She needed to understand our time together was as beautiful as it seemed, but it only went so far. I couldn’t give her all the things she deserved. And I never would.

  She didn’t react at my harshness but a storm was raging deep inside her. Her eyes couldn’t hide that fact. She looked down at her book and gripped the edges. “I’m sorry I misinterpreted everything.”

  “Please don’t apologize.” I felt the same pull she experienced. But I pulled myself out of it before it was too late. We could never be anything more than what we were. When the time came I would let her go. And I would move on.

  “I hope we can enjoy our time together until I leave. But if you want me to go now, I can.”

  “No.” The word slipped from my mouth quickly. The idea of her walking away from me forever was too much—at least right now. I needed her in my life. I needed to feel her under me when our bodies were connected. I needed to see her smile first thing in the morning. I just...needed her. “Stay.”

  “Okay. I’ll stay until the job is done.”

  And then she would leave. Would I be able to let her walk away? I didn’t love her, but I did feel something noteworthy deep in my heart. It went all the way down to my soul. It was more than lust and it was more than affection. But I couldn’t love her. It wasn’t possible. And it never would be. “Okay.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Pearl

  I got into bed but couldn’t sleep. My mind was glued to the jar sitting on the table. It was over halfway full of random buttons. Black with purple lace, and white with gray tinsel, each button was distinctly different. The vase was a collage of different pieces. I wondered if they once belonged to Vanessa.

  A light knock sounded on the door before Crow entered. He was in his sweatpants and t-shirt, ready for bed. He stood at the doorway and eyed me on the bed, his look stoic and unreadable.

  I knew exactly what he wanted. But I wouldn’t give it to him.

  “Come sleep with me.”

  He didn’t get it both ways. He didn’t get to sleep with me every night but not feel something. He already pulled me into the darkness once with his kiss, touch, and pretty words. Now I had to put distance between us—ice-cold distance. The moment he didn’t return my affection a part of me died. I was certain he felt the same way, that his lips would tremble with adoration when he repeated the words. When I only received silence and an awkward look, I was heartbroken. “I like it in here.” The bed felt foreign the moment I got inside it. The mattress was unfamiliar and smelled like flowers. I preferred the masculine scent in the air, the mix of his aftershave and cologne.

  “Button.” He tried to exert his authority with a single word but it wasn’t going to work.

  I couldn’t sleep in there anymore. It wouldn’t feel magical like it once did. My body went limp and rigid at the same time. My heart shut down completely. I didn’t want to listen to him breathe in the dark. I didn’t want to see his face first thing in the morning. If we were just two people screwing, then that’s how we should act. “I’m staying in here. Good night, Crow.”

  He remained by the door, his hand resting on the doorknob. “I want to keep an eye on you.”

  “You don’t need to.” He even said it himself. If I died he’d be able to get over—because he didn’t love me and liked it that way. The past nine months felt like a dream. It had to be a dream because I
was the only one who remembered it. I thought I’d found the place where I belonged. I thought I was different—special. But he coldly reminded me I was just one of the many.

  And I would always be.

  He lingered in the entryway even though he didn’t have anything else to say.

  “I’m tired.” That was my polite way of dismissing him. I wasn’t even sure if I could sleep with him again before I left. All I would think about was the way I poured my heart out and he shut it down. “I’ll see you in the morning.” I adjusted myself on the bed and got comfortable under the sheets. I purposely turned away from him so I wouldn’t have to look at him.

  His feet didn’t echo with his footsteps. He stood his ground and stared at me. I expected him to crawl into bed bedside me but he never did. Then I heard his feet hit the hardwood floor as he walked out. The click of the door sounded a moment later.

  I wanted to cry but I refused to. Bones hurt me beyond repair but I got over that. Jacob betrayed me but I got over that. Cane beat me until I was black and blue but I got over that. But I would never get over this.

  ***

  I got Cane’s phone number from Lars, and when Crow was at work I gave him a call.

  “Barsetti,” he answered.

  “I have a bone to pick with you, idiot.”

  He paused over the line. “Who the hell is this?”

  “It’s Pearl. You know, the woman you said your brother was in love with?”

  “Uh...what’s up?”

  “You lied to me. You made me believe he actually loved me. And then when I told him how I felt he shut me down.”

  “He did?” he asked in shock. “What happened? You told him you loved him and he just stood there?”

  “We were having sex.”

  “Yikes. That makes it worse.”

  “Anyway, he told he didn’t love me and never would. So, thanks.”

  “He’s full of shit. I know when my brother is full of it, and right now he’s delusional.”

  “Doesn’t matter. I just wanted to chew you out for throwing me under the bus.”