New Love

by Mj Fields

  He grabbed her and hugged her, “Good, I’ll see you on Saturday remember?”

  “Okay and then when will I see you again?”

  “I’m sure it won’t be long,” he kissed her.

  She helped him load the snowmobiles and watched him as he strapped them on his father’s trailer. He was so damn cute and funny and just-- easy. It wasn’t work being with him, she wished she could keep him here with her forever because she knew when he was gone she would miss Lucas.

  When Ben was done he jumped down and grabbed her.

  “Tessa Ross, I’m going to miss looking at you,” his hand went down her back and settled on the small of her back.

  Tessa wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him; he grabbed the back of her head and kissed her harder. He pulled his head away and kissed her nose.

  “I’m going to miss that,” she laughed.

  Her father cleared his throat, and they looked. Their fathers were both standing there watching them and shaking their heads disapprovingly.

  “Oh… to be young again,” Frank laughed.

  She stood and watched him pull away and waved.

  “Tessa, what’s going on with you and Ben?”

  “I don’t know Daddy… but I like him. I like him a lot,” she smiled.

  “I’m pretty sure he feels the same way, he’s a good kid Tessa, from a very good family,” John said, “Keep that in mind.”

  Chapter 7

  Tessa was staying home from church today. She had a lot of homework and a week and four days until the play. She had a ton of laundry and cleaning to do since she blew off everything all weekend. She was busy getting everything done, and her phone chimed, it was him.

  -Thanks for the show last night…LL

  -Lucas I’m sorry. I forgot you were working…Tessa

  -You sure about that? Kind of sucks Tessa…I want to see you…LL

  -Is everything ok?...Tessa

  -Nope…LL

  -Okay then come over everyone’s at church…Tessa

  Tessa jumped in the shower and got dressed, she brought out laundry and was folding it when he walked in.

  “Come sit down,” she moved the laundry to give him a spot on the couch.

  “Tessa, do you like Ben?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you love him?”

  “I think maybe I could someday,” she admitted.

  Lucas sat back and shook his head, “Not what I wanted to hear.”

  “We said we were going to be friends Lucas.”

  “And Friday night we showed each other differently,” he looked at her with angry eyes.

  Her eyes filled up, “I don’t know what you expect from me Lucas? I don’t know anything anymore except it’s so hard with you. It hurts, “she touched her heart. “I don’t want it to hurt all the time.”

  “I don’t want that for you either Tessa, I just don’t know what to do. I love you baby, and I don’t know what to do,” he grabbed her and held her. Her body stiffened at his touch. “Oh I see,” Lucas started to get up.

  “No Lucas you don’t fucking see. You’re hurt because of what you are going through and while I feel awful about all of that, I’ve been trying to pick up the pieces of my life,” she started to cry. “I would love to think it would be any different a month from now, but it’s been almost seven months of hell Lucas. I am eighteen years old, and I’ve never been in a relationship. I’ve never wanted to be in one! And not because everyone thinks I’m a psycho bitch like you make me feel! I watch my family fall apart and you come here, and I act like someone I don’t even know. I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I’ve never known pain before like this, ever. And I don’t want to!”

  Tears formed in his eyes as he listened to her, “What have I done?”

  “You fucking broke me--again!” She screamed and started to walk away.

  He grabbed her, “Tessa stop please, I’m so sorry,”

  He held her tightly against him.

  “You know what Lucas; I believe you don’t want to hurt me. But what happens when the next Sadi pops up? Or you decide you’re bored of me? ”

  “I don’t know what you want me to say Tessa, I didn’t ask for any of this shit to happen,” Lucas yelled at her and tears sprung to his eyes.

  “You couldn’t be honest with me when your mom relapsed, or when fucking Sadi blew you. Oh, but remember my stupid pathetic ass took you back even then. You dismissed me when I asked if you had gone to the doctor with her, and then you FUCKED her when you said you loved me! She gave you a BLOW job, you FUCKED her,” Tessa began to sob, “And I haven’t even begun to tell you how New Years felt to me, or the way you treated me when she lost the baby. I’ve been through hell, and you expect me to keep being this …this …no I’m sorry, I won’t do that to myself!”

  “Fine, fine…this is just fucking perfect isn’t it? I guess you really loved me huh?” Lucas fought back tears as he grabbed his hair with both hands, “Fuck it… huh Tessa?”

  Tessa looked up at him fighting her need to hug him and take back everything she knew to be true, “Lucas, I’ll always love you. I’ll always wonder what could have been, but I need to take care of me. A week ago you were fine with that; you still have so much to deal with and so do I. We’re hurting each other. How could it possibly ever work when it’s been so hard?”

  “Things in life that come easy Tessa mean nothing, believe me,” he let go of her and he walked out of the room.

  She heard the door slam and she crumbled to the floor and sobbed.

  Monday Tessa walked into school and saw Lucas and looked down. She was in the locker room at lunch reading her English book and eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich alone.

  “Well look at farm girl with all of her friends,” Sadi smirked as she walked in to the locker room.

  Tessa stood up and grabbed her bag and walked towards the door, Sadi grabbed her hair from behind. Lucas walked by and saw what was happening.

  “Sadi, let go of her now!!!” he yelled as he walked in and pulled her away.

  She had a handful of Tessa’s hair.

  Tessa turned around and slapped her across the face.

  “Get some fucking help, you crazy bitch,” Tessa screamed.

  “Tessa just go,” Lucas yelled.

  Tessa looked at him with disgust “I hate you,” she said as she walked away.

  “I know,” he called to her from behind.

  Tessa turned around and stormed back.

  “Sadi I’m calling the cops and filing a restraining order. I will not let your sick twisted ass fucking touch me again, I don’t give a fuck what you’ve gone through, and you have brought it all on yourself. And you LUCAS are falling right into her poison and enabling the crazy BITCH!” Tessa turned and walked away.

  “Stop her,” Sadi cried to Lucas.

  Lucas grabbed Tessa’s arm.

  “Don’t you touch me! Don’t you ever touch me again! You make me sick; you just stuck up for that bitch again! Go to hell Lucas. And this time I won’t be joining you!” she screamed, and her eyes filled with tears as she ran out the school doors and jumped in the Jeep and drove home.

  Maggie walked in the farm house an hour later; Tessa was in her room crying.

  “Tessa honey, are you ok?” she said and hugged her. “The school called, and I was worried, are you alright?”

  “I just don’t feel well Mom,” she rested her head on her lap.

  “Okay but you should have gone to the nurse honey.”

  She held her until she fell asleep.

  When she woke up her Mom was still holding her.

  “What time is it?”

  “It’s about five,” Maggie said softly.

  Tessa jumped up “I have practice.”

  “No honey you’re skipping tonight, I already talked to your drama coach, and he said it was fine, he just wants you to get better.”

  “I want to get better too, Mom,” Tessa yawned and fell back to sleep.

&n
bsp; ~

  The next morning Tessa was called to the office for the very first time in her life. She sat and waited outside the principal’s office. The door opened, and Lucas and Sadi walked out, he carried her bag and had his other arm wrapped around her.

  “I hope you’re happy, bitch,” Sadi yelled at Tessa.

  “Enough Sadi,” Lucas softly scolded her, and they walked out.

  The principal gave Tessa detention for leaving school without permission the day before. Tessa accepted her consequence and went back to class. She ate in the library and went to detention after school. She avoided everyone. She was not proud of how she had reacted the day before with Sadi, she was not proud of many of her actions lately. She felt herself sinking into darkness and desperately wanted to get out. She went to practice at five and straight home to bed after.

  Her phone chimed

  -Hey hot stuff I can’t wait to see you on Saturday! …Ben

  -Me either Ben, I miss your face…Tessa

  -Miss yours too, talk to you soon…. Ben

  She fell asleep and was woken by Alex.

  She jumped up, “There was an accident with four people, someone died Alex,” she cried, “and a baby boy Alex.”

  “Okay Tessa… it’s a dream you’ll be fine,” Alex hugged her.

  Thursday morning she went to school, it was the same as every day. She was tired and didn’t pay any attention to what went on around her.

  Her Phone Chimed

  -No Lucas today… will you PLEASE eat lunch with us?!?!?!...Jade

  “So tell us about Ben!?” Phoebe asked as soon as Tessa sat down...

  “What would you like to know?”

  “Are you two together?” Jade seemed annoyed.

  “No Jade not officially, but I like him, he makes me smile.”

  “Wow Tessa that’s three this year already… you think you might want to slow it down a bit?” Jade snide comment rubbed Tessa the wrong way.

  “Hey Jade, I’m still a virgin in case you wanted to know,” Tessa shot back at her.

  “Well what else have you done Tessa? Everything but, isn’t any less.”

  “Well, let’s see: I haven’t given or received oral, and no fingers have been inside me,” Tessa sat back back crossing her arms across her chest.

  “Holy shit,” Tommy covered his face, “Are we really going to have this conversation?”

  “Sure, do you need more Jade?”

  Becca stood up her face was red, and she walked away.

  Tessa smirked and Phoebe laughed

  “So are you okay?”

  “No Jade not really, but I’ll get there.”

  After play practice, she went home and slept. She woke up and sent a text

  -Ben, I can’t wait to see you… have been missing your face…Tessa

  - Two days Tessa, can I bring you home after and stay and play a bit?...Ben

  -I would love that, happy dance commencing now…Tessa

  - wish I could see that happy dance…Ben

  -two days, goodnight…Tessa

  Tessa texted Jade

  -are we okay?...Tessa

  -of course I just feel like I suck as your friend right now and I guess I’m lashing out. I’m sorry…Jade

  -I’m glad you’re in love Jade. Tommy is amazing and loves you so much…Tessa

  -Oh thank you, I have never been happier Tessa I can’t wait to be with him forever…Jade

  -I can honestly say I believe you two will be together for the rest of your lives…Tessa

  -Well how about you? What’s Ben like?...Jade

  -He’s perfect, and I’m trying to be that for him too, he wants to go slow and I’m so happy he does…Tessa

  - Do you love him?...Jade

  -I know I could someday…Tessa

  -Good, lunch tomorrow?...Jade

  -We shall see, goodnight…. Tessa

  Friday went by fast. Lucas came to school in the middle of lunch, Tessa wondered where he had been but wouldn’t ask. He acted very uncomfortable, and Tessa was too. Lucas bounced his knee up and down and didn’t eat. She excused herself and left them.

  Tessa had one week before the play. Next week was going to be busy, and she welcomed it. After school, she went for a run in the park. It felt good, she needed to do this every day again, and she decided she would. On her run back to the school Lucas drove by and looked the other way. Fine by me, asshole, she thought. Mad is good, yep really good.

  Cassidy and a few of the cast members decided they wanted to go up and watch Ben’s band. Tessa was excited; she would ride up with them and back to her house with Ben.

  Saturday morning she texted Jade, Phoebe, and Becca

  -I want to get a Mani Pedi at eleven, and maybe lunch, anyone else want in?…Tessa

  - I am ….Jade

  - Me too…. Phoebe

  - Me three…Becca

  -Excellent, I’ll pick you all up at 10:30…. Tessa

  They drove to Ithaca and walked in to the salon.

  “What brought this on?” Jade asked smiling.

  “I’m going to meet Ben tonight; he’s playing in Syracuse again,” Tessa smiled.

  “That’s cool, you like him Tessa,” Phoebe said.

  “There’s nothing not to like, he’s hot, loves music, and plays sports. When I’m with him it’s like I’m the only person on the planet. Ben has been in three relationships that all ended well and is willing to wait until all the demons are gone from my crazy head. His views on relationships are awesome, it’s two people that respect each other, and he doesn’t share. Just like it’s supposed to be. Honestly if, I don’t grab him up now, someone else will,” Tessa looked surprised she had said that, they all laughed.

  They went to lunch, and as their appetizers were delivered Lucas walked in with a girl. Tessa was shocked, and the girls all looked in the direction she was looking.

  Phoebe grabbed her hand under the table and whispered “Tessa, look away.”

  Tessa looked at her and felt like she couldn’t breathe.

  “I need to go to the bathroom now Phoebe, please.”

  Lucas saw them and noticed Phoebe was holding Tessa’s hand. He knew she was probably upset, but what the hell did she expect? She had Ben. He looked over at the table, and Jade was walking towards him.

  “Hey Lucas, what are you doing?”

  “Hi Jade, I’m getting lunch. What are you ladies doing?” he smiled.

  “Girl stuff --speaking of, who’s your friend Lucas?” Jade pushed her hip against him and scooted in the booth next to him.

  “Jade this is Amy, Amy this is Jade, Tommy’s girlfriend.”

  “You know Tommy, Amy was it?”

  “I do-- we used to go to school together,” she smiled.

  “Well isn’t that special.” Jade smiled. Her smile turned to a scowl as she looked at Lucas, “So Lucas, are you on a date?”

  “Amy excuse us please, Jade let’s take a walk,” Lucas all but shoved Jade out of the booth with his hip. He stood up and stormed across the restaurant and she followed him.

  “What are you doing Jade?”

  “Just meeting your friend,” Jade raised her eyebrow as she put her hands on her hips.

  “Okay well what I do is none of your business, or hers,” Lucas pointed to Tessa as she walked by.

  “Well genius this isn’t helping your cause, and to think I was giving her a hard time about Ben, guess I’ll switch teams now, asshole,” Jade sneered.

  “Jade, Amy is friends with Sadi. I’m here to talk about Sadi. I am not going to take her home and fuck her. And as far as Tessa goes, she can do whatever the hell she wants, there has been way too much damage done there.”

  “So you don’t care about her?”

  “Actually Jade I’m fucking pissed at her!”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it! Why don’t you go join the Doe camp crew and let me eat fucking lunch,” Lucas stormed away.

  “Good chat Lucas,” Jade called after
him.

  Lunch was on the table when she got back, “Friend of Sadi’s.”

  They finished eating lunch and left. Tessa was angry with herself for getting upset, even more angry that she threw up in the bathroom,

  Phoebe had laughed when she threw up, “Look at that, a sign; he even makes me physically sick.”

  Tessa went home and showered and shaved her legs. She washed her face and brushed and flossed her teeth. She wasn’t sure what to wear, so she called Jade. Jade told her loose jeans and a very tight shirt. Tessa did as she was told and added brown cowgirl boots, a brown belt and a cropped jacket. Her hair was blown out and down. The way Ben liked it. Her make-up a little heavier than she usually did. She looked good.

  Chapter 8

  Cassidy picked her up and handed Tessa a bowl, “Actually I’m good,” she smiled.

  They pulled in, and Tessa got butterflies. It’d only been five days since she’d seen him, but it felt like it was all new again. Tessa walked in, and he was singing. Black jeans and a white tank under a buttoned down gray shirt, he looked hot. His face was beautiful and very boyish, he had big dimples, and he was right about his butt… it was perfect. Tessa stood smiling as she watched him. Ben seemed to be scanning the crowd; she knew he was looking for her. She grabbed Cassidy’s hand and walked as close to the front as she could. Ben saw her and lit up; he winked at her and kept singing. Cassidy and Tessa danced as they watched the band.

  His first set was over, and he jumped off stage and grabbed her face and kissed her.

  “You look hotter every time I see you, Tess.”

  Tessa smiled and stepped back and looked him up and down. She walked around and patted his butt.

  “So do you,” he laughed and kissed her again.

  Ben went back on, and he played guitar for a few songs and then he sang. Tessa loved to hear him sing. As his eyes bore into her he sang-- making the butterflies turn into humming birds. She lifted her shirt and flashed him. Ben stopped singing and laughed the band stopped.

  “Tess, come up here for a minute,” she shook her head no, “You can either come up or I’ll come get you,” Ben raised his eyebrow and held his hand up. He grabbed her and pulled her onstage.

  “Tess did you just flash me?”She smiled and slowly shook her head no, “Tess the truth,” she laughed.