‘I won’t be bullied into it, Brooke,’ I snapped. Like I didn’t know all of this? Like I found it easy to keep this from him? I was scared. I was absolutely petrified of his reaction if he even took my call. What if he rejected Oliver and didn’t want to know him? That would break my heart all over again, as well as being in contact with Dan after so long apart. I was also scared if he did want to see Oliver, I mean what would that mean? Would we have to share custody rights? And if we did how the hell was I going to cope, seeing Dan all the time to hand my son over and not have either of them?
‘You need bullying, you’re so fucking stubborn,’ she snapped back with a glare.
‘You don’t know … you couldn’t possibly know how much keeping this from him is killing me,’ I objected, feeling hurt at her insistence to keep pushing this.
‘Of course I don’t, you talk about everything but Dan. It’s like you’ve just wiped him from your memory and your life and you’ve got your pedal to the metal and you’re not stopping to look back in your rear view mirror.’
‘That’s unfair,’ I bit back. ‘I can’t share every personal thing that’s inside me, Brooke. Talking about this hurts me, thinking about him eats me up inside, because I miss him like I’d miss my right arm. I’m still in love with him and blocking all of that out and looking after Oliver is what keeps me going every day. If I think about Dan I feel like having an emotional meltdown and I don’t have the time or energy for that.’
‘Nothing’s going to change until you face this,’ she argued.
‘I’ll face it when I’m ready and I’m telling you I’m not ready.’
‘I don’t accept that,’ she scoffed, as she sat back and folded her arms across her chest.
‘You don’t have to!’ I yelled, as I slammed a plate down on the worktop and it shattered, fragments flying across the floor. ‘It’s my life, my choice.’ I felt my eyes prickling and turned quickly as Oliver started crying in his pen, he wouldn’t stop when I picked him up to try and soothe him. He continued to cry and only calmed down when Molly took him from me.
‘You’re upset Ellie and he can sense it, that’s all,’ Molly said in a reassuring voice, as she caught the look of hurt that crossed my face. ‘Brooke, it is Ellie’s decision and as her best friend you need to respect it and give her some space. Go upstairs and finish packing.’
‘I’m telling you we’ll be sitting here when he’s six months old and she’ll still be waiting for the right time. A right time that’s never going to happen.’
‘Brooke,’ warned Molly and flicked her head to the stairs.
‘Fine, whatever,’ Brooke huffed, as I watched her stomp off.
‘Here take Oliver and ignore her.’ Molly held him out to me and I hugged him to me and kissed his little fingers and gasped when he not only broke into his beautiful smile, but did the most adorable laugh.
‘Did you hear that?’ I uttered.
‘O my God, that was so cute,’ laughed Molly.
‘His first proper giggle.’ I was so happy I started crying and peppered his face in kisses and he did it again, making Molly and I laugh again too.
‘I can’t believe Brooke missed that, she’ll be gutted,’ I moaned.
‘There’ll be more firsts for her to see, don’t worry. Right I’d better go and help. Her idea of packing is just chucking stuff in the case and sitting on it after,’ she advised with a shake of her head, before disappearing. I sat down with Oliver on my knee and kissed the top of his head and sighed. If Dan did want to be a part of his life, he was missing so much too. His first smile, which had just broken my heart, holding his head up on his own, trying to push himself up when he was on his tummy and now laughing. Pretty soon he’d be sitting up and crawling and holding things on his own. Brooke was right, there was never going to be a right time, I just had to find the courage to contact him. Today was not the day, not when I had a broken plate to clean up, a ravenous baby to feed again and an emotional goodbye with Brooke and Molly. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.
‘So Oliver, it’s just going to be me and you tonight, what do you think of that eh?’ I smiled as I kissed the tip of his nose.
Day Fourteen
Saturday 4th July ~ Year Two
Dan
I disconnected the live conference feed and sat back in my chair with my hands behind my head. We were finally approaching the finishing line of my new software platform, that was set to rival the leaders and put my market share up into the top five companies in the world, as well as earning me untold profits. Like I needed more money. It was more about pride, succeeding in anything I set my mind to and I usually did. Rebecca, Moira and Ellie were my only failures in life. Brought to my knees by three God damn women, one of whom I never even fucking loved and was paying the ultimate price for. I glanced over at the picture I still had on my desk of Ellie, standing in the snow in her underwear blowing me a kiss and smiled sadly.
Fuck. I missed her every damn second of every damn day. I still got myself off to the thought of her, not having been able to contemplate sex with anyone else. I felt a shiver run down my back at the thought of her having moved on, and inhaled and exhaled a few times, slowly. Dr. Beaumont had been patiently working with me on controlling the anger I felt inside, on the guilt I carried over Rebecca and Moira. Even I had to admit I’d made progress. With everything but Moira. Logic told me I should let her go, but logic wasn’t being given a chance to convince me. I still felt like I deserved that guilt and if I let her go I’d be letting myself off too easily. I never discussed Ellie in my sessions. I knew I’d been the reason we weren’t together, talking about it wasn’t going to resolve the deep seated issues. Besides, just thinking about her hurt. Recalling her bright green expressive eyes, soft kissable lips, her hair, her body, damn it. Eleven bloody months since I’d last seen her and she still affected me just as badly. I pressed the telephone speaker system when it rang, it was Stuart calling from the London office.
‘Stuart.’
‘Good morning, Sir. Sorry to bother you, but I have a caller on the line asking to speak to you. I did say you were unavailable, as she’s not on the list of known associates or family, but she insisted it was urgent.’
‘What’s her name?’ I enquired with a frown.
‘A Miss Hanson, Sir.’
‘Hanson?’ I frowned, the name sounded familiar.
‘A Brooke Hanson,’ Stuart confirmed. I sat upright, that was Ellie’s best friend. Why the hell was she ringing me?
‘Did she say what she wanted?’
‘Not other than saying it was urgent, in rather colourful language when I refused to put her through,’ he replied making me chuckle. Ellie had always said her best friend had quite a mouth on her. Did I really want to take her call? What could she possibly have to say that would be of interest to me? Speaking to her about Ellie would just open up old wounds. Wounds that were still fresh.
‘Repeat that I’m unavailable Stuart and if you can’t get rid of her hang up,’ I ordered and cut him off before I changed my mind. I’d been clear, perfectly clear, that we were over if she didn’t give me a chance that day. Why wait eleven damn months to do something about it, then use her best friend to make the call? I folded my arms as I stroked my bottom lip deep in thought, wondering if I’d been too rash, then decided I wasn’t. Even if, by some miracle, she’d come around to the idea that I was never going to let her get pregnant and tempted me to see her again, she could always change her mind in the future, or constantly nag me to change my mind. Neither of us would be happy with either scenario. I frowned as the phone rang again and Stuart’s number reappeared.
‘Stuart.’
‘Sir, I’m so sorry but she’s insistent that you’ll want to take her call, I can’t repeat the obscenities she used, but she said it’s about Miss Baxter and insists on speaking to you urgently.’
‘I told you to tell her that I’m not available. Hang up on her if you have to,’ I ordered.
‘I
have. Twice. She just keeps ringing and the receptionist is refusing to answer the phone in case she gets her again.’
‘Get Ian to work his magic and block her number then, do I really need to give you lessons in shielding calls?’
‘No, of course not Sir, but when I told her that was the route I’d take if she called again, she advised that she’d turn up in reception and cause a scene, unless you agreed to speak to her.’
‘God damn it,’ I muttered. Ellie had said she was hot tempered and from the stories she’d told me of her I had a feeling she wasn’t making idle threats. ‘Put her through.’
‘Sorry, Sir,’ Stuart replied and I heard a click as he transferred her over.
‘Miss Hanson, I’m an extremely busy man and I don’t appreciate you verbally harassing my staff or making threats to get your way. You have exactly sixty seconds to state whatever the hell you thought was so damn important to waste my time with, before I cut you off, block your number and issue a restraining order preventing you from coming within fifty metres of me, my premises or staff, and the clock is already ticking.’
‘Wow, she said you were bossy, but damn,’ she uttered down the phone.
‘Forty-five seconds, Miss Hanson.’
‘Shit, I thought this was a good idea and now I’ve actually got through I’m wondering if it really is.’
‘Forty seconds,’ I advised, as I kept an eye on my watch.
‘It’s like fucking countdown, or Robocop, “Sixty seconds to comply”’ she quoted in a robotic voice. ‘I’m no good under pressure, besides she’s going to bloody kill me for ringing you,’ she sighed.
‘Ellie hasn’t put you up to calling me?’ I frowned.
‘No! She’s going to tear me a new one when she finds out and she already smashed a plate yesterday, because I pissed her off by pushing her to ring you herself, which she’s never going to bloody do, because she’s worried about your reaction. So that’s why I’ve rung to tell you. How many seconds do I have left, because if you’re about to hang up I need to know how long I’ve got so I can figure out which of my not so subtle blurting options to go with?’
‘Tell me what?’ I demanded, as I forget all about the ticking hand on my watch and stiffened up. If Ellie was refusing to call me and arguing with her friend over it, something was wrong. Really wrong.
‘O shit, now you’re all direct and to the point. Seriously, how many seconds? I really don’t work well under pressure.’
‘I’ve frozen the clock, Miss Hanson. What is so damn important that you’d risk falling out with your best friend over?’
‘Ok, ok Brooke, you can do this,’ I heard her breathe. ‘Ellie’s going to be really pissed, but she’ll forgive you. Shit, who am I kidding? She’s not going to forgive me. She’s going to go bat shit crazy. What am I thinking?’
‘MISS HANSON!’ I barked down the phone.
‘She’s had a baby,’ she shot back and then gasped, as if she’d not meant to say it. I blinked a few times, sure I’d just heard her wrong. Ellie was having a baby? Ellie had moved on? It was like someone was twisting a knife in my stomach. ‘Are you still there?’ whispered her friend down the line.
‘I’m sorry Miss Hanson, but if your friend is having a baby, I really don’t see what concern that is of mine,’ I replied coldly. What the fuck was this? She’d just rung to rub salt in my wounds, to gloat because I hurt her friend?
‘Not having a baby, she’s had a baby. Ok Brooke, you can do it, you can do it, just say it out loud. It’s four little words, you’re not reciting the bloody old testament or the Harry Potter … whatever the hell a series of eight books is called, an eightology?’
‘Miss Hanson, I’m still not clear what you’re saying.’
‘What is a set of eight books called? She’d know being all book geeky. Maybe it’s an Octopusology as they have eight legs, don’t they?’
‘I’m about to start the clock again,’ I warned, losing patience with her ramblings, She was worse than bloody Ellie, not to mention the anger building up inside of me. If she’d had a damn baby with someone, she’d barely waited for the sheets to go cold before inviting someone else to settle between her thighs. Here was me thinking her love for me was real. Nice to know how quickly she got over me, while I was here wallowing in self-bloody pity.
‘She’s had your baby,’ she blurted out, stunning me into silence as my mind tried to process what she’d just said. ‘Hello? Are you still there? Shit, don’t tell me I’ve given you a heart attack?’
‘I think you must be mistaken, Miss Hanson. I’ve not seen Ellie for nearly a year, it’s not mine.’
‘He is. She’s still crazily in love with you and hasn’t slept with anyone since you walked out on her. He’s three months old,’ she confirmed. I swallowed hard and opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. Instead I felt a tightness in my chest and tears pooling in my eyes, which I rapidly blinked back as I pulled myself together.
‘He?’ I uttered.
‘Yes. You have a son, a really beautiful, healthy, son. He has your black hair, his eyes are steel blue at the moment, but most babies have blue eyes when they’re born so that doesn’t mean anything. But if what I heard about you is right he definitely takes after you. He never stops eating, he’s too long for his age so he’s going to be tall, and I have to tell you I don’t make a habit of going around looking at babies penises because that’s well … gross and probably illegal, but you’ll be pleased to know that he stacks up there, really well.’
‘I have a son?’ I repeated slowly, still not quite sure I was hearing right.
‘She wanted to tell you so badly, but well, she told me about your past and didn’t want to stress you out or make you feel like she was after your money, so that’s why she didn’t call you. She’s been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you herself since he was born, but she’s scared how you’ll react. You’re so quiet right now that I’m scared how you’ll react, as well as how she will when she finds out I’ve told you. I’ve just risked my friendship with her because I really hoped that you’re the good guy she told me you were, and that now it’s all done and dusted you’ll want to be part of his life, and you won’t blame her for doing this on her own and keeping you in the dark. She’s an amazing mother, she doesn’t need your money, but I know she misses you and she’s still madly in love with you and it’s eating her up inside that you’re not together. If you still feel anything for her, well there’s no reason for you to stay away is there?’
‘Has anyone ever told you that you talk too much?’ I enquired, as a smile spread across my face. Not only did I have a son, but Ellie had survived the birth and was still in love with me, just like I was with her. This had to be the best fucking day of my God damn life.
‘It’s been mentioned. So you’re not mad?’ she asked, her voice laced with nerves.
‘No, I’m not mad, surprised as hell but not mad. You must really love her to risk falling out with her by going behind her back.’
‘Well duhhh. She’s pretty damn loveable to everyone, except you with your fucking heart of ice. So what now?’
‘What now indeed,’ I replied, as I shoved my chair back and stood up. ‘I’ll be in London in less than three hours Miss Hanson, you’d better make sure she goes nowhere.’ I could hear her still talking as I hung up. I dialled my pilot as I strode to the bedroom to grab an overnight bag. I didn’t even care if I found out she’d deliberately got herself pregnant by me, it was done. I knew only too well that the past couldn’t be changed, all I cared about was dragging the woman I loved into my arms and reclaiming her with my lips, then holding my son for the first time. I didn’t even know his name, I didn’t even care about that. They were both alive and well, that was all that mattered. Maybe my shit run of bad luck was finally over. For the first time since I first clapped eyes on Ellie, I could see sunshine on the horizon, instead of black storm clouds gathering.
My heart was pounding so loud I didn’t think I even needed
to knock the door, I was sure she’d hear me. The French doors in the lounge were all thrown wide open and I could hear soft music playing in the background. I ran my hands through my hair and quickly checked my appearance again. I was nervous as hell. Brooke had better be right that Ellie hadn’t got over me, either way this time I wasn’t giving up. I was never walking away from her again. Even if she was seeing someone else, I was getting her back. She was mine. She’d been mine from the moment I first saw her photo and accepted that booking, and I wasn’t going to give her the option to say no. She wasn’t just the woman I was in love with, that I’d bloody pined over for eleven months, she was the mother of my son. I raised my hand, which was shaking, and knocked on my front door. I took some deep breaths in anticipation, as I heard feet running down the stairs and the door being unlocked from the inside. As she came into view she took my breath away, as I drank her in. She was wearing a denim mini skirt with her long legs on display, barefoot, which I found sexy as hell, and in a tight fit white t-shirt. My cock sprung immediately, just like it always did around her, an inherent reaction and attraction. If I’d loved her breasts before, now they were even fuller and her nipples were larger and overall she was in amazing shape. As our eyes locked I felt my heart explode with emotion for her. While all the love that had been there for me before was still hidden in the depths of her eyes, I saw fear and she sucked in a startled gasp as her face paled.
‘Why the hell did I have to fall in love with the most stubborn and independent woman on the face of this planet, Ellie Baxter?’ I growled, as I stepped inside, yanked her aggressively to me and took her mouth in a crushing embrace. I had so many questions, there was so much I needed to know, I wanted to see our child, but most of all I wanted to taste my woman again. Eleven months hadn’t lessened my desire for her. She’d be lucky if I’d let her stay away from me for eleven hours from this moment on, whether she liked it or not. Her warm soft body melded against mine, just how I remembered it used to and she let out a startled moan as I prised her lips apart and darted my tongue inside her mouth. Seconds later her arms were around my neck and she’d jumped up onto me wrapping her lithe legs around my hips. I gripped her backside with one hand and the back of her head with the other, while I attacked her mouth with renewed vigour. We were frantic, ravenous for each other and I was ready to ram her up against the wall and fuck her brains out, but sex could wait. Meeting my son couldn’t. We both gasped for air as I pulled my head back, lust and love surging through my veins.
31 Days of Summer (31 Days #2) Page 18
