Sir John Hargrave's Mischief Maker's Manual
Page 9
The best time to stage this prank is just before you’re about to go on a long vacation. You put the gnome in your luggage, then get pictures of the creature as you travel around the world. The modern twist is to take digital photos, and send them back to the owner via online postcards, but for this you’ll need to know the gnome owner’s e-mail address.
The difficulty with this prank is that most people do not live in gnome-infested neighborhoods. (Most gnomes live deep underground, guarding buried treasure and eating yak.) Also, many lawn gnomes are too heavy to lift, and would be impossible to carry to China in your luggage.
The Traveling Gnome works better for small indoor gnomes, or any strange objects that might be capable of walking away: desk toys, dolls, mascots, or statues. Be careful not to take anything too heavy, too breakable, or too expensive. And if you break it, you must buy it.
If you’re not planning a vacation anytime soon, and you’re handy with graphics editing programs like Photoshop, you can take a digital picture of the gnome, and paste in backgrounds of exotic locations, like Cairo and Hoboken. Then send e-mails to the gnome owner, each one telling about an increasingly crazy adventure.
A nice final touch is to bring back a “souvenir” of the gnome’s travels: a picture of the Great Pyramids, or something from the mall in New Jersey. Leave it with the gnome when you return it. This can also be a nice thankyou gift to the gnome’s owner for letting you borrow their gnome for several weeks.
TECHNOLOGY TOMFOOLERY
THREE EASY COMPUTER PRANKS
Change their home page. Open the web browser they normally use, and change the home page to something silly or annoying (look under the Options or Settings menu for home page options). The most annoying page in the world, by the way, can be found at: www.mischiefmakersmanual.com/tools/annoy.
Change AutoCorrect. Microsoft Word has a feature called AutoCorrect that will look for misspelled words and automatically correct them for you. You can set this to look for any word, and replace it with any other word. Try changing their name to the name of an animal, like “platypus” or “ocelot.” Take a common word like “the” and replace it with a funny word like “nut” or “pants.”
Send an EEEEE! Card. Find a site that offers free e-cards (www.hallmark.com, for example) and customize them with your own mischievous messages like, “I LIKE HAM!” or “I’m sorry I ran over your cat.” Best of all, Hallmark e-mails the EEEEE! Card for you!
THREE EASY CELL PHONE PRANKS
Change their ringtone. This one’s so easy that an adult can do it. Most phones have a variety of funny or weird ringtones built in: wacky disco beats, clucking chickens, etc. When they’re not looking, change their ringtone, and set the volume as loud as it will go.
Change their default message. Most cell phones have a little text greeting that you can customize (usually through the Settings or Options menu). Change it to read something different, like “NO SERVICE” or “I LIKE CHEESEBURGERS!”
Change their numbers. In the cell phone contact list, look for frequently dialed numbers (“HOME,” “CHURCH,” “MOM,” etc.), then replace them with prank numbers (local pizza shop, a different church, the White House, etc.).
THREE EASY INSTANT MESSENGER PRANKS
Change their away message. Many people set up “away messages” to auto-respond to instant messages while they’re away from the computer. Change this to read something like, “I DON’T SHOWER VERY OFTEN” or “CAN’T COME TO THE COMPUTER RIGHT NOW, EATING A TWELVE-POUND MEATBALL.”
Reach out and prank someone. Get access to their computer, then start messaging random people in their contact list. Make bizarre requests and outlandish claims. No one will know it’s you. (This works even better with text messaging on someone else’s cell phone.)
Change their screen name. Okay, this one’s not quite so easy, but it’s awesome. Find out which IM network they belong to, then register for a new account. Give this account a ridiculous name, like “monkeybutt232.” Export their contact list from their old IM account (usually under Options), then import them into the new account. Set their IM program to sign in automatically, so they never notice the difference—until people start replying, “Monkeybutt232? WHO IS THIS?!” You’ve changed their identity!
Try any three of the above pranks (Computer, Cell Phone, or Instant Messenger Pranks), or invent a new one of your choosing.
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PUBLICIZING YOUR PRANKS
KEEPING YOUR COVER
Most of the time you should conduct your mischief quietly, never drawing attention to yourself. There’s no reason to take credit for your pranks. It just makes you look suspicious, and gets you in trouble. Give yourself a fake name, like “Banana Bandito” or “The Dark Five,” and let your alternate personality get all the attention.
As you move into more ambitious mischief, however, you will sometimes want to get your prank noticed by a wider audience, like when you’re trying to create a hoax (page 208). The good news is, from Blogging to Getting on the News (page 204), it’s easier than ever to become famous.
BLOGGING
People, in general, trust what they read. Even on the Internet, where you should never trust anything, people read blogs and say, “Well, it’s probably true. I read it on a blog.”
Blogs can be very useful for getting yourself noticed—not just in your city or town, but the entire world. And they’re easier than ever to set up, and completely free (see next page)!
TOP FOUR FREE BLOGGING SERVICES
1. www.blogger.com
2. www.wordpress.com
3. www.livejournal.com
4. www.typepad.com
Let’s say you want to create the rumor that a particular local coffee shop in your town is closing down to make room for a Laundromat. You might start a blog about the coffee shop a few months beforehand. You should make it look real. You should post to your blog every few days with news about the coffee shop, which you can just rewrite from somewhere else.
The trick to creating a believable blog hoax is to build up a history of posting on the blog. You can’t have only one entry, or people will figure out immediately that it’s a prank. You have to put some time into it, which will really pay off in the end. Besides, blogging is fun.
Don’t get fancy. Keep your design simple; loud, flashy colors are a dead giveaway. Be careful with spelling and grammar. Get yourself a unique domain name if possible.
Once you’ve posted your hoax post, you need to get it noticed. You’re about to learn how.
WIKIPEDIA
The online encyclopedia known as Wikipedia is possibly the least reliable reference source in the world, because anyone can edit it. Really. Anyone. At any time. From any computer.
Wikipedia operates under the idea that “people are generally good.” (There are exceptions.) When you see something that’s incorrect, or that contains a spelling error, you can go into edit mode by clicking the “edit this page” tab at the top of the page.
Certain articles get “locked down” if many people try to change them randomly (these are usually articles about famous people, like the president). Stay away from those articles. The other nine million articles are yours for the taking.
For instance, let’s say you want to convince someone that the all-time Guitar Hero high score is held by a monkey. You can easily go into the “Guitar Hero” entry in Wikipedia and type, “The all-time high score for Guitar Hero is held by a monkey with twelve toes. Her name is Sheila, and she wears panties on her head.”
As soon as you click “Save Page,” that’s what everyone will see, every time they read the article!
On popular articles, this will get noticed and fixed very quickly, so it’s best to pick obscure topics or historical figures for your Wikipedia pranks. Just find a way to link the topic back to your prank.
Now you see how easy it is to get yourself, or your prank, mentioned on Wikipedia. It’s huge. It’s your fifteen minutes of fame. If you�
�re lucky, you could even get your prank referenced in print, because some adults now use Wikipedia as a reference source, in books!1
Research a topic on Wikipedia. Click “Edit this page,” and make a harmless edit to the page (changing punctuation or rewording a sentence).
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GETTING ON THE NEWS
Getting on the news is easier than ever. There are so many different kinds of news (see Kinds of News), and all of them need stories. Your prank, if it’s ambitious or funny enough, will be a great story. The people who collect these stories are sometimes called “journalists,” and they can get your prank seen by thousands, if not millions, of people.
When you’ve pulled off a particularly excellent prank, the most important thing is to get photo proof. Take a few pictures, or shoot some video. Then write up a short description of your prank (one to two paragraphs if possible). A good photo plus a good description is what reporters call “a good story.” A great photo plus a great description is what reporters call “a great story.” Try to make yours a great story.
Most reporters love funny stories about people doing wacky things. The trick is to find the right reporter. Don’t send in a general e-mail through a website or a “letter to the editor.” This never works. Instead, look for the names of the three top people in the right department.
The easiest place to get noticed is blogs. Find a couple of bloggers who like funny stuff and send them your story. Getting publicity is like fishing: Sometimes they bite, and sometimes they don’t. Keep trying. When you get a bite, it’s worth the wait.
Another good place to start is morning radio shows, especially rock stations. They love anything having to do with pranks or practical jokes, and they’ll report pretty much anything you tell them. E-mail them your story through the website, an hour before the show begins.
The nice thing about newspapers is that every town has one, and most small towns are kind of slow in the news department. Local newspaper reporters especially love anything that happens at a huge, identifiable town landmark.
That’s a trick that also works with local television. But try not to make your prank too “regional.” If it’s a prank that’s funny to people in other towns, then your story will often get rebroadcast on other news stations. If you’re extremely lucky, it’ll be a slow news day, and CNN will need a quick little story to fill time before a commercial. Before you know it, your prank has just made national news.
This kind of thing happens all the time. It can happen to you. Just be creative and persistent. Don’t give up easily.
Identify five sources of local news for your town (newspaper, radio, TV, or Internet).
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KINDS OF NEWS
CNN News
NBC News
ABC News
CBS News
BBC News
PBS News
CNBC News
FOX News
MTV News
Telemundo News
Local TV news
Cable access news
Geraldo Rivera specials
Satellite radio stations
FM radio stations
AM radio stations
Podcasts
New York Times
Wall Street Journal
USA Today
National Enquirer
Weekly World News
City newspaper
Town newspaper
School newspaper
GRIT
Flyers handed out an event
HOW TO HOAX
GREAT HOAXERS OF HISTORY
A hoax is the highest form of prank, practiced only by the very best mischief makers in history. To pull off a hoax, you must get a large number of people to believe a fake story, like a Fake Historical Artifact (page 218) or a Fake Alien Landing (page 224). To learn how to hoax properly, you must first study the masters.
William Horace de Vere Cole (1881-1936). A master of dressing up like important people (politicians, the Sultan of Zanzibar, etc.) and getting people to believe he was actually that person. Got all kinds of fancy tours and dinners just by wearing the right costume (page 39).
George Hull (1829-1888). Created the famous “Cardiff Giant,” a 10-foot-tall “petrified man” that he buried underground, then pretended to discover a year later. Charged admission for people to look at it, and made a small fortune until someone figured it out (but by then, he had sold it).
Alan Abel (1930-). Tricked news programs like the Today Show into believing ridiculous stories, like a violin quartet that plays topless. Once tricked the New York Times into running a death notice for him, even though he was alive and well!
Write a short summary of a famous hoax that occurred at some point in history. Google “famous hoaxes” for research ideas. Use at least two sources for your report.
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ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN FOOTPRINTS
No mischief maker’s education is complete without learning about Hugh Troy (1906-1964), an American painter who was known for a lifetime of clever and hilarious pranks. When you become a Master Mischief Maker, people begin creating myths about you. You become a legend. Hugh Troy was a legend.
One of the “legends of Troy” was a prank that he may have pulled on a famous art teacher, Louis Agassiz Fuertes, while Troy was his student at Cornell University. Fuertes was a famous painter of birds, and had traveled the world many times, collecting various animal parts over the years: bones, skeletons, etc.
Troy borrowed a couple of rhinoceros feet, then attached them to the bottom of two pails. Then he threaded a long rod through the pail handles, and with a friend, used the contraption to make a series of “rhinoceros tracks” in the snow, leading down to a nearby lake. Troy then cut a huge scraggly hole in the ice, to make it look as if the great beast had lumbered onto the ice, then dropped in.
Since the school’s drinking water came from the lake, many students quit drinking the “rhino-fied” water until Troy sent in an anonymous letter explaining how he did the stunt.
Here’s how to make a modern version of the “Hugh Troy Rhino-Tracker,” using parts available from your local Home Depot or hardware store.
How to Make Abominable Snowman Footprints:
Draw your footprint design on a piece of paper. Cut it out.
Lay your paper stencil on the Styrofoam and trace the outline.
Using the saw, cut the abominable “footprint” out of Styrofoam.
Step 2
Step 3
Repeat for the other foot.
Using duct tape, secure the Styrofoam footprints to the bottom of the pails. Wrap around the sides only, not the bottom. Be sure the handle of the pail is pointing to the top and bottom of the footprint, not the sides.
Now put your rod or pole through the bucket handles. Hold it steady, and have a partner duct tape the handles to the rod, so they don’t slip.
Find something heavy to put in each bucket (as heavy as the two of you can comfortably lift) .
Walk your contraption outside, and put in the weights. Practice making footprints with your partner, each of you holding one end of the pole.
Once you’re good at tracking, walk the contraption to a place with unbroken snow, and lay your handiwork.
Be sure to take pictures. Send them into Weekly World News.
This is a brilliant prank for its simplicity (easy to build) and versatility (easy to change):• It can be improvised from any number of parts (branches, string, rubber bands, etc.).
• It can be set up in a wide variety of winter locations (school playgrounds, Starbucks parking lots, etc.).
• You can also adapt the prank for use in the mud or sand (perfect for freaking out people at camps and campgrounds).
Modify the design on the previous page so that it can be used for Dinosaur Tracks in the Snow, complete with a swishing of the dinosaur’s massive tail.
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sp; FAKE HISTORICAL ARTIFACTS
The Piltdown Man is a famous hoax that originated in 1912, when the archaeologist Charles Dawson supposedly uncovered the skull and jawbone of a “prehistoric man” that was unlike anything discovered up to that point. Dawson speculated that this caveman represented a “missing link” in the evolution of ape to man. He named it Eoanthropus dawsoni (Latin for “Dawson’s dawn-man”). He named it after himself.
And it was all a prank.
From the beginning, people were suspicious. But somehow most scientists believed it, if you can believe this, for forty years. This has to be considered the Greatest Hoax of All Time, because it took that long for the scientific community to figure out that it was an old human skull and some orangutan teeth, stained in dye and buried in dirt for a while. Orangutan teeth!
At least 38 of Charles Dawson’s archeological “discoveries” were later found to be fakes, including ancient stone tools, boats, and a sea serpent. But the Piltdown Man was Dawson’s masterpiece: It changed the course of history, confusing scientists for decades about the true timeline of human evolution.
Most adults aren’t so good at history, so they won’t remember the Piltdown Man. That’s good for you, because it gives you the chance to create a similar “fossil prank” for only a few dollars. It’s perfect for getting extra credit in history class, or just to see if your science teacher is paying attention.