by Mona Kasten
“… Five, four, three, three, two, one… Happy birthday!”
Cheers and applause followed as I hugged my friend. I gave her a big hug before everyone surrounded her and made their little speeches. It took a long time for everyone to speak. Finally, Monica handed Allie the envelope with the card from Coos Bay. We watched nervously as she opened it and read the contents. Her eyes grew wider; when she looked up at us all, they were sparkling.
“We’re going to the coast?”
“Yup,” Monica said. “Next weekend, if you can…”
Allie practically crushed Monica in an enormous hug. She then embraced each of us in turn, until she ended up in Kaden’s arms for what felt like a good half hour. Only afterward did she open her other gifts.
But I needed to get out of there. It was simply too hard for me to be in the same room as Spencer.
My fears were shouting at me to run. I wanted him but couldn’t have him. The fact that he was one of my best friends made the situation worse. I knew he had his own problems and I wanted to know them all, but at the same time I feared what would happen if I did. What if… what if my feelings for him got even stronger? Forget it. Even the thought of it scared the hell out of me. I already knew how I’d feel if we lost what we had.
I needed quiet. Trying to be unobtrusive, I grabbed my jacket and slipped out to the hallway, climbed the stairs, and pushed against the heavy door to the roof.
The cool air felt good. For a second I closed my eyes. Then I walked across the dark roof, the gritty surface glittering in the pale light of the lamp above the metal door.
Lost in thought, I sat down on the low wall that ran along the perimeter of the roof. The music from the party below rose up to surround me.
It was getting colder. But I couldn’t bring myself to go back down.
The metal door creaked. I didn’t need to turn around to know who it was. His footsteps approached slowly and stopped just behind me. “Please don’t jump.”
“I wasn’t planning to.”
“Sorry if I upset you. It’s the last thing I wanted to do,” Spencer said softly.
I grumbled.
“We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to.”
I grumbled again. It was the best I could do.
“Dawn?”
“Uh-huh?”
“Turn around so I can look in your eyes and really be sure you’re okay,” he asked, in a tone that made me shiver.
I lifted my legs from the wall and turned carefully toward Spencer. He’d been holding his breath and now let it out. He dropped low, squatting to look up at me through his thick, dark eyelashes. His gaze held me captive.
“I made a mistake,” he murmured.
Slowly, I let my eyes drift across the planes of his face. “What do you mean?”
“For months, I asked you to go out with me, thinking I was doing everything right. But you don’t have to do it, if you’re not ready. It’s okay.”
“You can’t say that,” I whispered.
“But it’s the truth. I’ll take you any way you’ll let me have you, Dawn,” he whispered back.
I shook my head. “I can’t, Spence.”
His eyes softened. “Why can’t you?”
My breath was shaky. “Because you’ll hurt me.”
Now it was his turn to shake his head. Very slowly, he raised his hands up and placed them on my thighs. It felt warm and strong. It tingled like crazy. Something in me melted.
“What we’ve been doing for months, this constant back and forth, this uncomfortable distance—that’s what hurts.”
He was right. Every time we saw each other, it took everything I had just to look away. To keep my eyes from lingering. To keep myself from touching him.
“I won’t hurt you. I couldn’t, because you won’t let me. Remember?” he said in a husky voice, as his hands slid up my thighs to my waist. He pushed under my jacket and caressed my torso until I caught my breath.
“You can do what you want with me,” he said softly, stroking down my sides with his fingers.
And back up again, until goose bumps spread over my body. Suddenly he grabbed me tighter and pulled me toward him so I sat on the inner edge of the low wall.
“The only thing is, you have to do it soon, because I can’t take it much longer.” He clenched his teeth; it seemed there was more he wanted to say, but he held it back.
I couldn’t breathe, but this time it had nothing to do with fear. My need to fall into his arms was overwhelming. And this was the night—this was the one time—when I would finally do what I wanted. What we wanted.
Bending forward, I brought my face close to his. Spencer’s eyes widened and he held his breath as the distance between us narrowed. Finally my lips were nearly touching his; only a breath separated us.
Spencer bridged the last millimeters between us and kissed me. His lips were warm and inviting, but also cautious. His arms rested against my sides and he circled his hands around my back. I let my hand glide over his shoulder, pulling him closer. Spencer let out a deep groan. I drew his lower lip between my teeth and bit lightly, trying to tip him over the edge.
That was all it took.
He pulled me closer, and wrapped his arms tighter around me. Our tongues met and now I was the one groaning.
Spencer’s hands moved up my back; he stroked my neck as if it were something precious and curled his fingers into my hair. He pulled me even closer, deepening our kiss. My senses were overwhelmed. His lips, his tongue, his smell. All of him, all of me.
God, he felt fantastic.
All my hesitation and fear had evaporated. I could finally touch him the way I’d longed to since we first met. My hands moved over his shoulders, so strong and firm. I clutched them briefly and then slid my hands down across his chest. Spencer placed a hand over mine.
“Feel that?” he asked.
His heartbeat pounded against my palm, and a stupid grin spread over my face.
“Like a little mouse,” I said, tracing a line along his chest with my finger.
There was a dangerous sparkle in his eyes. His pupils were dilated and I felt his breath on my lips.
It was unclear who kissed whom this time. All I could feel was his mouth on mine… his body… and the deep moan that rumbled in his chest when I opened my lips for his tongue. While the first kiss was over far too quickly, this time we lingered.
I drowned in him.
He kissed me so intensely, with such concentration, I thought I might never stand up again—my knees were like rubber. He slowly stroked my neck with his thumb and ran his fingers through my hair, brushing it away from my face. His lips extinguished all my thoughts. There was only room for the burning heat that his touch kindled.
Time had stopped. I had never been kissed like this before. It shook me deep inside, and I needed a moment to come up for air, because I was sure that if I didn’t, I was going to drown in the sensations that were singing through my body.
I opened my eyes.
Touching his cheek, I realized his skin was cold.
“You okay?” he asked.
“You’re not wearing a jacket.”
“Jackets are overrated.”
“Aren’t you cold?”
He chuckled and pressed his lips to my neck. “Not any more.”
“Spence.”
“I know what you want to say, Dawn. But wild horses couldn’t drag me away from this rooftop if we have to go back to the way it was before,” he said firmly, and ran a finger down the length of my spine. I shivered, and not from the cold.
“We can go someplace where we can be alone. And where it’s a little warmer,” I suggested, trying to sound casual.
His lips were glued to my skin. But he pulled back and stared at me in amazement. “Hell yeah!” Standing, he wrapped both arms arou
nd me and lifted me off the wall as if I weighed no more than Spidey. “Wrap your legs around me, Babe.”
With flushed cheeks, I gave in to his request and crossed my legs behind his back.
“Fantastic. Let’s go,” he said, carrying me across the roof.
As he did, I watched the joyful expression on his face, and felt an overwhelming desire to kiss him again. I wanted to explore his mouth, taste it, and find out what made him lose control, what made him moan and sigh. I never wanted to lose this incredible feeling that he brought out in me.
I hadn’t felt this alive in ages.
Chapter 18
The drive to Spencer’s place seemed to take forever, though he only lived about ten minutes away by car.
As I followed him into his house I realized that this felt so normal. Familiar. He seemed to feel the same way. He removed his jacket and shoes and put them both in the closet. I watched his every move and completely forgot to take off my own jacket until he held out his arm expectantly. There I was standing there like an idiot in my warm jacket, watching him undress.
I started fiddling with my zipper; it got caught on the fringe of my scarf and I muttered a curse under my breath. I yanked on it sharply, only stopping when I heard something tear.
Suddenly Spencer grasped my hands. “Can I help?”
I nodded slowly.
With an easy smile he lowered his eyes and let go of my hands. Seconds later he’d opened the zipper. Then he slowly stroked my arms and looked me in the eye again as he brushed the snagged bit of scarf off my shoulder.
Oh. My. God.
My throat was dry, and my pulse was racing the way it had on the roof. The fireball in my belly was back, too.
Spencer hung up my jacket while I slipped off my shoes.
Then he stepped close again. His eyes were fixed on my lips.
One hand pressed into my back. In a single motion Spencer pulled me close.
“I’ve been wanting to kiss you for months, Dawn. And now that you’ve opened the door, I can’t stop.”
“Tonight, you can kiss me as much as you like,” I whispered.
“I was hoping you’d say that,” he murmured and lowered his lips to mine.
I rose to meet him and slid my tongue into his mouth. Modesty was out the window, along with the invisible barrier that had risen between us during the drive. It was like being on the roof again. Nothing else mattered but the two of us.
Spencer lifted his other hand to my hip. He held me tightly and pressed his kiss deeper. It was amazing what he could convey with a few small movements. At first I’d felt treasured, then infinitely alive, and now I only felt desired.
He nibbled on my lower lip and I whimpered softly. My body was responding instinctively, and it wanted more. I pressed myself against his groin. A deep noise came from Spencer’s chest.
With one hand I stroked his back, following the lines of his muscles and finally clutching his shoulders. Our kiss was feverish and hot, and everything that had built up between us over the last few months was finally set loose.
Boldly, I let my fingers slip under the hem of his shirt. His skin was smooth and hot. Again Spencer groaned, and it was the most erotic sound I’d ever heard.
He ground his hips against me and I felt his hardness through my jeans.
I was going to die. Here, now, in his arms. It would be a beautiful, happy death.
He left a hot trail of kisses along my chin, down to my neck, and pressed his lips behind my ear. I felt his tongue on my skin.
“Spence,” I gasped and held him tight.
“I can’t stop,” he whispered against my skin.
“If you even think about stopping, you won’t know what hit you,” I managed to gasp, astonished by my own breathlessness.
“What a great threat,” he replied before peeling back my shirt. “Oh God, do I love your body.”
I caught my breath.
Spencer scattered a shower of smoldering kisses on my collarbone. His hands held me tight—very tight. As if he had to keep himself from entering forbidden territory.
But I wasn’t about to tell him he was trespassing. Not anymore.
I pressed my hands against his chest. For a second he looked panic-stricken, but when I raised one hand and stroked his cheek, his desire returned immediately. Then I lowered my hands to the hem of my shirt, and without breaking eye contact, I pulled it over my head.
He drew in a breath. “What’re you doing?”
I dropped my shirt to the floor. “Removing obstacles?”
He exhaled through his teeth. “You’re killing me, Dawn Edwards.”
“And you’re killing me. At least we’ll both die happy.” I had no idea what we were doing here but it sure felt great.
Spencer’s eyes grew even darker. “Damn it, Dawn.” And his hands were back on me.
Something molten burned through me and set my body trembling. Spencer anointed me with a perfect blend of kissesgentle caresses with his lips drifting into feverish intensity, and when his fingers briefly slipped under the waistband of my jeans, I shivered. He noticed and let his hands wander upward until they were just below my breasts. He stroked my rib cage and traced the lines of my body as if he’d been studying me for years.
More: I needed much more from him.
I slipped my hands under his arms and gently tugged. He followed my wordless request and let his mouth wander upward. When he reached my face he took my chin between his fingers and tilted my head back so he could kiss me senseless. Our tongues met again, and I sighed in his mouth. My body arched toward him, and at the same time I reached for his shirt buttons. But my hands were shaking too badly to open them.
“Let me,” Spencer whispered gruffly, raising his hands to his collar. His hands weren’t shaking at all. With quick, easy motions he opened one button after the other, all the while keeping his burning gaze on me.
My eyes were practically glued to his skillful hands. I’d never seen anything hotter.
“You look like you’re going to drool,” he said after he’d popped the last button open.
“Shut up,” I muttered with a quiet laugh, letting my hands slide under his shirt. Carefully, I peeled it off his shoulders, stroking every inch of skin. His shirt joined mine on the floor, and I paused to drink in the sight of him.
Spencer was well-built. His skin was tan even in winter, and it looked as smooth as it felt. His pecs were defined and he had a firm belly that tightened under my gaze. With my eyes, I followed the little trail of dark hair that disappeared under the waistband of his jeans, and I swallowed hard.
Gently, I touched his chest, resting my hand over his heart for a moment. Spencer grabbed me by the hips and lifted me into his arms. I wrapped my legs around his waist as I bent over him, kissing his neck and the indentation beneath his collarbone, enjoying the effect of my touch on his breathing.
“I’ve been wanting you for so long. I don’t want to ruin it by…” He fell silent.
I held his face in my hands and stared into his eyes. “What we’re doing now feels like the opposite of ruining.” I lowered my head and kissed the corners of his mouth. “This feels wonderful,” I whispered, kissing his jawbone. “So does this.” I pressed my lips against his and enjoyed the feel of him as I guided our kiss.
When we broke away from each other this time, his eyes were nearly black with desire. His self-control hung by a tiny silk thread. And I wanted to cut it.
Slowly I leaned forward and sucked Spencer’s earlobe between my teeth. “I want you, Spence.”
He had no further objections. He dug his hand into my hair, pulled my head down and kissed me deeply. Holding me in his arms, he started to walk. Our kiss didn’t end until Spencer walked into a floor lamp, which tipped and fell with a loud clatter. Laughing, I buried my face in his throat and stroked his back.
He carried me up the stairs.
Once we were in his bedroom, I let go with my legs and slid down his body. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Spencer to even take notice of the room.
His hands were still on my waist and his eyes were burning with an undeniable hunger. I grabbed his right hand and guided it to the back of my bra.
“You really are trying to kill me,” he blurted out.
“And here I thought this would make you happy,” I responded, caressing the muscles on his stomach. I had never imagined Spencer having such a great body. Never thought that my skin would jump when it touched his, or that a simple caress would be enough to send my pulse racing.
With one hand, he opened my bra. Nestling his head against my shoulder, he murmured into my ear: “you have no idea.”
Seconds later he’d lowered the straps from my shoulders. Immediately, my nipples hardened, and I held my breath. His hands made their way over my body, trembling ever so slightly before he rested them on my breasts. He exhaled quickly, paused, and began to caress me. My breasts were generous enough, especially since I’d started taking the pill, but Spencer’s hands were big, too—and judging by the pace of his breathing, he liked what he felt. He took my nipples between his fingers and gently rolled them. I gasped and a jolt of desire coursed through my body. Clasping him tightly, I closed my eyes and submitted to his torture. When I felt his tongue on my neck, my knees went weak.
Dazed, I looked around and saw his bed a few feet away. Almost driven by blind desire, I guided him through the room until his knees met the mattress. Gently, I pressed down on his shoulders and he followed my silent command, sitting on the edge of the bed without letting go of my breasts. He looked up at me with a dangerous grin and dreamy eyes. “I hope you realize that I’m never letting you go.”
“Deal,” I whispered, returning his grin. Slowly, I stepped back and let my hands sink to my jeans; I undid the button and slid my pants down my thighs before stepping out of them.
Spencer kept his eyes on mine; I was glad he didn’t look too closely at my legs; I had some scars that I didn’t want to think about just now. Spencer just looked into my eyes, even as he hooked a finger into my panties.
