Some Kind of Wonderful

by Sarah Morgan

And another part of her brain was already answering, telling her she was a fool, because he’d never shared anything, had he? Not really.

  “You of all people will understand.” Philip carried on talking, apparently oblivious to her mounting distress. “It isn’t about the camp, although of course it’s a huge weight off my shoulders, it’s about him. He’s never given, or accepted, trust. He grew up believing he couldn’t be trusted. That he’d let people down. This is a huge step forward.”

  Aware that a response was needed Brittany nodded. She felt like a wooden doll. “I know. I know it’s a huge step forward.”

  “And it means he’s planning on staying on the island. That’s the best news Celia and I could have been given.”

  And the worst news Brittany could have been given.

  If Zach was staying on the island it meant that every visit home in the future would be punctuated by this same agonizing, restless pain.

  He clearly didn’t feel the same way about her as she did about him.

  If he did, then he would have told her.

  She could no longer pretend to herself that the reason he didn’t say those words was because he was afraid.

  She couldn’t tell herself that he’d never said those words to anyone, because he’d said them to Philip and Celia.

  She was right out of excuses and forced to face the truth.

  “What about you?” Philip’s smile was interested. “Now that your wrist is healed, there’s no stopping you. Have you decided what you want to do next?”

  “Yes.” She made her decision in an instant. “I’m going back to England.”

  Philip looked surprised. “Really? Because I thought maybe—”

  “What?”

  “Nothing.” He smiled. “I can’t thank you enough for your help this summer. Anytime you want a job here, it’s yours. I hope you know that.”

  There was a burning in her throat and a salty sting in her eyes. “I’ll do that.”

  “So it looks as if it’s all change.”

  “Seems that way.” And because the burning in her throat was growing more intense, she decided she needed to get away from him. “I need to go, Philip. Good to see you and I’m so happy that everything’s working out.”

  Instead of driving home, she walked the short distance to Harbor House and found Emily in the kitchen, experimenting with a new recipe for waffles while Lizzy covered a large sheet of paper with splotches of paint.

  “I can’t believe I used to buy these. They’re so much—” Emily took one look at Brittany’s face and ushered Lizzy into the garden to play with Cocoa. “What’s wrong? Is it Zach?”

  Brittany flopped onto one of the kitchen chairs. “Who does that? Who makes the same mistake twice? I’ve only been in love twice in my life and each time it was with the same man.”

  “So maybe that tells you something,” Emily said quietly and Brittany dropped her head into her arms.

  “It tells you I’m an idiot. Shoot me. Shoot me now.”

  “What happened?”

  “I’ve been kidding myself, that’s what happened.”

  Emily, sensitive as ever, didn’t ask for the details. “What are you going to do?”

  “I have no idea. None.” Her emotions were so shaken up she couldn’t think straight. “I’m like an addict. I can’t stop wanting him even though I know he’s not good for me. The only way to keep myself safe is to leave.”

  “But this is your home.”

  “And now it’s his home, too. And this island isn’t big enough for both of us.” Brittany blew her nose. “That sounds like a line from a bad movie.”

  “I can’t bear this.” Emily sat down on the chair next to her with a thud. “You two have a real connection. I know he cares about you.”

  “Apparently not. Can I use your laptop? I need to book a flight before I change my mind.”

  “Where will you go?”

  “I don’t know. Somewhere I’m not going to find a casserole on my doorstep every day. London. Cambridge.”

  It didn’t really matter, she thought, because wherever she ended up would be somewhere without Zach.

  And life without Zach felt like a wilderness.

  A FEW HOURS LATER Zach walked into Harbor Stores and loaded a basket with supplies. It was a few minutes before he realized everyone in the shop had stopped talking.

  “So you’re staying put and helping Philip and Celia with the camp.” Hilda patted him on the arm approvingly. “We’re all glad to hear that.”

  He didn’t even bother asking how they knew.

  He thought, not for the first time in his life, that humans were the strangest creatures in the animal kingdom. “I thought you’d all be locking your doors.”

  Hilda pursed her lips. “Not much point in doing that, seeing as you’re an expert in opening just about anything, Zachary Flynn.”

  Despite everything, it made him smile. “Anytime you need me to secure that lock on your door, you let me know.”

  “Philip and Celia must be glad to know you’re staying around.”

  “I hope so.”

  “And it will take your mind off other things.” Hilda gave him a sympathetic look. “We’re all sorry it didn’t work out this time. We wanted it to. We were all rooting for you.”

  Zach had no idea what she was talking about and didn’t want to know. “I appreciate your concern.”

  “You shouldn’t blame yourself, not this time. Of course last time you were to blame. I remember saying to Kathleen at the time, that boy isn’t ready for the responsibility. You were too busy watching out for yourself to watch out for the girl you married.”

  Zach realized they were having a conversation about Brittany. “Hilda—”

  “If you hadn’t left the island, we probably would have kicked you off. But it’s different this time. You’re different. It’s a shame she can’t see that, but I suppose it’s hard when you’ve been hurt once before. I used to see her in here with Kathleen in the weeks after you left, white and skinny. Kathleen worried herself sick over the girl.”

  “Wait a minute—” Zach felt a pressure on his chest. “What do you mean ‘it’s different this time’?” What are you saying?”

  “I already told you—I’m saying I’m sorry it didn’t work out.” She patted his hand. “We all feel for you.”

  By the time he reached the checkout, he’d received sympathy from at least eight different people and had ascertained that not only was Brittany leaving, she’d already booked her flight.

  Without telling him.

  Apparently his relationship with Brittany was over and he was the last person to find out.

  Why the hell wouldn’t she have told him that?

  Mel was the only person who was smiling. “We’re all real sorry to hear the news.” Not looking in the least bit sorry, she checked out his groceries. “Seeing as the whole island saw the two of you looking all cozy, heads together, at The Galleon the other night, we assumed you were together again but I guess it didn’t work out. Some say you should learn from your past mistakes but I suppose this time round she dropped you so it’s not the same thing. If you need someone to talk to, you know where I am.”

  Zach ignored that. “How does everyone know she’s booked her flight?” Had the subject been anything else he would have laughed because here he was, gossiping like a true islander.

  “Someone mentioned it.” She tucked the fruit into a bag and gave him a sly look. “You’d think she would have told you, given that you’ve been spending so much time together and all. Looks like running away to me, but what do I know?”

  She clearly knew a hell of a lot more than he did.

  He paid, drove back to the camp and there, on the deck right outside Seagull’s Nest, was a large blue casserole dish.

  He stared at it in silence.

  If he’d needed confirmation that the rumors were true, he had it now.

  Swearing under his breath, he reversed the car and drove up to Harbor House. />
  Ryan was in the kitchen when Zach walked in.

  “Was it you?” Zach’s voice was a growl. “Did you leave that damn thing by my door?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “The casserole.”

  Ryan shot him a look of naked incredulity. “Have you been drinking? You think I made you a casserole?”

  Zach turned just as Emily walked into the room. “Was it you?”

  “Was what me?” She looked stressed and tired.

  “It took me half an hour to buy two items in the store because everyone was commiserating with me about Brittany leaving. I thought they’d probably got it wrong.” It disturbed him just how much he’d wanted them to be wrong. “Then I arrived home to find a casserole on my doorstep.”

  “A casserole?” Emily pressed her hand to her chest. “Oh, that’s so—Zach, that’s lovely.”

  “What’s lovely about it?”

  “It shows they care. That they’ve accepted you. I love this island and the people so much. They’re worried about you.” Her eyes misted and Zach looked at Ryan with a mixture of exasperation and bemusement.

  “Do you have any idea what’s going on here?”

  “No. But if you want my advice, you should just eat the casserole. If it’s too much for one, bring it round here and we’ll help. Anything for a friend.”

  “I’m not talking about the casserole. I’m talking about Brittany.” He jabbed his fingers into his hair, the tension an ache across his shoulders. He turned to Emily. “Are they right? Is she leaving? Why the hell didn’t she tell me?”

  Her eyes shone. “Zach—”

  “I’m putting you in an impossible position, aren’t I?” His throat felt raw. “It isn’t fair to involve you. She’s your friend.”

  “You’re our friend, too,” Ryan said bluntly, “although I’m not planning on making you a casserole anytime soon.”

  Emily stepped forward and put her hand on Zach’s arm. “Yes, she’s leaving.”

  Zach drew in a breath. “Why? What happened? Was she offered a job?” He didn’t understand why she wouldn’t have told him that.

  “I thought—she thought—” Emily opened her mouth, looked at Ryan and then shook her head. “You have to talk with her, Zach. You have to ask her about it yourself.”

  “Go. Do it right now.” Ryan gave him a friendly shove. “Come back later and bring that casserole with you. I’ll provide the beer.”

  BRITTANY PUSHED THE LAST of her things into the small suitcase and picked up her backpack.

  She was used to traveling light, but somehow today everything felt heavy, as if it didn’t want to leave Shell Bay and the cottage.

  Restless and sad, she walked into the kitchen.

  Sun sprinkled light over the countertops and she waited to see an image of her grandmother, standing with her arms dusted in flour. Instead she saw Zach, his dark head bent towards hers as he kissed her.

  Closing her eyes, she tried to wipe out the picture in her head.

  How would she feel next time she came home?

  Would this place always be associated with Zach?

  The two things she loved most in the world, the man and the cottage, were inextricably linked.

  But she knew it wasn’t the prospect of leaving the cottage that was making her sad, it was the prospect of leaving Zach.

  Deeply absorbed in her thoughts, she didn’t realize the man himself was standing there until she heard him say her name.

  “Zach! You almost gave me a heart attack.” She dropped the backpack onto the floor. “Why didn’t you knock?”

  “I did. You didn’t answer.”

  “So you broke in.”

  “No. Emily gave me her key.” He placed it carefully on the kitchen table. “Were you going to leave without telling me?”

  “No, of course not! I was going to call you as soon as I finished a few jobs. I have to pack up Grams’s diaries. There’s a publisher in New York who might be interested, can you believe that?” She wiped her hands on her jeans. “How did you even know I was leaving? I only decided myself a few hours ago.”

  “I heard it in Harbor Stores.”

  “But how—?” Annoyance flickered inside her. “No, that isn’t possible. I told one person. Philip. He would never gossip.”

  “Where were you when you told him?”

  “We were standing in Main Street, but—” She stared at him and rolled her eyes. “Someone overheard? Who?”

  “I have no idea, but everyone knows.” He waited a beat. “Everyone except me.”

  Exasperated, she said, “Right. Well, I’m sorry you had to hear it that way. But yes, I’m leaving.”

  “Why?”

  She didn’t look at him. “I spoke to Philip. He told me that you’re staying. That you’re going to take responsibility for Camp Puffin alongside him. That you’re going to be there for him. And I think that’s wonderful.”

  His shoulders were tense. “I don’t see what that has to do with you leaving.”

  Finally she looked at him, unable to hide the hurt. “You didn’t share that with me, Zach! That’s the problem. All this time we’ve spent together, the things we’ve shared and done, but you still didn’t trust me with that.”

  He drew in a breath. “There’s a reason for that.”

  “I know. I know you find it hard. And I didn’t expect miracles, but I hoped that with enough love and patience you’d eventually understand that there are people who care about you and have your back and I’m leading the pack. I thought, maybe, that you would have shared some of that stuff with me.” Her voice sounded thick and she hoped desperately she’d get through to the end without crying.

  “Brit—”

  “I’m thrilled for you, Zach. I’m thrilled for Philip and Celia. But I can see now that no matter what I do or say, nothing is going to change for us. And maybe I was hoping for too much. I don’t just want great sex, I want trust and intimacy and all those things that scare you.”

  “You really need to—”

  “We’re still friends, Zach. We’ll always be friends. We can text, video chat and next time I’m home we’ll all get together, the six of us and it will be great. But I need a little time—” She shot him a smile that cost her every last shred of emotional energy she had and stooped to pull on her hiking boots, trying to hide the misery she was sure was stamped all over her face. “Call me whenever you like. I want to know what you’re doing. If it feels like pressure taking over from Philip, talk to me about it. And I’ll let you know next time I’m back on the island and you can fly me. I’ve developed a taste for private flying.” She lifted her backpack onto the chair. It weighed nothing, and it occurred to her that the heaviest thing she was carrying was her heart. It sat in her chest like a lump, pressing hard against her. Crap, she was turning into a sentimental idiot.

  “You’re not leaving, Brit.”

  “Yes, I am. My wrist is healing well and I—”

  “You’re not going to leave. You wouldn’t do that.”

  Confused, she glanced towards him. “Why wouldn’t I?”

  “Because you’d never leave a friend who needs you.”

  She felt another wash of misery. “Em will be fine. She has Ryan and Lizzy.” She turned away and started packing her grandmother’s diaries into the box she’d found. “And Sky has a busy few months with her exhibition coming up.”

  “I wasn’t talking about Emily or Skylar.” His voice was husky. “I was talking about me.”

  She stilled. “We’ve had fun this summer, but you’ll be fine.”

  “I won’t be fine if you leave. You’re my best friend, Brittany. I need you here.”

  “I can’t, Zach—”

  “I love you.”

  Her heart pounded at her ribs, as if it was trying to escape. “You—”

  “I love you.” He walked over to her and cupped her face in his hands. “After everything we’ve shared the last few weeks, did you really think I didn’t?”
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  “I thought you did, and I was hoping you’d say it but you didn’t—” she swallowed “—and instead you said it to Philip and Celia.”

  “Yes.” He nodded, stroking her cheek with his thumb. “And maybe I should have said it to you first, but I knew that it wasn’t going to be enough to tell you I loved you. I needed to show you that I meant it. You set a high bar for your friends, Brit. You have their backs, and they have yours. Before I talked to you, I wanted Philip and Celia to know I was there for them. That I’ll be there for them in the future, no matter what happens. That was part of my plan to convince you that I’ve changed. That I can do this.”

  “But—”

  He gave a wry smile. “My plan was to come straight over to you once I’d talked to them, but the Puffin Island gossip-net has apparently upgraded from fast to superfast.”

  “The islanders told you I was leaving?”

  “They commiserated with me.” He gave a soft laugh. “I drove home in a daze where I found a casserole waiting for me.”

  “You’re kidding!” She gave a choked laugh and leaned her head against his chest. “This place is—”

  “Unbelievable,” he finished for her. “And the people are the most meddling, annoying, wonderful people in the world. And living here teaches you that no man is an island, and no island is ever about just one man. It teaches you that life is so much richer when it’s lived as part of a community.”

  She sniffed. “Well, if you’ve been given a casserole, then I’d say you’re officially part of that community.”

  “If you leave, they will never forgive me.” He eased away from her slightly and pulled something out of his pocket. “I should have given you this ten years ago. I hope it’s not too late.”

  She looked down at the beautiful diamond sparkling on his palm and the breath caught in her throat. “Zach—”

  “I love you. You’ve given me all of yourself and you’ve given me back a part of myself I thought I’d lost forever.” He lowered his head and kissed her gently. “Will you marry me again? And this time I’ll get it right. Through thick and thin, Brit, no matter what happens I will always have your back.”

  Tears streamed down her cheeks and she held out her finger. “You’d better put it on, because my hands are shaking. I love you, too, you know I love you. I loved you before I was really old enough to understand what the emotion was, I still loved you when you left me and I love you now.”