To Have and to Trust (Heart of a Highlander Collection Book 1)

by Allie Palomino

She didn’t answer, couldn’t. She was in ecstasy.

  “Doona ye, Andie?” he asked harshly. Her gaze went to his face. It was possessive and dominant. He stopped grinding into her and she felt as if she had been on the edge of a precipice about to jump over, and someone held her back.

  “Say it, Andie,” he said dominantly.

  She shook her head, breathing shallowly.

  “Say it,” he said darkly.

  “Yes!” she screamed. “Yes, I like it, Gavin!”

  He thrust into her once and her back arched but he stopped.

  “Say it!” he said harshly, moving slowly within her.

  She opened her tightly shut eyes. She knew what he was asking, but she didn’t want to declare it.

  “Say it, Andie! Ye’re mine and I’ll have ye say it!” he demanded fiercely, refusing to move until he heard the words. He moved within her, tempting her.

  “Say it,” he growled.

  “I love ye, Gavin,” she cried out, and tears gathered in her eyes. “I love ye,” she said calmer, looking into his beautiful eyes.

  He threw his head back and roared as he thrust into her. He felt her seizing up and felt her tightening around his pulsing shaft. She whimpered at the electrical sensation running through her.

  With one last thrust, his head thrown back, he let out a fierce bellow and roared, “I love ye, Andie,” he said, panting. He repeated, in a softer voice, almost as if he were in anguish, “I love ye.”

  He rested his forehead in the crevice between her neck and shoulder until his breathing calmed. He withdrew from her and once on his back, he fell asleep, the fever taking the last bit of strength in him.

  Andie looked down at him, tears in her eyes.

  Had he meant what he said? Did he love her as she had proclaimed to love him a moment before?

  More tears fell down her face and her lips trembled. He had made fierce, but beautiful, love to her a moment before and the warmth still pulsed through her body.

  Through the next couple of days, as he burned with fever, Gavin made fierce love to her several more times. She blushed at the ways he had taken her. Her cheeks burned when she thought about it.

  It was passionate, intense, fierce, and possessive.

  It was also tender.

  It was love.

  He said it so many times while making love to her. He said it throughout the night as he called out to her. She’d soothe him back to sleep. He’d wake anew, cursing Sarah, calling for Riley.

  Was Riley safe?

  Was Sarah dead?

  Would Andie leave him?

  She cradled his head and smoothed his hair. His pain cut through her like a knife. He was tormented.

  Over Riley, over Sarah, over his mother.

  During moments of what seemed like lucid conversations, he told her about his family. His mother had died birthing him- had died birthing the next legendary Dark Wolf. His father’s mother before him, while birthing his father, had died as well. And his grandsire’s mother had died birthing his grandsire.

  It was a sad legend in the Maitland’s history.

  It was odd, he had said, but a bond would form between the Dark Wolf and his woman. This bond would connect them for the rest of their lives, it was said. It wasn’t proven, though, because the mother would die during childbed, birthing the next Dark Wolf. Gavin had said that the first feeling of this “connection” was random. It could happen while sleeping, walking, eating, during the first year of marriage or second, or at any other time. It usually happened before the conception of the first child. For his father, it had happened when Gavin’s mother had fallen. He’d said his father felt the agony of her pain.

  The first-born Maitland son would be the laird, the Dark Wolf, born to the parents who shared the connection. The first born always carried the traits- glowing, pale silver eyes, immeasurable strength, massive size, acute hearing, sharp vision, and keen sense of smell. The woman birthing the first-born Maitland son died. There had already been a Maitland heir, Gavin, and that’s what had spared Gabriel’s mother. That, and the fact that Gavin’s father had already shared a connection with Gavin’s mother. There was only ever one connection, and when one of the two died, the other would never feel another connection to anyone.

  Rumor and myth said that the mother died as a result of spawning the predatory powerful wolf, not quite angelic, but neither the devil himself.

  Gavin admitted to being tense as Sarah had birthed Riley. Once Riley was born and she remained alive, he thought the curse had been broken.

  It had all made sense, that horrible day, when she had told him that he wasn’t Riley’s father. He hadn’t had a connection with Sarah.

  After her, Gavin hadn’t wanted to have any more bairns for two reasons. He didn’t trust women, and if he trusted a woman enough to fall in love with her, he didn’t want her to die birthing his son.

  The sheer torture and guilt that he had carried for years broke her heart. He’d blamed himself for his mother’s death and his father’s broken heart.

  Throughout his fever and delirium, he had told her of all of this. He seemed to be so lucid, as if he weren’t sick. Then when he’d fallen asleep again and his fever raged on, he’d call out for her.

  It wasn’t for Sarah, though.

  It was for Andie.

  She had comforted him and he’d made love to her.

  Andie was beside herself, having not eaten or slept in days. Food was untouched near the bed, piling up, and her eyes were dark, heavy-lidded, and sad.

  Her hands, which were busy knitting, began to slow down. She nodded off, huddled on the chaise near the window.

  Gabriel came quietly into the room. Andie was near the window, her knitting garment in her lap, and her eyes closed. He saw the pile of food and knew she hadn’t been eating. He saw her dark eyes and knew she hadn’t been sleeping.

  Gavin began to stir in the bed. Gabriel walked over and felt his brother’s forehead.

  It was cool.

  Finally, after a week and a half in bed, Gavin’s fever broke. Gabriel sat down on a chair and kept watch over them.

  A short time after, Gavin stirred awake.

  “What…?” he asked in confusion, looking at his brother. His throat was sore and Gabriel got up to get him some water.

  “What happened?” Gavin asked, as Gabriel settled back into the chair.

  “Ye had a raging fever. Truly verra bad, Gavin. For a moment there, I thought that ye wouldna…” Gabriel looked at him, and swallowed, leaving the thought unfinished.

  Gavin’s eyes widened with surprise.

  “How long have I been in bed?”

  “A week and a half.”

  Gavin cursed under his breath.

  “Greida sought to my well-being then?”

  Gabriel shook his head. “Nay.”

  Gavin laughed. “Then I know how Althor enjoyed nursing me to health,” he said sarcastically, knowing how Althor hated nursing the sick. He was much more inclined to making potions and predictions.

  “It wasna Althor, either.”

  Gavin looked confused.

  “Then who?”

  Gabriel nodded his head, indicating Andie next to window. Gavin’s gaze slid over to her and he inhaled as he saw her sleeping there.

  “Nay, Andie was here? But only for tonight, though, right?”

  Gabriel shook his head, a smile playing on his face.

  “She was here for the whole time. By yer side. Never left.”

  Gavin’s eyes studied Gabriel’s face for a second and then returned to Andie.

  “She doesna look too well,” Gavin said, studying Andie’s small form huddled in the chair.

  “That may be because she hasna been eating, hasna been sleeping, and hasna allowed anyone else to care for ye.”

  Gavin’s eyes snapped back to Gabriel’s. “Truly?”

  “Aye. She refused to leave yer side. The food there, it hasna been touched,” Gabriel said and Gavin looked over to the steady pile
. “I heard ye call out many times in the night, roar ye did. Then I’d hear ye nay more. I knew she comforted ye then.”

  Gavin studied Andie. Tenderness welled inside him but he shook his head, ridding himself of the distasteful emotion.

  “Did she say why she took care of me?”

  Gabriel shook his head. “She only said that ye needed care and that she wanted to care for ye.”

  “I doona feel so ill.”

  “Gavin, ye were near death. Yer fever burned hotter than a flame. Yer cheeks were redder than a sunburn. Ye sweat enough to fill the loch! If ye doona feel ill, ye have her to thank. She struggled to give ye barley broth through yer mouth. She gave ye water. Patient she was because ye were nay agreeable.”

  “How do ye know?”

  “I stood by and watched the interlude when I came in to see how ye faired.”

  “If I was sleeping, how did I struggle?”

  “Ye’re a stubborn one, arena ye? Even when ye sleep, Gavin.”

  Andie shifted and her head rolled back.

  Gavin sat up in a haze of fury.

  “What happened to her neck?” his whispered viciously.

  Gabriel sat back and eyed Gavin.

  “Tell me,” he commanded.

  “Ye did that to her.”

  “How could I harm her, Gabriel?”

  “She didna think ye would remember and she doesna want ye to know. She’s been wrapping her neck in a scarf.”

  “Tell me, Gabriel,” he said in curt syllables.

  “Ye tried to strangle her. Twice.”

  “Why?”

  “Ye were in a delirium. Ye called her Sarah.”

  Gavin inhaled sharply.

  “Ye had seen the marks days ago and had become upset. She knew ye were still ill and wouldna remember seeing them. She asked that I nay tell ye.”

  “Why did ye let her stay with me, then? I could have killed her!”

  “She wouldna be persuaded to leave. She promised to call me if ye got out of control again, but she didna. I only found out ye tried to choke her again, when I saw her bruises darker.”

  Gavin looked at Andie for a long moment. Her hair was a mess, her eyes dark, and she looked a little thin.

  She had cared for him throughout his sickness.

  Why?

  “I’ll fetch Greida. She wanted to know if ye…when ye awoke.”

  Gabriel stood and was at the door when Gavin asked, “Was I that ill?”

  Without looking at his older brother, Gabriel said, “Aye. Even Greida had lost hope of the fever relenting.”

  “Did anyone believe…did anyone have hope that I’d break the fever and live?”

  Gabriel paused for a long minute.

  “Andie.”

  Gabriel opened the door and stepped outside.

  Chapter Seven

  Over the course of the following week, Gavin recovered his strength and then some. It seemed to all as if he’d never been ill. He was back to working outside, training, and when he wasn’t training, he was doing manual labor to get his strength back.

  He felt good, strong, not quite happy, but satisfied.

  Andie, on the other hand, was not feeling well. At Gabriel’s insistence, Andie rested, although she hadn’t meant to rest the two days she kept abed. Gabriel had been firm with her. Although Gavin had been remote and aloof when he passed her by, he had expressed his gratitude for her help during his illness. She’d nodded her head and murmured a response, careful to keep the scarf from moving. Not knowing how to apologize about her bruises, he ignored their existence for now.

  Having denied her body’s need for sustenance for so long, her stomach now rejected any morsel that traveled down her esophagus. Annoyed, she ate selectively and slowly, determined to get herself back to ‘normal,’ whatever that was. Finally, a week after Gavin’s recovery, Andie seemed to have regained her own strength. Her stomach was accepting the variety of foods she devoured and her sleeping patterns were slowly becoming regular again.

  Her bruises were quite another issue. Everyone remarked on her wearing a scarf in the middle of spring. She’d responded by saying that she chilled easily and she wanted to be a fashionable vanguard, certain the women would begin wearing the same. They pointed out that it wasn’t very fashionable to have an ill matched scarf. Andie had no quick retort for the rude observation that should have only been thought of and never said. They were right, though, she didn’t match. Nevertheless, Andie continued wearing the scarf, hoping that the bruises would fade quickly.

  The story-telling began anew, although Gavin secretly worried that it would be too much of a burden on her. After all, she’d saved and cared for him, and considering what Greida, Althor, and Gabriel had told him, it was no small feat. It had only been a week after his recovery, and he didn’t think that she had rested enough, never mind ate enough. He kept his feelings to himself, though. He knew he was being remote with her, but he was powerless to do otherwise.

  Gavin kept having dreams of them making love, tenderly and wildly, and each time, she told him she loved him.

  And he had told her that he loved her.

  He would wake up, his heart thudding frantically in his chest, his breath caught in his lungs. The dream seemed so real, as if it had occurred. It was passionate and loving.

  The dreams spawned bittersweet emotions. Frustration and anger bloomed within him because the dreams made him want what he could never have. He came to the conclusion, though, that since he couldn’t have that life with her, or with any other woman, dreaming of it was next best thing.

  Now, evening had fallen and once again he had his seat by the fire. The massive audience, which included not only children, but his warriors as well, was gathered around Andie impatiently waiting for the story to begin.

  “So Erik went on to find Cannatha the Fey. ‘Twas said that she, and she alone, could grant him a Yhoener’s Boar.”

  “What does the Yhoener’s Boar do?” Riley asked, his eyes wide.

  “It makes Eric small! Would ye listen!” Harold responded. He received scathing looks from the audience. Riley put his thumb on his nose, wiggled his fingers at Harold, and stuck his tongue out.

  “So Erik stumbled upon the root of a tree, and the tree groaned! It said,” Andie deepened her voice, “‘I’ve been waiting for ye, Erik. I can help ye to-’”

  “Trees canna talk! What farce is this?” Harold asked and the audience groaned. One of them threw a piece of fruit at him and yelled, “Shut up and let the lass speak! I would hear what the tree said to Erik!”

  It was at that moment that Bryce stepped into the room. Andie looked up.

  “Bryce!” she exclaimed, running up to him. The crowd grumbled at having their story interrupted again. “Where had ye been? I was told ye took some men, but no one would tell me why!” she said, leering at Gavin.

  “Aye, I have something, or rather someone, to show ye, Andie.”

  Bryce stepped aside and Meghan stood there, with a smile on her face.

  “Meghan! Dear Lord, I’ve missed ye!” Andie said and ran over to her best friend, hugging her fiercely. Andie let tears of joy fall down her face.

  Meghan was just as happy as Andie. She hugged her back tightly. “I’ve missed ye, Andie.”

  She was shorter than Andie and had soft, silky brown hair with warm brown eyes. She wasn’t thin but nor was she round, and much to Gabriel’s satisfaction, very cute. She had full, plump pink lips and a nose that could only be described as dainty. His mouth watered.

  Need slammed into him. He tried to rein it in control when she turned her gaze upon him. She gave him a tentative, friendly smile, but it faltered when she saw his serious stare.

  Gabriel was so tall, she almost gasped. He was beyond handsome, she thought. His shoulders were broad and very muscled. His eyes were a crisp, clean evergreen. His hair was black and thick. He was gorgeous and her eyes returned to his.

  Meghan had goose-pimples from what she perceived as a cold threatening sta
re. Her gaze skittered away from his and refocused on Andie’s.

  “I’m so sorry, Andie. Maggie,” she said, referring to Andie’s mother. “Andrew, Tanna, Beth…” Meghan’s voice trailed off, stopping the flow of Andie’s sisters’ names. Andie’s eyes shed new tears. “I’m sorry! I wish I had been there for ye! They were like my family. I grew up with them, with yer sisters,” Meghan said and hugged Andie again. “They were like my own.”

  Andie closed her eyes letting the tears fall down her cheeks. Seeing Andie’s pain, Gavin wanted nothing more than to envelop her in his arms, carry her upstairs, and protect her from the world.

  “I’ve missed ye so much,” Andie whispered painfully.

  The crowd, curious only a moment before, had now dispersed, grumpy that the story would be postponed until tomorrow. After over two weeks without hearing Andie’s continuing saga, they had begun rumors as to the story’s development. Now they had to wait yet another day, and they weren’t happy.

  Bryce stood aside with Charlie, enjoying the reunion between his daughter and his best friend’s daughter. Gavin stood by, in case Andie needed to be carried away, forcefully if need be. Gabriel sat looking at Meghan, spellbound by her beauty and enchanted by her voice.

  The two young women sat at the table and began chatting away. Slowly, they left the topic of Andie’s slain family, and spoke about lighter subjects. Gabriel and Gavin sat by the fire, drinking ale in order to numb the ringing in their ears. They couldn’t believe that two women could chat for so long, so quickly, and finish each other’s thoughts without finishing the sentence.

  “So then ye went to the…” Andie said.

  “A-ha, and I saw…”

  “Ye saw…!”

  “Yep, and it was beautiful! Like the time we…”

  “Yes! I remember. We had walked down to-”

  “The loch and saw-”

  “The cove! Yes. Remember, we had…”

  All the men looked at one another, shook their heads, and swallowed a long drink. Their heads were spinning, alright.

  Hours elapsed and Bryce and Charlie began to nod off. After a while, the incessant chatter had become soothing. Gavin and Gabriel were the only ones who’d managed to remain awake from the buzz of chitter-chatter, and they remained awake by starring at two beautiful women.