Jack wants to sit next to me at graduation. I told him I couldn’t say yes since they line us up. He said he wants to see me a lot before we leave in the fall. We both agreed that if neither of us are with anyone else by the end of the summer then we’ll, as Jack put it, “sponsor each other’s loss of virginity before we go to college.” Not very romantic I know, but I might take him up on it. He goes to Michigan in August and said he wants to hang until the end of summer. He’s a sweet guy and we both know this is a no pressure situation. Guess we’ll see what happens in August. I always thought I’d lose it to someone I was in love with but I don’t want to go to college a virgin either.
PART II
Higher ed. or same old mess?
Sun 7/8/90
So that’s over with. I wish I could be more excited about finally having sex last night but frankly I wasn’t all that impressed. I mean, Jack is awesome and he’s a good kisser and all that but I don’t really get why people do this all the time. It was over before I even stopped hurting from it. And it totally hurt but I didn’t bleed like the girls at school tried to tell me I would. I also didn’t cry like Alyson said I would. Anyway, we ended up doing it in the back seat of Jack’s car in this quiet little parking lot I never even knew existed back behind the library. It was either that or in his finished basement where his little sister and dad could walk in at any second. At least in the car we were alone. He said it’s better the second time but I asked how he knew that since he’d never done it before either. He just shrugged and said that’s what he heard.
Fri 11/23/90
Well I went to my first frat party last night. It was interesting. I hooked up with some guy and I can’t even remember his name now. Is that bad? We didn’t sleep together, just made out and I let him get to second base. Eh. Probably won’t ever see him again but a few girls I know are trying to get me to rush next spring so who knows. I don’t think I can handle the partying but Kelly joined one out in AZ and she said it’s more than that, she made some great friends. I just want to concentrate on my classes though so I can get a good job after I graduate.
Tues. 5/14/91
Work. School. Work. School. I can’t wait for summer break. At least I get some time off this summer. Ma and dad are flying out to AZ to see Kelly in August and I’m thinking of going with them to get out of here for a while even though it will be way too hot. But dad said tickets are cheap in the summer and he’ll pay. Kelly said she’s thinking of dropping out even though she’s a 3.0 student. She met some guy and wants to move in with him. I think she’s crazy to even think about it.
I hid around the corner on the way back into the kitchen last Sunday night when I was having dinner at home and ma and dad were talking about it in the kitchen. Dad said he wants to offer to pay for her to finish (like, pay all her bills) so she can quit her job and just concentrate on her degree. My jaw dropped but I’m not surprised. Dad is the only one in our family to finish college. I know it’s a big deal to him but until that moment I never knew how much. If I go out there this summer maybe I’ll meet a sweet cowboy to sweep me off my feet. But probably not.
Wed. 11/13/91
Another attempt at a relationship, another jerk and so it ended. Jess and I decided to make a pact last to stop dating Townies. Sadly, my brain seems to think that means I should stop dating all together but I’m tired of having my heart broken by all these city guys. All they care about is drinking and being tough. What sucks is I have no other options. I mean, where is an overworked, over-stressed college student supposed to meet guys other than at the bar?
Sat. 6/20/92
Chad. Holy crap. Chad! What a blast from the past! Wait, let me start at the start. Jess and I went out to Playa Bar to get wasted. Her because she got dumped by her summer job and boyfriend within two days of each other and me because I really needed a night out away from numbers. Working and going to school full time has been killing me. I haven’t even had a date in six months. Not since winter break when I hooked up with Jack while we were both back home. Which hardly counts as a date, because, I mean, it was Jack.
Ma said I should quit the job and focus on school alone next year but Feldman and Associates said they might want to hire me full time when I graduate. “Lock me down,” my boss said. The people there are cool and it would be nice to know I have a job secured. My loans won’t pay themselves but my dad didn’t make me the same offer they made Kelly (who stuck it out and graduated, I didn’t get to go because I still had classes) so I know I’m on my own for this. Anyway, tonight Jess promised she wouldn’t cry, but that didn’t last long so I helped her into a cab to go home and decided to grab one more drink. Who was at the end of the bar but Chad.
He came around and bear hugged me then laid a kiss on me that made me feel like such a cliché because I actually felt my knees go weak. It was impossible to talk, so loud in there. We’re getting together next week to catch up. He just graduated Babson with a BA in business management. How did we end up at the same school and I didn’t know or even see him for two full years? Life is crazy. Maybe it was fate?
Thurs. 11/26/92
I’m so stuffed! It feels like I never ate before in my life. Truth told I’m saving all my money like a crazy person so I’m eating Ramen and tuna fish for pretty much every meal right now. I don’t mind though, my savings account is growing and that makes me feel good. All my hard work is paying off! But ma made an amazing Thanksgiving dinner so I’m sure I just ate enough for ten meals. Last week on Friends their Thanksgiving meal burned and I laughed of course but that would be the worst. Everything was amazing and now I need to go have a turkey nap.
Fri. 1/22/93
Happy birthday to me! Finally 21. Well, as of tomorrow but everyone had plans tomorrow already. Not that it matters, Playa serves anyone. Those guys couldn’t care less as long as everyone keeps it in check and I’ve never gotten out of control. I honestly don’t even like being drunk. Chad’s going. I’m still not sure what’s going on with him and me. He dates all these girls but doesn’t even pay attention to them when we all go out. He just talks to me and asks me to dance all night. He has apologized at least 200 times for how he broke it off with me in high school and I keep telling him to get over it, because I did.
Cherry dropped out of UDub. Her parents freaked out and told her not to bother coming home. She called me hysterical then spent the last of her savings to drive back to Mass. Jess and I agreed Cherry should stay with us until she’s on her feet. It’s been a couple weeks now and we’re all talking about getting an apartment together with 3 bedrooms. I can’t wait to graduate next year, Chad said he wants to take me to Key West to celebrate. I’ll have to get a week off before I even start working full time. We’ll see how that goes over.
Fri. 4/29/93
If I never have to use another Phych term I’ll be the happiest girl in all the world. Classes are the worst right now. I have senioritis but I’m only a junior. I’m just sick of trying to fit it all in. Between work and school I have plenty of stress, but then throw in Chad and my brain can’t take it anymore. He calls. He cools. He dates other girls. He and I hang out in my dorm room all night. I haven’t even wanted to ask what he’s thinking is going on with us because there’s too much going on otherwise but now I feel like we need to talk it out because we actually hooked up last night. Today he’s not returning my call and we only fooled around, we didn’t even have sex. Whatever, I need to concentrate on classes anyway even though I’m so ready to be done for the summer.
Tues. 10/26/93
So tonight was interesting. For the first time in my life I actually got thrown out of a bar. Well, in all honesty, it was Chad who got tossed but we were “together” which means I went too. Guess he wasn’t keen on me dancing with Lou (from Civics & Culture). Chad was at the bar and Lou asked me to dance. I wasn’t about to say no because I love dancing but Chad saw him grab my ass and came out on the dance floor to push Lou. It got heated and the bouncer all but pushed him out the fro
nt door.
Lou stayed and I forced Chad to sit down and tell me why he flipped out. I said we weren’t even officially dating so he had no right. He apologized and said that was his fault. He wanted to make it official for so long but didn’t know how to ask me. I was shocked because he always hangs out with other girls and I’ve definitely seen him get a little grabby on the dance floor before too. I told him to give me a few days to figure out what I want and he agreed. But we didn’t talk the entire drive back to my place and he dropped me off barely even saying goodbye. I’m a senior, I need to focus on school, but we already hang out so much and I’m doing fine in my classes. Would it be too weird to date him again after all this time?
Tues. 2/15/94
Whoever decided to make Valentine’s Day the Monday before an 8AM class was just a cruel human who clearly never tried to maintain a 3.8 GPA. Chad and I celebrated being together for 4 months last night. Technically, 1 in high school and only 3 since I agreed to let him take me out last fall, but we like to pretend it’s been longer. He kept me up all night after dinner and we slept together for the first time. And I’m glad I waited until after high school with him. At least we both know what we’re doing now. My roommate told me she’d be at her boyfriend’s place all night so we had the place all to ourselves. She still isn’t back yet but I’m totally exhausted now after a full day of classes. Chad wants to see me again tonight but I told him there was no chance. I called in sick to Feldman & Associates so I can go lay down. My boss didn’t sound too happy about it but I almost never call in and it’s the last couple months of college. I still don’t know if I want that job after I graduate.
PART III
The real world?
Sun. 7/24/94
I had a feeling when I asked for the summer off Feldman would send me packing and I was right. I just need some time off to do something with my life before I settle into working for the next 40 years. Chad taking me to Key West isn’t happening either. He’s too busy at work. Whatever. Kelly begged me to come spend the summer with her but southern Arizona is miserable in the heat and her fiancée wasn’t too thrilled with the idea of having a little sister hanging around for three months anyway. He’s such a jerk. Brian. I have no idea what my sister even sees in the guy other than he has a steady job and money and plays guitar in some local band. Brian’s 8 years older than her and they really don’t have anything in common. Dad loves him. Dad doesn’t really know him though. Brian never lets Kelly do anything unless it’s something he wants to do. I hope she comes back for nana’s birthday party in the fall but I doubt Brian will come with her if she comes back.
Maybe I’ll move back to Arlington. Chad said he’d leave Needham tomorrow. Some friend of his that I’ve never met wants them to open a bar and restaurant in Burlington. Chad would manage the bar and his friend will cook. He said I should move in with him. I don’t know. I think I need to get out of here for a while. Jess and Cherry are moving to California together next week. Jess is going for her MA in education out at UCSB and Cherry said if she has to be a waitress she’d rather do it at the beach with cute surfers. She’s not going back to school. Her family still hasn’t called. She hasn’t called them either.
I could drive out with the girls and stay for a while, fly back. Maybe Kelly would drive out there and spend some time too. She told me I should go, life is short, a million reasons. I’ve never really been anywhere outside of New England, I want to see things before I get old like my parents and have to ask for time off from a boss just so I can take a vacation.
Sun. 8/28/94
Well I went. To California I mean. And let me tell you how hard it was to come back! The constant sunshine and the temperatures were perfect. Not to mention everyone is so relaxed. The driving is crazy but whatever, I’m from Boston. Chad picked me up at Logan and told me he missed me so much. But I felt out of place as soon as we got back to the apartment. He convinced me to move in with him because I couldn’t afford the place in Needham without the girls and I still don’t have a job yet. California is so pretty and relaxed. Cherry got a job on our 3rd day in town. No shock, she’s gorgeous with those huge blue eyes and she has that perky, unflustered personality that restaurants like in their wait staff. The girls want 2 more roommates. Jess said they’d hold a room for me. I laughed but I have to be honest, I’ve been thinking about it non-stop since they made the offer.
Sat. 12/3/94
Moving across the country? That didn’t happen and I’m happy that it didn’t. After moving in with Chad it felt weird, I’d never lived with anyone before. Well, aside from my college roommates. Never a guy I was dating. It took a while but I eventually started looking forward to coming home to see him every day. It’s nice. I feel like a grown up. Plus, after starting at AGA back in September I’ve been able to save a bunch of money since we’re splitting the bills and stuff. It really is kind of nice to be in a solid relationship for the first time.
Thurs. 12/29/94
Chad asked me to marry him tonight. We were out at dinner and he passed me the box when I asked for ketchup. No getting down on one knee. No romantic overture. He said he wanted to do it on Christmas or New Year’s but “split the difference because everyone gets engaged on those other days” and it made me smile. He stammered the whole time, tripping over the words and his black bangs kept falling across his forehead. It was sweet so what could I say? I had to say yes. I love him.
Maybe now that the restaurant with Manny is open we can move out of this third floor dump in Woburn. I’m making good money in Waltham at AGA, we could live somewhere closer so the traffic isn’t so bad for me. Chad doesn’t have to worry about that, he doesn’t leave until noon most days then gets home most nights after 2AM. I’ve never been at a point like this in my life before. I love Chad so I said yes of course, but our time together is so limited. He’s gone 14 hours a day six days a week. Funny too, the girls are begging me to come back out to Cali. Jess never started school, she saw an ad for a tutor and now she’s running her own tutoring business 5 days a week explaining biology to rich people’s kids. I could probably get a job there in a heartbeat. Cherry keeps mailing me want ads with big purple marker circles around them and smiley faces all over the page. But Chad… He’ll never leave Mass. Or the restaurant. And I need to forget about all of this anyway. We’re getting married next June!
Sun. 6/11/95
After all the calls and emails back and forth with my family the day finally arrived! I’m officially Mrs. Carol DePalma. And I’m totally changing my name even though a lot of women these days are hyphenating. Because Williams-DePalma is way too long to have to sign all the time. I’ve been practicing my signature already even though we just got married today. I wanted to be ready when the official change takes place. Chad passed out almost as soon as we got home. Guess that whole thing about not having sex on your wedding night is true for us. We also can’t go on our honeymoon for a couple months because he couldn’t get out of the restaurant until August. That’s okay, we’re going to have the best time in Aruba so I can wait!
Sat. 8/19/95
What a honeymoon! We drank and danced and ate so much seafood I’m surprised I can even move my arm to write this. We snorkeled and just lazed around the beach most days. Then there was this one night we stayed at the resort instead of going to do anything and we ended up in the lobby bar. The bartender had moved from Virginia five years ago. A fact she was happy to share with Chad and I all night long. I finally got bored with talking about her expat life and made my way back to the room. I found Chad passed out in a lounge chair out on the beach the next morning. I don’t know how he can drink like that, he barely even moved the whole next day and so I got him water and food and we sat under an umbrella all day. At least it happened in the middle of the week, it would have sucked for him to be hungover on the plane. It would’ve sucked for me too I guess.
Tues. 10/3/95
Nana died. Two days before her 80th birthday. Ma had a whole surprise party pla
nned for this Saturday. Now she’s planning a funeral instead. Kelly wasn’t going to make it for the party. Brian said they didn’t have the money for her to fly back for “a stupid party” and she called me crying last month. I had to call her today and tell her about nana, ma was a disaster. Kelly lost it. Brian was in the background saying they could never afford a last minute ticket. Chad hugged me and told me to buy her a ticket but “not for that dickhead Brian.”
Kelly told me she was done, over it. I think if we fly her home for the funeral she may not go back to him. I hate to see anyone get divorced but they shouldn’t be together. Even dad is starting to see Brian for who he really is. But Kelly hates admitting she made a mistake. Plus she has that Catholic guilt thing but that’s no excuse to be miserable every day for the rest of her life. I’m so glad I decided to marry Chad. He’s stable and even though he works really late nights 7 days a week now, he doesn’t treat me like that.
Fri. 2/23/96
Chad didn’t make it home from work last night. I woke up this morning to get ready to go to work and had a panic attack. I called the bar even though my first instinct was to call the cops. He answered on the third ring and kept apologizing but I was still totally freaked out and he just laughed it off, not a big deal, better than driving drunk, and I hung up without even saying I love you. And I couldn’t get over the feeling of fear all day. My friend at work, Jane, and I went to lunch and she asked if this is the first time he’s done this. I had to gulp down half of my iced tea to hold the tears inside.
Carol + Chad 4-eva! (California Dreamin' Series Book 1) Page 2
