Midwest Magic Chronicles Box Set

by Flint Maxwell

  Uh, good one, Sherlock interjected in her thoughts. Real funny and all, but we have a bit of a problem over here.

  Maria snapped her head in Sherlock, Claire, and Tabby’s direction. Tabby was sitting in Claire’s lap on the ground. There was a deep red mark around her neck that was going a shade of purple, and she had tears in her eyes.

  Maria rushed to her friend’s side. “I’m so sorry, Tab. Are you all right?”

  “Do I look all right?” Tabby snapped.

  The answer was ‘no,’ but Maria figured it was a question she wasn’t supposed to answer, so she didn’t.

  “I want to go back home, Maria,” Tabby said quietly, so as not to offend Gramps. “I’m not cut out for magical worlds. I’m not a witch.”

  Maria took Tabby’s hand. “No, but you’re brave. One of the bravest girls I know. I mean, you kicked a giant spider in the nuts. That’s saying something.”

  Tabby let herself smile at that.

  Claire even chuckled.

  “Yeah, I guess I am—but I still want to go home, Maria. I’m sorry. I can scratch kicking a giant spider in the balls off my bucket list and live out the rest of my life knowing I’m a badass. What use will that be if I barely make it to my mid-twenties?”

  Maria nodded and looked toward Gramps, who was slinking behind them, looking on with hurt in his eyes.

  “Can we take Tabby home?” she asked.

  Gramps nodded. “Of course.”

  She looked back at Tabby. “Can’t persuade you to stay?”

  Tabby shook her head.

  She then looked at Claire. “What about you? Do you want to go back, too?”

  Claire wouldn’t meet Maria’s eyes. “I…uh,” she hesitated as she looked at Tabby. “It’s nothing personal, but Tab is hurt, and I really didn’t think I was going to have to deal with another giant humanoid spider, you know?”

  Maria nodded. Despite her obvious disappointment, she smiled at her two friends. It was her fault, after all, that Tabby was hurt, and that they were all in some foreign world where two moons hung above them, and spiders walked on two feet, craving human flesh.

  “Come, come,” Gramps urged gently, walking over to Maria and putting his arm around her; Maria sheathed her sword to let him embrace her. “It won’t be long until the Arachnids come back with reinforcements,” he reminded her.

  Claire shuddered. “Ugh, yeah, I’ll have one portal, please.”

  “Your wish is my command, dear.” Gramps closed his eyes, and a peaceful calm came over his features. Then he began to sing in that sweet, high melodic tone that Maria first heard when she was a baby.

  A portal opened in the middle of the street in which they stood. Maria could see the inside of Salem’s Ice Cream Shop; the checkered tile floors, the tables still pushed together where she had woken up from her run-in with Malakai. The window was fixed, and Salem was wiping down the front counter while opera music played loudly over the speakers.

  “After you, Maria,” Gramps said, sweeping his arm toward the portal.

  Maria helped Claire lift Tabby off the ground.

  Wanna put her on my back? I can champion her like a medieval horse, Sherlock offered.

  Maria snorted, causing Tabby to give her an odd, sideways look. “Did Sherlock just offer to give me a ride?”

  “Did you hear him?” Maria asked.

  Tabby shook her head. “No, I can just tell by the way he looked at me. Tell him I said thanks for the offer, but I’m okay. I’ll survive.”

  Duh, I can hear you, Sherlock reminded Tabby.

  Maria chose not to interpret that bit for her friend, instead saying, “He said you’re welcome.”

  That’s not what I said at all!

  Maria glared at him, and he quickly shut his mental mouth.

  With one arm around Claire and the other around Maria, Tabby hobbled toward the portal. Gramps continued singing.

  They all went through to the other side.

  Chapter Three

  “Ow, ow, ow!” Tabby cried.

  The landing was not the smoothest. Salem’s floor was slippery, and when they took their first step onto the tile, they went sliding headlong into the pushed-together tables. Somewhere a record scratched, and the opera music cut out.

  “My floor!” Salem shouted. He came out from behind his desk and pointed at a fresh scuffmark from one of the girls’ sneakers. “I just mopped it all up!”

  “Your floor?” Claire echoed incredulously. “What about us?”

  Luckily for Tabby, Claire and Maria had broken her fall. Sherlock slid into one of the trashcans, his backside in the air, and garbage spilled out all over him; sticky napkins and empty ice cream containers. Sherlock’s tail wagged furiously—he was in heaven.

  “And look at that mess!” Salem continued. “It looks worse than after the battle.”

  Agnes came out of the backroom with a smile on her face. “Oh, be quiet, you old hermit. At least we don’t have to clean up any more blood.”

  Maria looked around. She’d rocked her head pretty hard, but Agnes was right…there was no blood—only budding bruises.

  Gramps stepped through the portal just as it closed. He didn’t slip or slide or fall; he came out as coolly and calmly as ever, looking like Clint Eastwood in a Western movie—the only difference being the use of wands instead of six-shooters.

  “Yeah, we’ll have to work on our landings,” Gramps agreed. “One day, you may even become as cool as I am.”

  Claire rubbed her head. “Yeah, I bet you walk away from explosions like James Bond or something.”

  “I’ll have you know,” Gramps insisted, raising a hand, “I’ve not exploded something in a long while.”

  “Can’t say I haven’t,” Maria mused. She looked at Tabby, who was getting up on her own. Her neck was now swollen and bruised. Small pokers from the Arachnid’s arms had stuck her in a jagged semicircle, leaving welled dots of blood. “Come on, Tab, let’s get you to a hospital.”

  “Hospital?” Tabby replied, exasperated. “Seriously? What the hell am I going to tell my mom and dad? ‘Hey Mom, I didn’t make dinner tonight because I was too busy getting choked out by a giant spider that wanted to eat my flesh. Oh, and Dad, don’t worry, I’m not on drugs. I promise. Remember when I took that pledge to stay alcohol, drug, and tobacco free in middle school? Well, I’ve held true to my promise and I’m as clean as a whistle… all this crap you think I’m hallucinating isn’t a hallucination, I swear!’ Yeah, that’ll go over real smooth with the ‘rents.”

  Claire snickered. “They definitely know you’re not alcohol-free. Remember what you did two weekends ago?”

  “What did you do?” Maria asked. She saw Tabby’s face go red. “What, c’mon, I thought you told me everything, Tab!”

  “Apparently not,” Claire said.

  “How come Claire knows? Not fair.”

  “Only reason Claire knows is because she was tasked with the unfortunate job of picking me up, since she was just leaving the mall,” Tabby answered.

  “Spill it,” Maria said.

  Even Agnes, Salem, and Gramps were waiting for the story. Sherlock, on the other hand, was too busy licking the floor near the trashcan, mumbling something about the taste of vanilla ice cream and lemon cleaning product.

  “Fine, but you all have to promise not to laugh,” Tabby said.

  Salem raised his right hand, a smile on his face. “I promise not to laugh too hard.”

  Tabby glared at him. “Fair enough,” she said after a moment’s silence. “I was at a frat party—I know, I hate those things, but one of my sorority sisters dragged me along and I technically had to go. Anyway, they were passing around this two liter of Dr. Pepper, and stupid me didn’t realize it was probably spiked. Sure enough, I took a swig and everyone starts chanting, ‘Chug, chug, chug!’ and I love Dr. Pepper, you all know that. Honest to God, it tasted just like Dr. Pepper, too. No booze at all. I drained about half the bottle and suddenly all the people at the party were c
oming up to me and patting me on the back, telling me how good of a job I did. Then some were asking me if I was feeling funny, but—stupid me—I just nodded and said that I felt perfectly fine. Then…BOOM! It hit me. The room started spinning, I couldn’t understand any of the lyrics in the songs that were playing, and I was in the middle of the dance floor doing the chicken dance, despite that not even being close to what was playing over the speakers.”

  “Well, that doesn’t sound too bad,” Agnes said. She brushed her wild gray hair out of her face. “Sounds like you just had a good time with a little alcohol. Pretty normal for a young woman your age.”

  “Oh, it’s gets worse.”

  Claire had to cover her face to mask her laughter.

  “I started making out with a scarecrow, you know, like one of those Halloween decorations,” Tabby continues. The ice cream shop got very quiet.

  “Like a real scarecrow?” Maria asked, trying to hold back laughter.

  Tabby nodded slowly. "Is there such a thing as a fake one? Connie Boardman got it on video tape…"

  “How did that happen?” Salem said. “You poor girl.”

  “Simple answer: alcohol…and the fact that I apparently have a thing for scarecrows."

  That did it. No one could hold back their laughter. They all erupted. Sherlock even joined in, tearing himself away from licking the garbage can and the floor long enough to chortle inside of Maria’s head.

  “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. I’m never touching booze again,” Tabby said.

  “You should take that story to all the high school health classes around the country. It would be a major deterrent to drinking,” Maria said.

  “That’s what I said!” Claire added. “But could you imagine a bunch of high schoolers listening to that? They’d laugh harder than we did.”

  Maria nodded. “Yeah, maybe scratch that idea, Tab. But seriously, we need to get you to a hospital.”

  “Can’t you just magic my pain away?” she asked.

  Salem chuckled. “I might have some Percocet back in the office from when I got my hip surgery.”

  “Drugs, Salem,” Agnes said. “Drugs.”

  “Right.”

  “I’ll be fine. It’s not too bad,” Tabby said, rubbing the wound. “I’ll just tell my mom I fell or something.”

  Yeah, like she’ll believe that,” Claire said. “Your mom’s never believed anything. Come on, I’m driving you to the hospital,” Claire put her foot down and then placed her hands on her hips. There was no denying Claire when she was like that.

  “Fine,” Tabby finally said, sighing. “But don’t mention anything about the huge spiders. I don’t want to end up in the psych ward like my cousin in New Mexico.”

  “You have a cousin in the psych ward?” Maria asked.

  “Long story,” Tabby replied.

  Maria nodded. “I see. Right, let’s go to the hospital.”

  “Uh-uh, girlfriend,” Claire said. “You got worlds to save. Go find that Gnome and make him spill the beans.”

  Did someone say ‘beans’? Sherlock asked, his head up and eyes wide.

  “No beans for you, Sherlock,” Maria said.

  Aww.

  “We’ll be fine,” Claire continued. “If we get into any trouble, I always have my Kia to run things over with.”

  This got a laugh from the crowd at Salem’s. Maria found herself wondering where the Muffler twins were.

  Just as Claire and Tabby were heading out the door, Maria looked up and saw someone walking down the sidewalk, on the shop’s side. Her heart skipped a beat. Who would be walking down the street at this ungodly hour? It could only be an undesirable, she knew that for sure. Maybe a servant of the Arachnids somehow notified by the ones that got away in Oriceran? She rested her hand on the hilt of her sword, preparing for another fight.

  Gramps saw her, then saw where she was looking through the now-fixed show window, and shook his head. She saw it, and let her hand drop away from the sword. Why? she was about to ask, but then the figure walked under a streetlamp, and that tall, muscular body was unmistakable.

  “Joe?” Maria said, her voice breaking. This is crazy. How did he know I would be here? I’m not supposed to be here. I’m supposed to be in Oriceran, finding a Gnome and uncovering the secrets to the world in between so I can save the lost villagers—the lost villagers that are, in some way, my family.

  Joe saw her through the plate-glass window. He was holding something in his hand, but Maria couldn’t make it out. Now everyone turned to see what Maria was looking at.

  “Oh, no,” Salem sighed. “Gonna have to tell the poor chap that we’re closed. Doesn’t he know what time it is?”

  “That’s not a customer,” Claire said, “though he is looking for something sweet.” She winked in Maria’s direction. Maria did her best to ignore it.

  She ran out the front door, causing the bell to chime above her.

  “Joe!” she said.

  “There you are! I looked everywhere for you. I was…kind of worried. I know, I know, that sounds creepy; I stopped by your house because you forgot this at the mall and I figured you wouldn’t be coming back, with what happened with Ted and all…”

  He pulled a change purse from his pocket. It had an Aztec design on it. Yep, that’s mine, all right. Joe was right, too—she would’ve never gone back to the Popcorn Palace to get it, mostly because it was just a change purse, and it only had about fifty-eight cents in it.

  “Thank you,” Maria said, taking the purse back. “I suppose a tip is in order?” Her tone was playful enough, but Joe hadn’t caught it. He looked at her confusedly.

  “Just joking,” Maria said. She shook the purse. The coins jingled. “Not much in there for a tip.” She gave him a weak smile. God, I’m ruining it. He’s obviously just looking for an excuse to see me, and here I am, twirling my thumbs like a nervous kid at the doctor’s office.

  “Yeah,” Joe said. He scratched the back of his neck. “Well, like I said, I went to your house and all the lights were on, so I knocked, and no one answered and the dog didn’t bark… It worried me a little. I’m a security guard, after all.”

  Maria found herself smiling dumbly. She knew if she looked in the mirror, she would’ve really regretted the face she was making.

  “Thank you, Joe, that’s really nice. Not many guys are as chivalrous as you.”

  Inside of her head, she could imagine the reaction Claire and Tabby would give when she finally told them about this conversation. ‘Chivalrous? More like creepy…’

  “So, um, what are you guys up to at an ice cream place this late?” He looked at his wristwatch, the numbers glowing neon green. They said 2:08 a.m., and Maria quickly realized she’d only been in Oriceran for a matter of minutes before she came back to Earth. Funny how time works there.

  Joe looked over to the left at the plate-glass show window and did a double-take.

  Oh, no. Maria’s neck creaked as she swiveled her head to look.

  Sure enough, the whole crew inside of Salem’s was watching her talk to Joe—even Sherlock, which was a miracle, since she hadn’t thought anything could tear him away from the prospect of food and garbage; the best of both worlds. Claire and Tabby each wore a sly smile on their face; Gramps looked on proudly, but with a hint of animosity—Maria was, after all, his little girl, no matter how old she was; Agnes and Salem had their arms around each other, and she could’ve sworn she heard Salem say, ‘Ah, young love’ through the glass; lastly, Sherlock had his nose pressed up against the glass, and each time he breathed, a little cloud of fog obscured his face.

  “Yeah, just ignore them,” Maria said, chuckling awkwardly. “We can go somewhere a bit more private.” She pointed down the sidewalk, out of the light from the streetlamp. “Like over there?”

  Joe nodded, a look of amusement on his face. He still held something behind his back; Maria was dying to know what it was.

  Joe began to stammer. “I-I…uh, I wanted to ask you a question…” he said.


  Faintly, Maria heard Sherlock’s voice in her head. He’s going to ask why you have a sword hanging around your waist and an Indiana Jones satchel over your shoulders. Probably just one of a million questions he has for you.

  The words ‘Shut up’ were on her lips, but that would just make her look crazy. Still, it was good to know she could hear Sherlock even if he was inside. The telepathic effect was very much the same as talking; just as someone who was farther away would sound faded, Sherlock sounded faint in her head.

  “You can ask me anything,” Maria said.

  “I would’ve asked you through text message, but you weren’t responding, so I did the craziest thing I think I’ve done since smartphones came out.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Well, I called you,” Joe said, grinning. Maria returned the smile. “And when I got an automatic message saying your line was disconnected, I worried.” He scratched the back of his neck again. Maria was quickly realizing this was one of his tells.

  Let’s hope he doesn’t ever play poker, Sherlock said, practically reading Maria’s mind.

  “I’ll be honest with you, Maria. I know I might be coming off as a little bit creepy—”

  “No, not at all,” she cut him off. “I think it’s…” She blushed. “Sweet. It’s sweet.”

  Joe perked up, that familiar, wonderful grin on his face. “You mean it?”

  Maria nodded.

  “Well, okay, that’s great!”

  Then he pulled out what he was hiding from behind his back—it was a bouquet of roses. Red and white and pink. Maria gasped. The smile she was wearing melted away, and her lip started to quiver.

  Don’t cry, Maria. Don’t you cry, dammit. Be strong.

  But that was easier said than done. No guy had ever given her roses before. Even in high school, where she wasn’t the most popular of girls, she’d had a few male suitors—but those guys usually just tried to get her to come over to their house when their parents weren’t home, or offered to take her out to the gorge, which was make out central. Gramps had given her flowers on the day she graduated from middle school, but they weren’t roses; they were called monkey-face orchids. Though they were cool as hell—the flower actually looked like a monkey’s face—and she appreciated them, it just wasn’t the same as getting flowers from a guy she’d had a crush on for such a long time.