Nobody's Perfect

by Kallypso Masters

  Adam said in a low voice, "Victor handles aftercare a lot better than the actual whipping. He knows she's still in catharsis. Talking now would pull her out too soon. She does need to know Victor is there for her, so he'll touch her, but he won't intrude until she's finished processing the emotions she's just released."

  Savi continued to watch, mesmerized. This might not be therapy, but for Patti, it certainly was therapeutic. Damián had given her what she needed. This was the first time she'd ever heard about one Dom providing a service for some other Dom's sub. Of course, she'd been a pawn of Lyle's and her father's many times, passed around to service whichever clients were on the agenda. But none of those men had cared about her needs or taken care of her the way Damián and Victor were taking care of Patti. They weren't doing this to meet their own sexual or sadistic needs. It was all about Patti and having her emotional needs met.

  After what seemed like an eternity to Savi, Patti's eyelids fluttered open and she looked up at Victor. Something he said brought a smile to her face. When he kissed her, Savi turned away, realizing for the first time she'd been intruding on a private moment.

  In an instant, Savi had a flash of clarity. She wanted to be the one chained to that post. She wanted Damián to use the cat—well, no, maybe just a whip—on her. Like Patti.

  She glanced across the room and watched as Damián finished cleaning his whip. He must have taken care of the cat while she was mesmerized with Patti and Victor's decompression—no, aftercare, Adam had called it. Damián applied some kind of lotion to the leather, coiled it, and tucked it into his leather bag. He zipped the bag, picked it up, and then turned toward her. Something knotted in the pit of her stomach.

  Damián, I want to feel again.

  Savi blinked rapidly, but her eyes continued to sting with unshed tears. A look of regret crossed Damián's face. He turned away from her and walked toward the door.

  Thank God. What on earth was she thinking? She'd never be able to experience what Patti had tonight. She'd never even be able to get beyond being restrained again, much less take that level of pain.

  She was beyond hope. Savi wished she could shed the tears stinging the backs of her eyelids.

  "Breathe, Savi. Now." She blinked and found Adam face-to-face with her. "Damián can help you, too."

  She shook her head, then wondered how he'd known what she'd been thinking. "No one can help me."

  "Bullshit. Trust him."

  "I can't trust anyone that much."

  "What are you most afraid of?"

  Savi drew another deep breath, prepared to give her pat answer that she wasn't afraid of anything. But she was. She couldn't lie to herself any longer. "Too many things to name."

  "Name one."

  "Restraints. I can't let anyone restrain me."

  * * *

  Savi had no clue how she'd wound up back in the club again the next morning, soon after dropping Mari off at school.

  "Which is your dominant hand, Savi?"

  Savi swallowed, looking up at Adam who held a menacing bundle of olive-green rope in his hand. "My right."

  "Okay, I'm going to restrain your left hand and arm first. You'll still have use of your right one for a while. You still have some control, if you feel the need for it, until you get used to the restraints—and me."

  She could inflict a lot more damage with her feet and legs than with her hands anyway, but couldn't help herself from pointing out the obvious. "Like fighting with one hand tied behind my back?"

  Adam grinned. "One hand tied at your side, actually." He tweaked her nose as if she were a kid, similar to what Damián had done last week. "Trust me, little one. You aren't going to need to fight me off. Remember what we talked about? I'm just going to work on decreasing your fear threshold. Starting now. Deep breath."

  She forced herself to draw a slow, deep breath. No point trying to deny it. He had to know she was scared to death.

  So, why was she even considering letting him do this to her?

  Because she needed to get past her fear of being restrained before she'd ever be able to experience what Patti had with Damián last night. Damián had told her once that being restrained actually would make her feel freer. Dear lord, she hoped so.

  "Okay, I'm ready." Sweat broke out on her upper lip. Savi steeled herself for the terror to come.

  Adam chuckled. "No, you aren't. I think you need reinforcements. Wait here."

  Where would she go? Her legs had turned to mush. Maybe she wouldn't be able to protect herself, after all. A knot formed in the pit of her stomach. She watched Adam walk toward the hallway leading to the kitchen, remembering back to Christmas Day when she'd nearly opened the other door to this room, with Mari in tow. Thank God they had kept the doors to the club locked. She didn't blame Karla and Adam for house hunting. This was no place to raise a child. Savi appreciated how carefully they had shielded Mari from the club and its members last night, though.

  As she waited, she wondered what kind of reinforcements he had in mind. She really just wanted to get this over with. Before she could work herself into a full-blown panic attack, Adam came back into the great room with Damián and Karla following close behind him. Seeing Damián again caused the knot in her stomach to flip-flop to life. He wore his black leathers and a black Harley Davidson leather vest. No shirt. The tail of the dragon tattoo snaked down his bicep and arm, and she remembered how he'd made the dragon's mouth on his pectoral move when she'd first seen the tat.

  Her face grew warm. Damián didn't approach her. Instead, he came to a standstill a few feet away. Surprisingly, she wished he would take her in his arms again. She'd missed him so much.

  Now where had that impossible wish come from?

  He grinned at her, but she sensed he was a bit nervous, too, by the way he clenched and unclenched his jaw. "Dad tells me you might need a little encouragement."

  There was no censure in his voice for not letting him be the one to introduce restraints to her. She wasn't sure how much Damián could help, but his presence did relax her a little bit. She trusted Damián to make doubly sure nothing happened that she didn't want to happen. Karla, too.

  But was he disappointed that she hadn't asked him to do this? He'd left the club almost immediately after the scene with Patti. In her need to find out whether she could be restrained, Savi had turned last night to Adam and Karla for help, but it had gotten late. She needed to get back upstairs to Mari. Savi had tossed in bed all night, worrying about what she'd agreed to let Adam do.

  Karla stepped up to her side and whispered in her ear, "Remember what I told you last night about my first time in rope bondage?" Savi nodded. "Good. Just relax and give into the rope. It's an incredible feeling."

  "I feel silly needing so many people to do a simple arm restraint."

  Karla stroked her upper arm. "Oh, Savi, for my first time, I had Adam, Marc, Angelina, and Luke all there with me."

  Adam's large hand reached out and stroked Karla's expanding tummy. "I was the one who was scared shitless that time. Either you or Angelina roped me into that scene. I still haven’t figured out who the guilty party was."

  Karla looked up at Adam and smiled innocently, the love on her face so apparent. Savi's gaze went again to his hand on her belly. Lucky woman. Karla would have Adam by her side when she gave birth. Savi wished… She glanced at Damián.

  No. Don't even go there.

  Savi might not have had Mari's father at her birth, but she'd done fine without him. Anita had been an excellent coach. The woman had four kids of her own.

  Adam kissed Karla on the lips. With obvious regret, Karla broke off the kiss and turned her attention back to Savi. "Sorry." She blushed. "Where were we? Oh, yeah. Well, I trusted Adam to never do anything to hurt me when I let him tie me up that first time. But we'd known each other for nine years by then." Karla touched Savi's forearm. "You can trust him, too. He's a master at Shibari and a completely honorable man."

  Intellectually, Savi thought she could t
rust them all, but connecting what her mind thought with what her body felt wasn’t going to be easy. The fears of the past prohibited her from trusting anyone emotionally, but she was tired of living in fear all the time. Holding her chin up, Savi took a deep breath and released it slowly. "I'm ready."

  Damián took up a spot an arm's length in front of her and Karla stood beside Adam, who began to unwrap the bundle of rope.

  "Eyes on me, Savita."

  Savi's gaze was drawn to Damián's face. He smiled and took a step closer, invading her personal space. Her heartbeat tripped, then kicked up a notch, beating wildly. Damián's hands reached out and he stroked her shoulders and upper arms, having a surprisingly calming effect on her. Adam lifted her left elbow and positioned her hand in the air at a ninety-degree angle, as if she were waving to someone in the distance. Quickly, he looped three knots around her three fingers, leaving only the thumb and pinkie free.

  Here we go.

  "Breathe, querida."

  Damián took a breath as well and Savi mimicked him by drawing in a deep one of her own. Adam drew her hand back, nearer to her shoulder joint.

  Damián's hand stroked the underside of her arm. "You have such soft, beautiful skin."

  The touch of his warm fingers set forth an outbreak of gooseflesh, followed by warning bells. When her nipples hardened, she reached with her free hand to cover her chest, but he entwined his fingers in hers and returned her hand to her side.

  "Breathe, Savita."

  She squirmed in discomfort, then did as he'd reminded her. At least he didn't point out her body's traitorous betrayal—or take advantage of her.

  Adam's voice brought her back into the scene. "This technique is called the claw." He wrapped the rope close to her armpit, pulling her wrist closer to her upper arm. Her fingers curled into a claw-like pose. "Let me know immediately if the ropes get too tight or you feel any tingling or coldness anywhere."

  Well, her skin was tingling, but not from the rope. Adam's concern for her comfort helped her relax a bit more. She nodded.

  Karla whispered in her ear, "It's best that you give him verbal responses and address him as Sir. Good practice for when you come back to play in the club."

  Savi certainly didn't feel comfortable calling Adam "Sir," so she just said, "Yes, I understand."

  Adam grinned at her blatant omission, but went to work. One end of the rope began to fly as Adam looped it under and around her forearm and upper arm more quickly. Savi flexed her fingers and tried to move her hand to see how much mobility she had left.

  "Are you in any discomfort?"

  Adam's question stilled her movements. He seemed so attuned to her. "No. I'm fine." She continued to resist calling him Sir. The gentle tug of the rope began to relax her, but she wasn't worried about fighting them off, if she needed to. She still had a free hand and two unrestrained legs, but they had done a very good job of making her feel calm rather than threatened. Maybe Karla's presence helped, too.

  Adam continued to tie the rope, then pulled the end through once more and gave it a tug. He dropped his hands to his sides and came to stand beside Damián, but his gaze remained on her. "How are you doing, hon?"

  "Okay…Sir." Now where had that come from? The man somehow just commanded respect.

  "Good girl."

  The beginnings of panic clawed at her throat. Hearing the words from Adam didn't have the same effect as when Damián had said them to Patti.

  Damián seemed to be aware of her distress and stepped even closer. His body brushed against hers and he locked gazes with her, grounding her. "Deep breath, Savi." He wrapped his arms around her and stroked her back through her T-shirt as he turned to explain to Adam that those words were a trigger.

  Damián seemed a little upset, but she quickly realized he wasn't angry with her. Being held so securely, she was surprised to find her body relaxing against him.

  "Fuck. I'm sorry, hon. Damián told me about your triggers and I'm just so used to saying that to Karla and the other subs, I forgot."

  Savi didn't want to upset Adam. "It's okay."

  "No, it's not. A Dom needs to consider everything that might go down in a scene before he starts—and definitely needs to remember a sub's known triggers. You have my sincerest apology."

  Damián pulled back and glared at Adam, still displeased with him. She didn't want to come between these two.

  "It's not Adam's fault. It's just two silly words, really. I shouldn't let them bother me."

  Damián turned his focus back to her and brushed a loose strand of hair from her forehead. "Anything that has that kind of effect on you isn't silly. Don't negate your feelings. If you feel something, own it."

  Validate your feelings. How many textbooks had she read that in, and yet she'd spent a lifetime tamping down her feelings. Of course, she wasn't going to change that mindset in one evening. Damián seemed to sense that and just took her in his arms again. Her eyes began to burn. She'd never had any man other than maybe Father Martine consider her feelings to be all that important. It was comforting…and made her want to cry, for some reason. Not that she could. She never cried.

  Savi resisted the urge to lay her head against his shoulder. She let him continue to stroke her back. So gentle. Memories of how he'd touched her in the beach cave flitted around the edges of her brain, but she pushed them away. Those images were too painful, knowing she could never have that with him again.

  For now, though, she was content to just feel safe in Damián's arms.

  An amazingly safe place to be.

  Chapter Twelve

  Damián could kick Dad for not being more careful about the known triggers Damián had shared with him after he'd heard what Savi wanted to do. He'd never known the man to be that careless in a scene with a sub.

  Adam cleared his throat. "Son, I think Savi might be more comfortable having you bind her other arm."

  Damián pulled away from Savi, took a step back, and looked at Dad. Whoa! Dad just winked at him. Fuck it all. He should have known the man's mind was like a steel trap. No way would he have forgotten something as important as that trigger. Clearly, he'd set up a way to get Damián into the scene with Savi.

  When Dad had called him a couple hours ago, he'd no idea what was up until he'd gotten to the club. Learning what the plan was—or what he thought it was—Damián had informed Dad what he knew about Savi's triggers, not that he'd even begun to discover them all. Then Dad had come into the kitchen to get him and Karla and he'd walked into the great room to find Savi standing, waiting, at the Shibari station, and all thought had left his head.

  Damián couldn't get enough of the sight of her. When he'd gotten to touch her a little while ago, he thought he'd be content with that. Now he wanted more. So much more. More than he could ever hope to have.

  The thought of binding her with the ropes, touching her again, just about brought him to his knees.

  But had they established the level of trust necessary yet? What had changed from last night, when she'd seemed sickened by the sight of him? He thought he'd seen tears in her eyes from across the room and couldn't get away fast enough. Yet, today she'd let Dad restrain her arm—and they were relative strangers.

  Damián cupped her chin and turned her face toward him. She didn't flinch or pull away. Progress. "Would you let me bind your other arm, Savi?"

  Her body stiffened and he hid his disappointment as he prepared himself to hear her say no. When she lifted her free hand, he expected her to push him away, but she turned her hand palm upward and offered herself to him in the sweetest gesture he'd ever seen.

  Damián didn't want to waste time analyzing what had made her ready and willing, but he hoped he was able to get through this scene without losing it. His emotions were too close to the surface right now.

  If only she'd asked him to do something he was better trained to do. Shibari had always been a little too…tame for him, so he hadn't spent a lot of time working on his technique. He had learned from watching Da
d and Marc. Even Luke had started showing off some of his growing skill sets lately. Hell, if the Baby Dom could do it, how hard could it be? Luckily, this was a technique Dad had worked with him on before.

  Dad was here, too, and would help walk him through it if he made a mess of things.

  "Karla needs to get off her feet. If you'll excuse us, we're going to sit over here and watch."

  "I'm fine, Adam…oh!" Dad scooped a squealing Karla into his arms and carried her about six feet away from Damián and Savi, then sat down on the loveseat and eased Karla into his lap.

  Damn the man. Dad probably had orchestrated this entire scene right from the beginning. Damián shook his head and turned his attention back to Savi. Her smile wavered. He needed to act soon or she'd withdraw her hand. Bending down, he picked up a bundle of dyed silk rope and began untwisting it.

  Shaking it loose, he took the twenty-foot length in both hands and doubled it, then brought it up and over Savi's head and around her neck. He let the ends fall over her breasts and wished she wasn't wearing the long-sleeved T-shirt, but wasn't going to let it deter him from enjoying the hell out of this scene.

  Damián took the rope and massaged it against her neck and shoulders.

  "What are you doing?"

  "Preparing you for the rope."

  "I'm already half roped. Besides, Adam didn't do that." She bit her lower lip and glanced over at Dad and Karla.

  "Eyes on me, Savita." The pulse point in her neck throbbed against his fingertips. "Every Dom has his own technique." He didn't want to tell her Adam had been treating her as if she were a demonstration model, not a lover. Not that Damián could exactly call himself a lover, either. Hearing him say that sure as hell would freak her out. Of course, she hadn't seen Dad and Karla in one of their incredible sensual scenes yet. She probably wouldn't until after the baby came.

  Damián worked his hands and ropes up the column of her neck, until the pads of his thumb were resting on the pulse points just below her jaw. They pounded against his thumbs like those of a frightened rabbit. With the rope entwined in his hands, he let the tips of his fingers move into the hair at the back of her neck. As he massaged her scalp, she closed her eyes and released a sigh. Her eyes bolted open again. Was she surprised at her response, or worried she'd disobeyed by not keeping her eyes on him?