Fourth of July at the Corral

by Debra St. John

  Almost in slow motion, Tyler reached for Kyle, his left arm going beneath the boy’s denim clad bottom.

  Kyle placed his small palm on Tyler’s face. “Owies.” He kissed Tyler’s cheek. “All better?”

  Pam turned so neither would see the flood of tears.

  “Thanks, buddy.”

  She choked on a sob. She’d never been prouder of her son. She’d never admired Tyler’s courage and strength of character more.

  “Wanna play?”

  “S-sure.” Tyler set Kyle down.

  “Okay.” Kyle took Tyler’s hand. “C’mon.” He tugged him over to the trucks. “Sit.” He commanded.

  Should she give them time alone? Pam eased toward the kitchen.

  Tyler glanced up. “Are you leaving?” A hint of panic laced both his eyes and his voice.

  “I thought you might want some time with Kyle.”

  “No.” The uncertainty of his expression tore at her. “I mean, he doesn’t know me. Will he worry if you leave?”

  “I don’t think so, but I can stay if you like.”

  “Yes. Please.”

  The vulnerability in his tone nearly dropped her to her knees.

  ****

  Tucking Kyle into bed later that night with Tyler was one of the sweetest, and at the same time saddest, moments of Pam’s life. She’d done him a grievous wrong. How in the world would she make up for all of the simple moments Tyler had missed with his son? Not to mention the big ones like his first smile. His first word. His first steps.

  If she had told Tyler the truth three years ago, would he have still gone off to OCS? Or would he have stayed? She hadn’t wanted him to have to make the choice. So she’d made it for him. All three of them paid a heavy price.

  Back in the living room, Pam shoved her hands in the pockets of her shorts. Without the buffering presence of Kyle, she didn’t know what to say to Tyler. Would he want to stick around?

  “Would you like something to drink?” Falling back on her area of expertise couldn’t hurt.

  “Do you have any of that sweet tea?”

  “Mom just brewed a batch of homemade peach iced tea.”

  “Perfect.” He followed her into the kitchen. “Speaking of, will your mom be home soon?”

  “Nope.” Pam filled two glasses with ice from the door of the fridge. “She set up an impromptu game of Bunco with her lady friends. I don’t expect her back until midnight. At the earliest.” She filled the glasses with the flavored tea, then added a fresh mint sprig to each. “Do you want to sit in here or in the living room?” The downright civil, mundane conversation was more than she expected. More than she deserved. Things seemed almost—normal—between them again.

  “Living room.”

  Tyler sat on the couch. Pam took the easy chair. As tempting as it was to sit next to him, she wouldn’t push her luck.

  He sipped his tea, then studied the light brown liquid. “Do you always pray with Kyle like that, or was it for my benefit?”

  “Always.” She hesitated, but then continued. “When your father is a United States Marine, you pray for the people who protect and serve our country. He might not understand what it means right now, but as he gets older, he will.” They never left anyone out: military, police, firefighters. “Now that he knows you, we’ll pray for you by name.”

  Would it be Tyler or Daddy? How involved would he want to be in Kyle’s life?

  “I’m still angry with you.”

  She hung her head. “I know. You should be. I know it doesn’t make things right, but I truly am sorry.”

  “Did you think I wouldn’t have done the right thing by you if you told me you were pregnant?”

  She met his gaze full on. “No. I absolutely knew you’d want to do the right thing. That’s why I lied.”

  Chapter Six

  “That doesn’t make sense.”

  “I know it won’t change anything, but will you let me explain?”

  “Okay.”

  Pam took a deep breath. Prayed she’d find the right words, if there were any. “You see, you’re good and loyal and honorable. Because of that, you would have stayed.”

  Tyler opened his mouth.

  She held up a hand. “Please. Let me finish, I don’t think I’ll get through it otherwise.”

  He nodded.

  She continued. “Those are also the qualities of a Marine. Which is what you’d already dedicated your life to before you met me. Your path was set. You’d chosen to do one of the bravest and most noble things anyone can do—serving our country. I didn’t want you to have to make a choice. Because either way, you’d be losing something.

  “You were meant to be a Marine, Tyler. I knew it from the first moment I met you. To have given that up would have meant giving up a part of yourself.

  “The other choice would have been leaving a child behind. A literal part of yourself. So I lied. And you were able to become a Marine. With dignity and honor. Without guilt or regret.”

  If Tyler had looked shocked when he’d learned he had a son, the only way to describe his expression now was poleaxed.

  “Well, crap.”

  After the longest silence in the history of forever, those weren’t the words she expected to hear. Pam blinked. “What?”

  “You make it damn hard to stay angry when you say things like that. And anger is the only thing keeping me grounded right now.” Amazingly, a rueful smile curved his lips. “Come here.” He patted the cushion next to him.

  Not daring to give wings to the hope fluttering through her, Pam joined him on the couch. When he put an arm around her shoulders and drew her close, tears welled in her eyes. He kissed the top of her head and the dam broke.

  She turned and sobbed into his chest, unable to stop the torrent of emotion. “I’m so sorry, Tyler. So, so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”

  “Shhh, it’s going to be okay.” He stroked her hair. Despite everything she’d put him through, he was the one comforting her. “Come on, you’ll make yourself sick. Take a deep breath.”

  She managed to suck in a shaky one, then another. Finally, she calmed. Safe in the sheltering security of his embrace, a cathartic peace settled over her.

  Would Tyler ever feel the same? Would he be able to forgive her or would what she’d done taint his relationship with Kyle?

  She sat up; the loss of his nearness pricked her soul. With her fingertips she brushed the last trace of tears from her cheeks. “I guess I owe you another apology for that.”

  “Do you feel better?”

  “Yes.” Was it selfish to admit? No way he was feeling better about anything. Not after the disgusting display of her lack of self control added to the burden she’d already placed on him.

  “Then no apology necessary.”

  “But, I got your shirt all wet.” Yeah. Like that was the important thing to focus on right now.

  He laughed. An actual honest-to-goodness laugh. Was there no end to the strength inside this man? “My clothes have seen worse. Believe me.” Those clear blue eyes met hers. “So what do we do now?”

  Good question. “We talk about how big a part of Kyle’s life you want to be. And how it will all work.” Amazing how her voice could sound so calm, so matter-of-fact, when her insides were spinning like the twisters that tore through Tornado Alley in the spring.

  He nodded. “We absolutely have to do that.” He brushed the pad of this thumb over her lower lip. “There’s something I need to do first.” His mouth covered hers.

  The kiss started hot and grew hotter, as a week, hell, as three years of pent-up emotion raged through her, meeting his in a heady, erotic tangle of lips and tongues. A current, like sparklers hissing and popping, licked through Pam’s veins. His teeth nipped her lower lip, eliciting a jolt of pleasure-pain.

  She grasped his shoulders and they toppled, him landing on top. He nudged one leg between hers. The hard muscles in his thigh caused a delicious friction in just the right spot. She flexed her hips to press closer.
Whirls of sensation cartwheeled through her.

  Tyler tangled one hand in her hair, keeping her mouth aligned with his as it plundered, explored, and tasted. The other he braced on the couch, allowing his chest to brush hers, but keeping most of his weight from crushing her.

  Which meant he wasn’t close enough. She wrapped her legs around his waist and tugged with her arms at the same time. He gave in and their bodies melded together.

  Much better.

  Their kiss by the stream had been amazing, wonderful, beautiful. This one was all those things and more. Less gentle. Less controlled. More passionate. It tore through her. Possessing. Claiming..

  Finally, after lack of oxygen coupled with the force of his kiss made her as dizzy as if she’d just gotten off the tilt-a-whirl at the carnival, she tore her mouth from his on a gasp.

  Tyler kissed her cheek, her nose, her forehead. He shifted so he no longer lay on top of her, then rested his head on her shoulder. His breath puffed out in hot bursts against her neck.

  Pam ran her hand over the short stubble of his hair, loving the somewhat prickly feeling on her palm. It took twice as long as the kiss had lasted for her heartbeat and breathing to slow. With Tyler’s arm slung across her stomach just beneath her breasts, neither returned to quite a normal pace.

  “Are you sure your mom won’t come home early?” Tyler asked after several, long comfortable minutes of silence.

  “Nope. When those ladies get going on Bunco night, there’s no stopping them.”

  “Good. I’d hate to have her find us in this compromising position. I wouldn’t want her to think badly of me.” He laced his fingers through hers and raised her hand to his mouth for a kiss. “Although, since I ditched her daughter when she was pregnant, that ship has probably already sailed.”

  Shock rippled through Pam. She craned her neck to look down at him. “What? But that’s not… You didn’t know.” She winced. Like he needed that reminder.

  “Relax. I’m joking.”

  “Joking?” The word nearly stuck her throat. “What happened to I’m still angry with you?” No way had he come to terms with things already.

  Tyler frowned. “Do you want me to be angry?”

  “Of course not.” Even though he had every right to be. She pushed into a sitting position. The loss of his body heat sent a shiver through her, having nothing to do with actual temperature. “I just can’t believe…”

  “There are so many emotions careening around inside of me right now it’s hard to focus on just one. I guess teasing you was the wrong choice.”

  “Not wrong. Just…surprising.”

  He took her hand again, then studied their interwoven fingers. “Part of me is still angry you lied. But since I now understand why, it’s taken a bit of the edge off.” His gaze met hers. “Plus that kiss didn’t hurt either, in terms of taking the edge off.” His voice lowered. “If you know what I mean.”

  A flush of heat raced through her, proving her body knew exactly what he meant.

  “I figured if we didn’t get that out of our systems, we’d never be able to address the question at hand. The whole issue of what do we do now?”

  “Do you want to be part of Kyle’s life?”

  “Yes.”

  “But?” She knew him well enough to hear the unspoken word.

  “I don’t know anything about being a father.” A hint of vulnerability laced his voice.

  She squeezed his hand. “I didn’t know anything about being a mother. You’ll learn.”

  “I’m starting in the middle, instead of the beginning. I’ve missed so many things.”

  A deep fissure cracked her heart. Despite her best intentions, she’d caused so much pain. She had no reply. He had missed out on a lot in Kyle’s life. Even the possibility of years and years ahead couldn’t make up for that.

  “And,” Tyler continued. “I’m going back to Afghanistan. Knowing I have a son. Knowing I’m leaving him behind. Maybe I shouldn’t be part of Kyle’s life. I mean, maybe it’s better for all of us if we just leave it at this and go our separate ways.”

  Her heart nearly stopped altogether. “Is that what you want?”

  “I don’t know.” Tyler ran his hand over the stubble of his hair. “There are guys I serve with over there who leave families at home. It’s hell on them. And their families.

  Tears clogged her throat. The very thing she’d hoped to spare him. Her lies hadn’t done any good. Now it would be even worse. For him. For her.

  “So, what do we do now?” Was he going to walk out the door, out of her life, now, just when she’d found him again? Losing him a second time might be something she never recovered from.

  He looked toward the hallway leading to the bedrooms. “Would it be okay with you if I spent some time with Kyle?”

  “O-of course. Just the two of you?”

  “No,” Tyler said quickly. “I want you there, too.” He brushed a strand of hair from her forehead. “I know that’s probably not fair to do that to you. To him. If I do decide to just…move on.”

  What did fair matter? She hadn’t been fair to Tyler when she’d decided to keep him out of his son’s life. This time around, the decision would be in his hands. She only hoped she could survive the heartache.

  Chapter Seven

  “I need to warn you about something.” Pam looked at Tyler as they walked through the gravel parking lot toward the back of The Corral.

  Tyler raised an eyebrow. Had she kept another bullet-to-the-heart punch-to-the-gut secret from him? “Warn me?”

  “When people see you with Kyle, they’re going to know.”

  “Oh. Right.” Pam hadn’t been kidding when she said Kyle looked just like him. It was akin to looking into a mirror from the past.

  Kyle mis-stepped and tumbled to the ground, catching himself on his palms. Tyler’s breath stopped. Was he hurt?

  Pam, showing no trace of anxiety, helped Kyle to his feet and brushed him off, then wiped her hands on the back of her jean shorts. Her short, short jean shorts, which shaped such a delectable rear he should be court marshaled for the achingly erotic fantasies they elicited.

  His breath hissed out. He still wanted her. Which was why, despite the lingering anger and hurt over what she’d done, he hadn’t been able to resist kissing her last night. Why he wanted to do it again. And why next time he didn’t want to stop with a kiss.

  “You don’t have to do this, you know.”

  Tyler jerked his mind away from illicit territory.

  Pam was planning on working on the parade float that afternoon, so he’d decided to join her and Kyle. Spending time with his son—would he ever get used to those words?—when he still hadn’t made a decision about what to do might be the most masochistic thing he’d ever done. Why get to know Kyle better if a permanent separation loomed? Wouldn’t it make it harder on everyone?

  Probably. But he’d never been one to take the easy way out.

  “I know. I want to.” As they made their way around the side of the building to the back, Kyle scampered ahead. “You never told anyone about me? That I’m Kyle’s father?” Hey, look at that. His heart hadn’t even stuttered that time.

  Pam shook her head. “It wasn’t anybody’s business.”

  “No one asked? Not about me specifically, but in general.”

  “Half the people at The Corral now weren’t around three years ago. Those who were might have put two and two together, but they were respectful. They knew I didn’t want to talk about it.”

  As they neared the back of the lot where the float was stored, a cheerful babble of voices grew louder. Tyler hesitated. Was he ready for this? To go public with something he hadn’t quite come to terms with yet.

  Pam grabbed his hand. “Are you sure?”

  “I’m sure.” So why did it feel like he was about to face a barrage of enemy fire?

  She stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. “You’ve always been one of the most amazing people I know, but do you have any idea how muc
h I admire you right now?”

  Tyler’s heart swelled, reminding him of the day he’d been promoted to First Lieutenant. Humbled to receive such an honor.

  Before he could answer, Pam called, “Kyle. Slow down. Wait for us.”

  Us. The word tugged at Tyler’s soul. Was there a chance the three of them could be an ‘us’? A forever kind of ‘us’?

  Kyle trotted back toward them. He wrapped his arms around Tyler’s leg and looked up. “Hi Tyler.” His dimpled smile chipped away a part of Tyler and claimed it for his own.

  He swallowed. “Hey, buddy.”

  “Come on.” Kyle tugged the hem of Tyler’s cargo shorts.

  Pam laughed. “Hold your horses, Mr. Impatient. We’re coming.” She glanced at Tyler and squeezed his hand. “Ready?”

  Tyler threw back his shoulders. Sucked in his gut. “As ready as I’ll ever be.” Pam’s hand still in his, they rounded the corner. Kyle skipped ahead.

  About a dozen people were working on the float. Some were twisting and inserting red, white, and blue tissue paper into the chicken wire covering the lower portion and hiding the wheels of the trailer. A few were assembling a wooden frame over the top. Off to the side, others were sorting out patriotic bunting. Two people were painting the raised letters of a sign reading The Corral.

  At first no one noticed their arrival, but when Kyle scampered over, one of the bunting people greeted him. “Hey, Kyle.” She glanced up. “’Bout time you got here, Pam. I thought…” The girl’s words trailed off when her gaze dropped to Pam and Tyler’s joined hands. “Oh.” A mischievous grin lit her face. “Now I know what kept you.”

  Pam didn’t comment. “Anything we can do to help?”

  “As soon as these guys finish with the frame, we’re going to need someone tall to help put up the bunting. You seem to fit the bill on that. Tyler, right?”

  He nodded.

  She walked over. “I’m Tina.”

  “I remember. You asked me to be a part of the parade.”

  “I did. Have you given it any thought?”

  The thud of a hammer drove a nail into the cross beam of the frame. Did she want him to ride on the float? He didn’t do what he did for attention and glory. He just did it. Besides, his face drew enough stares these days. Putting himself on display wasn’t on his top ten list of things to do, ever.