Trusting Tomorrow

by P. J. Trebelhorn

  She took a deep breath and went back to her own side of the porch when she heard the Colliers’ door open. She turned just as Brooke came running out.

  “What the hell?” Brooke slammed the door behind her and walked closer to Logan. Logan took an involuntary step back at the fury she saw in Brooke’s deep blue eyes. The fact they were on opposite sides of the railing seemed to make no difference. “You didn’t tell me you bury people for a living.”

  “Excuse me?”

  Logan watched as Brooke paced and ran a hand through her short brown hair. She knew this wasn’t the time to be checking out the new neighbor, but damn it, she couldn’t help herself. Brooke was beautiful, and even more so when she was angry, apparently. After a moment, Brooke stopped fuming and stood still. She wrapped her arms around herself as though finally realizing it was only twenty degrees outside. Without thinking, Logan removed her own jacket and went back to the other side of the porch in order to put it around Brooke’s shoulders.

  “Don’t touch me,” Brooke said, sounding like she wanted to be mad but wasn’t quite pulling it off. She allowed Logan to put the jacket on her but then stepped away quickly. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “In case you’ve forgotten, I only just met you yesterday. It isn’t usually something I tell people the moment I meet them.” Logan sat on the glider and leaned forward, her elbows resting on her knees. “For some reason, it tends to make most people a bit uncomfortable. But while we’re on the subject, I don’t believe you told me what you do for a living either.”

  “I’m a nurse.” Brooke sighed as if admitting defeat and took a seat next to her. Logan sat back and waited for her to continue. “I left my job at Temple Hospital’s ER in Philadelphia to come up here so I could help her take care of him.”

  “That must have been a difficult decision to make. You had to be earning a good living there, and now you’re here making nothing.”

  “It wasn’t nearly as difficult as you might think.” Brooke let out a short, humorless bark of laughter. “There was absolutely nothing to keep me there any longer. I had a few friends of course, but I lost most of them when my relationship blew up in my face. It sucks how people always seem to take sides when breakups happen, isn’t it?”

  Logan didn’t know how to answer because she’d always avoided relationships. Except for Julie, who seemed like a lifetime ago. Twenty-one-years old was a lifetime ago as far as she was concerned. She looked into Brooke’s expressive blue eyes.

  “I’ve heard things can happen that way sometimes, but thankfully, I’ve never had the experience.”

  “What?” Brooke seemed genuinely surprised. She pulled Logan’s jacket tighter around her shoulders and shivered. “You’ve never lost friends in a breakup?”

  “I’ve only ever had one breakup, and none of our friends knew we were in a relationship to begin with. It was in college and she didn’t want anyone to know she was a lesbian.”

  Logan waited for the admonishment she was sure would come whenever she outed herself to someone new, but she was surprised when whatever anger was left in Brooke’s eyes softened.

  “Women suck, don’t they?” Brooke said after a moment. Logan smiled and finally began to relax a bit. “They have the ability to fuck up your life with nothing more than a few words.”

  “Only if you let them.”

  “You don’t?”

  “Not if I can help it,” Logan said with a grin. “I don’t let anyone close enough to be able to mess with my life. Short and casual is how I like my relationships. Nobody gets hurt if you both know the ground rules up front, right?”

  “I wish I’d had the foresight to be casual with Wendy. I swear to God that relationship almost killed me.”

  “Hey, Logan, we should get going if we want to get there before people start showing up,” Jack said as he came out on the porch. His step faltered when he saw the two of them sitting together, Brooke with Logan’s jacket around her shoulders. “I knew it.”

  “You don’t know shit, Jack,” Logan said. “This isn’t what you think so get your mind out of the gutter.”

  “Then what is it?”

  “Two people talking. It’s nothing more than a couple of new friends getting to know each other a little better.” Logan stood and looked down at Brooke and lowered her voice so Jack couldn’t overhear. “Do you think we could maybe continue this later? It’s really nice being able to talk to someone about these things.”

  “Anytime,” Brooke said. She stood and started to shrug the jacket off her shoulders but Logan stopped her.

  “Keep it. You can always give it back to me tonight if you go to the viewing with your grandparents. If not, I know where you live.”

  “I’ll see you later then.” Brooke smiled at both of them before disappearing back into the house.

  Logan avoided her brother’s amused look as she shouldered past him into their own house. She ignored his laughter and went about getting her clothes ready for the viewing.

  Chapter Five

  Logan stood stiffly in the back of the room with Jack by her side. She honestly didn’t think she’d make it through the viewing if he weren’t there. They were both dressed in black suits, hers just a touch more feminine because her white shirt was open at the throat. His tie looked as though it was choking him.

  She thought of the bottle of tequila upstairs in her kitchen. If she was quick, she could probably get a couple of shots down before anybody even knew she’d left. No, she told herself. Drinking at work was a definite no-no.

  “Have you finished writing the eulogy yet?” Logan asked without taking her eyes from the casket in the front of the room.

  “I thought you were going to take care of it,” Jack said when she shot him a look of panic. “Relax, it’s done. Although I’m not sure why you want me to deliver it.”

  “You’re a better public speaker than I am,” she said, barely resisting the urge to slug him in the arm for scaring the hell out of her.

  The evening dragged on while all of their father’s friends and acquaintances stopped by to pay their respects. Logan found herself surprised by how many people were in attendance. She knew he’d been loved and respected by many, but seeing just how many caused a lump in her throat she was finding difficult to dislodge.

  People were crying, and Jack seemed to know how it was affecting her. Every time she thought she was going to lose it, his hand would grasp hers tightly and she’d calm down again. When Ray and Missy Best walked in, Logan wondered briefly who was on duty protecting the town, but then she realized the entire town was in their funeral home at the moment. She closed her eyes and fought back tears for what seemed like the hundredth time. Jack’s arm went around her shoulders.

  “You can cry, you know,” he said quietly, his mouth close to her ear. “It’s a normal part of grieving. How many times did we hear Dad say that to people?”

  “Thousands.” She knew it was true, but it didn’t make it any easier. She’d cried uncontrollably at her mother’s funeral when she’d only been eighteen. Logan hadn’t fully understood then she was supposed to help people through their grief, and it felt somehow wrong for her to give in to her own now. Her father had never cried during her mother’s funeral. He’d never cried in front of anyone, as far as Logan knew. But she heard him at night, when he thought he was alone, crying like a baby. It had nearly killed her inside to know he was suffering alone, but Logan knew he would never give in to his grief in front of her, so she’d never said anything to him about it. “Maybe tens of thousands.”

  She pulled away and saw the tears running down Jack’s cheeks. It undid her, and she threw her arms around his neck and sobbed into his shoulder. He held her tightly and they cried together for their father, as they’d done for their mother fifteen years before.

  *

  “I wish there was something we could do for them,” Brooke said when she saw Logan and Jack in the back of the room. It seemed as if everyone saw them, but no one went to comfo
rt them. She took a step in their direction, but her grandmother placed a hand on her arm, effectively stopping her.

  “Let them be, dear,” she said quietly. “The life of a funeral director is a lonely job. John once said to us it didn’t matter how many friends he had, no one ever really wanted to be very close to him. There’s a stigma attached to the profession, and they know it. They’ll be fine.”

  Brooke stood in shock staring at her grandmother. Had she really spoken those words? She shook her head in disbelief.

  “You’ve both said Logan and Jack are like your own grandchildren. How can you possibly feel that way and still say what you just said?”

  “Because it’s true, Brooke,” her grandfather said. “They are like our own family. They know how we feel about them, and they know if they need anything, we’ll do what we can to help. But we won’t force ourselves into their mourning. John Swift was a good man, and it’s a damn shame he had to die so young. Like your grandmother and me, there are some people in the world who can look past the profession. I hope you’ll be one of them. I think Logan could really use a friend her own age. But as far as grieving, that isn’t something you can help them with. They’ll pull each other through it.”

  “Of course.” As long as Logan allowed her to be a friend, she thought. Their conversation earlier in the day had been promising. It had been a little scary how easy she was to talk to. She hadn’t talked with anyone other than Aunt Marlene about what had happened between her and Wendy before. It would definitely be good to have a friend.

  *

  Brooke had just sat down with a cup of hot chocolate when she heard Logan and Jack coming home. Her grandparents had been asleep for over an hour so she decided it would be all right if she went next door for a few minutes. Given how easy it was to hear the Swifts moving around in their half of the house, she knew she’d be able to hear her grandparents if they decided to get up and needed her for anything.

  “Hey,” Logan said with a weary smile as she opened the door. She stepped aside and motioned for Brooke to enter.

  “I hope it’s okay to come over so late,” Brooke said as she handed over the jacket Logan had loaned her earlier. She held a hand up to acknowledge Jack sitting on the couch. He waved back and stood with a yawn.

  “I’m going to go on up to bed, sis,” he said with an exaggerated wink. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

  “Bastard,” Logan muttered under her breath. She led Brooke into the kitchen and offered her something to drink. “Don’t pay any attention to him. He thinks he’s funny. I guess I have only myself to blame though because I always laughed at his stupid jokes when we were growing up.”

  “Well, given the fact he’s good-looking and a famous football player, I’d think there isn’t much he wouldn’t do, so that wouldn’t really limit us, would it?” Brooke felt her face flush when Logan stared at her, one eyebrow raised in question. God, she hoped that didn’t sound like a come-on line. Or maybe she hoped it did. She was so confused she didn’t know what she wanted anymore.

  “Are you a football fan?” Logan finally asked as she turned away to make coffee.

  “Eagles. I grew up in Philadelphia.”

  “Right. We don’t much care for the Eagles on this side of the state. We’re almost exactly halfway between Pittsburgh and Buffalo, so growing up we had some pretty heated rivalries in this house. Jack and I rooted for the Bills, and our parents were Steelers fans all the way.”

  “And now?”

  “Well, I kind of have to root for the Browns, you know, since Jack is their superstar defensive player, but my heart will always be with the Bills. And let me tell you, it’s been a bit painful over the years.” Logan finished up with the coffee maker and took a seat across from Brooke. She looked uncomfortable, and Brooke wondered why. “So how come I’ve never seen you around here before? I’ve known Henry and Peggy all my life.”

  “I guess you were never around when I came to visit,” Brooke said with a shrug. “I’ve been here for Thanksgiving and Christmas every year since I turned eighteen.”

  “Why since you turned eighteen? Why not before?”

  “My father wouldn’t allow me to visit. I never met them until I was eighteen and Aunt Marlene urged me to come here.”

  “I know Marlene. She’s a really great person. She and her son Shane come to visit every summer.” Logan held their eye contact a little too long, but Brooke refused to look away. Logan finally did after a few moments, and Brooke relaxed. “Why wouldn’t your dad let you visit? You know, come to think of it, I’m not sure I ever remember anyone mentioning the Colliers having had a son. There definitely wasn’t one around since I’ve known them.”

  “I don’t think they lived here when he was growing up. And as far as him not allowing me to visit, he always told me they were dead.” It had been a constant source of friction between her and her parents since Marlene had managed to introduce her to her grandparents, but no one would ever explain to her why her father and his parents were estranged. “I figured it must be something pretty serious since he never talked about them, and they’ve never mentioned him in conversations with me. I can’t seem to get up the nerve to ask Gram about it either.”

  Logan nodded as though she completely understood the situation, but how could she? Of course, being a funeral director, perhaps Logan had a better knowledge of family dynamics than Brooke could ever hope to have. Maybe she really did understand the situation. Or maybe she was simply being polite by nodding in what she felt were the right places. Nevertheless, Brooke was relieved when Logan changed the subject.

  “Maybe it’s none of my business, but you said earlier your last relationship almost killed you.” Logan stood to get them each a cup of the coffee. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “There’s nothing really to talk about. I was stupid enough to think things were going great between us. We were both working swing shift at the time. I came home from work around one in the morning, and she was gone.” Brooke took a sip of the coffee Logan handed her, hoping the warmth of it would chase away the chill she felt. She glanced at Logan when she took her seat again and wondered what about her could make it so easy to tell her these things. She took a deep breath as Logan simply watched her in silence, waiting for her to continue. “She’d left me a note on the coffee table saying she’d moved out. She took all her things but left me the television and DVR, which she made sound like she was doing me a favor even though I was the one who paid for them in the first place.”

  “What was her reason for leaving?”

  “She said she didn’t love me, and apparently, she never did. I guess she figured it would be easier to have some friends come and move her out when she knew I wasn’t going to be home than to be forced to tell me those things to my face. She moved in with a couple she knew from where she worked. I didn’t know it at the time, but they were all sleeping together.”

  “Ouch.” Logan winced but said nothing more.

  Brooke appreciated the fact Logan was letting her tell the story on her own terms and not asking a ton of questions. What she had to say next was the hardest. It had humiliated her at the time, but almost a year removed from the situation, she was simply angry to realize she’d allowed Wendy to manipulate her so thoroughly.

  “A married couple. A straight married couple. I guess Wendy wanted a child, which was news to me. Of course, they were more than happy to accommodate her. I heard through the rumor mill she had the baby a couple months ago, but I haven’t spoken with her since our relationship ended around nine months ago.”

  “Then she was sleeping with them before she left you.”

  “Yep. She was a master at the art of lying. I hate myself for letting her fool me for so long.”

  “Yet you still love her.”

  Brooke’s first reaction was to scoff at Logan’s statement. The past nine months ran through her mind in a matter of seconds. At first, she’d begged Wendy to come back to her. When she’d found out the
true living arrangement she had chosen, Brooke was disgusted and then refused to take her calls when she would try getting in touch with her. When she finally found out Wendy was pregnant, Brooke washed her hands of the entire mess. Unfortunately, it hadn’t been so easy to get her heart to believe she wanted nothing more to do with her. Was she still in love with her? No, she most definitely was not. But that didn’t mean the wounds weren’t still raw.

  “It’s okay if you are,” Logan said with a slight shrug when Brooke didn’t respond right away.

  Brooke wanted to correct her assumption, but something held her back. What would be the point in either confirming or denying what she felt for her ex? The only reason she could think of would be if she were trying to pursue something with Logan. Sleeping with the next-door neighbor would definitely not be a good idea. Even if said neighbor was the most gorgeous woman Brooke had ever laid eyes on.

  “So, what do you do for fun around here?” Brooke asked in a feeble attempt to get her mind off the track it was heading down. She dared to meet Logan’s eyes and saw what she could only describe as amusement. Apparently, her change of subject hadn’t been as inconspicuous as she’d hoped it would be.