Freezing

by Tarrah Anders

  “Mommy? You okay?” Jared asks from the bottom step.

  I hold my arms out to him and he runs into them. I lean my cheek against his head and sigh.

  “It’s gonne be Jare. It’s gonna be. I’m sorry you got woken up.”

  “You know what makes me happy when I’m sad, mommy?”

  “What’s that?”

  “Cookies, you should have a cookie.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Brad

  The atmosphere in the building feels so different. While I did not spend an exorbitant amount of time at Mad Designs, I once belonged to this place, at least for a short amount of time. Back when Beth and I met at the coffee shop, she told me she was going to arrange a meeting under a different name to meet with Jacob and Tyson. She told me it would be up to me to show up or not and that she was going to do it sooner rather than later. She scheduled something for a time when she would be taking over the reception area after the receptionist had left for the day. When she gave me a window, there was no chance in hell that I wasn’t going to take it, regardless of how unprepared or terrified I am. So here I stand, in the elevator heading to the eighth floor, nervous as fuck and not at all sure how this will pan out.

  When the doors open, Beth is standing there. She looks up and smiles.

  “I was afraid that you wouldn’t show,” she whispers as I approach.

  “Why not, right?” I shrug, trying to seem indifferent, despite feeling like there’s sweat dripping down my back.

  “I’ve said it before; I think you have every chance to turn the whole thing around.”

  “I don’t deserve any understanding.” I shake my head.

  “The guys are in Ty’s office. Go on in that conference room and I’ll bring them in. Would you like me to stay in there with you all?”

  “If you’d like… actually, yes,” I say, rethinking my answer. She nods and motions for me to enter the room then she heads down the hall to get Tyson and Jacob.

  I don’t know what will happen when I meet with the guys. I don’t know if they’ll listen to me, but I know that I need to fully apologize for all my idiotic actions and come clean with the truth, like I should have done years ago.

  I feel like the wait for them to arrive takes forever, but soon I hear their voices carry in the hall. My heart stops beating and I feel all blood drain from my face.

  This is my moment of truth. This could be my second chance.

  I count in my head to twenty and finally the door opens and the voices come to an abrupt stop.

  “What is he doing here?” Jacob asks Beth with venom in his tone.

  I stand up and clear my throat. “I’d like to speak with the both of you.”

  “There’s nothing that we have to say to you. You said all you needed to say that one night in the penthouse. It’s been almost four years, why now?” Jacob sneers.

  “He’s been in jail, dipshit. Go sit down and just hear him out. That’s all you have to do.” Beth says, pushing Jacob and Tyson towards the conference table.

  Reluctantly they sit down, both with scowls and both with their arms crossed over their chests. The room was heavy with tension, I could feel the anger and indifference coming off of Tyson and Jacob from across the table, but I wasn’t going to let that deter me from my plan.

  I take a deep breath and clasp my hands in front of me on the table.

  “I fucked up,” I start. Both of them snicker. “I had every opportunity to tell the truth and to fess up to everything, but I was a coward. I was in too deep. I told you Candy was blackmailing me. Well, I could have let the truth come out, but I chose not to for a few reasons, first among them that I was honoring a dead man’s wish. Bottom line: I made a mistake and I’m hoping for an opportunity to make it right.”

  “Don’t you fucking bring up our father!” Tyson says angrily as he stands, his palms flat on the conference table top.

  “Chill. Let him speak. I want to hear what he has to say,” Jacob whispers.

  I clear my throat again and pull at my collar, which feels like it’s suffocating me. “As I was saying, I was honoring a dead man’s wish and then I was terrified about how you two would take having been lied to all those years.”

  “Well, you lied in a court of law. I trust jail was fun?” Jacob’s voice drips with sarcasm.

  “Loads,” I deadpan while keeping a straight face and centered on them.

  Beth grabs a chair and rolls it around to sit between them as a way to lend support to each.

  “So get on it with it. What was so secretive that you had to fuck over my life?”

  “Candy and I had been hooking up regularly and I thought what we had was more than just sex. Hell, I actually liked her for some reason. I thought we had something special, that whatever it was with Candy could be the real deal. Anyway, I got drunk one night and blabbed to her. I thought our ‘relationship’ meant that my secret was safe with her, but she turned around and used it against me; she convinced me that lying to you was better than letting the truth come out. Before that night, I had never told anyone what I’m about to tell you guys. Once she had done her own research on what I’d told her, she realized I wasn’t the prize she wanted and determined that Jacob was a bigger trophy than I was. So she held my secret over my head and didn’t only ruin me but she wanted to get to you too.”

  “Did she think that her plan was going to work?” Tyson asks.

  “In her deranged head, she did.”

  “So what’s the deal, what was so secretive that you had to go along with her scheme?” Jacob asks. His elbows are on his knees as Beth is rubbing his back.

  “I’m not your cousin. I never was,” I say, letting that sink in for a moment.

  “Okay, so who the fuck are you?” Tyson asks, his voice mostly calm but slightly on edge as he looks between Jacob and Beth.

  “I’m your half-brother,” I rush out.

  I study their faces in turn and see no real change in their expressions. They are both silent, with Beth looking between them.

  “How would you be our half-brother?”

  “Your dad, my dad… had an affair with my mother when she worked for him.”

  “Who is your mother?” Jacob asks.

  “That’s not relevant. Neither of you would know her, as she wasn’t around you guys at all. Moreover, she eventually stopped working for him. Every now and then she would reach out to him, but it wasn’t until I was twenty-four years old that he took a paternity test.”

  “When he first started getting strokes?” Jacob asks. I nod.

  “If you’re our brother, why have you been saying that you are our cousin all these years?” Tyson asks.

  “Mitchell asked me to not introduce myself as your brother. He didn’t want to open up that can of worms, or make waves with you guys and your mother. It would have become some public thing and he didn’t want that.”

  “What did he give you in return?”

  “Who I am. I mean who I was before jail.”

  “So he gave you what, money?”

  “What he gave me is not important.”

  “Bullshit it isn’t. Did you play a part in seeking him out?”

  “No. Growing up, I had everything I needed. My mother was loving, and she married a nice guy who became my stepfather. I didn’t meet Mitchell until years later and the paternity test results came back a match. Look, I’ll answer every question that you guys have, I’ll lay all of my cards on the table, but I’d prefer that my mother and stepfather are off limits. They have nothing to do with any of the bad blood between us.”

  “I don’t know, your mother fucked a married man.” Jacob laughs cynically.

  “Yeah, and she got me out of it, so she said it was worth it. Fuckin’ A, can we move on?” I slam my fists on the table.

  “Guys, leave his mom out of it. Your father is just as much to blame and you aren’t talking shit about him,” Beth scolds.

  Both brothers sit in silence, mulling over the news I’ve just
given them.

  “So what, you want back in the family? You want us to forget all the shit that you put us through? You want us to ignore the damage you did to our relationships? Life isn’t that easy. We don’t always get what we want.”

  “Jacob! Seriously, get off your high horse. Yesm Brad lied – a lot – but he’s been paying for it ever since. He lost everything and everyone,” Beth says.

  “His own fault.”

  “Shush. He was trying to honor your father’s request, and that conniving bitch, Candy, held his secret over his head. Seriously, he’s had to pretend to be the cousin all this time when he could have been the brother. He sacrificed that because your father wanted to preserve his image.”

  “B. Have you been in cahoots with Brad? How long has this been going on?” Jacob turns to face her.

  “A couple of months. All happenstance. It was my turn to check on his house and I didn’t know he had gotten out early and there he was.”

  “There he was? Wait, your turn?” Tyson looks to his best friend, Beth.

  “Um, Allie and I have been taking turns keeping an eye on his house while he was locked up,” Beth says, as she studies her fingernails.

  “Why?”

  “Because we’re nice people?”

  “I’ll deal with you and her later. So uncool, babe,” Jacob sneers. After a beat, he turns his attention back on me.

  “So what the fuck do you want, Brad?” Tyson asks.

  “I just wanted you to hear me out. That’s all I ask. If you choose to let me back in your lives, even better. If you choose to never see me again, then at least I told you everything.”

  “Why didn’t you tell us everything that night at the penthouse?” Jacob asks.

  “Because it was too fresh. You guys would have thought what I was saying was bullshit.”

  “How do we know what you’re saying now isn’t bullshit?”

  “Ask your father’s attorney. I’m sure the paternity results are stuffed away in a file drawer somewhere. I have a copy in my safe at home as well, but I’m sure you’d rather see his copy.” I take a deep breath and continue. “My being here today has nothing to do with anything that you guys have to offer me except to know the truth behind what I did. I’m not saying that I condone any of my past behavior but I did my time. I wanted you to know who I was, something that I was terrified to tell you before. I needed to come clean if not for you guys, for myself.”

  Everyone is silent. My brothers stare at me and Beth sits with a satisfied smile on her face. When Tyson and Jacob turn their questioning gazes to her, she says, “I contacted your father’s attorney; he’ll be bringing those sealed documents to the office this evening to our home.”

  I keep my face neutral and nod thanks in Beth’s direction. My brothers sit back in their chairs and each cross one leg over a knee in tandem. The room feels heavy with contemplation and judgment. Tyson’s and Jacob’s demeanors are not exactly forgiving, but I feel like there’s less blame and anger swirling around the room.

  “This is a lot to have to think about. I’m not saying I forgive your actions, or even fully understand them. I’m not saying we could be best pals again. I’m not making you any promises. But I think that you showing up and unloading this shit is honorable”— Jacob tilts his head toward Beth—“even if you had an accomplice. But right now, I don’t have the brain capacity to process what all this means.”

  “But…” Beth prompts.

  “But we’ll be in touch, perhaps.” Jacob shrugs.

  “Thank you for your time. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that all this happened, that I did what I did.”

  “Were you on drugs at all during any of this?” Tyson asks randomly.

  “I was drunk plenty, but no drugs for me. Candy, on the other hand…”

  They nod and we all stand. I’m not sure what to do with my hands, or who should leave the room first.

  Jacob extends his hand and I don’t hesitate to accept and shake.

  “My darling wife will see you out,” Jacob says.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Jacob

  Well, that was an interesting turn of events! My day was going along as normal as can be, then Tyson and I walk into the meeting that was on our calendars as an interview for the local newspaper but it turned out to be our cousin – no, our brother – Brad.

  What the ever-living fuck!

  I blow out a heavy breath and swivel in my chair to face Tyson. His hands are over his eyes and it’s almost like we’re thinking the same thing.

  “What the hell just happened?” Tyson mumbles from beneath his hands.

  “My wife orchestrated that meeting.”

  “And somehow, mine is involved too. What the hell. Did you know dad stepped out?”

  “I always figured he did. You know Mother. She’s a frigid bitch.”

  “What do you think of his story?” Tyson asks.

  “It’s not a story,” Beth says from the doorway. She resumes walking in and takes a seat in the spot where Brad had sat.

  “How long?” I ask.

  “How long what?” she replies.

  “Have you been talking to him all this time? Did you see him while he was in jail?”

  “No, I only ran into him because he got released early and I wasn’t aware. Allie and I had been taking turns making sure his house wasn’t being robbed or taken over by homeless people or whatever. Then one night, he was actually there. Scared the shit out of me.”

  “So, how did he get here though?”

  “We met for coffee earlier this week. I asked him to tell me the whole truth and it wasn’t any different than what you just heard.”

  “And you believe him?”

  “Completely.”

  “This doesn’t change the fact that he tried to ruin my life – our lives.”

  “You knew since that night he came to the penthouse that he had been blackmailed. He did what he did because he was being coerced. Now you know why. He’s remorseful, Jake. He spent years in jail, he lost everyone he loved, he lost who he was.”

  “So we should forgive and forget?”

  “Everyone deserves a second chance. He’s your brother.”

  “That still remains to be proven. So, out of curiosity, is there no interview?” I ask.

  “Oh there is, but that’s not until next week,” Beth says as she leaves the conference room.

  Tyson sits back in his chair and looks up to the ceiling. “What the fuck has happened to our lives?”

  “Our lives aren’t really that fucked up. There’s just been some muck we’ve had to trudge through.”

  “Would Bradford be the muck?” Ty asks, looking at me from the corner of his eye.

  “I think the shit I had to go through four years ago was the muck; this is the residual shit. It’s kind of like the dirt in between the treads of your tennis shoes that gets tracked through the house even though you thought you cleaned your shit properly?”

  “Speaking from experience?”

  “I stepped in mud last week and some of the dried mud came off on the coffee table when I put my feet up.”

  “So you speak from experience?” Tyson smirks.

  “Asshole. Let’s get back on subject. What do we do?”

  “Man, it’s not up to me. He did you dirty worse than me. I get his side of it, and he did do the time.”

  “So you would forgive him?”

  “I mean, I don’t know. He wouldn’t be my favorite person, but above everything else, he is family. And if Dad’s attorney confirms that he’s our half-brother, that’s a whole new ballgame. I wouldn’t ever turn you away, so I think I would ultimately let him back in my life.”

  “I hate that you are the older and wiser brother sometimes.”

  “Can I get you to say that into the microphone of my phone? I need proof that someone thinks that I’m smarter than Jacob.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Brad

  I am on an emotional high after leaving the Mad Des
igns office. Of course, I can’t be sure how the guys took the news, or what transpired after I left, but I am feeling good about it. While one of my goals is to repair my family, I feel some satisfaction for having said what needed to be said and clearing the air. No matter how this all winds up, I can move on to what’s next in my life.

  If Jacob and Tyson accept me back into their lives, in whatever fashion they choose, that would be great. If they don’t, it would be okay too. What I didn’t realize until now, is that the family goal could go in a number of directions. I’m in a relationship with Mika, and with Mika comes Jared. I’m not saying that I would take on the role of a father, but if our relationship continues on its current path, I would have her and him as part of my new life – the beginning of a different family. And I would be all right with that.

  My mind is on autopilot as I drive away from the city and stop directly at the curb in front of Mika’s house. I turn off the engine and am out of the driver’s side before my mind could stop me. I walk up the steps to her front door and knock on her door, without a thought that I could be intruding on her personal time.

  She answers the door and opens it wide for me to enter. I kiss her quickly on the cheek as I walk in. As she closes the door, I turn to face her, all the while bouncing on the balls of my feet and wearing a smile so wide you could fit a coat hanger in my mouth. Her eyes meet mine, but they aren’t as bright as they normally are.

  “You all right?” I ask her, stepping forward and pulling her into my arms.

  “I’m fine. It was just a long day. How are you? You seem in a good mood.”

  “I just met with Jacob and Tyson.”

  “Wow. That’s not what I was expecting,” she says, perking up.

  “It was a last-minute meeting that Jacob’s wife put together. I basically have no idea how it went from their perspective, but I laid everything out on the table and I’m fine with whatever the result is.”