Defining Moments

by Ben Burgess Jr.

  Tim lowered his eyes to his hands resting on the table. I could see in his face that he knew everything I said was the truth, and this situation was wrong. Francis and Richard were fuming. Their red cheeks were telltale signs that they were pissed with my comment.

  “Now, don’t get cocky, Ben,” Richard said. “It’s true, we’ve given you a lot of difficult cases, but you’ve risen relatively quickly in this firm. You aren’t too big where we couldn’t put you right back to handling all of the grunt work—don’t forget that. Mark hasn’t been here long, but we felt he was well suited for the position. I and the rest of the partners’ decision on the matter is final. We don’t have to explain our reasoning. You’re lucky we’re even having this discussion with you. We’re grateful for what you bring to this firm, but don’t let it go to your head. There are thousands of lawyers out there that would kill to be in your shoes and could easily take your place. You’re good, but you’re not irreplaceable. Remember that.”

  I stared blankly at the shiny conference room table, stunned at the bullshit they were telling me.

  “Look at it like this, Ben: we motivated you,” Francis said.

  “Motivated me?” I said. “Why couldn’t you motivate Mark? My win record is way better than his, yet all of you feel he’s better suited to make partner?”

  “You need to watch your tone, Ben,” Francis said. “If you don’t end this conversation right now, we’ll no longer have a place for you in this firm.”

  “After everything I’ve done for this firm, that’s what you’re telling me?”

  “That’s exactly what we’re telling you,” Richard said.

  I shook my head. “None of you have respect or appreciation for me or what I do here, so expect my letter of resignation within the hour. All of you made it very apparent that I have no real future here at Wayne, Rothstein, and Lincoln.”

  “Ben, please don’t—” Tim said before Richard cut him short.

  “Let him go. He’s nothing special. He’s a dime a dozen.”

  His words reminded me of what Reggie once said to me on one of my visits to Rikers. He’d said once I was no longer useful, they’d view me as just another nigger, and he was right. That was exactly how I felt now.

  “That’s where you’re wrong,” I said. “I just won a major case. My client publicly told the world my name. I’m sure I’ll have plenty of calls from other firms. Maybe I’ll even start my own practice.”

  “Good luck. Hurry up and clear out your office,” Francis stated coldly.

  * * *

  I walked my last box of things to my car. I was physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted. After I sat behind the wheel, I cried. My chest heaved as I tried to release everything—the stress, the drama, all the shit I had gone through over these last few months. Then I drove home.

  I parked my car in front of my townhouse. Becky was sitting on the front stoop with her head down, face buried in her hands as her elbows rested on her knees.

  All the negative emotions dissipated the moment I saw her sitting on the stoop. Between my case, her book, and our family dramas, it felt like we were in an emotional hurricane, but seeing her now was proof that we’d weathered the storm.

  I held my arms out, and Becky dove right into them. I kissed her and said, “Baby, what are you doing here?”

  “I left my family. I gave up everything. I told you from day one, I love you, and you’re worth fighting for.”

  I choked back tears and pulled her deeper into my arms. Gently, I lifted her chin to look in her eyes. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I love you, Becky.”

  Epilogue

  Gabby

  Leaving Ben’s place after our argument, I needed time away from him. Two weeks later, I called Terrence over for our regular fuck-buddy sex session, and instead of doing our usual, I ended up venting and telling him everything that had happened between Ben and me.

  “Why don’t we give us a try?” Terrence asked.

  I looked at him, surprised. “What?”

  “You and me. We have chemistry. We’ve known each other forever, we have great sex together, and we’re friends. Why don’t we give it a try?”

  I thought about it, and he was right. I needed to move on from Ben. I’d kept trying to preserve feelings that we had in the past that were faded. As much as I knew I’d always love him and his family, his heart wasn’t with me anymore, and I had to accept that.

  “Let’s start off slow and see where we go from there,” I said.

  After that day, Terrence and I went on real dates beyond just meeting to have sex, and I felt my heart opening up to him. Since he and I had been single for so long, it took some getting used to when it came to being in an actual relationship, but I enjoyed his company. Before we made things official, we told Ben about us dating at one of our usual coffee dates.

  “I’m very happy for both of you,” he said. “Besides myself, I can’t think of a better guy for you, Gabby.” He hugged and kissed me. Then he turned to Terrence.

  “I look at you like a brother, but if you hurt her, I’ll kick your ass,” Ben said.

  They laughed and hugged. I was happy that I was dating a man who loved me. I didn’t get the man I wanted, but life gave me the man I needed.

  Ebony

  “Oh, that looks good on you, boss lady,” Rashida said.

  I twisted side to side and admired my figure in the wedding dress. We were at Lotus Bridal on Avenue U in Brooklyn.

  I was enjoying planning my wedding. Billy and I had made cutbacks to help save for it, but I wasn’t worried about having an extravagant wedding. I was just happy that I was marrying Billy. I knew my brother was smiling down on us from heaven.

  My drama with Morgan had made me face my guilt that I was silly enough to let my curiosity and inexperience with men manipulate me into lusting after another. Morgan and I never talked again. I heard rumors that Gibbs and her husband worked things out after she had the baby, but Morgan still had to pay child support. He wasn’t thrilled about that. I was lucky. I could’ve easily been another statistic like Gibbs.

  Going through my drama only made my relationship with Billy stronger. I continued doing my community events, but I didn’t worry about how people perceived me when I took Billy with me to them anymore. I realized that the same way that I made it my goal to show communities that cops weren’t all the same, I had to do the same thing for my relationship with Billy. When he went with me to my events, I proudly introduced him as my fiancé. I wasn’t ashamed of him, and if I’d learned anything from these past months, it had been that you could still love your people and marry outside your race.

  I turned and faced Rashida. “I think this is the one,” I said.

  “It suits you.”

  “It’s expensive.”

  “You got the money. You’re getting promoted in a few months.”

  I laughed.

  The past months had shown me that I didn’t need to sleep with a hundred guys to know that I was happy. It didn’t matter what people thought of me being with someone white. I couldn’t let their opinion affect my goal of making a difference and uplifting my people.

  Bill

  After the Alfieri case, Wayne, Rothstein, and Lincoln blacklisted me with other firms. I wasn’t a fan of going back to being a public defender, but it looked like I had no choice. Luckily for me, Ben called me up out of the blue and asked me if I wanted to become a partner with him in a new firm he was building with his best friend, Terrence. I’d never been the type for idleness, and with being unemployed for over two months, I jumped at his offer. After dealing with the Alfieri case, I was done with practicing criminal defense law. As a partner in our new firm, I decided to focus on civil, commercial, and environmental litigation. I never wanted to be put in a situation similar to Johnny’s again.

  Ben and I became good friends. After Ebony realized that Ben’s client didn’t kill those cops and couple, she cut Bill some slack, and we’d been hanging out, having couples’ ni
ghts on the regular. It was nice seeing Ebony becoming close to Ben’s girl, Becky. Ebony, Becky, and Ben’s cousin, Simone, made it a ritual to go once a week to get mani/pedis done.

  I missed my mom every day. I hoped if she could see me now that I’d make her proud. Life for me had never been easy, but everything worked out for the best.

  Ben

  Months passed. Reggie became an even bigger star after the case and sent me tickets to all of his concerts whenever he was on tour. Lots of firms wanted me after my big win with Reggie, but after a lot of thought, I decided to listen to Terrence and start a practice with him. To help out our firm, I suggested we pick up another partner, and I knew just the person. It was a win for all of us when Bill joined us to form our own firm, Jensen, Turner, and O’Neil. Thanks to Reggie, all types of celebrities came to our firm for legal advice and services.

  Becky and I were still going strong. Her book, Black and White, reached number one on the New York and LA Times bestseller lists. Her book was being considered for a movie adaptation, and she was working on her next novel, Wounded. Becky’s parents kept their promise and disowned her. She reached out to them on numerous occasions, but they wanted nothing to do with her. It took her awhile to adjust, but after giving up her family for me, my parents were extraloving toward her. Becky continued to surprise me. She planned a trip for us to go to Washington, D.C., and see the National Museum of African American History and Culture. It made me happy to see that she wanted to and was willing to learn more about my culture. With Gabby dating Terrence, Becky didn’t look at her as a threat anymore. I knew they’d never be friendly or hang out alone together, but it was nice seeing Gabby, Simone, and Becky cooking with my mom in the kitchen on my birthday. They’d promised to make me a feast. My dad and Terrence were setting the table.

  “Look at the most important women in my life working hard in the kitchen,” I said.

  “Gabby is showing me how to make macaroni and cheese, and your mom is teaching me how to make the chocolate chip cookies you like,” Becky said.

  “That’s what I’m talking about,” I replied.

  Dinner was great, and Becky handed me a box of cookies with a note in it.

  “What’s the note say?” I asked.

  “Read it and find out, Big Head,” Gabby said.

  I opened the note.

  Eat all the cookies. I don’t want to be the only one with a huge belly. Love, all of us.

  It took me a second, but then it hit me. I was going to be a father!

  “Really?” I asked.

  Becky nodded.

  I hugged and kissed her.

  “Congratulations,” Gabby said.

  She didn’t look like she was holding in anger—she genuinely smiled as if she were happy for me.

  My dad and Terrence hugged me, and I was excited to start a family with Becky. Like life, our relationship was a beautiful struggle, but together, we made it worth the fight.

  Simone decided she would be more open-minded, and dated men of every race instead of limiting herself to the white ones. She wanted to improve her life and felt the next step to doing that was by meeting her sister.

  Simone and I walked into S&S studios in the Bronx. No one was at the counter.

  “Give me a second. I’ll be right out,” a female said from the back room.

  When the woman stepped out, she had the same green eyes, complexion, and cheekbones as Simone.

  “Can I help you?” the woman asked us.

  “I-I-I’m Simone Miller. Are you Samantha?”

  The woman looked taken aback by her question.

  “I am. Why?”

  “I’m not trying to cause any trouble, but I’m your sister.”

  “Excuse me?” Samantha said. “I think you have the wrong person. I’m an only child.”

  “Was your mother named Joan?” Simone asked.

  “Who are you? Who’s this guy with you? I don’t know what shit you two are trying to pull, but it needs to stop.”

  “No. Please, I’m not trying to get anything from you. This is my ... our cousin. He’s here for support because I wanted to meet you finally.”

  Samantha balled up her fist. She looked like she was about to start swinging and cursing us out. Simone quickly kept talking.

  “Your father’s name was Sam Miller. Our mother’s name was Joan. She had me seven years before you were born, but her half brother, Curtis, took me in because she couldn’t stop using.”

  Samantha’s face softened. “What do y’all want from me?” she asked.

  “Nothing. I just want to get to know you,” Simone said.

  * * *

  Their relationship wasn’t built overnight, but over time, Simone and Samantha became close. Samantha even gave Simone a management job at the studio.

  Every year, Simone, Samantha, Becky, and I went with my dad down to the old neighborhood and helped him hand out food to the community. I finally understood the reasoning and purpose of why we did it.

  My case with Reggie helped me gain a strong sense of who I was. I was just me. Regardless of whether people thought I “acted white,” I didn’t let idiotic statements by some people faze me anymore. I was secure with being the strong black man that I was, and I didn’t need anyone’s validation.