69 Million Things I Hate About You

by Kira Archer

  “I don’t think you have to worry about Disney World. That would require flying,” Cole said.

  “Oh. Right.” Brooks looked slightly relieved.

  “Look, she might try and get a dig in,” Cole said, “but I’m sure she won’t take it too far. She might put us somewhere that’s not as luxurious as we prefer, but at least we know we won’t get stuck in some drug den in Cambodia. And it’s not like we won’t be able to leave if we wanted to. She’s not going to lock us up somewhere. I don’t think.”

  “No, but we could end up in some quaint B&B in Connecticut run by someone’s little old grandmother.” Chris shook his head like that would be the worst punishment in the world.

  “Or, we could just take care of the arrangements ourselves,” Harrison said.

  Brooks snorted. “Naw. He doesn’t want that.”

  Harrison frowned. “Why not?”

  “He’s having too much fun.”

  They all looked at Cole again, and he shrugged. “I’m not going to deny I’m curious to see what she comes up with.”

  Harrison shook his head. “Let’s hope what she comes up with isn’t a particularly fireable offense.”

  “Well, as a safety precaution, I’m having her come along with us this year. Wherever she chooses, she’ll be staying also,” Cole said. “How bad can it be?”

  …

  Turns out, it could be bad.

  Very, very bad.

  Cole stood with his boys outside the hotel. At least, he thought it was a hotel. Maybe it was a motel. He didn’t even know what the difference was. All he did know was that Kiersten had outdone herself. Oh, he’d been sure she’d pull something. Frankly, Chris’s B&B idea had seemed the most likely, and not a circumstance Cole would have hated. This, though. Even he couldn’t put a good spin on this.

  He looked down at the address in his phone one more time.

  “This can’t be the place,” Harrison said, glancing up at the cracked plaster walls of the exterior.

  The sign that proudly proclaimed the junk heap in front of them as Poseidon’s Den sparked a bit as one of the neon lights flickered. Cole looked at his boys and then took a deep breath. He immediately regretted that decision. The air around the place permeated with a ripe stench that had his gag reflex kicking in.

  “What is that smell?” Chris asked.

  Cole tried not to inhale too deeply while breathing. “If I had to guess, I’d say human sewage and…vinegar maybe? Though I can’t imagine anyone purposely mixing the two.”

  He had to admit…terrified and disgusted or not, he was impressed. She’d delivered the whole package. Seedy establishment, environmentally unfriendly atmosphere, ear-splitting proximity to the freeway. It was a slumlord’s wet dream.

  He pushed away from the car and headed toward the front office. There was no access from the outside, but there was a barred window, like a ticket booth for a rundown movie theater.

  The sketchy employee inside didn’t even look up from his phone when Cole asked if there was a reservation there under his name. He just slapped a key card on the counter and pushed it through the narrow slot.

  “Number fourteen,” he said. “Top of the stairs, end of the hall. Everything is set up.”

  Cole took the card, resisting the urge to wipe it down before he touched it. He didn’t bother asking what was set up. At that point, he wasn’t sure he really wanted to know, though morbid curiosity demanded he check it out. He went back to his boys, who were all staring at him like he’d lost his damn mind, and held up the card. Brooks laughed.

  “You gotta hand it to her. She’s creative.”

  “Understatement of the year,” Chris said.

  “We aren’t actually going in there, are we?” Harrison’s eyes flickered around the motel like he expected to be jumped by a swarm of cockroaches at any moment.

  Cole shrugged. “Well, the guy said that everything was set up. Aren’t you at least curious?”

  Harrison snorted. “You know that whole saying about curiosity killing the cat, right? I’m pretty sure it stemmed from situations like this.”

  “I’m going up.” Cole turned and headed for the flight of concrete stairs leading to the outdoor hallway of the second floor of the motel. The other men trooped gamely behind him.

  Number fourteen was the last door at the end of the hallway.

  “Well, at least we’re near the ice machine,” Brooks said. Chris looked like he was ready to throw Brooks over the side of the railing.

  Cole slipped the card into the reader. It took three tries before the little green light signaled the door was unlocked. The interior wasn’t as bad as he expected. It appeared relatively clean, at least. Although clean was a subjective term. There wasn’t filth caked on the walls, so that was a plus. There was, however, a suspicious stain on the carpet and a smell he didn’t want to attempt to identify.

  The room was a suite. The main area had a living space with a couch, a television from the eighties on a rickety stand in the corner, and a folding table that had been set up for their poker games. Well, set up might be stretching things a bit. The table was standing. And on top of it was a box containing the table green, a box of cards, and a set of multi-colored chips. Two doors stood open on either side of the living space, and Cole could see the bedrooms. One was occupied by two full-size beds. The other looked like it had a king…and a rollaway cot. A small kitchenette was inside the door.

  He glanced at his crew, who were staring around the place with various expressions of open-mouthed surprise, some more horrified than others. Harrison, who’d been raised in an honest-to-God castle, would probably need therapy.

  Cole went into the kitchen and opened the fridge. It was fully stocked…with bargain basement beer and five-dollar bottles of champagne. Brooks was going through the cupboards. He pulled out a bag of generic pretzels and a box of cigars that still had the florescent orange clearance sticker on it and grinned at Cole.

  “I think you underestimated your girl,” he said with a laugh.

  Cole pulled a bulk-sized container of New Jersey’s finest imitation crab meat out of the fridge and grinned. “I’d say so.”

  He put the “meat” back in the fridge, went into one of the bedrooms, and pulled out his phone. She picked up on the second ring.

  “Hello?”

  Just the sound of her voice got his blood flowing faster. What was it about this woman?

  “Kiersten, we just arrived at the hotel. Or…whatever this place is supposed to be.”

  “Great! I’m glad you found it. I was afraid the directions might not be clear enough.”

  “Oh, they were clear enough.”

  “Good. Everything should be all ready for you. I left explicit instructions for the front desk.”

  “All the basics seem to be here, which, considering the help at the front desk, is probably a small miracle.”

  “Excellent. I’ll admit, I was a bit worried they wouldn’t get all the details right.”

  “Oh, I’m certain they did exactly as you requested.” He wouldn’t be surprised if she’d also requested they purposely infect the room with bed bugs, or at the very least make the beds with the most stained bedding possible.

  He glanced down at the bedspread and took a step back. He sincerely hoped she requested the worst they had, because if that was the best…he suppressed a shudder. “It’s definitely…different than our usual places.”

  “Well, you did say that’s what you wanted. Nowhere you’d normally go. Something new. I didn’t think you’d want someplace too quiet or out of the way. But with such limited options for locations, and with your vast experience, I had to get a little creative.”

  His lips twitched. Oh yes, he’d definitely underestimated her. “Well, you get full marks for creativity.”

  “Thank you.”

  “What room are you in?”

  “Oh, I’m not staying there.”

  He stopped smiling. “You’re not?”

  She laug
hed. “You guys are far more adventurous than I am. I’m happy with the plain old regular places.”

  “Where are you?” He was torn between laughing and throttling her.

  “At this luxurious little B&B I found. I can’t believe how beautiful it is here. Amazing what hidden gems you can find when you look hard enough.”

  Okay, he’d expected her to pull something, but putting them up in some shit-hole while she was in the lap of luxury? He wasn’t sure if he should fire her or give her a raise for the sheer size of her balls.

  “The views are incredible. Oh…”

  “Kiersten?”

  “Sorry, Mr. Harrington, I’ve got to run. My masseuse is here. Have a great time!”

  She hung up on him before he could say another word. He stared open-mouthed at the phone for a minute. Then, just as he lifted his finger to dial her back, his phone buzzed in his hand. A text from Kiersten.

  Gotcha! There should be a limo waiting out front to take you to a lot a few blocks up where your helicopter is on standby to take you to your real destination. I will meet you there.

  Cole breathed a sigh of relief and went out to tell the guys the good news. He shot back a text.

  That is excellent to hear. You had me worried.

  She sent back a smiley face. That was a first. Followed by:

  No worries. I went through a lot of trouble to find you the most pristine accommodations available. It IS a bit simpler than you are used to, but in a truly beautiful location. And I cleared the flight with a physician. The helicopter won’t ascend high enough that it should bother Mr. Lachlan’s ear.

  That sounded more like the efficient assistant he knew and lo—appreciated. Though he’d feel better if she released a few more details. He texted back:

  Where exactly is this place?

  He waited a moment. And then a few more. She didn’t respond.

  He turned on his heel and marched from the room to tell the boys they were leaving. He had a few words to say to his assistant when he finally caught up with her.

  Chapter Eighteen

  The helicopter touched down, sending Kiersten’s stomach into a mass of writhing anxiety and excitement. She had quite the weekend planned for these boys. She only wished she’d started another pool for how long it would take them to revolt.

  The door to the helicopter opened, and four very confused billionaires climbed out and looked around at the beautiful farmland surrounded by small rolling hills in which they’d just been deposited. The copilot quickly unloaded their bags and climbed back inside. The helicopter lifted off again, less than three minutes after landing. Cole’s gaze caught hers and held. He marched over, and Kiersten sucked in a deep breath. Showtime.

  “How was your trip? Comfortable, I hope,” she said, acting as though it was everyday that one of the masters of the technological world was dropped into Amish country for a rollicking holiday.

  “Kiersten. Where the hell are we?” he said, those gray eyes of his boring down into hers like molten steel.

  “You might want to watch your language around here,” she said. “Your hosts probably wouldn’t approve.”

  “What hosts?” The crease in his brow deepened. If she drew it out any longer, that vein that popped out when he was angry would probably burst.

  “Let’s go inside and I’ll show you around.”

  She tried to turn to go, but Cole caught her arm and drew her into him. He leaned down so he could speak quietly, and she had to resist the urge to cuddle into him. Her nights had been plagued with dreams of him ever since that kiss. Very realistic, erotic dreams. Dreams that had her waking every morning, lips tingling, panties soaked, and every inch of her craving his touch. She needed to get away from this man. For her own sanity, if for no other reason.

  “Kiersten,” he said again, pulling her even closer, until she rested against his chest. A fine tremor ran through her that she prayed he couldn’t feel. “Explain. Now.”

  She glanced up at him. “You said you wanted different. I found you different. Now, we really should get you settled.”

  Before he could say anything else, a horse-drawn buggy carrying an Amish family rolled down the lane in front of the cottage. Cole watched it pass by in silence, then looked back at her, his eyes wide.

  “Kiersten…”

  She pulled from his grip and headed toward the cottage. Chris, Harrison, and Brooks were staring at their surroundings, similarly dumbstruck. She would pay a large chunk of her money if Izzy and Cass could have been there to see the looks on their faces as they realized they were, indeed, smack dab in the middle of Amish country.

  The men followed her into the cottage, and the silence as they took in their surroundings was priceless.

  “So. This is the sitting room, and you can see the kitchen through there,” she said, pointing to a room off to the left. “The bathroom and bedrooms are down that hall…”

  “Wait, I’m sorry,” Brooks said, raising his hand like a kid in school. “Did you say bathroom? Singular?”

  Kiersten bit her lip to keep from smiling. “Yes. There’s just the one. But there is running water.”

  All four men stared at her, mouths slightly open.

  “Was there a doubt about whether there’d be water?” Harrison asked.

  “Well, we are on a genuine Amish farm. There aren’t many of these rentals around, so we were lucky to find one that was available this weekend. And the whole point is an authentic experience. But I did think you might want the plumbing, though there’s an outhouse if you’d like to try that out. However…there’s no electricity.”

  All four men protested at once. Kiersten clapped a hand over her mouth to keep from full-out grinning. She’d known that wouldn’t go down well. In fact, there had been another cottage for rent that did have electricity. But where was the fun in that?

  “Gentlemen,” she said, raising her voice to get their attention. When they’d stopped bitching and looked at her, she continued. “You all wanted something different, a new experience. Well, you got what you asked for. I know this might not be the level of pampering you’re used to, but you aren’t in a tent in the woods. You’re in a comfortable cottage with running water and cushy beds covered in quilts that people pay thousands for. I think you’ll survive.”

  They looked at her with varying expressions of bewilderment, surprise, maybe a smidge of amusement, and after her admonishment, a bit of bucking up. Excellent. Time for these pampered princes to do a few things for themselves for a change. It would do them good.

  “Now,” she said, glancing at them all in turn to make sure they weren’t going to interrupt again. “There are only two bedrooms, two full beds in each. Again,” she said, holding up a hand to stave off protests, “you’ll survive. I promise. The family who owns the farm will bring you meals today and tomorrow. Not on Sunday. The helicopter will be here at eleven Sunday morning to pick you up, so if you’d like something to eat before you leave, you are welcome to gather some eggs from the henhouse, and there will be bread and fruit and vegetables and some baked goods left over that you can eat also.”

  “Is there anything else we need to know?” Cole asked, staring down at her with an intensity that made her want to squirm.

  Now came the fun part. Or maybe dangerous. With the way Cole was smoldering down at her, it could go either way.

  “Everything you need for your game has been set up in the sitting room. The Amish don’t approve of gambling, of course, but you have complete privacy here. As long as you don’t go on any drunken forays about the village, I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

  “And?” Cole said.

  “Um, yes, well like I said, this is a genuine working farm.”

  Cole raised an eyebrow. “Yes?”

  She straightened her back. She’d specifically chosen this place for all the wonderful opportunities it afforded. Opportunities that absolutely had to get her fired. Cole had stepped up his game with the whole foisting his mother off on her thing—though l
uckily for her that had backfired spectacularly, as Harry had turned out to be a fabulous broad. So. She’d stepped it up, too. This was supposed to be the fun part. A little hard to remember with a glowering Cole staring her down, though.

  She squared her shoulders. Time to jump all in. “The cottages actually weren’t for rent when I checked on them, as the owners were going to be busy building a new schoolhouse. But I thought this place would be so perfect…you know, a type of adventure you haven’t experienced before…so I doubled the usual asking price for the cottage and volunteered you all to help with the building raising.”

  She was sure she heard their jaws hit the floor. “It’ll only take a few hours,” she said, “and then the rest of the weekend is yours. Though…”

  “There’s more?” Brooks asked.

  Kiersten risked a glance back at the other three men, who all stood with mixed expressions of horror and amusement. The amusement seemed to be aimed at Cole.

  “It’s not a big deal, but guests typically come here for an authentic experience, so they are encouraged to help out with the chores.”

  “Chores?” Harrison asked, his soft, posh British accent highlighting the fact that he’d probably never done a chore in his life.

  “Nothing big. Really. I mean, you won’t be scrubbing toilets or anything. Just…helping out around the farm. Milking cows, feeding the pigs, that kind of thing.”

  Cole took a step toward her. She took a step back. “I thought it might be fun for you. Give you a new life experience. Get out and get some fresh air in between games. Commune with nature. Get back to your roots. Learn about a new culture.”

  “Are you done?” Cole asked.

  “Yes?” Her voice almost squeaked when it came out.

  “Boys, I’d like a moment alone with my assistant,” Cole said, not taking his eyes from her.

  “Where should we go?” Chris said, looking around the small space.

  “I don’t care. Go find a cow that needs milking.” Cole stepped toward her again, and she stepped back. Right up against the wall.